"Wow." We were standing before the towering gates of Malfoy Manor. It was nearly akin to Hogwarts. Okay, perhaps that was an overstatement, but it surely felt big. Big and intimidating. I grew up in a mansion myself, and yet it was a shack compared to this.

It had been about eleven years since I'd last been here for one of the Pure Blood family parties. It sent an unsettling shiver down my spine; how had so much changed since then?

It felt wrong, bizarre to see Draco here; he was so different than that boy I'd met all those years ago, he was changed. Not to mention the entire premise of our trip -- that we were together.

It was easy to forget the fact he was a Malfoy, the fact he came from all this. My mother and father had always hoped Daphne would marry him (despite her plainly telling them that would never happen). Me being the one here was the crude humor of fate. A juxtaposition: the Draco Malfoy everyone saw -- my parents, Daphne, the Malfoys -- and the Draco I knew; my Draco.

He let out an uneasy sigh. I looked at him, silently asking him what was wrong. He looked out at the fortress of a house distastefully. "It just feels weird, you know, having you here, seeing the whole" -- he gestured his hand toward the house -- "Malfoy thing."

I looked in his eyes, no longer clear, but stormy, uncertain. A pause. I felt a pang of guilt, knowing I was just thinking the exact thoughts that were causing his turmoil. I searched for the right words. I attempted to vanquish my nerves, put on a brave, calm face for him.

"You had to suffer through meeting my parents and they're," I laughed, "mental." He let out an exhale, a kind of small laugh. "I swear, whatever they're like, I won't hold it against you." I said it with a lightness, a breeziness, but I meant it entirely. He looked slightly relieved, but still unconvinced, meaning all I'd managed to do was suppress his emotions, not calm them.

"You ready?"

I did a half nod, half shrug thing, with an artificial smile. He took my hand and pulled me through the gates. Literally pulled me through, like we were smoke or ghosts.

My eyes widened with surprise, and he made a small smirk.

My heart was pounding, my legs felt like jelly, and my hands were shaking. I was about to have dinner with proud, blood-purist, ex-death eaters. I tried my best to push the thoughts from my mind, but what else was there to think about?

He opened the door and I was washed with nostalgia. The house had hardly changed at all.

There they were, walking toward us. I was taken aback at first -- they couldn't have been much older than my parents, but they had aged tremendously since the last time I saw them. I knew it was over a decade ago, but still, it was almost illogical.

Deep lines etched both their faces, sallow skin and purple bags beneath his eyes made Lucius look sickly, ill. Narcissa wasn't so much infirm as she was frazzled. Her eyes were jumpy, but bright, her smile wavering constantly.

"Draco," she said, a happy light in her eyes, which then moved to me. "Oh! Astoria, it's been ages and, oh, you look lovely, doesn't she Lucius?" She turned to her husband, who nodded, a bored distant look in his eyes, a fake smile that resembled a scowl on his lips.

I smiled as sincerely as I could. "Thank you, Mrs. Malfoy, you look lovely as well." My voice came out meeker, shyer than I'd intended.

"Oh, please, call me Narcissa," she said. I nodded, still sporting a smile. She took my shivering hand and walked me into the dinning room. The house seemed to somehow get even colder the further you progressed. Draco gave his father a nervous smile, unable to hold eye contact with him, and followed us.

We entered a dark room, bar the white-gray light fanning through the long windows. In the center lay a long table with a plethora of chairs on either side. Narcissa pulled a chair out and stood beside it, flourishing her hand, motioning for me to sit.

"Oh, thank you," I said, sitting down. Draco took the seat beside me without a word. Narcissa sat across from me, and to my dismay, Lucius took the head of the table which happened to be on my other side. I silently wished I could go back in time and take Draco's current spot, to be as far from Lucius as possible (unless of course I could go sit at the opposite end of the table, nice and distanced). The man was utterly frightening.

A silence. A loud, long, dreadful silence. Narcissa's lips were in a quivering smile, her eyes eager and fidgety.

My own mouth was also in a smile, a small one that was starting to cause an ache in my cheeks. My shaking hands lay in my lap awkwardly, my shoulders tense despite my attempts to relax them.

Draco had an apprehensive expression on his face, his eyes twinkled with a pleading look, his lips just barely parted. I wanted to kick him under the table, asking him to break the silence, but that would be painfully obvious -- and besides, I was slightly paralyzed by Lucius.

He was studying me, his one brow raised higher than the other, a bored, glowering expression. I tried to look at Narcissa, or atleast the stretch of table before her, my eyes darting back and forth between the two.

"So. . . " Narcissa finally said. "Would you like something to drink? Tea --"

"Brandy," Lucius said in a firm, curt voice. Narcissa shot him an unwavering glare, he challenged her with an equally strong, but expectant, threatening look.

"Uh, tea would be lovely," I said in a hurried voice, trying to stop whatever was happening between the pair. They were still glaring at each other, her nostrils flared with anger, when she turned to Draco, all traces of the argument vanquished from her face. It was actually mildly impressive.

"How about you Draco? Tea?" He nodded. I was getting increasingly annoyed with him. Why wasn't he saying anything? She left the room swiftly, leaving us three silent in her wake. She hurried back in with a pot and three black and gold tea cups on a silver tray, and set them in the center of our congregation.

The only sound in the room was the dribble and splash of tea pouring into each of the cups, and her voice, "Sugar, dear?"

"Oh, yes please. Thank you," I said as she dropped two sugar cubes into one of the cups. She set it before me. "Thank you," I said again, whispering slightly this time, embarrassed at the amount of 'thank yous' I'd said already.

After she'd fixed her and Draco's tea (neither of them took sugar), she reluctantly left the room again, and came back with a glass full of a deep amber colored liquid, Lucius' alcohol. It made sense then, his appearance; he was an alcoholic. I didn't blame him -- if I had been in such close proximity to You-Know-Who, I probably would've gotten into the habit of numbing too.

More silence.

I lifted the cup to my lips, sipping some as silently as humanly possible. My hands were still shaking, so I set the cup down immediately before anyone could notice.

After placing her cup down gingerly, Narcissa said, "So, Astoria, how are your parents?"

I had to decide on how to answer in a split second.

Did I lie, and give a vague answer on how they're doing fine, a conversation that could only last seconds? Or, do I say something of the truth; they're both a mess, broken after Daphne. Maybe if I was in someone else's house, but that choice would only lead down to how Daphne died, and I'm not sure that'd be an appropriate conversation considering I was the only one without a Dark Mark at the table.

"They're well. . . ." I searched for something else to add, "Driving each other mental though, but, well." It earned a laugh from Naricssa, and a raise of the corners of Lucius' mouth. It wasn't completely true though.

Sure, they quarreled plenty, they were very different people, but they'd never been closer than now. They needed each other to get though. They were prepared to lose one child, and that was hard enough. But now, they realized they would soon be all each other had. Nonetheless, it broke the silence for a moment, so the lie was worth it.
We all sat still, my words hanging and lingering in the silent air after they were said. A smile still lingered on Narcissa's lips. "Well" -- she cleared her throat -- "I'm sure dinner is ready -- Lucius, help me, would you?" She looked at her husband. He made a small grunting noise as he stood, and Narcissa smiled at me again. It was starting to make me uncomfortable, well, more uncomfortable.

They were out of the room, and Draco and I were left alone. "Your parents are driving each other mental?" he asked.

I shrugged. I wasn't in the mood to explain myself to him. He was drumming his fingers on the table -- he always did that when he was nervous. But why was he nervous? They were his parents! Narcissa and I were the only two with the right to be nervous, the only two actually making an effort.

They came back in, a large roasted chicken on an ornate dish in Lucius' hands, and two smaller dishes--one with potatoes, one with different vegetables, in Narcissa's hands.

"Wow -- it looks delicious," I said once they'd set the plates down. Narcissa waved her wand and in came a stack of napkins and silverware through the air. They were set neatly in front of each of us. Lucius cut the chicken and put a piece on each of our plates. I was the only one who said thank you, which made me even more (if that was even possible at this point) uncomfortable.

We all settled on our food, chewing quietly. I flinched with each clatter of silverware against porcelain I managed to create.

Halfway through, Narcissa asked, "So, how did " -- she motioned her finger between Draco and I -- "this happen?" She lifted her tea cup to her pursed lips, which bore a mischievous little smile.

"Oh, well, you know, we got closer as friends, and then one day. . . ."

"At um, at Hogsmeade. . . ." Draco finished, us looking at each other. She nodded with each word.

"Oh, Hogsmeade, Lucius and I used to go on dates in Hogsmeade all the time when we were younger." She smiled at us, then turned to her husband.

He nodded too, a fake smiled on his tired face. Then, his expression contorted, and he sighed. "One of the only pure places left, I'm afraid."

Narcissa nodded her head in agreement, a solemn, pompous look on her tired face. She then shook her head and said, "So sad, isn't it?" She was looking at me. She expected my answer.

They were asking my opinion of muggles.

Not really asking, per say, but solidifying what they expected, a shared belief. Something I didn't have to offer.

I was cross with Draco at the moment, but it didn't matter, only one thought was flashing in my mind: Don't screw this up for him.

So I made a small "Hm" noise in my throat. There, that was my answer.

"They really are taking over," Narcissa said in a troubled voice.

Lucius sighed and rested his chin on his knuckle. "Don't speak like that, Narcissa."

She exhaled, a cheerful glimmer returning to her eyes as she focused on Draco and I. "That is why moments like this" -- she motioned to us with her hand -- "are so precious. The assurance of a strong future."

I tried to smile, but I suppose my fear shone through, because at that moment, Lucius' gaze was fixated on me, cocking his head to the side. In a gravelly and monotonous voice, he said, "You do share in our beliefs, don't you, Astoria?" There was an incredulous glimmer in his mean, squinty eyes, juxtaposed with the feigning tone in his voice.

I felt my heartbeat in my throat, rapid and trembling. I saw Draco tense from my peripheral vision. I clamped my jaw to stop my teeth from chattering. "Uh-um --" No, I don't. Considering the number of bodies piled up from that exact belief, I'd assumed anyone with an average number of brain cells doesn't think like that any more. But I had to keep up pretense. I didn't want to mess this up for Draco.

"I understand why you fear them, you know. . . the exposure of our world." My voice was weak and timid, an artificial politeness and a lightness in my tone, desperately trying to smooth this over. I was internally chastising myself with each word, criticizing myself for not just lying, and blindly agreeing.

But a thought crossed my mind, something I'd neglected to realize; I didn't plan on marrying Draco -- I didn't want to ruin his life by doing so. So, what did it matter if I said what I really meant? I would probably never see these people again. And, so what if Lucius was an ex-death eater -- it's not like he would hurt me or anything. That's completely ludicrous -- if nothing else, I'm a Greengrass; I was fine.

I cleared my throat, and said with a new confidence, "But I think so long as we're all careful, we can have a new era of peace." I smiled, looking down at my hands, proud of myself. There was no way they could argue with that, right?

Wrong.

When I looked up, it was as if a bomb had gone off, as if I'd just slandered their entire family name. Narcissa's hand was over her heart, her head jerked back in offense. Lucius kept his gaze on me, a cruel confusion twisting his face.

"Our. . . fear? You think we're afraid of muggles?" He said, an incredulous disgust in his words.

"Wha-well, no, I just--"

"You mean to come into my house and lecture me on my. . . fear of muggles?"

I was awestruck. I didn't expect them to be so affronted by my statement -- sure, I'd expected some false-poliet debating, but not the disgust I recieved.

"No, sir, I-I would never try to offend you in such a way--"

"But you would offend the name of wizard by such ignorance. Honestly, you call yourself a pureblood?" There was a calm cruelty in his voice, his words piercing the air in hisses.

That was it. 

I was done. 

Where could the night possibly go from this, other than downhill?

I cleared my throat, looking down at my lap. Then, with a fake, small smile, I looked up at a startled Narcissa, and said, "I'd probably be going now. Thank you for dinner -- it was delicious." I stood up, pushing my chair in silently. "I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, that was by not my intention."

Without another glance at any of them, I walked briskly out of the room, and into the foyer.

A sudden scraping sound, and, "Astoria, wait --"

I was already out of the door, but I left it open for him to come bounding through. He shut it behind him.

He rubbed his eyes. "Astoria, I'm sorry --"

"It's fine," I said coolly.

He looked at me, a desperation in his face and voice, "But what were you thinking?"

My mouth fell open. I clamped it shut tightly.

"What do you mean --" there was a disbelieving shock in my words.

He sighed, "You know how our parents are -- we can't--we can't say things like that --"

"What, that I'm not a Death Eater?" The words came out harsh. They cut deeper than intended. A hurt flashed in his eyes. That was not how I meant it. I didn't mean him. He had to have known I didn't mean him --

I shook my head, exhaling. "Draco, that's not what I meant--" He was looking at the ground. His eyes flickering up at me, an embarrassment in them.

"You know that's not what I meant."

A pause.

I tensed up my shoulders and balled up my fists.

There it was, on the cusp of my mind, ready to spill to my mouth, ready to finally do the right thing.

"I think we should break up." I said it quickly, clearly, my eyes closed tightly.

When I opened them, I was met with his eyes, dulled, stormy, hurt. He shook his head faintly, his lips barely parted. "Wha- Astoria, no --" His voice broke. 

I nodded firmly. This was what I had to do. What I should've done before this happened.

Shoulders back, chest out, chin up. Another pause as I ordered my words. I sighed. "Draco, it's the only thing that makes sense."

"What? No --"

"Yes--"

"You said you wouldn't hold what my parents were like against me. You swore --" his hurt was minced with anger.

"That's not what this is about. . . Draco, think about it. Really think about it. Where is this going?" 

"What do you mean --" but he stopped, maybe searching for words, maybe realizing what I was going to say.

I locked my eyes with his. "I'm dying. I don't know how much longer until --" I sighed, not needing to finish the sentence. "I will never be a normal girlfriend or, or, wife -- I'm not even sure if I'll be able to have kids, and --" My eyes were wide, tears stinging them. He was silent, staring at me with wounded eyes.

"But you have a" -- I motioned my hands out in front of me, -- "whole life. A whole life -- You could" -- I was smiling faintly, looking off now, just past him, -- "get married, and have kids and just -- be happy." I looked into his eyes, mine bright, a smile on my lips. He didn't share in my expression whatsoever.

"And I can't be happy with you?" he said disgruntled.

I looked at him, the shadow of a smirk on my lips, head cocked to the side, I think you already know the answer to that.

"Goodbye, Draco." I said, the tears threatening my eyes.

"Astoria, wait --" but it was too late. I'd already disapparated. I found myself on my front lawn, all alone.

I walked through the front door, my parents sitting in the living room. They looked up, eager and excited. "How'd it go?" my mother asked, setting her book down. There was a giddy smile on her chipper face, like a little girl who knew a juicy secret.

"We broke up." I said it so bluntly, so matter of factly, my mother's head rebounded backwards in shock, her skinny neck rubbered back.

"What?" my father asked.

"Why?" my mother's doe-eyes were wide with shock, her thin face pulled taut.

I shook my head. "I've got to get my things in order to get back to school in the morning." I headed toward the staircase, their eyes following my movements. I was halfway up the stairs when I turned to them and said, still disorientated, "Uh, goodnight."

I shut my bedroom door, my hand lingering on the nob. I turned, my back to the cool wood, leaning on it for support as tears poured from my eyes. I cupped my face in my hands, and the cold metal heart on my necklace grazed the skin of my forearm, sending a shock through the area. I stared at it, unsure. But I couldn't bring myself to take it off.