HAVE YOU EVER WOKEN UP with an immediate dread over the day that was to come? Scratch that, of course you have.

Claudia had done so what felt like most of the mornings in her life. Wether it was because it was too early to go to class, or that she had an exam, or that she was waking up in Maple manor or something else. Basically, Claudia knew just what it felt like to wake up with nothing but dread.

But nothing could ever compare to the dread she felt when she woke up on that sunny morning on the first of August 1978.

It reminded her so of the aftermath of her mother's death. That emptiness inside of her was the same; and it scared her to death.

Remus was alive, and he was right next to her, so she wouldn't have expected it to feel as if she was grieving him in the way she did. But no, it felt as if he had passed on just like her mother - and that feeling was the worst one she knew.

Remus was holding onto her in his sleep; both arms draped around her waist. She lay there for a while in the silence as she tried to get herself to remember what it felt like.

She made mental notes of how he held her, how the room looked, how the early morning sun looked as it hit his skin. How she felt deep inside.

How loved she felt. She figured she wouldn't feel that way ever again.

With an aching chest, stomach, heart and head, Claudia somehow managed to get out of Remus' grip after what must've been over an hour. She couldn't sleep practically all night, so she was exhausted yet too busy with other thoughts to even think about that.

If she could chose, she would stay right there in his arms forever. She wouldn't even hesitate doing so if it was possibly.

But, she couldn't. And so, she began packing.

Clothes, books, socks and photos. It was strange how she wasn't just packing up her essentials, but that she was also packing up her entire life. She put away records she had gotten from the boys, heels she had gotten from Betty, and notebooks Pandora had crafted and gifted her. The bracelet Mary had given her and the necklace Remus had given her.

The ring he had given her however, was tucked away in her trunk. She felt selfish and stupid for it, but she wanted to keep it.

She packed photos of her friends and her. Photos of her and River. Photos of her and Hope.

Photos of her and Remus.

And soon enough, as the world began waking up around her, Claudia Maple had packed up her entire life in a simple little trunk.

She took Remus' jumper off and folded it neatly, and then she placed it on his dresser. She put some other clothes on, and then she was ready.

All that was left was to break the news.

Then, she dug some things back out again. A few books she had annotated, a few photos and a Nick Drake record she knew that Remus loved just as much as she did. She thought that he could keep those things.

And that got her t0 thinking about what else he was to keep.

She silently left the room, careful not to make a sound, and then she immediately found that small ball of joy curled up right outside their bedroom.

"Hi, Ri," Claudia whispered as the cat immediately woke due to her sudden appearance. She picked the tired little cat up in her arms, and then she sat down on the first step of stairs as she held her close to her chest for a little while.

"You were a dream come true, you know that?" Claudia whispered to the cat who was watching her with big adorable eyes. "I always wanted a cat. And I got one, just for a little while. But I'm leaving now, darling. You're gonna stay with your dad, okay?"

Claudia nodded assuringly towards the cat who couldn't understand a thing, and then her eyes filled with tears as she continued, "You be a very good girl now, okay? Take care of him. I know you can do that, River, because I know you can tell when someone's sad. So, whenever he's sad, just jump up in his lap and curl into a little ball like you always do. I know you'll cheer him up. You're too good not to."

They sat there for a little while, Claudia and the cat. And then, she heard sniffling sounds from downstairs, which told her that the time was nearing even more by now.

So, it was time to say goodbye to yet another one.

"I love you, River," she laughed emotionally, kissing her on the head. "Be a very good girl now. Make your mummy proud."

She sat the cat, who didn't understand a thing, down, and then she watched as River walked down the stairs and disappeared to somewhere Claudia wouldn't be able to find her.

The brunette girl sighed, and then she walked down as well. As she did so, the sniffles got more intense and she came to realise that someone in the kitchen was crying.

And that someone was Hope.

Claudia stopped as she finally caught sight of her. She looked a mess, and it was clear that she hadn't been sleeping all night either. Lyall was still snoring from the other room, and tissues were scattered all around the kitchen and living room.

As Hope met her eyes, she started crying even more.

"Oh, Hope," Claudia whispered as she practically ran towards her and wrapped her arms around her as she sat on that stool in the kitchen.

"There has to be something I can do," Hope cried, her voice raspy and desperate. "There has to be! Can't I talk to them? Wouldn't that-"

"Absolutely not," Claudia cut her off as she continued to hold onto her for a little while longer. "You're a Muggle, Hope. There's nothing you can do."

"But Lyall-"

"He can't do anything either," Claudia said as she grimaced in a way that she believed could maybe stop the tears from coming.

"But, Claudia-"

"I need you to let me go," Claudia whispered, and now there was no holding the tears back. "Okay? I need you to do that for me. For him."

"But, Claudia!" Hope sobbed.

"I need you to promise me two things just like I promised you," Claudia sniffled. "I need you to let me go. Please. And I need you to be there for him when I'm gone. He needs his mum, Hope."

Hope nodded briskly with a weird expression on her face as she realised that she had to let her go. She had to let Claudia let them go.

"I'll be there," she said, wiping away her tears as Claudia let go of her. "When are you leaving?"

"I'm going to wait for him to wake up," Claudia said in a weak tone.

"Do you need me there?"

"I think we need to do this on our own," Claudia replied, wearing a thankful yet forced smile on her face. "I love you, Hope. Thank you so much for everything. Truly. For letting me stay here, for being so nice...for being a second mum. Thank you."

"Oh, Claudia-"

Please try to get some sleep," Claudia cut her off, because she couldn't take the emotional talks anymore.

Not when the worst one was to come.

"And don't worry, he'll be alright."

Hope nodded, but she didn't believe Claudia for one bit. "I love you too, dearie. Come see me again if you can."

"I will if I can," Claudia nodded, taking Hope's hand and squeezing it one last time before walking towards the stairs again, only to stop and turn around as Hope called after her again.

"I'm saying this as another mum," Hope said tiredly with a small and weak smile. "Your mum is so proud of you, dear. So, so proud."

Hope would never understand how much those words meant to Claudia. Maybe she would know that it meant something, but she would never understand the measure of it all.

If only her mum had been there to help her through it. But she was going to be fine by herself; because Claudia Maple was as strong as one could get.

After a final weak smile sent Hope's way, Claudia returned back to Remus' bedroom. He was still sleeping despite the sun that was shining on his face, and Claudia found herself smiling as soon as she lay eyes on him.

It was a strange day. Ever since she had known that she was to leave him, Claudia had imagined what she would say, what it would feel like and what the world around her would be like.

She had expected a big fight. Tears. And most of all, she had seen grey skies and rain.

But, it was a sunny summer day. It was a promise of light and joy; and somehow that was better than grey skies and rain.

She knew that leaving him would be the best thing for everyone. She knew that the sun would shine more in time. And that summer sun felt symbolic for it.

She crawled back into the bed. She couldnt help it. Just a little while longer, she thought to herself.

It was so strange that after all they had built up, things would get torn down again in the matter of minutes. They had started off young, innocent and nervous, and now they were two pieces in a puzzle.

And picking away the piece that was herself was the hardest thing Claudia would ever have to do.

After everything that had happened through Claudia's life, she couldn't seem to ignore the little voice in her head that told her that everything was her fault.

All the lost lives, all the pain and all the hurt. And now, she almost saw what she was about to do as the first redeeming choice. She was going to put them all into safety. She was going to lift her heavy weight off of their shoulders.

She was going to set them free.

"Claudia," she suddenly heard his voice whisper from her side as a strong arm wrapped around her waist.

No, Claudia thought to herself. Please not now.

His eyes fluttered open slowly, and he smiled as he saw her, leaning towards her face and kissing her on the temple, "G'morning, my love."

She didn't respond, she merely smiled in a way that made her face look incredibly pained.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she whispered hoarsely. "Did you sleep well?"

"Perfectly," he smiled faintly, shutting his eyes again and bringing her even closer to him. "You?"

"Me too," she lied.

Remus kissed her on the temple again, "Let's just lay here for a while."

She couldn't say no to that. So, that's what they did. For a few moments, Claudia and Remus were silent as they lay in each other's arms; Claudia aware and Remus unaware that it was the final time.

And then, after a while of saying her last silent goodbye, Claudia heard him whisper the two words she had been so scared of.

"Marry me."

She froze. Well, she was already still, but now nothing was moving. She wasn't breathing. She wasn't blinking.

She wasn't making a sound.

"Claudia?" He questioned, still smiling as he kissed her on the temple once bloody more. "Claudia? Did you hear me? Marry me."

She stayed frozen, and he began frowning.

"Is something wrong? I thought you said that I could ask you once it was all over...? The wedding's over and-"

And then, in the middle of forming his sentence, Remus knew what was happening.

He glanced over, and her trunk was packed. His jumper was on his dresser. So was the cat treats that she normally kept in her bag. He had a pile of other things on his dresser too.

And her trunk was packed.

And she didn't say anything. She was frozen. And, as he looked over, there were tears in her eyes.

He sat up slowly as his heart began beating out of his chest.

It couldn't be, couldn't it? Was she really leaving him?

"Claudia, what's going on?" He asked, and she still didn't respond as she too sat up and he saw her eyes get filled with more tears by the second. "What's happening?"

And as the first tear fell, so did all of Remus' hope.

He took a shaky breath as seconds flew by, during which he only searched her eyes.

And then, he spoke; in a shaky and fragile voice.

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

She looked up at him, and then she realised that the time to say goodbye after all those years had come.

So, she nodded, and it suddenly turned into a violent nod as a violent sob erupted from her.

She just couldn't hold it in.

He stared at her, feeling the essential need to bring her close to him but also feeling completely speechless and confused and heartbroken and shitty altogether.

He stood up, and so did she. He looked around at the room he believed to he hers too, and then he shook his head.

"No," he said, turning to the sobbing girl. "You're not going anywhere. We've been here before a million times, Claudia. You're just scared. Things will be okay, I promise-"

"It's different this time around!" She cried. "Don't say that things will be okay because they won't!"

"Claudia, my love, please don't-"

"I have to go!" She exclaimed through her tears, drying them off her cheeks and taking a deep breath. "I can't stay."

"Why not?" He asked, nearing her.

But she only backed off.

"Why can't you stay?"

"I-I...This isn't working anymore," she said quietly, refusing to look at him.

"What?" He whispered hoarsely. "What do you mean this isn't working anymore?! It is bloody working! Better than ever! I love you, and you love me! Right?!"

She met his eyes, and in a whisper she responded, "Right."

"Then what's stopping us?" He whispered, nearing her and taking her face in his hands. "Stay with me. Things will be okay."

"They won't," she said, shaking her head as the tears continued to flow. "Things won't be okay. Things are never okay."

"Claudia-"

"Can't you see? I'm cursed. Cursed, Remus! Think about all the awful shit that has happened ever since you got to know me! I'm not someone you want around! Let alone am I someone you should want to marry!"

He shook his head briskly, "I don't care about that. I want to marry you. I want to grow up with you. I want to grow old with you."

She shook her head again as she took his hands with her own and brought them down from her face, "I'm leaving."

"Claudia, please don't," he said, and now she could hear on the tone of his voice that he had began crying too. "Please don't go. Please. We can figure this out together, okay? We've done it before-"

"We're growing up, Remus," Claudia smiled sadly; unable to help herself as she wiped away the first tear that fell down his cheek. "It was okay before because we were just kids. But we're older now. I have things I have to do, you have a life to live. We can't keep sweeping everything under the carpet."

"What do you mean?"

"I love you," she whispered. "I always have, and I always will. Forever."

"Forever?"

"Forever," she nodded. "But when you love someone, you want what's best for them, Remus. And I am not good for you."

"Don't you-"

"I'm exhausting to be around," she continued, ignoring his attempt at scolding her for her words. "I know that you're always anxious and worried about me. About what happens to me. You can't live like that, Remus."

"Neither can you," he replied.

She ignored that, "I love you, but I can't be with you. It's just not working."

"Claudia, please-"

"This isn't working. It never really was. And it probably never would. So I just need you to let me let you go, okay? I need you to let me go."

"I love you," he croaked out, tears running down his cheeks like a waterfall. "Please don't leave me."

"Remus," she whispered, now holding his cheeks like he just held hers. "Everything's going to be okay. You're going to get past this. You're going to survive this. And one day, when you're a little older and a little more ready, she'll come along-"

"Claudia-"

"-And she'll be perfect. Or he. They will love you just as much as I do. And you'll love them as much as you love me right now. But, there will be a difference between me and whoever that is. They will be okay. They won't be a burden. They won't be a heavy weight. And you'll know just how much easier it is to love someone who can love you back with the same capacity. Someone who is strong. Someone who isn't too much."

"You were never too much," he whispered, his shoulders jumping up and down as he cried. "You are perfect. Don't say that, Claudia. You're lying to yourself, we can figure this out. If you feel like a burden, I can assure you that you aren't! In fact, you're the easiest person to love because you're so kind and patient! And, I get that you're scared of what would happen if your father finds out but-"

"This is my choice, Remus," she whispered with a sad smile, caressing his cheeks. "My choice. Not yours. Not my father's. Not anyone else's."

"It should be my choice too," he sniffled. "If you love me as you say you do, you can't leave me and say that it's because I shouldn't be with you! That's for me to decide-"

"Maybe it is," she said. "But even if you say that you want me to stay, I'm still going to leave. I have to do what I'm supposed to do. And you...you have to find that happiness you deserve. Not this twisted version when you're weighed down-"

"But you love me exactly how you're supposed to," he retorted. "No one can love me as you do. No one. And no one can love you as I do. You can't possibly believe that that will happen, because it won't. This is it for me. You are it for me."

"It may seem like it now, but it isn't," she whispered. "Please, Remus. Let me go. I know you'll be okay, alright? You're the strongest person I know."

"Screw that," he said, backing off from her and shaking his head rapidly. "If this is about your family-"

"Rem-"

"-I'll go with you!" He exclaimed.

"What?"

"We can run away together," he said with a glimt of hope in his eyes. "We can, Claudia, I know we can! I love you and you love me so let's just go! We can start over! Together. We'll move somewhere quiet and peaceful. Peaceful! Remember, I can't have peace without you! And we can just begin again!"

"No," she said sternly, shaking her head. "You're not leaving your family, Remus. You're not leaving any of them. Okay?"

He started crying even more, "Please!"

And so, two hearts broke by the hands of Claudia Maple.

"You're going to be okay-"

"I'm never going to be okay and you know that!" He sobbed. "Please, Claudia. Please!"

She looked at him for a few moments, giving him hope, but then she shook her head, "I want River to stay with you-"

"Please!"

"-She's much happier here. And, I need you to forgive me, okay? It's going to be okay, Remus. It'll be okay."

He shook his head as he took a shaky breath, "Please!"

She shook her head again, but she couldn't help it but to move closer to him and just hold him. A little while longer.

"It'll be okay," she whispered.

"Don't go!"

"I have to go. I need to."

"Please don't go!"

"I have to," she whispered again. "You're going to be okay. You've got such a bright future ahead of you, my love."

"What about your future?" He asked, and she stiffened. "What're you going to do? Are you just leaving me or...?"

She broke the hug, and then she looked into his eyes.

And Remus knew what was happening.

"You're marrying him, aren't you?" He whispered.

And she nodded.

"Claudia, no!" He yelled, and now he seemed angry. "He's practically your fucking rapist! NO!"

"Remus," she begged. "I'm going to be okay-"

"No, you're not!"

"Please don't say that," she said in a broken voice. "Don't think about it. Don't talk about it. I have to go, okay? I'm leaving. You can't do a thing about it."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you," she whispered. "And sometimes love has to be expressed from afar. Sometimes freedom is more important."

"Please don't do this," he whispered as more sobs erupted from him and his entire body started shaking again. "I love you so much."

Claudia moved forward and held him again. Because what else was she supposed to do?

And, after a while of just crying in each other's arms, they walked down. She was holding her trunk, and his heart was breaking.

They walked outside of the front door. The waves were washing up on the shore, the sun was shining and the birds were singing.

And still, two hearts were breaking.

A story was in some ways ending.

And a goodbye was being made.

She turned around to look at him one final time, and she smiled, "You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, Remus Lupin. You saved my life, you know...but you can't keep saving me any longer."

He sniffled, "Can I hold you one more time?"

"Of course," she answered quickly, before letting her trunk go and jumping into his arms.

Her home.

Eventually, Claudia had to go. Time was running out, and there was no way she was going to be able to stop it.

She let go of him, picked up her trunk and turned around with the intention of apparating away to somewhere safe so that she could get ahold of herself before going to Maple manor.

But, by some strange reason, she couldn't. She couldn't physically apparate.

She was too weak.

And, she knew that. Oh, how she knew it as she was the one to burst into the kind of sobs that shook her whole body and left her completely unable to breathe this time. The kind of sobs that Remus had been crying ever since he knew what was going to happen.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind, just like she knew he would. Oh, that boy, always holding her when she needs it.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, kissing her on the head and then turning her around so that he could look at her. "It'll be alright. We'll see each other again, okay? I know we will."

"Remus-"

"I'm not going to give up on you that easily," he chuckled as she sniffled. "I never will. Forever, okay?"

She nodded, wiping away her tears again, "Forever."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He smiled, hugging her once more. And then, they rested their foreheads against each other for just a moment of a proper goodbye.

"I'll see you later, okay?" He said with the faintest of smiles as she picked up her trunk again. "I'll see you later."

"See you later," she answered with a smile that made him believe that everything was going to be okay.

"I love y-"

And then, out of thin air, Claudia Maple was gone.

And Remus fell apart more than he ever had before.

She landed somewhere where she thought that she could be safe and comfortable so that she could calm down. It was in the village nearby Potter manor. And, it was by the bench Remus had asked for her to marry him just weeks prior.

The bench of what could've been.

She sat down, and then she - as one would expect - broke down. Tears and tears were shedded, and she honestly couldn't believe that she had any left to shed.

She had left him. She had left everyone.

She was all alone again.

And when Claudia was alone, she got to thinking.

Maybe, if there really was a way like Hope had implied, she would end up with him.

It would just be Claudia and Remus Lupin. In love, married with a couple of kids. Happy, successful and most of all in love.

But Claudia never truly saw that happening. Because even though she may have been somewhat of a dreamer, she was - in the end - pained to be a realist.

It was just the way things were. She wasn't by the side of the one person she wanted, needed, longed for and most of all loved more than anyone on the planet.

She was all alone.

But then, as mean thoughts entered her mind, the strangest thing happened.

She looked up at the sound of an owl's screech, only to spot a fairly familiar yet unfamiliar owl.

The bird dropped a letter in her lap, and then it flew away again.

She frowned, picking up and opening the letter that was already stained with some of her own tears.

Claudia,

I need your help.

- R.A.B

THE END.
__________________________________

..sort of

nah...this isn't the actual end. i wouldn't leave you just like that.

there's an epilogue left. and it's already up. you might wanna read that one. and when i say that i mean that you have to read it or you won't understand book two.

because, yes, there's another book about remus and claudia and all of their friends! it's in the works right now and it's going to be so much FUN!!!

you'll find the regulars in it aka angst, love, sadness and happiness all in one.

and you'll also find some new things such as:

americans,

car chases,

babies

and so much more!

ILY <3