Final Chapter

08-27

     "Gagoooo bakit ako umiiyak!?" Nagmamaktol kong tanong sa sarili nang lumipas na ang ilang minuto ay hindi ko padin mapigil ang mga luha ko. "Ahhhhh!" I screamed in annoyance habang patuloy na pinupunas ang pisngi ko.

Tama na Fall Serene! "Bwisit kas--"

     "Fall.." I heard a familiar voice from behind me called. I did not bother to look back, the worst thing is that lalo lang akong naluha dahil sa boses nya.

     "Are you okay?" he asked me. Gago! Okay? Mukha ba kong okay? Naririnig nya naman siguro na hindi ko mapigilan ang paghikbi ko diba?

Bwiset kasi!

Ang traydor ng feelings ko! Pati ba naman luha ko dinamay pa?

I cleared my throat bago pinalis ang natitirang luha sa mata ko, "Leave me alone, Mallari." I uttered bago nagpangalumbaba sa tuhod ko. I won't let him see my face right now! Sigurado akong namamaga ang mata ko dahil sa pag-iyak.

     "I don't want you to be alone, though." he retorted.

Hindi ko nalang sya pinansin. I just closed my eyes and listen to the sound of the blowing wind. Mabuti nalang at maaga pa kaya hindi pa masyadong mainit ang sinag ng araw.

The temperature here is just right to slowly calm my nerves.

I sensed that he sat on the grass too on my left side. I firmly held on my knees and tried hard not to look at him.

     "My mom said that I should follow you. Little did she know, susundan naman talaga kita kahit na hindi nya pa sinabi." he started telling me casually. "Shut up!" I hissed. I heard him heave a sigh, "My mom said that you look like someone she knows, naisip ko tuloy alam nya kayang ikaw yung babaeng gusto kong ipapakilala sa kanya someday?" dagdag nya pa.

I quikly looked at him and give him a glare, "Ano bang trip mo ha? Bat ba dinadamay mo mommy mo dito? Mothers day ba ngayon para pagkwentuhan natin sya?" badtrip din to eh, nababanas na ako sa sarili ko tapos dadagdag pa sya. He even stifle a smile, "My mom said that she wants to meet you again, sinabi ko kasi sa kanya na ikaw yung palagi kong nakikwento sa kanya." he said and showed me his small smile.

I looked for a small stone near me and held on it bago ko ibato sa balikat nya. "Gago! Meet me AGAIN? eh hindi pa nga kami nagmemeet ng mommy mo! Tigil-tigilan mo ko dyan sa kalandian mo, Mallari ha? Sasamain ka na talaga sakin." I answered using my pissed tone pero ngumiti lang ulit sya,

     "You've met her kanina, Fall. Sa room. That beautiful lady with me earlier, she's my mom." he retorted that made me scoff.

     "Next joke please." I said at napairap nalang, I quickly held my cheeks when another tear came out of my eye. Bwiset talaga! Bakit naiiyak nanaman ako?!

Ilang minuto kaming natahimik, maya-maya ay may nadinig akong dial tone, when I looked at him, nakita kong may tinatawagan sya.

He looked at me when the other line answered, "Hello, baby. Have you followed your classmate? How's she?" a familiar voice asked from the other line. It was that lady earlier.

Niloud speaker pa ang lintek.

     "She's with me now mom. Stop calling me baby please." he answered. I rolled my eyes at his retort.

Sinong niloloko nya? That lady looks so young para maging mama niya! "Hahaha okay okay, pero bat ka napatawag, do you need something?" the lady asked.

Damn. Bat di sya umangal sa pagtawag sa kanya ng mom? Wait, don't tell me live in na sila at yun ang endearment nya for her?

Damn him! Ang badoy!

     "She doesn't believe that your my mother mom, what should I do now?" he asked. Pinanlakihan ko sya ng mata dahil dun. The lady laughed and said, "I can't blame her though, your mom is just so beautiful, right?"

God.

So, she is indeed his mom?

Holy cow.

How can she be a mom, eh mukhang year older lang sya samin?

     "I am her mother iha! Can she hear me Krauss?"

Gago, Seryoso?!

     "Yes mom. Thank you for that. I'll end the call now." paalam nya sa mommy nya. He slid his hand on his jackets pocket at tsaka iniharap ang sarili nya sakin. I look at him in confusion, "Teka nga, So what kung nanay mo sya? Teka, did you think na umiyak ako dahil nagselos ako sainyo kanina? That I find you stupid and it hurt me na two weeks ago sinabi mo sakin na mahal mo ko and then boom, nakita nalang kita today na may kasamang iba? Talaga ba Mallari? Apakahangin mo naman ata?" I asked him but he just looked at me in return,.

     "Ano?" I urged him to talk, pero sana hindi ko nalang ginawa.

His response just took all the sanity within me.

     "Why can't you accept that you love me too, Fall?" he asked me back, sadness and pain are evident in his brown eyes.

Hindi agad ako nakasagot.

Gago, natrap ka sa sarili mong bibig, Fall!

     "A- anong pinagsasasabi mo dyan? Hindi kita .. hindi kita .." I tried to answer back pero hindi ko matuloy ang sasabihin ko. My mouth is contradicting what my mind is telling me to say. Para bang ayaw nitong maglabas ng isang salita na pagsisisihan ko sa huli.

Fuck.

I am so fucked up!

Pumikit ako nang mariin bago ilayo ang tingin ko sa kanya, "You're making me crazy, Mallari." I just uttered in frustration, "Gulong gulo na ko sayo, hindi ko na alam!"

A long deafening silence builded between us again.

Katulad ko ay hindi din muna sya nagsalita.

I guess he knows that I really needed this time to think and sort out kung ano man tong pinaparamdam nya sakin.

I suddenly remembered the first time we met.

Bwisit na bwisit ako non dahil basta nya nalang akong kinapareha sa project namin sa Filipino, funny how I still ended up doing that with him.

The time we first saw the view here in Marahuyo together.

Napaka-enchanting ng moment na yun sakin, muntik ko na ngang makalimutan na kasama ko pala sya.

The time we've been to Pahimakas.

Dun ko ulit naranasan na tumawa at ngumiti na parang wala nang bukas.

The silly and serious moments we had in school.

His small gestures had made me smile for some reasons.

The times when he would show me his small smiles.

I got this foreign feeling everytime I see that.

The moment he confessed his feelings for me.

It made me feel fear but above all, it made my heart happy.

God.

That made me happy!

Bakit ngayon ko lang narealize yun?

O alam ko na ba pero pinipigil ko lang dahil sa takot ko?

Damnit!

Oh my God.

He's right .. It's true .. I ... I really ..

     "I'm sorry." I heard him say.

I looked at him and saw his genuine smile at me, "I'm sorry if I am making you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry kung pakiramdam mo pinipilit ko sayo tong feelings ko." he continued, I was about to utter a word pero tumayo na sya at humarap sakin, "Maybe you can just .. just forget what I said last time, Fall. I'm so sorry for that. Let's just .. start anew, shall we?" he asked and offered his hand to me, "Uwi na tayo?" he asked while waiting for me to hold his hand and stand up.

Ilang segundo ko muna syang tinitigan bago ko tanggapin ang kamay nya, I think he was expecting me to let go of his hand immediately and I did but after that ... I hugged him at my hearts content.

Dun na ako muling dinalaw ng mga luha ko. I felt his body stiffened because of my gesture, I hugged him more because of that.

Gago, bakit ngayon ko lang natanggap to?

Hindi din nagtagal ay naramdaman ko na ang mga kamay nya sa likod ko. The comfort that his embrace gives me is the same with my moms embrace. It was like I am finally home after a long journey of finding my place here on Earth.

Damn. It feels so great to find someone who can make me feel home.

Aside from my lola, tito and kuya, he is the definition of a safe haven for me.

He's my peace, the one who can make me feel enchanted.

     "You came to me right at that very moment na pakiramdam ko wala nang meaning ang buhay ko." I uttered as I felt him caress my hair. "You're small smiles and gestures can already make me feel foreign things that keeps me up all night."

     "Your gaze never fails to make me feel conscious and distracted. When I am with you, I always feel good about my whole being." I finally let myself admit the things that I really feel about him. God knows how much I wanted this feeling dead and deleted but I think, God wants me to be true to myself.

Kahit na hindi ako naging mabait and kablessbless na tao ay ibigay nya padin sakin ang taong to.

     "God. I think you are my euphoria! I always feel high, because of your lowkey sweet lines! I always feel bad everytime you ignore me! I don't want other girls to hold you, especially that Faye! Ahhhhh! nakakainis!" I said at napadabog pa habang nakayakap at umiiyak sa bisig nya.

I heard him chuckle and pressed his lips at the side of my hair and then hugged me tighter. "I feel the same, love. I feel the same." he retorted.

Love?

Bwiset, kinikilig ba ko? Maghunos dili ka Fall Serene!

     "I always want you near me. I always feel elated when I am with you." he said and loosen his hold on me to face me and look me in the eyes.

     "Listen, Serene. I am fully aware kung bakit nawalan ka ng gana magtiwala. I know how hard it is na magtiwala ulit pagkatapos ng ginawa ng daddy mo sa pamilya nyo. "

     "But ... please learn to trust again. Trust me, Serene. I'll always try and make sure that I won't ever break a single promise I'll say to you. I swear. Just .. just trust me." he sincerely said and waited for my response.

I wholeheartedly nodded at him, kahit na alam kong walang kasiguraduhan ang pangako nyang to pero para sa kanya ... susubukan kong sumugal.

     "Yes. Yes. I .. I want to trust you, Krauss. I'll trust you." I uttered which made him smile wider than usual, the kind of smile na hindi ko pa nakikita sa kanya before.

My heart felt lighter because of that.

Mahigpit na yakap ang sunod nyang ibinigay sakin.

Hindi nagtagal ay binitawan nya din ako para pahirin ang mga luha nya. Damn, he cried?

     "I've been living happily for 18 years, but that 18 years means nothing to the happiness I felt during a month of being with you." he finally said as we both smiled at each other nang pahirin nya ang luha sa pisngi ko.

     "I love you Fall, do you feel the same way, miss ma'am?" he asked. Natawa nalang ako dahil sa pagtawag nya sakin ng ganun. Silly.

I sincerely smiled and nodded.

     "Thank you for allowing me to feel this enchantment. Mahal din kita .. I love you too, Krauss Joseph Mallari."

and I hope that this love will never say goodbye.