Draco is no longer in my bed when my eyes flutter open on the morning of the test.

I feel disappointed and empty. I was hoping to wake up in his arms one last time. If I am indeed pregnant, then he will be moving out today, and Astoria will be taking his place.

I honestly do not know how I can face her. I am essentially having an affair with her husband. Even though she had consented to the sex and everything that comes with it, it was always purely based on doing our best to conceive her child.

A feeling of nausea swoops through me as I sit up. I panic. Does this mean I'm pregnant? It wouldn't be a long shot after all the unprotected sex Draco and I have indulged in over the past month.

I shower and get dressed, constantly looking for signs of pregnancy. But the nausea doesn't last, and it can easily be caused by my nervousness anyway.

Draco is in the kitchen when I enter, his mother sitting at the table while he prepares coffee.

He glances up at me but says nothing.

"Good morning, Harper," Narcissa says, "so today is the big day, I understand. Draco is making the coffee. Please sit down and he'll bring you one."

I nod, walking over to the table to take a vacant chair.

"What time is Astoria arriving?" I ask, my stomach squirming unpleasantly at the thought of seeing her again.

"Any moment, now," Narcissa says, eyeing me carefully. "She is very anxious about this test."

"So am I," I laugh nervously, hugging my elbows.

There will be no pissing on a stick for me. Marge has a rare magic test which will determine if I am pregnant, even if conception happened five minutes prior to it. 

Draco walks over and places a decaf coffee down in front of me, our eyes meeting ever so briefly. I simply cannot read what is going through his mind.

"Thank you," I say just as the kitchen door flies open.

I look up to see a beaming Astoria hurry towards me, her face both anxious and joyful all at once.

"Oh, Harper, darling, how I've missed you!" she says, leaning down to wrap her skinny arms around me.

I am completely overwhelmed by her enthusiastic greeting. Especially when she unravels her arms and takes the seat next to me, reaching out to clasp my hands in hers as her big round eyes look up at me with pure hope.

"Do you think...?" she asks, trailing off as though the question alone will jinx it.

"I think we should wait until the test," I say quietly and guiltily. "It's best not to get our hopes up."

"Oh, you're absolutely right, of course," Astoria says quickly. "I just couldn't sleep last night I was so excited. Is Marge ready, do you know?"

"She's expecting us up in her office after we finish our coffee," Draco says rather stiffly, walking back over to place a steaming mug in front of Astoria.

I notice he avoids looking anywhere near me.

"Oh, I just can't wait!" Astoria sighs, "it's been an excruciatingly long month. I thought I might possibly go mad!"

I look down at my coffee, guilt swirling in my stomach.

"It's not exactly been a bed of roses here," Narcissa sniffs, picking up her coffee mug. "It's not natural for a wife to be absent for so long. Especially in place of another woman."

"Mother." Draco warns, his voice dangerous. "Don't start this again."

Narcissa rolls her eyes and makes an exaggerated zipping motion across her mouth. "Fine, I'll just sit here and silently watch your marriage implode. Don't mind me. I only gave birth to you."

These words are not the best choice in the present circumstances, but no one seems to react.

Half an hour later, Astoria, Draco and I are sitting across from Marge at her desk. Narcissa went back to bed, claiming she couldn't deal with our shit.

I wish I could have done the same.

However, I am sitting here, holding my breath as Marge reads the result of my pregnancy test.

"Negative."

The atmosphere in the room seems to freeze. I blink, shocked, trying desperately to take in what this result means. I dare not look up at Draco whose reaction I want to see the most.

"What?" Astoria gasps breaking the silence. "This can't be."

"It's not unusual," Marge explains, her voice steady and calm. "Even the most fertile of people can take a couple of months to conceive."

But Astoria doesn't seem to listen, instead she turns to me, her face crumpled by the news, tears swimming in her eyes. "Are you sure you've been doing it enough?"

I wish so much in that moment that Draco isn't in the room. Because the truth is, we've possibly been doing it too much. And I feel so ashamed.

"I'm sorry," I say, looking anywhere but at Draco.

"We'll try another month as promised," Astoria says, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "We can't possibly give up yet."

My heart twists quite unpleasantly. I cannot help but be upset that I'm not pregnant for poor Astoria. But I am torn because on the plus side it means I get another month with Draco.

And also, there is the sickening realization that if I don't deliver (literally) by the end of the second month, then Draco will be moving onto the next surrogate.

The idea makes my stomach writhe with a jealousy I never knew existed.

"Maybe take a couple of days off," Marge suggests, looking across at the three of us. "The pressure is known not to help."

Astoria nods quite energetically. "Yes, that sounds like a great idea." She reaches out and squeezes my hand, completely ignoring Draco. "We should go on a girls' weekend away. I'll treat you to a five star spa getaway."

"Marvelous idea," Marge agrees beaming across the desk at us. "Recharge. Rest those ovaries."

Astoria finally turns to her husband. "What do you think, Draco? Do you mind if I steal Harper away for a couple of days? Perhaps you can take the chance to reconnect with the boys? You haven't seen Blaise in a long while. Have a lads night out at one of those strip clubs you love so much."

Draco morosely shrugs, looking down at the floor. "Yes. Sure. Sounds good."

"Oh, excellent!" Astoria says, clapping her hands together. "You go pack, Harper, and I'll make the arrangements. We'll have such a glorious time!"

She jumps up and leaves the room, her mind only on planning the next step. Draco and I are left with Marge watching us carefully from across the desk.

"Don't confuse your feelings," she says, quite to my surprise. "Sex is an intimate act which can create false connections. I advised Astoria otherwise, but she insisted it be this way. Take a break from each other. It will help you sort your heads out."

Without a word, Draco gets to his feet and walks out.

I look at Marge, for the first time seeing someone human and compassionate. "I'm scared." I find myself admitting. "I never expected it to be this way."

Marge looks down at her desk, sighing heavily. "Please tread carefully, my dear. Think about what you'll be giving up. I've seen this this sort of thing happen first hand. You think your heart will be torn over him, but just wait until it's torn over your own child. Nothing compares to it. Nothing."

The nausea churns back inside of me. I now know this isn't morning sickness, but a sickness of knowing the heartache I'm allowing myself to walk into.

But, try as I might, I cannot help but keep walking.

******