Dear you losers,

There is this annoying boy in my year and house named James Potter. Apparently he has this huge crush on me and will stop at nothing to get me to like him back. He publicly embarrasses me, pretending that I'm his girlfriend, which is NOT true. Even worse, one of his friends (not gonna say any names, but it starts with an s and ends with irius black) bothers the crap out of me as well.

What can I do to get them to stop?

Lily Evans

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Oh snap James, she went there!

My advice would be to like this amazingly handsome James guy back and then he will stop bugging you to like him.

But what if she doesn't like you?

I don't know, that's her problem, Peter.

Guys, you know this was a gag letter, right?

No! Every letter we receive is from someone in need of help! We are the wonder pets and we must save their sanity!

Well, I think that she should nicely tell James that she doesn't have any interest in him, but its nice to know that someone likes her. Tell him you appreciate the gesture but aren't interested in a boyfriend right now.

But that would be lying because she likes Snivily!!!

Honestly I think he just friendzoned her.

Can we please move on? Lily's not even going to read this.