"I don't think you understand. We're in good graces now but I could be down in the dirt again like that." Poe lightly slapped a hand on the table, taking a sip from his drink with a dirty look on his face. The armorer nodded her head from across the table.

"He's..." Her hand made a whirling motion in the air as her visor tilted upward slightly, grasping for a word to describe the man.

"Indecisive?" Poe suggested helpfully, a smirk on his face. Iva sighed in mock annoyance, shaking her head. He quickly snapped his fingers, pointing at her with raised eyebrows. "Temperamental! That's the word."

"Stop it, Poe." Iva laughed, slapping his hand away before leaning back into her seat. "He isn't very... sociable. He never really was."
"Just give him some time to get used to you." Poe could hear the reassuring smile in her voice as she spoke.

"Alright," He muttered, sighing loudly. The armorer assumed it was in a mocking tone, chuckling at his antics, but Poe was half serious.

When were things going to finally be alright, if they ever will be?

He had always been the guy to say yes.

"Hey, Poe you want to get tortured by Kylo Ren? Your life is a useless piece in our giant game against the New Order. Let's play!"

Yeah, sounds great.

"Poe, you want to get your heart broken by your best friend as he confesses to you that he has a crush on someone who isn't you?"

Where do I sign up?

"Why don't we marry you off to a complete stranger, taking you away from everyone you know and the only thing you truly love? Flying."

Okay.

Why had he been angry with Leia for all of this? She just added the final crack to his shattered collection of hopes and dreams.

The pilot felt the ends of his mouth turn downwards as he stared at his tan hands that shakily lay in his lap.

When had he stopped smiling?

No really.

He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled and actually meant it. The last time he had been genuinely happy. The last time he had ever truly done something for himself rather than for the benefit of others.

The realization made him want to vomit.

"Poe?" The pilot hadn't heard Iva's voice sound like that before, so worried. He didn't want to hear it that way ever again.

His head shot up, a fake smile plastered on his face.

"What's up?"

-

"Poe Dameron!" Finn shouted drumming his hands on the table he sat at with a large smile on his face.

It was good to see him, even though they were light years away.

"Hey, buddy." Poe smiled though it felt more like a grimace so he quickly let it slip off his face.

"You haven't called since you got there, what's up?" His best friend dropped his smile, tilting his head earnestly.

"I've just been busy." The pilot shrugged his shoulders, quickly raising his arms when a weird face made its way across Finn's face.

"Not like that." Poe scowled, narrowing his eyes at him.

Finn let out a small chuckle, the laugh easily reaching his eyes, making him look like the happiest man in the world to Poe. He had missed being able to see him like that.

"So how are things going over there?" The ex-stormtrooper inquired.

Again, Poe shrugged his shoulders, his lips held in a tight line. "It's... going."

"Poe," Finn gave him an unimpressed look, crossing his arms.

"I-It's going as well as you'd expect, Finn." Poe sighed when he spoke, annoyance easily dancing across his features.

What he really wanted to say was "it's complicated" and "i feel like i'm slowly drowning here", but he didn't. No one wanted to hear that, especially if they were asking it for the sake of keeping polite conversation. Rey probably wasn't there to talk to Finn so he was the next best thing. He didn't want to hear about the pilot's problems, he wanted Poe to hear about his.

Rey was nice, though Poe couldn't help but feel that Finn preferred her friendship over his.

"So not good then?" Finn furrowed his eyebrows, leaning forward with a concerned frown adorning his face. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing, buddy." Poe smiled again. He folded his hands behind his head, easily returning to his usual self. "The move was just stressful but it's getting better."

"Okay," The other man said slowly, clearly not quite believing what Poe had claimed.

"I'll take to you later, 'kay? Tell Chewie I said hi." The pilot spoke loudly, already moving to hang up the call. The ex-trooper hesitantly said a hurried goodbye with reassurances that he would call back later tacked on after.

Social situations didn't usually tire him out, but living on a nearly desolate planet for a week must have changed that. Then again, when did talking to his best friend count as a social situation? Maybe Poe was just tired. Yeah, that was probably it.

Tired of pretending.

Tired of being so focused on everyone else that he completely forgot about himself.

And though he didn't entirely like the man, he didn't need to pretend with Din.

He didn't have to pretend to agree with him or pretend to like him.

Come to think of it, Poe couldn't recall even feeling obligated to fake a smile at the man like he had with so many others.