My heart seems to heal with every bottle I fill up. I feel a little less sad and a little more hope.

I know I cannot leave this any longer, but I'm absolutely terrified of the chaos I am about to walk into.

And I'm going to break Astoria's heart and destroy her world. I already had a glimpse of what that would be like, and it was devastating. Now she's had time to bond with the baby, it's going to be a thousand times worse.

Not the baby. My baby.

There is also the terrifying possibility that Draco could have signed the adoption papers, which means I would have no right whatsoever. Not without a fight.

But I have to try, I have to at least try for my son and the family I'd been denying myself of.

So, the very next day, after an entire night of expressing, I Apparate back to Malfoy Manor.

I considered phoning Draco first and telling him my decision, but I just couldn't bring myself to have this conversation over the phone.

Besides, I have no idea how he will react to me or the situation anymore.

With a deep breath, I knock on the large, oaken front door, my heart racing just like it did the very first time I stood here, waiting to meet Astoria for my first interview.

How naive I had been then. I had no idea about the turmoil I was about to endure, refused to believe that I, Harper Snow, was capable of ever being vulnerable to love.

I hear footsteps and find my heart quickening. Heat prickles at my skin, and I can feel my hands shaking. My body is already going into fight or flight mode.

But I stand tall and remind myself why I am here.

The door swings opens to reveal Narcissa standing there.

"Harper, how lovely to see you..." She trails off and narrows her eyes. "... I think?"

"Hello, Narcissa," I say as calmly as I can. "Is Astoria inside? I would like to speak with her, please. It's important."

Narcissa frowns, looking unsure as to whether she should let me in or not. "You broke my son's heart, you know. He's walked out on his marriage because of you, and he has walked out on his own son."

"What? What do you mean he's walked out on his son?" I feel panicked. I didn't expect him to turn his back on his son. Me - yes. But not his son.

Like I did.

"Please," I say, my voice now starting to shake. "I need to speak to Astoria. There are important things we need to discuss."

"Why should I let you in? You've already caused so much grief for my family. I knew this whole surrogate thing was a bad idea. I told them not to go through with it. Astoria and my grandson are all I have left. But it's not the way it should be. She's no longer calling herself a Malfoy and she's talking about taking my grandson away from me. And this is all your fault." Narcissa spits, jabbing a finger in my chest and looking furious.

"I'm sorry," I say quickly, "I promise, I'll try and fix it. Just please let me come in."

She narrows her eyes again, not moving. I'm just about to give up and call over her shoulder, when, to my surprise, she steps aside.

"She's on the patio."

"Thank you," I say rushing past her as fast and politely as I can.

I stride brusquely towards the kitchen, knowing exactly which patio she means. It's the one we always used. The one I had my first interview with Astoria on.

The patio door is already open. Taking a deep breath, I slow my pace and walk tentatively towards it. Astoria comes into view, angled away from me as she sits on a chair, cooing down at the baby in her arms, singing softly.

My heart races as I near, wondering when I should announce my presence. I don't want to startle her, but, of course, it's too late for that.

"Astoria," I say quietly, as I step out into the patio.

She looks up, the smile on her face instantly vanishing at the sight of me.

"Harper?" She jumps up cradling the baby protectively to her chest so that I can no longer see his face. "What are you doing here? Was there a problem with the cheque?"

I notice her step back, as though afraid I am going to fly at her and snatch the baby from her arms.

"No," I say, shaking my head. "There is no problem with the cheque. I haven't actually cashed it yet."

"Why? You want more gold? I can arrange some, I'm sure. Whatever you want."

My eyes flick down at the baby in her arms, clearly not unoticed by her.

"You can't have him." She says frantically. "He's mine. Draco signed the adoption papers you're too late."

No. My stomach gives a sickening lurch. I'm too late.

All the pain comes rolling back. I can feel it wrapping around my heart and in that moment I want to do what Astoria did in the delivery room and fall to my knees, begging her to give me back my baby.

"Astoria, please." I begin to weep, but at least managing not to drop to my knees quite yet, "I made a mistake. I can't give him up. I need him. He needs me."

"It's too late," Astoria repeats, taking another step back. "He's legally mine now."

"No, he isn't."

My heart stills as Draco appears from the side of the manor, striding towards us, his face pinched in an angry scowl.

"I didn't sign the papers, Astoria. As you know."

"Draco?" Astoria gasps, looking frantically between the both of us, backing away further still. "What is going on? Why are you both here?"

"Mother called me to let me know Harper had turned up. And she feared trouble, so I came at once."

"You don't come around to see your own son, but the second she turns up, here you are!" Astoria screeches. "What a surprise! You've never cared about having a child, it was only ever about the sex to you!"

"That's not true," Draco snarls, his tone dangerously low. "I couldn't stand to see my son with the wrong mother. I wasn't about to play happy families with you, Astoria. How could I?"

"Because we're married!" Astoria screams. The baby starts crying and I'm itching to go to him and soothe him in my arms. "You agreed to this! You agreed to the surrogacy arrangement."

"I know I did." Draco says steadily, slowly moving towards her. "But that baby was conceived after Harper changed her mind and decided she couldn't go through with sleeping with me to create a child for you."

Astoria looks at me, alarmed. "You changed your mind?"

Slowly, I nod. "I'm sorry. It was after the first test. It made me realise I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sleep with Draco trying to create a child for you when I-" I hesitate, realising I was confessing to a big thing here. "-when I am in love with him. So I ended it and left. Draco told you I'd been ill. But the truth was I had walked out on the surrogacy. And then I discovered I was pregnant."

"That can't be - you said it was after the first test. The test wouldn't miss a pregnancy no matter how early."

"Astoria," Draco says carefully, "I slept with Harper after she told me she was out of the arrangement. I slept with her because I had fallen in love with her too and I couldn't bear to let her go."

"But I left anyway because I didn't want to destroy a marriage," I say, knowing how pathetic it sounded. "But then I found out I was pregnant. I honestly wanted you to have the baby like we'd originally arranged. But I think, at the time, that had a lot to do with the guilt I felt over falling in love with Draco. I thought giving you the baby would somehow make it up to you and help ease my guilt."

Astoria closes her eyes, pain washing over her face. I feel awful. The betrayal is real.

"I never loved Draco," she says, finally opening her eyes again. "And he never loved me. Why do you think I was okay with having him screw the surrogate?" A bitter laugh falls from her lips. "I didn't even feel remotely jealous. But, of course, I didn't anticipate he would actually fall in love with you. Not the man who likes to pay strippers to sort out his sexual needs."

I glance up at Draco and he looks away, a pink tinge to his face.

"You know," Astoria says, now gently rocking the baby, trying to soothe him as he continues to wail. "I had this silly silly hope that Harper would fall in love with me."

My head shoots up in surprise at this admission, not expecting this at all.

"Astotia-"

"Of course it was just a ridiculous fantasy," she's says, cutting me off. "When you phoned up about the advert, I thought it was somehow destiny. I thought all my Christmases had come at once. A baby and Harper Snow. You see, Harper, I used to spend hours at Hogwarts imagining what it would be like to be with you, to love each other and find a sperm donor to be father our child."

I literally cannot believe what I am hearing here.

"I was over the moon when it turned out my own husband would be that donor. You thought you were donating your eggs, Harper, but the truth was, he was donating his sperm."

"Except I wasn't, Astoria," Draco sneers. "And that baby is mine and Harper's. Now, please, kindly pass him over, he is clearly distressed."

"Draco," I warn, shaking my head at him. "It's okay, let her soothe him."

Plus, I wanted to hear more of what she had to say about being in love with me.

Throwing me a grateful smile, Astoria shifts the baby over to her other arm and gently begins to rock him, humming softly as she looks down at him with such love. He instantly quietens.

Draco throws me a look as though to say 'what the fuck now?'

"Astoria," I say as gently as possible, "please, let's all sit down, your arms must be getting tired."

"Never," she whispers, smiling down at the baby, "I'll never get tired of holding him in my arms."

"Have you given him a name," I enquire, my heart fluttering nervously at her answer. Please not Tommy. Please not Tommy.

"No, actually," she frowns. "Nothing seems to stick. I try but nothing sounds right other than 'my darling'."

I let out a small sigh of relief.

"Narcissa said something about you taking him away," I say, trying to sound casual as though I am simply discussing the weather, "were you planning on going somewhere nice?"

"Well, that old hag has made it clear she hates me." Astoria says completely changing her demeanor, suddenly looking fierce. "Why should I stick around to be verbally abused. I've never been good enough for her son, and now it's clear she doesn't think me a good enough mother for her grandson."

"That's because you're not." Draco says fiercely, clearly getting irritated by this whole exchange. "Look, I'm sorry that you've been hurt, Astoria. And I'm sorry for the part I have played in that. But I am not sorry for wanting my son back with his real mother. Now please hand him over to Harper before I use force."

"Draco, stop!" I say as, Astoria, clearly frightened, backs further away, and shakily removes her wand from her pocket.

"You try anything and I'm gone," She threats. "With my son."

"You do that," Draco snarls "and then there will be a warrant for your arrest for kidnapping."

I fiercely turn to face him. "Draco, please just go inside and let me talk to Astoria. I appreciate you're concerned but your threats are not helping the situation."

He looks at me, his eyes flashing furiously, but there is something else there, a softer expression as he battles with some kind of conflicting emotion.

He pulls me aside, out of Astoria's ear shot.

"I don't trust she's going to hand him over," he hisses, "she's acting unhinged. If I'd known she was this deranged I would never have stayed away."

"Please, Draco," I say, lightly touching his arm. "Trust me. We owe her some compassion. Let me talk to her. I'll get our little boy back."

His face completely softens then. "You mean it don't you? You're here for him, for our son?"

I nod, and I can't help the lift of my lips as joy and love flood his face.

"I'll be inside," he says, "and I'll be ready if she tries anything."

"Thank you," I say, breathing a sigh of relief.

He looks as though he's about to pull me to him and kiss me. But he seems to come to his senses just in time, and he nods before turning to go back inside.

I walk back over to Astoria, who is back to singing to the baby in her arms.

"You're really good with him," I say, smiling softly at her. "He clearly feels safe with you."

Her head shoots up, her eyes piercing mine accusingly. "Of course he feels safe with me. I'm his mother."

I suck in a sharp breath but do not contradict her.

"Please," I say again, "let's sit down, Astoria. Draco has gone inside. It's just us."

"You me and the baby," she confirms, her face softening slightly. "Just like it should have been."

"Yes," I nod, desperate to get her to feel safe with me. "Just you me and the baby. Come, let's go and sit at the table and you can tell me all about the baby."

I hold out my hand. She looks at it, resembling a frightened deer in headlights. And then she relaxes, smiling slightly and, carefully adjusting the baby in her arms, she reaches out and tentatively takes my hand.

Relief floods me as I lead her over to the table and chairs. We each take a seat, Astoria still clutching the baby to her.

"Can I have a look at him?" I dare ask now Astoria seems a lot more relaxed.

She looks unsure for a moment, but then relents and nods.

My heart racing, I lean forward to take a closer look at my son. He's just as beautiful as I remember. A lot less wrinkled and pink, his pearly white skin has smoothed out and his white-blond hair slightly thicker. I tentatively reach out a hand and let him clasp my finger in his tiny fist. My heart swells, and all the sadness that I have been experiencing since the moment I gave him away evaporates completely.

My son, my beautiful son.

"Your top," Astoria says, beckoning to my chest.

I know what she means without looking. My body is desperate to feed him, to feed my baby.

"Do you think I could...?" I ask, knowing that this question could be the most dangerous one.

Astoria immediately bites her lower lip. "I've been starting him on formula. It won't be good for his routine."

"It's okay," I say quickly, not wanting to upset her. "I understand."

My finger remains clasped in his hand. I am shocked by his strength, by how such a tiny, helpless being could have the muscles and ability to cling onto something so fiercely.

"Is he sleeping well?" I ask, not taking my eyes from him.

"No, not really. But that's to be expected, isn't it?"

I nod, recalling all the baby books Astoria used to read out to me throughout my pregnancy.

"I'm so tired, Harper," she says, weeping softly. "I don't recall the last time I slept. I'm frightened he's going to be taken away from me the second I close my eyes. But he's worth it. Don't you think?"

"Oh, Astoria," I say as she begins to cry harder. I want to wrap my arms around her but my son still has his tight grip around my finger, so I just make do with leaning forward and draping my other arm around her neck.

"I'm not going to take him away from you." I say, "not completely."

"I'm never going to be a mother, am I?" She sobs burying her face in my neck, "not properly. Not the way I want to."

"You'll meet someone who loves you for you," I promise her. "And there are ways, better ways to have your own child. You will meet a wonderful woman, and together you can get a sperm donor using the proper channels. You're still so young. And you're beautiful. And above all that, you are the loveliest, sweetest person I've ever met and you have so much love to offer."

She shudders against me, her tears soaking my neck.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I'm sorry I used you."

"Don't be sorry, please," I beg of her, "I'm the one who's sorry. I should have been honest with you the second everything started to get complicated. I should have told you about Draco and how my feelings became conflicted about the whole arrangement. I'm the one who made things worse for everyone and I'll never forgive myself for the hurt I've caused, especially to you. You never deserved it."

She lifts her head from my neck, her tear stained face still looking beautiful. Fuck, she was even a beautiful cryer.

"I think he needs feeding now," she says, her voice trembling with sadness. "I think he needs his mummy."

My heart clenches, and because I can't think what else to do, I press my lips ardently against her forehead.

"Thank you," I say vehemently, my lips moving against her skin. "Thank you so much."

Slowly, I pull away from her, unraveling my arm from around her shoulders. I watch as she stares down at my son and touches her fingers to his face.

"Goodbye, my darling," she whispers, tears falling down her face and dropping onto his small body. "You've made me so incredibly happy."

She leans down, pressing a kiss to his head.

And with that, she lifts him up and places him into my arms.

******