Finding a Balance - Part 3

When Daryl went back into the workshop, he found Grace speaking with the handler she spoke to the night she faced off against Garrison at a table toward the left of the room. From the looks of it, they had just ended their conversation, smiling at each other and shaking hands.

"A pleasure working with you, Grace!" the handler said.

"Thank you for the job!" Grace said, getting up from her seat.

The handler got up from his seat across from her and started scratching the back of his head, a jagged smile on his face. "By the way, uh..."

Grace's eyes widened and she asked, "What is it?"

The man flinched a bit seeing her flash her round blue eyes at him. "Do you, uh, like to drink?" the handler asked, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

Daryl rolled his eyes and started to approach them, uninterested in watching another man get rejected by the swordswoman.

Grace smirked at him and asked, "What, like, water?"

His eyebrow twitched a bit, as if he could not tell if she was joking or not. "Uh, no, um..."

"You have another job to discuss?" Daryl interrupted, walking up to Grace's side and looking down at the handler.

The swordsman startled both of them, jumping almost simultaneously, but the handler looked more intimidated upon the intrusion. His eyebrows furrowed and he started to answer, "No, sir, I was just—"

"Then go find one," Daryl interrupted.

The handler leaned back and nodded. "O-of course, sir!" With that, he turned to head out of the workshop.

Grace watched the man leave and then glanced up at Daryl by her side. She looked down and grabbed her arm, seemingly uncomfortable.

"Grace," Daryl started, softening his tone and looking around to make sure people were not staring, "can we talk?"

"Oh, now you wanna talk?" Grace responded, walking away from him to the corner of the room where a broom rested.

"Grace..." Daryl said, stopping himself from reaching out to her and trying not to look like another man desperate for her affection. He exhaled with an irritated growl and checked his surroundings once more. The place was fairly populated with swordsmen and handlers discussing their business, thankfully not paying him and Grace much attention. He cleared his throat and waited for Grace to make some distance between the two of them. After she picked up the broom and started sweeping, he decided to approach her, hoping there were no wandering eyes watching them. As soon as he got close, though, she scooted farther away from him, making it more obvious that he was following her. Daryl growled quietly again and started to stop worrying about what everyone else was thinking. If they want to start rumors, so be it.Daryl caught up with Grace, who at that point was towards the left of the door to the workshop and put a hand on her shoulder. "Grace, listen."

Her shoulder slumped under his grip. She sighed and turned around to face him. "Let me guess, a favor?"

Daryl twitched his mouth a bit, reluctantly answering, "Yes..."

"Yeah," Grace responded, squinting her eyes and turning around to sweep some more, "I guess that's the only time I'm worth talking to, huh?"

"Grace, please," Daryl implored, "this isn't about me."

"Big surprise there," Grace replied, frowning and keeping her back to him, "it's never about you, is it? Y'know all this time I've been worrying about how you've been holding up..."

"I know," Daryl acknowledged, furrowing his brow thinking about how he hurt her feelings the other night. "I just—"

"And for what?" she interrupted. "For you to just shut me out, tell me it's none of my business, and act like the only thing that matters is sword fighting."

"Grace—"

Grace whipped around to face him with red cheeks and a glare. With a sharp inhale, she balled her free hand into a fist, got on her tip toes and started to ask, "Why don't you just...?" She stopped herself seeing the sorrowful look in his chestnut eyes.

"I'm sorry," Daryl continued, looking deep into her eyes. "I never meant to shut you out. You've always mattered to me. You know that, don't you?"

Grace's eyes started getting misty hearing his heartfelt words. Her blood went warm, as if she was melting from seeing his genuine countenance. She settled back onto her feet to calm herself down, and then she looked back at the others in the room. There were a couple of men staring at them, some snickering and others scowling with jealousy. She looked away from them and set the broom against the wall. After giving Daryl a quick glance, she looked away and crossed her arms, answering, "Sometimes I wonder..."

"We can talk," Daryl assured, putting a hand on her shoulder, "as much as you like." Daryl looked at their spectators, not because he was worried about them that time, but to scare off their attention. To his success, they looked away and continued their business. He looked back down at Grace, the young woman he knew since she was about Mallory's age, and understood that he had to make it up to her. Whether they watch us or not, I'll be here for you, Grace.

Grace's eyes shifted toward the unwanted audience once again. It surprised her that Daryl was reaching out to her in front of them all, which confirmed her feelings that Daryl was being sincere. She looked towards the door and removed the plank that kept it locked. "We can talk outside," Grace said, opening the door, "we don't have to be in front of them if you don't want to be."

Daryl nodded and followed her outside. While he shut the door, he asked her, "So then, where do you want to start?"

Grace gave him a serious look, and then demanded, "You can start by telling me what you were thinking locking Mallory away like that."

"I can't go easy on her," Daryl explained. "She almost got herself killed, and she had to learn the consequences for reckless behavior."

"I thought you'd say that again..." Grace sighed.

Daryl knit his eyebrows. "What did you want to hear?"

"My father told me you wouldn't be making the same mistakes," Grace explained, taking a few deep breaths to prepare herself for what she was going to say next, "the ones you made with your son."

Daryl froze, looking at the ground in response to the thought of having to talk about his son.

Grace looked down, too, feeling bad about bringing it up, but still wanting to get answers. "I know it's hard for you to talk about, but I just have to know. Why are you treating her so harshly? Even after..." She decided not to finish that last remark, considering Daryl knew what she was referring to anyway.

"My relationship with Zeke was very different," Daryl explained.

Grace's head jerked up in shock, meeting his eyes. She did not hear Daryl speak his son's name in about nine years.

"The way I treated him was almost completely opposite to how I've been treating Mallory," Daryl continued, "I was attached to him, of course. Mallory is different. I have no relation to her. Your father gave me an ultimatum to take someone on as an apprentice. I found her, and I chose her."

"But why?" Grace implored. "Why her? You must've felt something to choose her instead of a strong young man. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not," he answered. "She reminded me of myself as a child. And she made me think of you."

Grace blushed a little and pushed her hair back hearing that last comment.

"Seeing that you're one of the most skilled members of this guild," Daryl continued, "I knew Mallory had a chance to be one of the best, too."

"Is it really just about making a statement?" Grace questioned. "There's more between you two than just that, isn't there?"

Daryl thought back to the first time he met Mallory, and how her facial expression morphed into one comparable to a demon's when the fruit merchant was refusing her food. "That girl has a fire unlike any other I've ever seen," he explained, "one that I've never had in all my years as a swordsman. When I was a child, being dragged across the streets like a dog, I had no will to live. Seeing her have such drive inspired me, and I knew she would make a promising member of the guild. So yes, choosing her was more than just proving a point."

Grace nodded, consuming the information Daryl was willing to share with her. "Would you say that you're attached to Mallory?"

Daryl looked down and answered, "I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't."

"Then why do you act like you don't care, Daryl?" Grace asked, a deeply concerned expression overcoming her facial features.

Daryl took a deep breath, trying to maintain his composure, and answered, "Because that's where I went wrong, Grace."

Grace raised her eyebrows and inhaled softly. She was about to ask what he meant by that, but she held off further questioning to give him a moment to collect himself.

"I loved Zeke," he continued, his words coming out a little shaky, "I loved him so much, more than anything else in the world..." Daryl closed his eyes, feeling the painful memories and gruesome images starting to flood back into his mind. "He returned my love with an adoration of his own for me. He became a child willing to do anything to please me. Anything. He misinterpreted something I said, and then..." The swordsman took a lengthy moment to quell his emotions, as well as the demons from his past rising again in his mind.

Grace felt tears forming in her eyes, taken aback by Daryl's unanticipated vulnerability. During the silence, she could not come up with anything to comfort him. Although she was learning more about Daryl and his relationship with his son than she ever thought she would, the details were still vague. Daryl never came across to her as a man who wanted comforting, but in that moment, it was clear to her that he really needed it.

Like the swordsman expected, another recurring image got stuck in his mind amidst the discussion of his son: the hut on fire, lighting the night sky. With a final exhale, Daryl opened and eyes and finished his previous sentence with, "It all came burning down. And it was all my fault."

"Daryl," Grace finally started, wiping her eyes, "I'm so sorry. I just...wanted to know if you were okay..."

Daryl looked down at the scar that stretched across his chest to the top of his neck and placed a hand on it. "I'll always have the guilt, the pain of knowing that I failed the people I loved. Training Mallory may have brought up some bad memories..." He let go of his chest and then looked back at Grace. "But I realize now that it's for the best. I know now that I can't treat the girl the same way I treated Zeke if I don't want the same things to happen all over again." Daryl hesitated to say what he wanted to next, already knowing how Grace would respond. "And...I can't let myself get any more attached. That's why I've been cold with her."

Grace looked up at him with deep concern for a moment, knowing what she wanted to say but wary about how she wanted to say it to the mourning swordsman. "I..." She looked away and straightened her mouth, somewhat reluctant for what she was going to say next. "I understand now, but..." She sighed and then looked back up at him with a stern expression. "She's gonna be training with you for a long time, right? Training is all she'll ever know as long as she's with you... Haven't you thought about what that'll do to her?"

Daryl nodded with a single downward motion. "I have. That's why I came to you."

Grace raised her eyebrows and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I don't want Mallory to become another thoughtless murderer in the guild either," Daryl explained, "and that's why, whenever she isn't training, or while I'm away on my own jobs, I want you to take care of her."

The woman's eyes got big with some amalgamation of anxiety and a feeling of being honored. "Me? But why?"

"Don't be so modest, Grace," Daryl suggested. "I haven't forgotten about the other day, when you came in and embraced her. I know you care for her, and I think you're more suited to giving her a life outside of training than I am."

Grace's eyes shifted around nervously, and she responded with, "I'm not suited for that! I don't even think she likes me... She kinda just turned away after I hugged her."

"You told her she could talk to you whenever she needed to," Daryl pointed out.

"I know that. I was talking about just being a shoulder to cry on, or something like that, but what you're asking of me...it's like, you're asking me to be her mother or something... I can't do that, Daryl!" She looked away and started rubbing her arm out of an uncomfortable feeling. "I mean, I do care about her, but I don't have any experience with other kids. I wouldn't know how to treat her either."

Daryl looked at her for a moment and thought about what he wanted for Mallory. He nodded and continued, "I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to be her mother. That's not what I was asking." He took another moment to examine the young lady before him, the young lady who people were constantly drawn to, whether it was because of her looks or her effervescence, and thought about how the entire workshop lit up with excitement upon seeing her humiliate the strongest swordsman in the guild. Despite being ignored by men who knew she was a swordswoman for years, she always managed to put a smile on people's faces with her presence. There, she stood before him telling him that she would not know how to connect with Mallory. "Grace, I just want you to be a friend."

The statement startled Grace, almost forgetting that he meant a friend to Mallory and not himself. "I...I don't know, Daryl. I have responsibilities of my own. I'm finally getting job offers, and I have to help my dad with cleaning up around the workshop, plus I have to take care of my mom in the mornings..."

"I understand," Daryl responded. "I promise you won't have to devote too much time to her, if you're ever willing to do this for me. It's just that...I need to find one way or another to weigh out her hardships with kindness, and you're the one I trust the most to be that for her."

Grace sighed, thinking about what it would be like to spend significant amounts of time with the man's timid apprentice. Again, she thought about what little experience she had with children, and how uncomfortable it could potentially be. Then, she looked back up to see the imploring look in Daryl's eyes, as if he needed her to keep his apprentice from losing her humanity. "You really need me to do this for you, huh?"

"Only if you're willing," he answered, although it was clear that he was more in need of her help than he sounded.

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