When I return to the manor, I go straight to my room and frantically pack, hoping against hope that Draco will stay away.

But it isn't long until there is a knock at my door. My heart thuds in my chest as I quickly kick my suitcase under the bed and throw myself down on the mattress, curling up into a ball, praying he will go away.

Another knock. And when I still don't answer, the door creaks open.

"Harper?" His voice is full of concern as he softly closes the door behind him. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I close my eyes and curl myself up further. I don't have the energy for this conversation. I know I'm too weak to face him.

Silently, Draco crosses the room and sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to stroke my hair.

"I've missed you," he murmurs gently.

I squeeze my eyes shut further. I am desperate to tell him I missed him too, but I'm too afraid to speak in case I say too much.

"Harper," he says softly. "What is it?"

"I can't do this anymore, Draco." I say, my own words killing me as they fall from my lips.

His hand freezes. "What do you mean?"

I sit up and turn to face him, and at once I can see the panicked expression in his eyes. It takes everything not to throw my arms around his neck and pepper kisses all over his face.

"I mean," I say, trying to choose my words carefully. "I can't continue to have sex with you with the intention of making a child for your wife."

Draco sucks in a sharp breath, his face falling. "You're not serious? Please, Harper, tell me you're not serious?"

I look up at him, tears in my eyes. "I'm not the right person to give you a child, Draco. I thought I was, but I can't - I just can't do this-"

He silences me by clasping a hand behind my head and pressing a kiss to my lips. I want to surrender, to kiss him back and get lost in him. But another part of me takes over.

"Draco, no!" I gasp, pushing him away.

He looks back at me, hurt in his eyes.

"Please," he begs, reaching out for my hands, "don't walk away from this, Harper. I need you."

I close my eyes, his words tearing me apart. "I'm sorry, Draco. But I've decided not to continue with the surrogacy. What we're doing is not fair to Astoria. I'm leaving."

He pulls his arms around me, and this time I don't push him away. I hold him tightly back; afraid I will never let him go. I can feel the fast pound of his heart beneath his chest, matching my own.

I'm absolutely terrified of how I feel, and even more terrified of hurting those around me.

"Please stay," Draco says, kissing the top of my head. "I just want one more night with you. Please."

His fingers cup my chin, and he tilts up my face, bringing his lips down upon mine. He kisses me softly, sweetly, tenderly. It's a heart-breaking kiss and makes me feel so sad.

When he undresses me, he does so with care, kissing me, touching me, and drinking in every part of me with his eyes.

When he fucks me, he is slow and sensual, unlike the frenzied fucks of last month. He takes his time with me, moving painstakingly slowly as he pushes in and out of me.

When he climaxes, he grabs my face and holds my gaze, sadness flickering in his eyes.

The following morning, I slip carefully out from his arms, trying not to disturb him.

And then I grab my suitcase and leave.

*****

Ron and Hermione's spare bedroom is no longer a spare bedroom but a nursery ready for the arrival of their unborn daughter.

Luckily, it has a sofa bed, so I sleep on that.

I spend days just sleeping, feeling utterly heart broken. Ron and Hermione leave me to it, never pressuring me to go and find a job.

"What will you do long term?" Ginny asks when she visits for a coffee two weeks after I walked out of the manor. "Hermione is almost due, surely they'll need the nursery at a moment's notice?"

"Hermione assured me that for the first few months the baby will be sleeping next to them in their bedroom. It'll give me time to find somewhere."

Ginny looks sadly at me, sighing heavily. "I told you it would end in tears. But thank God you've seen sense and got out. How did Astoria take it?"

I shake my head. "I have no idea. I just left without saying anything. Obviously, I told Draco the night before that I couldn't do it anymore."

"And how did he take it?"

"Not very well. He begged me to stay. He begged me to stay for him."

"For fuck's sake," Ginny mutters, wrinkling her nose. "Talk about sending mixed messages. No. You made the right decision by getting away from that toxic family. Next time, let me pick the job."

"Ugh, don't remind me." I say, scrunching up my face, exhausted by the idea of finding another job. "I'll wait until I feel better. I've not really had the energy to get out of bed this last week. Ron thinks I've got the flu and is making me stay well away from Hermione. It does mean he's been bringing me meals to my room though. Not that I've been able to stomach much."

Ginny looks at me wide eyed, her mouth falling open. "Merlin, Harper, you don't think you might be pregnant?"

I shake my head. "No, the test came back negative. Marge says it's fail proof."

"Sometimes these things can take a few days to show. My first test was negative when I was pregnant with James. It took five more until I had a clear positive result."

My stomach squirms uneasily. "But this was not one of those pee on a stick test. It was a magic test."

But then, with a sinking horror, I recall how Draco and I had sad goodbye sex after the test. All those times we had sex in that first month and nothing came of it. Was it really likely that that one time would have worked?

I suddenly feel sick. Leaping up, I run to the kitchen sink only just in time and vomit up my guts.

When I finish, I shakily splash my face with cold water, taking gasping deep breaths.

I turn around and Ginny is sat there, an unopened pregnancy test in her hand. "I always carry one around with me since Harry and I started trying again. But I think you might need it right now, don't you?"

*****

"Oh, fucking shit."

Ginny looks over my shoulder and sees the result of the pregnancy test in my shaking hand. Two good solid clear lines.

I cannot believe it. I make my decision to leave, and this happens?

"What are you going to do?" Ginny asks, her eyes widening in astonishment. "Holy shit, you're pregnant with a Malfoy."

"WHAT?!"

Ginny and I whirl around to see Ron standing in the open bathroom doorway, a very fed up looking Hermione behind him.

"Fucking hell, Ron," Ginny splutters at him. "Have you never heard of knocking?!"

"THIS IS MY HOUSE AND MY HEAVILY PREGNANT WIFE NEEDS TO PISS RIGHT NOW!"

Hermione rushes in behind him, already pulling down her leggings. Ginny and I hurry out, not wanting to witness anything further.

"WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN I'M FINISHED!" Hermione calls behind us as we firmly the shut the door on her.

"She'll be ages," Ron mutters, shaking his head. "Mark my words, she has a bladder the size of a Quidditch pitch."

I'm not really listening. Instead, I go over to the sofa and slump heavily down, wanting to sob.

"This is all such a fucking mess," I groan, pressing a hand to my forehead. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" I wave the stick in the air.

"Uh- put it in the bin?" Ron unhelpfully suggests.

"You better be talking about the test," Ginny glowers at him. "And not what I think you're suggesting."

"I don't know, wouldn't be such a bad idea," Ron snarls. "That ferret isn't fit to be a father."

"Can you stop this?" I say in exasperation. "I'm not having a termination. This is not exactly an accident. It's what Astoria really wants more than anything in the world and I have it right here."

Ginny closes her eyes. "Good god, no, please, Harper," she says, her voice strained. "You're not seriously considering going ahead with this sick arrangement, are you? What about your feelings for Draco?"

I sigh, throwing my head back, trying to think straight. "You know, everyone kept saying that there was a risk I would end up feeling something for Draco. But maybe they are right: I'm just getting confused. You know, like when patients think they are in love with their therapists. Transference I think it's called. It's not real love, but as a result of sharing intimate details of their lives."

"Ron, say something smart!" Ginny hisses, smacking her brother's arm. "Say anything to stop her going ahead with this mad plan!"

"It's not mad," I say as Ron rubs his arm, looking pissed off. "Surrogacy helps people like Astoria to have children. When I answered the advert, I knew what I was doing. She has already paid me for the conception, and now I need to see it through. For Astoria, and for the promise I made to her."

"Hermione, will you hurry up!" Ron hollers, banging on the bathroom door. "We are royally screwing things up out here!"

But it doesn't matter what Hermione has to say, my mind is made up. I suddenly feel a flutter of excitement at the thought of telling Astoria that she's going to have a baby.

"I've got to go," I say, standing up. "I need to let them know."

Ron and Ginny both looked utterly panicked, their eyes wildly darting back to the bathroom door.

"Please, at least stay here until the month is up." Ginny begs. "You still have two weeks to go. If you go back now, Draco will be expecting sex and will confuse your feelings further."

"But he won't need to do it anymore," Ron frowns, rubbing his chin.

"Oh, don't be so dense, Ron," Ginny scoffs, rolling her eyes, "He's a man. Of course he's going to still want sex."

"If that's so," Ron argues back, "then why has he not been knocking down my front door to get to her?"

"Um- maybe because he's respecting my choice to stay away?" I offer. "Not all men are like you and Harry."

"Oh, please do not compare that adultering ferret to us! We are war heroes!"

"Give it a rest, Ronald," Hermione says as she finally steps out of the bathroom, tucking in her shirt. "Being a war hero has nothing to do with it. This is about Harper and her desire to give a childless woman a baby of her own. But I do agree with Ginny in that Harper would be better off staying here until Astoria returns. It's clear that Draco's involvement from now on is going to cause more anguish and confusion."

She is right, I know. Letting Draco know now might be dangerous. If he asks me to run away with him then I'm scared I will not hesitate to agree, confusing my feelings for love.

Besides, I don't want a baby. I don't want to be a mother. And Draco will just have to accept that.

******