28. why do you tolerate it?
TW! MENTIONS OF ABUSE!!!!!
MAPLE MANOR WAS a cold, cold place. With gigantic rooms, icy marble floors and heigh ceilings one could assume that its inhabitants were living like royals, but in reality it was the most suffocating place on earth; at least that's what it was according to Claudia.
Funny how the biggest of places could feel the smallest.
Claudia felt a shiver run over her the moment she ended up in the dining room of the manor, her father by her side. It was dark in comparison to platform 9 3/4 - because the curtains were drawn.
That was never a good sign.
It was completely empty in the room, and not a single sound could be heard. Maybe a silencing spell was casted on the room, she figured, because it would most definitely not surprise her.
But, her ferocious screams would probably sound like music to everyone's ears in that house - with the exceptions of the house-elves of course.
She barely got the chance to stabilise herself after the apparition - which was something she wasn't very used to - when her father raised his wand and uttered an all too familiar spell.
"Crucio!"
The girl fell to the ground immediately; screaming as if her life was depending on it. Which was exactly what she thought.
The pain was the uttermost worst thing one could experience. It felt like a million knives were making their way through her skin, through her head, and her mind all at the same time. It was simply an indescribable amount of pain - that was how bad it was.
The curse was practically ravaging her whole body.
She was screaming and begging and crying and moving around like a maniac on the floor, because frankly that was what she felt like; a maniac.
She couldn't think of a single thing except of her wishes for the pain to stop. It didn't even matter how, she didn't even care if she needed to die in order to make it stop. She just needed it all to stop.
All she wanted was for it to go away; for the pain, the anger and the desperation to just go away.
She became angrier and angrier. It was as if venom was filling both her mind and body all at the same time.
And then suddenly, it all lightened. It still hurt like a bitch, there was no denying on that, but the man was gone and with him he took the worst parts of the psychical pain - leaving some left and also leaving some mental pain instead.
"That should be enough for now!" He announced as he smashed the door shut, leaving his daughter on the floor.
Claudia was unable to move as salty tears rushed down her cheeks. But it felt alright, because she knew what she was dreading for over a month was for now over with. It was bad, sure, but it also could've been far worse, she knew that. In complete honesty, she was surprised that it was as bearable as it was, considering her "rebelliousness" for the first half of her fifth year.
Something like what had just happened was surely going to happen again, she knew that, but at least she was safe for a while.
The floor had overtime become a strangely familiar place to the girl. It was on the floor she ended up when something like that happened, and on the floor she spent hours staring at the ceiling with nothing but anger rummaging through her brain.
This time, however, it was the Cruciatus curse that she had experienced - a curse that she had gone through many times before. The aftermath of experiencing this curse was for Claudia the strangest part; because she swore there wasn't a single thought in her mind. Maybe it was the way the curse could torture one to insanity, or the way it exhausted one as much as it did. Claudia didn't know why, but she must have spent hours on that stone cold marble floor, softly crying and not moving whatsoever as she thought the least she ever was.
Eventually, she felt a small tap on her shoulder.
It was Zooby the house-elf coming right to her rescue.
Zooby was a house-elf that worked at the manor, who used to be good friends with Visny when she had also worked there. He was a very loyal friend, which meant that he tried his hardest to help Claudia without disobeying all the orders that came from Charles, his master.
Merlin how Claudia wanted to free that elf too.
She weakly smiled at the weary house-elf as she felt herself grow more tired by the second.
"Ms. Maple," the elf whispered. "Zooby has come to tell Ms. Maple that Master and the others are coming to eat soon."
"Oh," Claudia replied as she attempted to sit up, wincing a little at the pain.
This time the curse had hit her like a truck, which wasn't exactly an absurd reaction.
"No, Zooby will help Ms. Maple to her room," Zooby said proudly as he held his small hand out to her.
"You're an angel," Claudia smiled softly as she took his hand and the elf apparated her to her bedroom right before the family came in to eat.
Yeah, she usually wasn't invited to dinner.
She sometimes wondered if they even knew that she was a human that actually needed fuel to survive.
"Thank you, Zooby," Claudia said with a yawn as she ended up on the dusty floor of her bedroom.
The house-elves were ordered not to clean her room, but Claudia didn't really mind since she at least had a quite big bed and a closet full of clothes.
But she knew that she definitely wanted to live as small as possible in the future if she could choose - because the enormous space of the Maple Manor made it all feel a little more lonely than it was; which one would think would be kind of impossible.
"Zooby is very happy to help," the elf said with a polite nod. "Can Zooby help Ms. Maple with anything else? Perhaps bring her food?"
"Absolutely not, Zooby," Claudia said sternly. "I need you to go back to whatever you were doing, and to not get yourself into any trouble."
"As Ms. Maple wishes," the elf answered sadly as he disappeared once again.
It was time for some bloody rest.
She somehow managed to make her way up to her bed and lay down. It was a little dusty, sure, but still comfortable and good enough to lay in despite the pain that tormented her body.
It was tragic that Claudia wasn't even surprised over what her father did. Tragic that she had to go through what she went through, but that didn't mean that she wasn't going to continue on as if everything was just peachy; because how else could she possibly survive?
So, she did what she normally did. She got under her covers and tried to go to sleep, until she realised something:
She still hasn't opened Remus' note.
It was slightly crumpled up, that piece of paper. She noticed that as she retrieved it from her pocket where she had so smoothly been able to hide it from everyone else. She opened it up and was met with a simple sentence:
I can't wait to see you again.
- R.L
She couldn't wait to see him again either. His inviting smile and homely eyes; and just him as a whole.
She never knew that someone one barely knew could make such an impact.
But Remus Lupin surely did as he brought a smile to the girl's face, yet again.
•••
Claudia had fallen asleep. It was the type of sleep that was barely sleeping, more like waiting with your mind on pause, but she got some rest nonetheless as she lay in her bed as if she was in a casket, which was the most appropriate way to sleep due to her aching body.
Suddenly, Claudia could feel herself steer awake as she heard footsteps in her bedroom.
Her initial feeling was plain and simple fear.
Maybe her father was back again to continue with what he had started?
But it wasn't her father, she saw as she opened her eyes fully and caught glance of who was standing in her dark bedroom.
It was night already.
And standing by her bed was Nicolas.
He looked almost sad in a way, Claudia thought. But there was no way that he was, because that was not who Nicolas Clarke was. He might have been quiet and more of a tag-along, sure, but he never ever had that look of remorse or sadness on his face. He had also never stepped foot into her room, so there was more than one thing confusing her in that moment.
"Nicolas?" She asked with a weak voice. "What are you doing here?"
"I-I... I heard what happened... and I came to see if you were alright," he said as if he almost didn't mean it, but somewhere deep inside he knew that he did. Claudia was surprised out of her mind, because he had never asked her that before.
"Are you serious?" Claudia asked as if she was about to burst into laughter any second, but the look on Nicolas' face told her that maybe he actually was serious. "You can't be serious," she said with a shake of her head.
"I am," he said quietly.
"Well, do you think I'm alright?" She asked coldly. "Because, frankly, I don't think you even have the slightest idea of how much that shit hurts."
"You're right," Nicolas said with a mere nod as he turned around and started walking out of her room, but then he stopped hesitantly for a while. The boy ran a hand through his hair as he turned back around to face her and then asked the one thing he had been wondering for years:
"Why do you tolerate it?"
Why do I tolerate it? She asked herself ironically, because the answer was plain and simple:
Because she was terrified.
But she wasn't going to tell him that, so she went for the second best thing. She decided to pull out the same card.
"Why do you?" She responded flatly.
"Claudia..."
"No, Nicolas," she sighed. "You don't get to see it all happen and be apart of it, and then come to me acting all remorseful. Your actions speak so much louder than your words."
"But I," he said as if he was attempting to say something, but couldn't.
"Go to sleep, Nicolas," she whispered as she closed her eyes shut.
As Nicolas' footsteps retreated, Claudia drifted back into a more peaceful slumber that time, in which she dreamed about a boy with the warmest of brown eyes.
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