Kabanata 17

08-14

Nang makataas na kami sa bundok ay kapwa lang kaming tahimik na pinagmasdan ang tanawin sa baba. Mag-fafive na ng hapon kaya papalubog na ang araw.

Ganitong ganito din yung oras nang unang beses kong makapunta dito sa bundok Marahuyo kasama sya.

Ganito din yung oras nang kumain kami ng mga dala nyang pagkain nun which turned out na for his birthday pala.

After a minute of silence ay nakita ko mula sa peripheral vision ko ang pagharap nya sakin. I can't look back at him though, ewan .. mejo naawkward kasi ako dun sa sinabi nya kanina habang nasa padyak?

Yung about sa moments nyenye? Lintek kasi! Parang may kakaiba akong naramdaman matapos nyang sabihin yun.

     "Fall, I want to tell you something." aniya, I shifted my gaze on him and saw a hint of courage and nervousness sa mga mata nya. It was like pinaghandaan nya ang sasabihin nyang to pero he is afraid kung anong magiging resulta after.

     "What is it?" I asked trying to sound cool kahit na maging ako ay parang kinakabahan tungkol sa maaari nyang sabihin.

     "Remember when miss Fortuna asked us to write a short journal entry about our experience sa bawat lugar napupuntahan natin dito sa sitio España?" he asked me and I nodded.

     "Pano ko makakalimutan e last Monday nga lang natin yun pinasa right?" I retorted, he smiled but eventually became serious after that, "Yeah, and it's not even one month simula nang makilala kita pero you already have this effect on me." he added and that made my heart beat faster than usual.

Damn, is he .. is he confessing his feelings for me?

Wait, wait, baka naman nilalandi ka lang nito, Fall? Pinagti-tripan?

     "Nilalandi mo ba ko, Mallari?" taas kilay kong tanong sa kanya which caused him to chuckle. He stepped once towards me, "No. I am actually trying to make you fall for me." he answered.

I just stared at him after that, I can't find the right words to say, gago, natameme ba ko?

Ako? Si Fall Serene? Natameme? Wtf?

     "While writing the journal, I just found myself finding another paper again kasi sa dulo ng pagsusulat ko, I realized that it's not about the sceneries anymore, pagkatapos kong basahin ang mga yun, narealize ko na hindi na tungkol sa Marahuyo, Pahimakas o sa kahit ano pang lugar na napuntahan natin ang naisusulat ko." he said at mas lumapit pa sakin, he held my hands and wala akong nagawa kundi tingnan syang hawakan yun ng maingat.

He held on it and continued telling me his story.

     "What I wrote is already out of topic, It's already about .. you, Fall. Hindi ko na namalayan na tungkol na pala sayo yung naisusulat ko. From the way you roll your eyes sa tuwing naiinis ka sakin o sa sitwasyon, the way you laugh and smile sa mga simpleng bagay na ginawa natin through out our stay there, sa mga linya mo na sobrang nagpapa-iba sayo sa mga babaeng nakilala ko. Lahat ng yun, lahat tungkol sayo, Serene."

Hindi ko maintindihan pero naiiyak ako sa mga narinig ko sa kanya. He was just looking at my eyes the whole time na sinasabi nya yun sakin. I don't know what to feel though. Sa tingin ko ay alam ko na ang patutunguhan ng mga sinasabi nyang to pero wala padin akong maisip na sagot sa isip ko.

Bigla kong naalala si daddy at mommy, does dad confessed his love for mom like this too?

Pero bakit sya naghanap ng iba kung ganon?

Ganon ba talaga ang love?

Na kapag tumagal na ang panahon ay kumukupas din?

Sa una lang masaya?

Sa una ka lang mahal?

Sa una ka lang naa-appreciate?

     "Do you .. do you like me, Krauss?" diretsahan kong tanong sa kanya. He didn't talk for a while and just looked at my reaction.

     "What if .. I do?" he asked me back after a minute of silence. I was a bit stunned because of that, kahit pala expected ko na ang isasagot nya ay nakakabigla padin pag sya na mismo ang nagsabi. I gulped and cleared my tangled thoughts to answer him.

     "I'm sorry but ... but, I don't have time to fall, Krauss. I actually don't plan to fall at all." I retorted.

I can't .. like you. I don't want to.

Saglit syang natigilan bago bahagyang yumuko at pumikit.

     "I'm really sorry, Krauss." I said at tinangkas na ang kapit nya sa kamay ko.

I can't, I'm scared .... Ayoko ..

Kung ganon lang kadali nabitawan ni dad si mom? Pano pa ko susugal sa sinasabi nyang to? Mom and dad have been together for many years pero nagkahiwalay padin sila, nagkasakitan. Pano pa kaming dalawa na wala pang isang buwan nagkakilala?

Tumalikod na ko't hahakbang na sana paalis but he said something to me, "Can I ask if ... by any chance, may naramdaman ka din ba para sakin? Did I manage to make you smile too? To make your heart flutter? Anything like that, Fall?" he asked with a glimpse of hope in his voice.

A part of me is saying yes to all of his questions pero mas nangingibabaw padin sakin yung doubt sa kung ano man tong nararamdaman ko.

     "Tell me, are you falling for me too? Or should I pull you more for you to realize that?" he asked again, that is when my tears started to roll out of my eyes, napapikit na ko ng mariin dahil nararamdaman ko nanaman yung sakit ng makita si mommy na nahihirapan dahil sa pagmamahal nya kay daddy.

Ilang beses akong umiling at tsaka pinahid ang luha sa mga pisngi ko.

     "I'm scared, Krauss. Ayokong maranasan yung pain na pinagdaanan ni mommy dahil lang sa feelings nya para kay daddy. I'm sorry pero I can't hold onto something na alam kong panandalian lang."

     "I won't do the same, Serene. You just have to trust me."

Natigil ulit ako sa paglalakad dahil sa sinabi nya.

Trust?

Damn that word!

     "I have trust issues, Krauss. Sa pagkakatanda ko ay nabanggit ko na sayo yun dati. I don't trust people. Don't ever mention that word to me. That's bullshit!"

That was the last words I said bago tuluyang umalis at iwan sya sa Bundok Marahuyo.