If I'm not crying, I'm puking.

Pregnancy is shit. It doesn't help that Ginny announces her's two months into mine, and she looks positively glowing. Lucky cow.

Hermione is already on the other side, having given birth to Rose Weasley-Granger or whatever way the name is. Astoria comes with me to visit her in hospital. Astoria comes with me everywhere.

She really wasn't kidding when she said she wasn't going to leave my side. She even conjured a second bed in my room so she could sleep next to me every night.

She likes an excitable puppy all of the fucking time.

"Oh look at this darling baby!" Astoria coos as she runs up to Hermione's hospital bed with the biggest bunch of flowers I have ever seen. She throws them on the bed and pushes her face right down in Hermione's chest where she is breastfeeding Rose.

"Did it hurt? Maybe you can give Harper some birthing tips? We've been reading up on it but it's not quite the same as getting real perspectives, don't you agree? Oh look, she's hiccupping! What a darling! Come here, Harper, take a look!"

I hover behind her, throwing an apologetic look at a bewildered looking Hermione and nodding at Ron who is sat in the visitor's chair on Hermione's other side.

"Blimey," Ron breathes, "is she always like this?"

"Sorry," I say, smiling wryly, "she's just excited about the baby."

"We both are, aren't we darling?" Astoria says standing up to look at me.

"Uh -both?" Ron asks, looking slightly startled.

"Hasn't Harper told you?" Astoria asks, looking from Hermione to Ron. "She's agreed to be a prominent part in our child's life. We haven't decided on auntie or godmother yet, though have we? Something we should probably discuss soon, though."

"How does Draco feel about that?" Hermione asks anxiously. "Will he mind?"

"Nonsense! He's a man!" Astoria laughs, "he doesn't care about boring baby stuff. That's for us girls to worry about, isn't it, darling?"

She beams at me, and I suddenly feel very, very uncomfortable with this conversation. I wish she would stop calling me darling like I am her wife.

"This is your baby, Astoria," I remind her. "I'm just the surrogate, although of course I will pop by and say hello sometimes."

If ever.

Rose starts crying and I feel saved. But also I feel like I want to get away. New born babies terrified me. I wouldn't even hold James until he was six months old. I take a step back before Hermione starts offering out cuddles.

Although I know someone who would like a cuddle.

"Come here, my darling," Astoria coos as she scoops up Rose in her arms, and gently cradles her against her. "Oh, you're such a beautiful poppet, aren't you. Oh yes! And I see you have your mummy's beautiful eyes. I wonder if my baby will have Harper's eyes? She has beautiful eyes. Oh, and her raven hair. I've always wanted a baby with raven hair. Gorgeous, beautiful hair just like Harper's."

Ron quickly stands up. "Um- I think I better take her now. That's a 'I want my daddy' cry."

He hurriedly rescues his tiny daughter from Astoria's manic ramblings.

"I tell you what," Astoria says, clapping her hands together. "Why don't Harper and I go and find us some teas? I mean, I know it ought to be champagne really, but what with both Hermione and Harper having to abstain, it wouldn't be fair if we guzzled the whole lot."

She giggles at Ron, who still looks rather taken aback.

"Even better," Hermione says, sitting up, "Ron, hand me back Rose and you can escort Astoria. I'd like to have a bit of a catch up with Harper."

Ron looks terrified by this prospect and begins to protest. But as soon as he places Rose back in Hermione's embrace, Astoria links her arm in his and drags him away.

I breathe a sigh of relief and mouth 'thank you' at Hermione before collapsing in the chair Ron was in.

"Merlin, Harper," Hermione gushed, "I hadn't realised Astoria was quite so full on before. She is acting as though you two are having this baby, together. Does Draco even factor into this in her mind?"

I shake my head, my heart squeezing at the thought of the white-blond haired man. It has been a month since we said goodbye and my heart does not seem to be healing in the slightest. So much for the connection fizzing out - it feels stronger than ever.

"She's exhausting me, Hermione. She won't leave me alone for a single second. I know her heart's in the right place, but I am starting to feel suffocated. She insists I attend all her family dinners back at the Greengrass manor with her parents. They treat me like an in-law. She treats me like a wife. I don't think she's even mentioned Draco once, and as far as I know - and remember she never leaves my side - she doesn't even call him and update him on the pregnancy."

My heart twists as I think of the number sitting in my phone contacts. I haven't used it yet, even though I have been sorely tempted. But how would I ever explain it to Astoria?

"What about the scans?" Hermione asks, "will he attend them?"

I shrug. "Astoria initially said he would. But who knows if he even wants to? He was so upset with my decision to go ahead with the surrogacy."

"Oh, Harper. You do get yourself in such crazy situations. I wish you would just find a nice boy and settle down."

"Ugh, you are sounding just like Ginny now." I mutter, huffily crossing my arms over my chest. "It must be the effect of having a baby. How was the birth, by the way? Painless?"

"Um, I'm not sure if I should tell you to be honest, given your condition."

"Wow that makes me feel really reassured. Thanks, Hermione."

"Oh, okay, it's dreadfully painful. But it's all worth it when you- when you-"

"Have a bottle of tequila?" I finish for her. "Fuck, I wont even be able to do that. I've got to express like a cow in a shed for two months."

"Look, I do feel for you. But as you keep telling us, you knew what you were signing up for." Hermione sighs, reaching out to touch my arm. "But it will be worth it, because you will have given someone their dream come true. Plus, you'll have all that gold!"

Big house, bottle of tequila and no screaming babies.

What more could a girl ask for?

*****

The day of my first scan arrives - the three month appointment.

"Are we meeting Draco there?" I ask Astoria as casually as I can as we put on our coats.

She looks momentarily confused, as though trying to place the name.

"Your husband?" I prompt. "The baby's father?"

Realisation floods her face. "Oh! Of course. How silly of me. Would you believe I completely forgot to let him know. Oh, well. He won't really miss this. All he will see is a blob at this stage."

"Astoria," I say, trying not to sound irritated at her complete dismissiveness of Draco. "You really should let him know. This is his baby too."

"Oh, alright." Astoria huffs, removing her phone from her pocket. "Let's hope our baby gets your integrity. You obviously have shed loads."

Hmmm, that's debateable.

To my surprise, she doesn't phone him but instead sends a text.

"What if he doesn't get it in time?"

"What else is he going to be doing?" she laughs. "All he does is mooch around feeling sorry for himself. It will be the highlight of his day receiving a text message."

"Or seeing his child for the first time?"

"Yes, that. His child." There is a bitterness in her voice I've never heard before. I realise she is really resentful of Draco's involvement in this whole arrangement.

I decide I will make excuses to go to the toilet once we get to the hospital and call Draco from there. I know he will want to be there. He's already admitted he's feeling pushed out as it is. And now I am starting to see what he means.

But when we arrive at the hospital, Draco is already there, relief flooding his face as he sees us arrive.

"For fuck's sake, Astoria," he sneers, "you could have given me more warning. I could have been busy!"

"You're never busy, Draco," Astoria says, not looking in the slightest bit perturbed by her husband's anger as she pushes past him toward the elevators.

Sighing, he looks at me, and my heart instantly contracts as his face softens, silver eyes twinkling in mine.

"It's good to see you, Harper." He murmers.

"I'm sorry," I quickly say, trying so hard not to dive into his arms. "I didn't realise she hadn't told you."

"It's okay, you don't have to apologise." Draco says. "You look really well, by the way."

I find the heat rise to my face. My heart cannot stop fluttering and my entire body seems to gravitate closer and closer to him.

"Harper!"

I jump as Astoria calls me. I look guiltily away from Draco.

"The doors are open and we need to get moving!"

I look over to her to see her standing angrily inside an elevator, her finger pressed on the hold button.

"After you, Snow," Draco says, a ghost of a smirk flickering at his lips.

*****