Remus lay in bed in the flat in East London, staring across the room to the wall, unfocused, seeing nothing. His stomach hurt and his palm closed over the scar on his shoulder, holding onto it, fingers running over the puckered skin. It felt like the scar was on fire.

"Moony?" Sirius's voice was quiet for once, gentle. He stood in the doorway, gnawing on his lower lip, peering across the half-dark of the room. Window shades drawn, lights off - it was the most like a lair that their little room had ever been. "Moony? Are you going to come out?"

Remus shook his head, clutched at the blanket, and pulled it all the closer.

Sirius stood silent for a few moments, then asked, "Shall I come in and be with you? I can send the Potters home... I don't need a birthday, it's silly and --"

"No," Remus's voice was quiet, firm.

Sirius stared at the floor. "Moony, are you alright?"

"Better than I deserve to be," he whispered.

Sirius sighed, "Rey..."

"Leave me be, Sirius. Nothing you can say will change my mind right now."

Sirius sighed, "But --"

"Go," he whispered. "Go enjoy your party. I'll come out in a bit."

Sirius hesitated, then backed slowly away, out the door and into the hallway.

It was Sirius's birthday. His 20th, to be exact, and the flat was noisy outside of the bedroom where Remus Lupin had sequestered himself. Sirius took a deep breath, leaving the bedroom door behind, and forcing himself into Birthday Mode.

In the living room, James and Peter were shouting lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody with helium-changed voices, the record spinning on Sirius's player on the coffee table, and Lily laughing from where she was perched on the couch, legs twisted into a pretzel, arms curved around her belly - though there wasn't much of anything there yet, she'd already taken to constantly having her hands against it. Sirius smiled at the sight of them, laughing and playing about, and although he felt a tug in the heart of him that tethered him to Remus's current sorrow and anxiety, he also wanted to enjoy the moment and forget the worry for a time.

He wished Remus would, too. Just for a night.

After all, there was nothing they could do until the full moon - and that was two days away.

"Isn't he coming?" James asked, looking up, voice high as could be.

Sirius shook his head.

Lily looked tilted her head back, looking up at Sirius as he approached the back of the couch and stood there.

"Well," James's high voice said, slowly deepening as the effects of the last gulp of helium wore off, "We can celebrate the two decades of Sirius Black on our own and we'll keep checking on him off and on. Maybe he'll feel better later."

"Maybe," Sirius replied.

"I hope he does!" Peter squeaked.

"Well 'til then," James said, taking another breath of the gas from a balloon he held in his hand and when he sang it was perfectly high pitched, "We should be daaaaancin' yeaaaaaah!"

Sirius couldn't help it. He cracked up. It was just too perfect. James sounded too accurate to stay down, whatever Remus was feeling in the other room, and Sirius took a deep breath and tried to bury the anxiety so he could enjoy a few hours of his birthday.

He launched himself over the couch, rolling past Lily who squeaked with surprise and laughter as he went, "Be careful! Oh my stars!" she yelled, and he waved his wand to switch out the record. Children of the World flew across the room and onto the player and Peter waved his wand to create the effect of a disco ball over the room, making Sirius shout with excitement as the music started and the world went metallic silver all around them... and Sirius let himself sink away into his element.

In the bedroom, Remus could hear the music and the muffled tones of the voices as Sirius, James, and Peter sang along with the record, but the happiness of it just didn't sink deep enough to get him moving. He hugged his knees to his chest.

How could he even think about being happy when he'd done what he'd done? When Spencer Stewart was being tended to at a hospital somewhere across the Thames? When he knew what he might have to do in a couple days?

Emmeline had stood there in the waiting room, a sick expression on her face. "The good news is, I have found an antidote, but you aren't going to like it."

The air had gone a bit cold.

Remus knew. He knew before she said it.

"The aconite is poisonous to humans. He's lucky it hasn't killed him already, and he'll be lucky if it doesn't in the next few days, but... but if he can hold out... Just until the fifth..." She paused. If he hadn't already known - he would've known for certain then. The night of the full moon - that's what the fifth was. And her hesitation... His heart quickened as she continued, "There's - the only kind of creature that can live with aconite in the system - and really they benefit from it, it's actually sometimes prescribed them, even... It's a - a -" and she whispered the word, "Werewolf."

Remus felt sick. Surely she must know by the look on his face... surely he was giving away his secret just by looking at her now... But she took it as horror for another meaning.

"I know, I know what you're thinking, it'd be better to die..." she bit her lip, "But... I mean... would it really? I know a lot of people say it would be, but honestly it's just one night a month and the Ministry's working on changing the way things are, on making the stigma a little... less... stigmatic..." She glanced at the door and inched closer, "And it may be Spencer's only chance to live."

James cleared his throat, sitting forward. Lily clung to his arm. Sirius turned 'round to look at him, eyes flashing like lightning. "You mean... Turn him?" James asked gently, eyes darting to Remus's nervous expression and back to Emma's. "Have him bitten?"

"There are contacts - Mungo's has a few werewolves that - that will - they - they - donate the - the venom for turning patients that - that it's the last resort for... The venom works nearly instantly, the patient is put into isolation and the venom is applied and the transformation begins at the first burn of the full moon - the body changes are quite fascinating, actually, they --"

"Em," Remus interrupted her.

She stopped and stared at him.

Remus stared up at her, "I know how it works."

"You do?" she said.

Remus nodded, "I know exactly how it works."

There was a long, breathless silence as his words sank in, and she looked over at Sirius, James, Lily, and Peter, and then back to Remus, her face slowly going pale. She nodded slowly, "Oh," she said. She paused, then, she bit her lips, thinking a moment, then repeated, quietly, "Oh," and sat heavily into a chair as though the burden of what she now knew had pushed her down. "Oh," she said, and Remus could see a hundred incidents going through her mind as she registered all the times he'd been ill at Hogwarts, all the jokes and bits that the Marauders had always told and played out, Sirius's arrest just earlier that year... all the pains, the aches - and the scars. Her eyes traveled over Remus's scar - a familiar path for peoples eyes to take when they looked upon him for the first time, he was used to it, and recognized the angle of the eyes.

Remus looked down.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I - didn't know."

Remus shook his head.

She had her palms on her knees. "You're not registered."

"No," Remus said.

She blinked, processing... thinking... then said, "Your secret is safe with me, Remus. I hope you know that. I respect your choice not to be registered. Particularly in the times we're in right living now."

A bit of relief washed over him. Not a lot, but a bit, and he reached over for her hands. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Emma nodded.

He had told himself so many times over the years that he wasn't a monster and that the reason he knew he wasn't one was because he would never bite anyone, he'd never put the burden he carried onto another person's shoulder. Now his hand rubbed his own shoulder, knowing what he was contemplating.

Bite him or let him die. Which made him more of a monster? Either way, everything was about to change for Spencer. Either way, Remus had essentially ended his life.

"Life's like a movie, write your own ending..." Kermit the Frog was singing from the telly, Sirius was hugging an absolutely ridiculous sized bowl of popcorn, his eyes starry as James rocked back and forth to the tune of the music, arm flung over Sirius's shoulders and the full Muppet cast joined in singing, "Keep believing... keep pretending; we've done just what we've set out to do... thanks to the lovers.... the dreeeaamers.... and you!"

Sirius toppled the bowl forward as he burst into applause and Lily laughed at the shower of popcorn kernels that exploded like a firework over the living room. "That was fucking brilliant," Sirius announced, jumping from his seat, his socks skidding on the carpet as he waved his wand to recollect the popcorn together.

Peter had fallen asleep on the couch and Sirius shook his head, "How on earth does anyone fall asleep with all of that excitement and adventure and singing happening on the telly?"

"Poor Pete," James smirked over at him for he'd fallen asleep in a most terrible angle, his head dropped over the arm rest, a bit of drool coming out of the corner of his snoring mouth, all of his teeth on full display.

"And before presents and cake!" Sirius said, flicking his wand and setting the equipment to rewind the video tape. If he was honest, he was rather tired, too. It had been several long days since the incident with the aconite tea, all spent at the waiting room at the muggle hospital or else desperately trying to comfort Remus to no avail. Sirius was exhausted and had gotten probably a grand total of just a couple of hours' sleep since Halloween night. The thought of the cake, which Dora Potter had made just for Sirius and brought over that afternoon along with a brand new scarf she'd knitted for his gift, had kept Sirius going all day long. The scarf was still around his neck - the cake waited in the kitchen. "Shall we wake him up and give a go at getting my Moony out here again?"

James glanced at Lily and raised an eyebrow and she cleared her throat, "Actually, Sirius, we wanted to give you your big gift from us in private anyway, so before you wake him..."

Sirius's eyes lit up and he eagerly went over and sat on the coffee table facing Lily and James. There were still a few errant bits of popcorn there around him.

Lily looked at James.

James grinned, "Well, see, we were talking and I realized it was going to be damned hard to outdo last year's birthday gift - what with Freddie Mercury and all --"

Sirius looked up at the rose on the mantel and grinned, "Yeah, hard to beat that." He laughed, "But it isn't about beating it, I'm sure whatever you've gotten me is bleedin' brilliant."

James reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope.

Sirius's eyes lit up. "Not more Queen tickets?"

"No," James shook his head and Sirius took the envelope, ripping it opened and pulling out a folded up bit of paper.

"What's this?"

"Read it," Lily squealed.

Sirius unfolded it, shaking it out flat, and cleared his throat. Lily grabbed James's hand quickly, squeezing it to her chest and James watched Sirius's lips move as he read the letter they'd written.

Dear Sirius,

You're the best friend a bloke could ask for. Every step of the way, ever since that very first day on the Hogwarts Express, you've been by my side. You've laughed with me and schemed with me, dreamed with me, cried and screamed with me... We've had great times and awful times, but we've always had them together. Through the tea and sympathy, through nightmares, and great triumphs, neither of us has ever forgotten the strength of the other. You're my greatest friend, my number one champion. I hope I've been that for you, too.

Here, the handwriting switched to Lily's:

Likewise, you've been my friend also, Sirius, and I am very thankful that I've had the chance to know you and love you over the years. You love back twice as hard. I can't believe how lucky our baby will be to have an Uncle Padfoot.

And then back to James's:

Which is why we would like you to be our baby's godfather when the time comes.

Sirius looked up from the letter, eyes wide. He stared at them, his jaw dropped opened, fingers tight on the envelope. "What?" he breathed.

Lily was smiling with tears in her eyes and her palm on her stomach as James nodded for Sirius to read on in the letter.

Above all else, when we listed the things we wished most for our baby, the most important answer was repeatedly that we wanted our baby to know you - and Remus and Peter, too, of course, but most especially you - because your love for life is so great, and your love for us is greater. We know you'll be a most excellent godfather...

And then Lily's handwriting concluded:

Our baby will mean the world to you, and you will mean the world to him.

Love, Lily and James.

Sirius had tears pouring over his cheeks and he looked up at Lily and James, his soggy and rather shaky breathed. "You lot - you're mad."

James smirked, "I mean, if you don't want to be the godfather --"

"Of course I do!" Sirius leaped forward, arms wrapping about both the Potters, clutching them to him. "Isn't it too soon to decide something like this? Oughtn't it be somebody more responsible? Something you lot discuss and fight over?"

"You were our first choice, mate," James said.

Sirius hugged them all the tighter.

"This is so much better than Queen tickets," Sirius said.

James patted his back. "Well... I'm glad to hear that."

Lily kissed Sirius's cheek, and said, "But we did get you the tickets, too, just in case this wasn't exciting enough for you."

"What?" Sirius's eyes widened as James reached for his pocket again, and there they were. Tickets to Queen. Sirius snatched them out of James's hand, bristling with excitement.

"At the Hammersmith, on December 26," Lily said.

"We could only get two though, so you'll have to choose who you bring," James said apologetically.

But Sirius was busy changing the record that sat on the player's turntable, and not listening - a moment later he'd dropped the needle and Freddie Mercury's voice filled the room - We Will Rock You from the Live Killers album, recorded at the Lyons show Sirius had attended. "Oh Freddie, my love, I shall soon breathe the same air as you once again!" Sirius cried out dramatically.

Lily laughed and looked at James, eyebrows raised. "And you were worried he'd think it boring to get tickets again."

"I guess we did alright after all," James chuckled.