My weekend away with Astoria is tainted completely by the feelings I am harboring for her husband.

"It'll all work out fine," she reassures me as we lay on loungers by the poolside, sipping 'super' smoothies. "I can feel it in my waters. You'll be pregnant soon enough."

I smile, but try as I might, it doesn't reach my eyes.

"What are you expecting from me after the surrogacy is over?" I ask, not sure why I am asking this question or what I want as an answer from it. "Do you want me to stay away?"

"Oh my gosh, never!" Astoria gasps, reaching out to grasp my hand in hers. "Yes, at first my plan was to cut the surrogate out as soon as the adoption papers are signed. But I could never do that to you. I would love it if you could be a sort of honorary auntie to my child. Maybe even a godmother? It would make me so happy."

I feel that same swoop of sickness, Marge's words of warning swimming in my ears.

"Of course," I say weakly. "I'd love that."

When the weekend is over, instead of returning to the manor - to Draco - I go straight to Ron and Hermione's.

"Harper!" Hermione gushes, her belly now so huge she looks ready to pop. "You look dreadful! What's happened?"

Instead of answering her, I fall into her arms and sob my heart out.

I sense her frantically gesticulate to Ron to put the kettle on.

"Now, now," she says, ushering me to the sofa in her living room. "Let it all out. No judgements here."

I want to laugh out loud. I've received nothing but judgement since this whole shit show began.

"Shall I call Ginny?" She asks. "She will love to see you, I know."

I shake my head, wiping my eyes. "Please, don't. I couldn't stand her 'I told you' face."

"Oh, Harper," Hermione says sadly, her face full of kindness and compassion. "You've fallen for him, haven't you?"

I nod, crying harder. "There's no outcome I want." I sob. "I don't want to let down Astoria but at the same time, I don't want to be without Draco."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Ron groans as he enters with a tray laden with teacups and a steaming teapot. "Please don't tell me you're actually in love with the ferret?"

"Ronald!" Hermione scolds. "Now is not the time! This is why she came to us and not your sister!"

"Well, Ginny won't be happy," Ron scoffs as he slams the tray down upon the coffee table. "I'm telling you that now. She told you so!"

"Just leave, Ron." Hermione warns. "And don't come back unless you're bringing the good biscuits."

He swiftly leaves, and I finally wipe my tears dry and look up into Hermione's face. "What have I done?" I whisper. "I can't go back. It's such a mess. Astoria is expecting me to continuing having sex with Draco but every moment I spend with him, I fall in love with him a little more."

"Do you think he feels the same?"

I shrug, a fresh wave of tears falling. "Maybe. But it's not real. It's just a connection we've formed through sex. Everyone warned me this would happen, and it has. I've only myself to blame."

"Are you sure it's not real? I mean, I have a lot of sex with Ron and to be honest all it's doing is sending me the opposite way- Ronald! I said the good biscuits!"

Ron, who has just entered the room, looks down at the packet of biscuits in his hand. "What's wrong with custard creams?"

He scurries back out under Hermione's furious glare.

I laugh, running a hand over my face to wipe my tears. "You know," I say, going back to our conversation, "as good as it was, the best times were not even when we were having sex, but when we were connecting in between."

"What do you mean?"

"He gets me, Hermione. He gets me in a way no one else ever has. The sex is great, but it is nothing compared to the moments in between."

Hermione looks at me, and I can see it in her expression without her saying anything.

"You need to go back and talk to him, Harper." She says gently reaching out to rub my shoulder. "You cannot possibly carry on with this surrogacy if this is how you feel."

My heart twists unpleasantly. "But Astoria. What about Astoria? She's expecting me to have her baby."

"All I can find are wagon wheels," Ron says, stomping back into the room. "I wouldn't exactly classify them as a biscuit, but if you snap them in half, you should be able to dunk them in your tea. Good enough for you, my darling wife?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Ronald," Hermione splutters, shooting daggers at her husband. "Take a hint and piss off to the shops, would you? I'm trying to have a private conversation with Harper."

Ron grumbles to himself as he slopes back out of the room, shutting the door a little too loudly behind him.

Hermione looks back at me, biting her lower lip, as though considering her answer. "I think you've dodged a major bullet. It sounds like it would be dangerous to go ahead with the surrogacy given your feelings for Draco. Merlin, thank goodness it didn't work. Go back, collect your things and bring them back here. You can move in with us while we help get your life back on track. And I really think you should keep your distance from the Malfoys."

I know she's right. I just don't know if I have the strength to walk away.

*****

Draco POV

"What's up with you, man?" Blaise mutters, shaking his head in disbelief. "Since when were you one to turn down a free lap dance? Fuck, did you not see those tits?"

Draco shrugs, taking a long sip of whisky. "I'm just not in the mood for this shit tonight."

Yes, of course he noticed the tits. He's a man, after all. But the idea of allowing another woman to writhe around on his lap made him feel, for the first time, sordid. He wouldn't say he had been exactly faithful to Astoria in the past, but she pretty much encouraged him to release his sexual desires elsewhere. They didn't even share a bedroom, for fuck's sake, let alone a bed.

So, strippers it was. And he paid them to take him to one of the private rooms out the back where he managed to get some release.

But now it is the last thing he wants. All he can picture is Harper's face and the idea of being with another woman makes him feel like he would be cheating on her.

"It was your suggestion." Blaise drawls, bringing his bottle of beer to his lips.

"Actually," Draco mutters, sitting back in his seat, "it was Astoria's."

Blaise chuckles, shaking his head. "Man, I can't believe you have a wife who lets you fuck around. So many dudes would kill to be in your place."

Draco experiences a spark of irritation. "You know my marriage is not a conventional one."

"Like fuck no, she's literally paying for you to have your own live in whore."

"Don't call her that."

"Well, you've been fucking her, haven't you?"

Draco grits his teeth. "Yes."

"And you're paying her for this service?"

"She's a surrogate. She's not a whore."

Blaise just raises his eyebrows and sits back to take another swig of his beer. "Fuck man, you're not supposed to fall in love with them."

Draco looks up sharply. "I didn't say anything about love."

"You don't have to. It's written all over your face. You're love sick. There's all these half naked fit birds around us and I can see it in your eyes that all you see is her."

Harper.

Draco's heart immediately constricts. Blaise is right, he doesn't want to be here. The only woman he wants to be around is her.

"The thing is," Draco says slowly, deciding he may as well confide in someone before he goes mad in his own head. "I really want her to get pregnant. Only, not for the right reasons."

"Fuck. Are you sure you're not just confusing good sex for something else? I mean, I take it the sex is good?"

"You're not getting details, Zabini." Draco scowls. And then his face softens as he really thinks about what Harper means to him. "But yes... it's very good. But it's not just that. It's more than that. It's those other moments, you know? Sharing a meal, taking a walk... simply being with her. The sex is fucking amazing, but it's those moments I wake up for every morning."

"Ah," Blaise says, his eyes glinting knowingly. "The moments in between."

*****