(Brendon)

"It's almost 3:00." Ryan muttered against my lap.

We were sitting on the same bench. Except now I was sitting down and Ryan was laying down with his head resting on my thighs. We'd changed positions a few times without actually getting off of the bench. It was funny really. We spent hours just sitting here, talking about nothing. But it was one of the best days I've had in a long time.

"We'll get up at exactly 3:00 then." I said as I ran my hands through his thick hair.

"And then what?"

"And then you can take me home."

He turned his head so that he was looking up at me. I smiled down at him and of course he smiled back.

"I don't want to take you home."

"Why not?"

"I want to keep you with me forever."

"Like some kind of stray dog?"

"Exactly!" He laughed.

"No can do. My parents are expecting me home right away."

"I don't really want to go home." Ryan turned so that his face was buried in my lap again.

"Why don't you want to go home?" I asked. He shrugged. "Tell me." He shook his head. "Ryan-"

"My parents are homophobic. My dad is a fucking, cheating drunk. And my mom swallows too many pills to care about anything."

I opened my mouth in an attempt to speak. But no words would come to me. So I snapped it shut again. What was I supposed to say to that? I could tell him to pray about it but Ryan wasn't religious.

"I'll pray for you." I said instead.

He laughed dryly. "Shut the fuck up, Brendon."

My hands froze in his hair. "That was unnecessary. I was just trying to-"

"God won't help me, Brendon. I've never spoken to him personally, but I hear he doesn't like my type."

"God loves everybody, Ryan."

"Except the gays, of course."

I'd forgotten Ryan was a homosexual. How did I forget that? I felt sadness come over me. Did god hate Ryan? The thought scared me. Because how could anyone hate Ryan? Maybe if he just stopped being gay, all of this would go away. And god would bless him with a better life.

"Maybe you should just stop being gay, Ry."

He sat up to stare at me. The look in his eyes told me I'd made a bad decision saying what I did.

"Don't you think if it was possible for me to just stop being gay, I would have done it by now?"

"Maybe you're not trying-"

"Shut the fuck up Brendon." He snapped. "What is it with you religious freaks? You think you know everything. You think you can judge everyone for everything."

I flinched. "You know I'm not like that Ryan-"

"What happened to the god loves all his children bullshit? Am I not his child just because I think people should love whoever they want?"

He was beginning to raise his voice. I was glad no one else was in the park to witness it. His entire body was shaking. His hands were balled into tight fist on his lap.

"Ryan, it's okay to be angry. I understand that. But you can't-"

"You don't understand, Brendon. My parents hate me. Everyone at my school hates me. People I've never even met hates me. All because some big, magical man in the sky, who I don't even fucking believe in, hates me."

"Don't blame god-"

"Who the hell else should I blame?" He stood up. I glanced around to make sure we were still alone.

"I-I don't know." I looked down at my hands.

"Of course you don't know."

"M-Maybe god does love you." I stood up. "Y-You're not like other gay-"

"Don't finish that fucking sentence, Brendon." I snapped my lips back together. "Maybe I should just take you home."

"Ryan, I want to help you."

"You want to help ungay me, Bren?"

"I- no." Ryan didn't need to change. Ryan was perfect. Even gay, he was still perfect. Maybe god didn't mean to hate the homosexuals. At least not the ones like Ryan. "I don't care if god doesn't love you. I'll love you enough to make up for it."

Ryan stared down at me in shock. His already wet eyes spilling over onto his perfect cheekbones. I could feel tears coming to my own eyes. When Ryan cries, I want to cry.

Suddenly he was leaning closer to me. Before I could fathom what was happening, he was kissing me. My eyes widened, staring at his closed eyelids. What was I supposed to do? I could feel his lips moving against mine. Urging me to respond. But I'd never kissed anyone before. What if I messed up? He wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. So I stayed frozen in place. Letting Ryan do whatever he wanted.

Just as suddenly as he leaned forward, he pulled away. Searching my face for something I didn't know I could give him. I didn't know how I was expected to react. I didn't know why he'd kissed me. It felt like I didn't know anything anymore. The only thing I did know was that my lips were tingling. And I liked that.