85. don't let go

CLAUDIA WAS IN the Great Hall when James stormed her way. At first the troubled look on his face confused her, but that confusion changed into concern as she realised that something was wrong.

Which it surely was.

"What's going on?" She asked, immediately panicking internally as she - for the millionth time that morning - thought about the fact that the full moon had been the night before and that she knew nothing about how it went.

"It's Remus, he...he's," James said in an attempt at explaining it all, but he couldn't find the words.

"Explain on the way," Claudia said quickly, standing up and completely abandoning her food.

As the pair walked hastily to the Marauders' dorm, James explained what had happened the night before.

Apparently Severus Snape had grown suspicious of Remus and his strange behaviours of skipping class, having scars and suddenly ending up in the hospital wing - suspicions that had in turn caused him to wonder if maybe Remus was a werewolf.

And, Snape being just who Snape was, had of course not been quiet about this, which inevitably led to Sirius hearing about it.

And, Sirius being just who Sirius was, had decided to put the boy in his place. Only he did it in the worst possible way - because the night before Sirius had tricked Snape into going to the Shrieking Shack.

Remus had transformed and his little visit could've cost Snape his life, but thankfully James was there in time to save the day.

However, this had caused a complete mess to fall over the group of four Gryffindor boys - specifically over Remus.

Because he now felt he couldn't take being a werewolf any longer.

First, his favourite person in the whole wide world had every reason to hate him, and now a boy had almost been killed by him.

Remus was simply not okay. He wouldn't talk, and when he did all he did was yell at the boys to leave him alone.

James knew that he needed Claudia.

"A little warning," James whispered as they stood outside the dorm were Remus resided, alone after kicking all of them out. "He's...very upset."

Claudia nodded, "Thank you, Jamie."

James gave her a sad smile, before he headed down the stairs to most presumably find Sirius, who had been gone ever since James had finished yelling at him the night before.

Claudia opened the door, it making a painful noise in the process.

"I don't want to talk," Remus said quietly from where he sat down on his bed with his head in his hands, his arms propped up against his knees as his back faced Claudia.

At first Claudia, for just a second, figured that maybe he needed a moment alone. Maybe she would only make things worse by staying.

But, she didn't go. Instead she walked towards him slowly and sat down next to him.

"I said I don't want to talk," he repeated as he felt someone sit down next to him.

But then he realised that it was her.

"Remus," she said in a whisper, her eyes showing all the comfort in the world.

The boy looked up into her eyes, and as he did so she could've sworn her heart broke into a million pieces. Sure, his eyes had been hurting before - but now she knew that it all had built up.

Not only was it the fact that he nearly killed Snape the night before - no, it was that, Claudia, the pain and the burdens.

Claudia felt unsure on how to comfort him at first, but then she did the one thing that felt right.

She wrapped her arms around him and held him, and that's when he couldn't help it anymore as the tears started to spill.

It was the kind of crying that caused Remus to practically lose the ability to breathe. Claudia had never even see him fully cry, and now, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her neck, Claudia knew that she would do anything to never have to see it ever again.

"Shh," she soothed as she rubbed circles on her back. "You're alright."

Remus continued to practically sob as Claudia held onto him, and this time around things were different.

This time around it was Claudia who helped him hold onto her.

He tried to say things and make some sense of himself, but each time he did his breathing would choke him up and stop his voice from talking, so all the pair could do was hold each other as she tried her hardest to calm him down.

"Try to follow my breathing," she said softly, and so he did. And eventually he calmed down for the most part, but his hold on her had not loosened at all.

"Don't let go," he whispered. "I need you."

"I won't let go," she replied. "I promise."

She kept that promise. Because later Remus fell asleep in her arms, and she didn't let go for a second. She continued to hold him, play with his hair and rub circles on his back.

She didn't care about all her unspoken rules. She didn't care about what her head had been telling her for so long.

He wanted her to stay, and that's exactly what she did.

Remus had been asleep for a while as Claudia heard the sound of the door opening again, and much to her surprise she found Sirius walking inside the room with a remorseful look on his face.

"He's asleep?" He asked in a whisper. Claudia nodded as the boy sat down by the foot of the bed Remus and Claudia were laying in. "I fucked up."

Claudia nodded again.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Claudia," he said earnestly. "I keep messing everything up. Like, I tell myself that what I'm doing is right but then it all just falls apart."

"What do you mean?" She whispered, her hands still playing with Remus' hair.

"I didn't tell Betty," he said. "And I thought that at least I didn't hurt her by not doing so. But I just made things worse."

"Don't beat yourself up over that, Sirius," Claudia said sadly. "She messed up too. It's completely forgotten-"

"I haven't forgotten it," he interrupted. "And then now. I thought that I was being smart for scaring Sniv- Snape, off. But instead I just made everything even worse."

"Sirius-"

"He hates me now," the boy said, looking down at Remus.

"I'm sure he doesn't."

"He does," said Sirius. "He told me that."

"But he didn't mean it," Claudia said in a knowing tone. "You're his best friend, Sirius. He couldn't possibly hate you. He's angry, sure, and so am I. But none of us hate you. We never could."

"Never?"

"Never."

The hope returned in Sirius' eyes at that, and Claudia suddenly felt that old connection that lived between the two return. They had both been brought up into the world of hatred and disappointments - though in different yet similar ways -  and it would always would show.

They would always have their scars. Sirius would always feel like everything he did was evil, and Claudia would always be scared to let people in.

But that didn't mean that the boy who was in Claudia's arms couldn't make things better. Or that James, Peter, Lily, Betty and all the others couldn't either.

Because scars fade with time, and even if they're still there you learn to live with them. You learn to love yourself despite them. Because maybe they can even be a beautiful thing; because you survived despite getting them.

"How do I make things better again?" Sirius asked.

"You just...you just have to be a good friend," Claudia replied, looking down on Remus, who looked peaceful for once. "Just listen to him. Give him time, and don't pressure him. And you should probably start thinking before you act," she said with a small chuckle.

"I probably should," he said with a small smile. "Thank you for not hating me, Claudia."

"Meh, I wouldn't be so hasty and say that," she deadpanned. "And you're welcome."

Sirius smiled wearily as he stood up and headed towards the door, "Hey, Claudia?"

"Yes?"

"Don't give up on him," he said. "You belong together."

"Wha-"

"Don't destroy my first attempt at making things right, now, Clauds," Sirius said slightly dramatically. "You've got to help me out here."

Claudia rolled her eyes, and then the boy was gone yet again as Remus stirred in his sleep - bringing her even closer to him if that was even possible.

And, hours later when Remus woke up - he was surprised to find Claudia still there, holding onto him as she had promised.

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