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Okay so hello guys and yes! The chapter below is short! I mean shorter then I usually write. 

First reason is I am a little distracted maybe and secondly Nandini ka POV likhna is so so soooooo difficult!!! I am really very conscious and scared! I don't know if it's good or not but just bear it! You guys have to comment to let me know if its good or not!

And inshaAllah I will update the next chapter very soon! Hopefully in a day or two! 

Won't say Happy Reading!

Chapter 8

Nandini's POV...

True love exists?

If love meant HIM!

If love meant MANIK!

Then yes! It does exist!

The question bombed in my head once again as I lay lifeless on the hard concrete spotless white shiny marble floor of my room. The dark in the room grew louder as the rain poured harder outside creating a scary scenario for a perfect suicide attempt...

I rolled the sharp knife in my hand and stared at the ceiling aimlessly. Tears quietly, very secretively cascaded down my eyes and pooled around the floor few of them got soaked in my long hair which were spread across the floor...

People say falling in love is beautiful...

But for me it's forbidden.

A girl like me has no right to fall for a man like HIM!

Manik...Manik...Manik....

Manik....I wish...you could be mine Manik.

I wish...I wish I was a normal girl.

Then you and me! We would be making a happily ever after.

But!

There is no happily ever after for me at least!

Nandini! Murthy!

The successfull young business lady.

She is the luckiest girl to have such success in such young age!

Ahhh...how much I wish I could be lucky.

Waking up every morning like a dead body and already wishing it to be end soon.

Waking up with no hope for a better day.

Waking up to see no one to kiss me a good morning.

Waking up to see that nobody bothers if I am okay.

Waking up not to be asked from where do I get these wounds?

Waking up not to get asked why do I hurt myself?

Am I that bad?

Am I that ugly?

Am I not pretty?

Maybe...

Yes I am ugly!

I don't deserve anyone's love! That's what HE used to say...

If someone will stay with me then he will be ruined too!

That's why I pushed Manik...away...far away.

That BEFIKRA! Yes! That's what I call him when I am alone!

He is a befikra...oh so handsome...oh so beautiful...

His touch...so clean...so assuring.

He was different.

You know...he asked me to trust him. He promised me that he will never hurt me aur main pagal...hahh...us ki baton main aa gai.

I forgot myself in him.

For few days I felt normal.

He made me feel so alive. So good...

And when he kissed me...he made me feel that I was also beautiful.

But he doesn't know that only this physical appearance doesn't matter na!

I am ugly from inside...

He always wonders why do I wear the scarf?

And I know he is curious to know what am I hiding?

The crazy man doesn't understand that the scarf I wear is for my own assurance!

I wear because it makes me feel secured and it hide...my scars...the...bruises...my bruises...

I am so so ugly...

I wish I could die...

But it seems Manik's Rabba also don't want me to be there up with him.

Manik makes me helpless!

Only I know how I control myself when he is around. All I want to be in his protective arms.

The strength of his hug tells me that he can protect me.

He promised that he would never hurt me and but I never did any promise of hurting him.

So I did hurt him...

Today!

I fell for that man the very first day he stumbled in my office.

And he...crept in my life...very easily.

I went crazy for him.

I fought with him because he was over powering my senses and then suddenly I let myself go with the flow.

Then...he vanished for two days and I realized that what I was doing.

I had no right to ruin his life.

I had no right to hook him up with me and then one day when he will get to know what I am he will leave me.

He will be heartbroken and so I will be.

Before the things could get prolong I...I pushed him away.

I told him to let me go.

I asked him to leave...

I did right na?

Tell me? Someone please tell me that I did right?

The moment he left my office that was the moment when the realization dawned me that...I CAN'T LIVE without HIM!

If I will try...It would be like slow poisoning and it will be more painful.

So today I Nandini Murthy has decided to get rid of this pain!

Forever!

I can't be with him then there is no reason for me to live!

I am leaving this world!

Him...

I wish you get a best girl for you my Love!

I love you Manik...

I love you so much!

Nobody can love you as much as I do!

Just be happy aur mjhy bhool jana!

With that I held the knife in my right hand and stared at its length.

How much sharp it was...the more sharper it will be the less it will pain.

Nodding my head and biting my lower lip I placed the knife on my left wrist...

'You are so beautiful Nandini!'

'I will face your fears with you!'

'Don't do this to us Nandini!'

'You bring me peace! I know I do the same to you!'

Manik's voice...his face flashed in my head again and again shaking me uncontrollably while my face was wet...tears knew no boundaries...my hiccups didn't bother to stop and I applied a little more pressure of the knife on my wrist.

But before I could draw a deep cut the loud cranky sound of my cell phone broke the trance and my eyes widened with shock.

The knife suddenly fell of my hands and I got up with a jerk.

What...just...happened?

I panted...I cried...over and over again...

My stomach crunched and suddenly the urge of throwing up aroused in my throat to which I tried to crawl towards the waste bin but my knee hit the table corner causing me to fall back....

Ahhhh!

It hurts...

When will all this pain go away?

When!!?

And I threw up...on the floor itself...

Now my floor was also dirty just like I was...

But my phone wasn't in the mood of shutting down so holding my stomach I reached for it and breathing heavily and sweating like a bull I picked up the phone.

"Hello!" I whimpered in a low voice and once again my stomach crunched.

Oh not again...please

"Nandini Murthy! Cabir Dhawan here! You listen to me very clearly! If...something happens to my little brother! And in case if he doesn't survive today's accident I swear! I swear to my Jesus! I will kill you! I will ruin you! If you have something to do with his this act I swear I will fu*king kill you!" and the line was dead!

I sat numb...void and lifeless still holding the phone to my ear...

If...something happens to my little brother! And in case if he doesn't survive today's accident I swear!

Accident?

Manik?

He is not gonna survive?

Why?

What happened?

My whole body shuddered and my breath was stopped.

What have I done?

Is it my fault?

I swear I will kill you!

No...but I tou decided the best for us....

What if? What if something really happens to him?

NO! NO!

You can't die Manik...you can't...

Agar tumhy kuch ho gya tou main...main kya karoon ge?

"Ahhhh!!!" I cried out loudly and slammed my hands on the floor over and over again.

"It's hurting so much!! Somebody make it go away!! It's paining! Am so tired!!!" I was shouting my lungs and crying my heart out.

Why?

I can't live in peace neither I can die?

What does God wants from me?

"Manik...Oh my Manik!" I whimpered hugging my torso...

"Should...I go there? I want to see him...!" I mumbled to myself and my heart pained on just imagining a hurt Manik....lying on the hospital bed.

I should go there...I should...aik baar dekh kar wapas aa jaoan ge...yes...only one time...

Just once...

__________________________________-

The time seemed to pass by very slowly. The people around me passing by seemed moving very slow and I felt robotic.

I didn't know how...how I reached the hospital.

Finding in which hospital he was admitted wasn't difficult because Cabir was a famous personality and he reaching the hospital was big news around. I easily got to know where he was.

I also reached there with hammering heart and with numb steps I walked towards the receptionist.

"Good evening Ma'am how may I help you?" The receptionist spoke kindly as soon as I reached her and I stared at her with blank expressions.

Why was I here?

Everything felt so unreal that for a moment I forgot even why I was here!

"Ma'am?" The receptionist once again called me and my head spun.

"Ma..Manik!" That's the only word came out of my mouth and the receptionist looked confused.

"I beg your pardon?" She spoke softly maybe understanding my trauma and I sniffed shaking my head.

Get a grip Nandini...

"Manik!" I spoke clearing my throat which felt heavy due to constant crying. "Malhotra! Manik Malhotra!" I added and suddenly there was a hint of recognition in her voice.

"Yes Ma'am! Mr.Dhawan's friend!" She knew....she knew where my Manik was?

"Is he okay?" I was scared and afraid of my own words.

Was he alive? Was he even okay?

What if she say no?

What will I do then?

It's me who should be dying!

Not you my Manik...not you...you tou deserve a happy and a long life...

Because you are Manik...Manik....

"Actually not!" The receptionist spoke and my breath caught in my throat.

"The last thing I heard about him was doctors rushed him in the ICU! And they were not hopeful! Baki I don't know! He is on 5th floor! You can go and check!" She narrated sadly and I felt dizzy.

He can't die...

He has to live...

He has to live for himself....

Pure souls like him deserve the best.

I tried to give the girl a smile but my lips refused.

My heart refused to beat.

My legs stopped giving me the support.

My subconscious Queen shouted...at me...

You are Manik's culprit Nandini! You are responsible for his downfall...

I wanted the best for him! I cried back at it and it shook its head sadly.

Who the hell are you to decide on his behalf? Queen was shouting out loud and I had nothing to say.

I was quiet.

What should I do? I thought I was doing right! I was going hysterical and Queen just turned its face away from me. She was angry...very angry...

Should I go to 5th floor and see him?

yahan tak aie hai tou ja kar dekh bhi lay! What if you are seeing him the last time? What if he dies in few hours? Queen retorted back and I shivered on its cruel words.

Don't be so harsh! He can't die! He won't die! I begged folding my hands in front of it and it shrugged.

Sadly sweetheart! You called for it! Now get away! I am mad right now! Queen spoke coldly and I just nodded looking down.

I tried to calm myself but the shouts of a nurse behind me threw me to hell which were...

"Oh my GOD! Doctor Fernandez please you need to hurry we are losing that Malhotra patient!!"

___________________________________________-

It's a very small glimpse for Nandini's POV...and it was heartnreaking....there is so much to unfold. Next chapter is coming soon and trust me writing Nandini's POV is so difficult to write. I am so helpless I tell you!

Just motivate me and tell me that I can do it.

Love,Cheer! Mawara!