"SO I WAS THINKING that we should do like last year and combine Sirius' birthday party with a party for the team when we win," said James as the four Marauders walked up the stairs to their dorm.

"But what if you don't win the game, Prongs?" Peter questioned as Remus slowly opened the door.

"That won't happen," James scoffed. "Because I have brought together the most-"

James stopped talking the moment the four boys entered the room, because Claudia was sitting on Remus' bed, reading a book as if everything was back to normal.

"I can't be the only one who's getting a real case of déjà vu right now," Sirius said quietly as they all stared at the girl, who finally, due to Sirius speaking, had noticed that they had arrived.

"Oh, hi," she said as she closed her book and allowed her eyes to wander over their separate faces. "I thought it was time we'd have that conversation. All of us."

The four boys shared confused glances as Remus realised why she was there.

She had gotten the letter.

And suddenly he felt even more nervous.

The girl leaned her head back against the headboard of the bed as three out of four boys sat down on Peter's bed, since his was next to Remus'. Remus sat down by the foot of his.

"I...I don't really know how to say all of this," Claudia confessed. "There's kind of a lot. So, I just wanted to say beforehand that if you hate me completely after this I don't blame you. Not at all. Okay?"

They shared another confused look, and then Peter nodded comfortingly at her, telling her silently that she could start talking.

"I was seven," she began. "And I couldn't sleep. So I went downstairs to the kitchen, only to find my mum and aunt sitting there talking about something. My aunt had just gotten out of school and my grandparents had passed away so she was living with us."

"Anyways, they were both really sad about losing their parents, of course. And they were talking a lot about that, and about how much of my childhood my grandparents would miss. And then my mum started talking about how much she silently wished that I would never grow up."

Remus noticed how immediately when Claudia spoke of her mum, a both sad and at the same time happy smile came over her face.

"She said that she wished that we would play hide and seek together until the day that she died," she went on, and at this point the smile had disappeared.

All of them shared mellow faces as Claudia naturally went to fiddling with her rings, hiding her eyes as much as she could as she did so.

"I was twelve. I had just arrived home for the summer holidays, and it was one of the greatest summers ever. I was home and my aunt was there and the weather was warm and my father hadn't spoken to me or mum in months. Everything was perfect."

"My aunt was off grocery shopping or something, and me and mum were bored out of our minds after having watched endless movies and having listened to endless albums on our record player. So I asked her if she wanted to play hide and seek."

"I wanted to stick to the tradition, you know. I promised myself that night when I was seven that I would play hide and seek with her until her legs wore out. So, that's what we did. I was the seeker, she was the hider."

"I had always been a good seeker, much better than when I was the one to hide. But, on this day, I couldn't seem to find her anywhere. I remember walking around the house a million times as some old song kept repeating like in a horror film. It was so loud so...I didn't hear it."

Didn't hear what you may ask? Claudia didn't hear her mum's screams.

"But, eventually, I was almost annoyed. I figured that she had broken the rules and went out in the garden like we weren't supposed to when we played...and that's when I heard something. A scream."

Yet another worried look was shared between the four boys as Claudia took a break, during which she took a few deep breaths as the tears threatened to spill.

"I-I went inside the shed that we had in our garden...and in there I found my mum. She was all, uh, bloody and cold and...pale and...she, uh, she was dying. Or dead, I don't really know."

"Claudia..." said Remus, but the girl simply looked up with her red eyes and shook her head.

"I need to tell you."

Remus nodded, so Claudia continued, "My mum was not the only person in there. There was a man, though he didn't quite look it. He was more of a...more of a...I-I don't even know."

"Who was it?" Peter asked, earning himself a glare from Sirius, considering they already knew.

"He was a werewolf. And he killed my mother. And he left me there without killing me too. Which is the strangest part of it all."

This time around a confused glance was shared between the boys.

"He just ran away. And then I...I sat down by my mum, and I held her hand, and I told her that I loved her. And then was gone. Forever. She wasn't coming back...she isn't coming back."

"I-I know I shouldn't, but since then I have always felt it was my fault," she said with a waver of her voice. "If I had only been better at finding her in time, I could've stopped it. If I only would've been a normal twelve year old and thought that hide and seek was a stupid game I wouldn't be without a mum."

The way Claudia said that broke four hearts. She was tired, so tired. And so guilty for surviving, guilty for not stopping something that wasn't even her fault.

And sometimes she felt that it consumed her.

Remus moved over and knelt down beside the girl as he cupped her cheeks and turned her head so that their eyes could meet.

"It is not your fault," he said. "Don't ever say that. It's not your fault."

"I was a terrible daughter-"

"You were the best daughter," he interrupted. "You still are, Claudia. It was not your fault."

"But it is my fault that he did it again," she said. "Gemma."

"Your aunt?"

"When I moved into the manor, my aunt...he did it to her too. That man, he killed her too. And I didn't stop him. I didn't do anything the first time. I didn't fight for mum, and look what happened!"

"You were so young," Remus said. "You're still so young. It's not your fault. It never was, and it never will be-"

"Do you remember my Boggart?" She asked. "I don't think my biggest fear meant losing people. I'm so used to that. I think my biggest fear is watching them go. And I had to watch her go, Remus. I had to watch my mum die. And I didn't do anything."

"There was nothing you could've done," said Remus sadly. "Don't do this to yourself, love. There was nothing you could've done and it was not your fault."

Claudia leaned her head back again, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths as she thought about what she was going to say next. And, as she decided, she patted the spot next to her so that Remus would sit down.

Which he did.

"I guess that brings us to the books," she said, her voice still trembling. "What I wrote in that one...the one you read, Remus. I didn't mean it-"

"It's fine-"

"It's not," she said. "It was right after my mum died, and I was so angry. So lonely and angry and sad and I just needed someone to blame. And, of course, I still blame him. But in that moment I blamed all of...all of the werewolves. And I didn't mean it. I swear I didn't, Remus-"

"I know," he said. "I realised that eventually. And I'm sorry-"

"I know."

"We're sorry too," James said with a small smile.

"I know," she said. "And it's fine. It was a natural reaction."

"We should've just talked to you," Remus pointed out.

"I guess," she shrugged. "But it's water under the bridge now."

"Uhm, Claudia?" Peter chirped up, causing the girl to turn her eyes from Remus to him. "What is up with all the books anyways?"

"Oh," she said. "It's stupid, really. It was just something we used to do when I was little, and it just kind of stuck."

"What is it?"

"Well, my aunt was travelling a lot after she got out of Hogwarts. And we would always read books, me and mum...and then we would just exchange them with her. So we started annotating them together and we sent them back and forth."

"And then when my mum died and I moved in with Gemma, the two of us continued. But instead of writing to each other we wrote the annotations to mum. My mum always used to say when I missed Gemma when she was travelling that as long as I annotated books she would hear me. That she wouldn't forget about me. So I just continued when they both were gone."

"And I came up with a way to hide it. I couldn't read any of the books that my mum and aunt left behind because my father burned them all. So I started stealing them instead, and I know that it's completely silly and stupid, but no one else reads them anyways. The Muggle books, I mean. And, besides, this way my father won't find out that I'm reading such-"

"It's not stupid, Claudia," said James.

Claudia smiled faintly at the boy, "I just don't want to forget about them. So it's better I pretend that they're just away travelling. It's better that I continue talking to them somehow no matter what. Even if they can't hear-"

"You don't know that they can't," Sirius said. "You can't know."

"The whole book thing" was just Claudia missing them. And it might have been silly to steal books, silly to act as if they could read about her opinions and analysations. But Claudia didn't care.

Because she knew that somehow they could read it. That they could hear her.

That they weren't completely gone.

And she needed to talk to the people who had raised her and loved her unconditionally - the first people who Claudia had ever loved and ever been loved by.

The two people she had lost so soon.

"Claudia?" Remus questioned after a few moments of silence. "Can we talk? Alone?"

"Sure," she said, indicating that the rest of the boys could leave, which they did.

"Uh, so...I don't really know how to make this make sense but," Remus started. "I can't possibly even explain how sorry I am for lying to you. For hiding the books and for not talking to you and...all of it."

"Why did you hide it?" She asked. "The books, I mean? Why didn't you just tell me that you figured it out?"

"I was thinking about it for so long, but then I...I was honestly just being a coward. But I guess I thought that the books could make me understand you better."

"Understand me better?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I realised just how great you are through those books, Claudia. You're so smart. And so kind and...you value all the right things. And it made me feel so at home to hear everything you thought. Even when I spent all my time with you, the books could make me feel like you were always there no matter what."

"Remus-"

"And I figured out that you are going through the worst things, Claudia. And it was so horrible of me to hide it from you, but I needed to make sure that you were fine no matter what. I didn't know if you'd tell me when something was wrong, so instead I just kept reading them."

Claudia stared at the boy for a few moments before she broke into a small smile, "You messed up."

"I did."

"And you're a dickhead."

"Sure am."

"But you're my best friend," she said. "And I think...that you've suffered for those months that you were talking about."

Remus nodded, "I don't want you to think that I don't care for what I did. I know I messed up. But I...I want nothing more than to make it up to you. I want nothing more than to have you back, Claudia."

"Then you've got me," she said. "If you're still certain that you don't hate me-"

"I could never hate you," he interrupted. "Never."

"And I could never hate you," she said. "I hope you know that."

"I wouldn't even hate you if you hated me," he confessed. "Which I would understand if you did. Or do. Because of the books, or because I'm a werewolf-"

"I could never hate you," she repeated. "Never. Not because of the books...not because you're a werewolf."

"I understand if you're afraid of me, Claudia."

"But I'm not," she said. "Sure, I've been afraid of him for a very long time. Maybe I've even been afraid of all werewolves, but I'm not anymore. Because I could never be afraid of you, nor could I ever hate you."

"Claudia-"

"You fold your socks, Remus," she chuckled. "You fold your socks and you give chocolate to people when they're sad. And you saved me...a million times over. And you're my best friend. You're the best person I know. Nothing could ever change that. Nothing."

"Really?" He asked.

"Really," she said, and then the two fell into a comfortable silence, one that she broke after a while.

"Did you mean everything you wrote in that letter?" She asked as she looked up into his eyes. Their legs were brushed against each other and the old familiar sparks had returned.

They had missed that feeling.

"Yes," he replied. "I meant it."

"All of it?"

"All of it. Every last sentence."

I love you too, she thought.

But Claudia couldn't say it. Not yet. It wasn't because she didn't feel it or because she had doubts - it was because she was scared.

Scared of how things would turn out. Scared of herself.

So, instead the girl shifted her gaze from his eyes and stared straight ahead - only for her body to do something that she knew that she wasn't supposed to do.

She took his hand and squeezed it three times. And then, with his eyes on her, she tilted her head and leaned it on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

She was home again.

And Remus knew that he had her back.

And for now, that was enough.

END OF PART VII
__________________________________

and so it goes - part vi.

let's have some fun!

and when i say fun, i mean the following:

angst,
jealousy,
and most importantly
love.

have i disappointed y'all?
probably.

but don't worry!
because the next part is about one thing and one thing only!

moonsyrup.

stick around for the most angsty few chapters ever ily<3

also! quick question (pls answer if you want!):

how did you find my story? :) i'm SO curious