Chapter 33

Cracks on the Surface

Kanina pa naghihintay si Nika ng text o tawag galing kay Miko. She couldn't quite concentrate on the last machine problem they did for AdMath. Although she knows she's had it figured out, she still wants to ace the exam tomorrow without breaking a sweat.

Napalingon siya sa gawi ni Mithi. Silang dalawa pa lang ang nasa dorm ngayon. Only because Lana went out with Laslo for dinner. Pero sigurado siyang utos lang din 'yon ng tatay niya.

Nika shook her head. Her friend was really living in her imaginary wasteland for that man. Pero hindi niya rin naman masisi si Lana.

The numbers, the formula, and the codes were beginning to swirl inside her head. She knew how the program should go, she knew what to type next, but all she could think of was Miko. If he's mad at her, or if he meant what he said earlier that she shouldn't go to their office for lunch tomorrow.

Nika nibbled inside her cheek, picking up her phone to call Andy.

"Hello?" his cousin answered on the second ring.

"Hi, Andy! Pinsan mo?" Nika toggled on her trackpad, minimizing the program before shutting her laptop close.

"Oh! I think he's in his room. 'Di niya ako sinabayan ng dinner kanina. I really think he's taking it badly." She could clearly recognize the worry in Andy's tone.

'Di sumabay ng dinner? Edi hindi pa kumakain?

"P'wede ko bang matanong kung ano 'yong nangyari?"

Andy sighed on the other line. "Okay! I will tell you but it's a secret lang ha?"

Nika nodded. "Sige."

"He came in late last time, napagalitan siya ni Atty. Miranda do'n. And then kanina kasi, may error lang sa isang email, hindi niya nasama 'yong isang attachment na hindi rin nabanggit ni Attorney na kailangang i-send, so ayun, Atty. Miranda said if hindi ba dapat automatic 'yon and he said Kenny's incompetence was astounding. Late na nga raw, tapos kailangan pang palaging sinasabihan sa gagawin."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Teka, late? Kailan ba siya na-late?"

"Oh, that time na wala dapat kaming work tapos biglang nagpa-emergency meeting si Attorney."

Her eyes widened. That time?

"Ah . . ." Napalunok si Nika.

That time was the day he decided to stay with her for a while. Hindi nabanggit ni Miko sa kanya na napagalitan pala siya noon.

"I think it really got to him when he was called incompetent. Kasi super punctual talaga ni Kenny and he always prides himself sa mga output niya."

"Kasalanan ko ata," Nika mumbled.

"Hmm? Ano 'yon? I didn't hear you," Andy asked.

"Wala, wala." Napailing si Nika. "P'wede mo ba siya sabihan kung sakali?"

"Sure! What do you want me to tell him?"

"Na kung p'wede mag-message siya sa 'kin?"

"Oh . . ." Andy trailed off. "Hindi pa siya nagme-message sa 'yo?"

"Hindi pa."

"I see. Sige, I'll tell him."

Nika was fiddling with her cuticles when Andy said, "I texted him na, he also replied. Sabi niya okay."

But five minutes had passed since her phone call with Andy, ten, and even twenty, but Miko hasn't texted her yet. Not a single word.

Earlier, she was trying to convince herself that it wasn't her fault. Pero nang marinig niya 'yong sinabi ni Andy, hindi na rin siya sigurado. Maybe it was her fault. Siguro kung hindi siya pinuntahan ni Miko no'n, hindi siya mapapagalitan ni Atty. Miranda. He wouldn't be called lazy and incompetent, and he wouldn't doubt his work ethic.

Maybe it's really her fault . . .

Nika
Ser?
Sorry

Nika stared at her phone. She saw that he already read her message and the three tiny dots also appeared on his side of their thread. Pero nawala din at hindi na bumalik.

Napapadiin ang kagat ni Nika sa loob ng labi niya.

Miko
It's fine.
Sorry din. It's not your fault.
Let's talk tomorrow.

Nika
Busy ka?

Miko
No. But I have to sleep.

Nika
Bawal kahit ten minutes lang?

Miko
I really want to sleep.

Nika
Ten minutes lang naman

Miko
Fine. Okay.
Ten minutes.
What is it?

Her brows furrowed at his reply. Why does it sound like he's angry? Hindi naman sobrang tagal ng ten minutes na hinihingi niya, ah? Was that too much? Hindi rin naman siya busy ngayon, 'di ba?

Nika
Teka
Galit ka ba?

Miko
I'm not. Ano ba yun?
What are you gonna say?
Please make it quick.

Nika
Bat ba madaling madali ka?
Galit ka ba sakin kaya ka nagmamadali?
Sabihin mo na lang kung ayaw mo kong kausap

Miko
Nika, I never said that.
I'm just really tired. I barely had some sleep.

Nika
Okay sige
Matulog ka na
Bukas na lang

Miko
What? When I already spared ten minutes for you?
Ano ba kasi yun?

Nika
Hindi na
Bukas na
Matulog ka na

Miko
Are you serious?
How can I sleep after this?

Nika
Pikit ka
Ang dali dali eh

Miko
Nika?

Nika
Kaya mo yan
Di mo nga ako tinext agad kanina kahit alam mong di tayo okay nung umalis ako

Miko
I know and I'm sorry for that. But I have to cool off and sort my mind out. I haven't sorted it yet and I'm really tired kaya sinabihan kita kung puwede bukas na lang.

Nika sighed. All she wanted to ask is if he was okay. But at this point, it seems like they're the ones who's not okay. Gusto niya lang naman pagaanin 'yong loob ni Miko, gusto niya lang din namang malaman kung may kasalanan ba siya.

Nika
Oks
Tulog ka na
Bukas na lang

Miko
I won't be able to sleep after this. Just tell me what you're about to say.

Nika
Ten minutes?

Miko
Your timer has already ran.
6 minutes.

Nika
Taena haha
Sa isang araw mo fifteen minutes lang yung para sakin tapos galit ka pa kanina, ngayong nanghihingi ako ng extra ten minutes, lilimitahan mo pa ako

Miko
Wait, why is this my fault now?

Nika
La akong sinabing ganyan

Miko
That's what's clearly implied.

Nika
Oks
Sige
Matulog ka na

She wanted none of the conversation they just had. Nika clutched on her phone. This wasn't her Miko. But maybe he was just really on edge and there are a lot of things going on in his plate. She should've tried more to understand him. To cut him some slack.

Pagod lang siya. Pagod lang siya.

Miko
Please just say it.

Nika
Gusto ko lang naman itanong kung okay ka

Miko
I'm clearly not.
I want to rest.

Nika
Ah okay sige
Tulog ka na

Miko
And now you're mad.

Nika
Di ah
Tulog ka na
Pagod ka eh

Miko
See?
This is what I'm talking about.

Nika
Ano?

Miko
I told you before I'm busy. I won't be able to prioritize everything at once because school and work are already a lot. I told you prior na wala akong time. I barely have time for myself, Nika. And now that my warnings are catching on, it's my fault? You said for a whole day, I could only give you fifteen minutes. Hindi ba yun enough for now? Those fifteen minutes mean a lot to me. Kasi kahit 1 minute lang wala akong mabigay sa sarili ko.

Nika dropped her phone after reading his last message. Her heart was pounding so rapidly and her palms immediately got cold.

So kasalanan ko nga? she thought. Nangunot ang noo niya. She could feel the loud pounding in her throat. Napilitan lang ba si Miko sa kanila? Nakulitan lang ba siya sa 'kin kaya siya pumayag? Kahit ayaw niya talaga?

She huffed. Their whole relationship was now suddenly a question that ends up with her pinning everything on herself.

Kasalanan ko?

Miko
Are you still there?

Nika blinked, not knowing what to respond anymore. Her eyes were also blurring rapidly that a tear dripped down from her cheek to her pillow.

For one second, she never thought Miko has the capability to break her heart. But there were suddenly cracks on the surface at a pin drop. Spanning. Webbing.

Miko
I'm going to sleep now.
I really can't push myself anymore.
Let's talk tomorrow.
Good night.

"Okay," bulong niya sa sarili niya. Nika didn't even bother to go back reviewing anymore.

She just slept with a heavy heart.

***

She was the first one to finish the exam. It wasn't that hard. Tingin niya rin, mataas-taas ang makukuha niyang score doon.

Sana nga, she hoped. Ayaw na niyang ulitin 'yong subject at gusto na niyang matapos. Nika peeked at her watch. It's ten o'clock. There's plenty of time if she wants to go to him. Pero hindi niya alam kung gusto ba siyang makita ni Miko ngayon. Especially when he told her yesterday not to come.

She stopped. Hinugot niya rin ang cellphone niya sa bulsa at medyo namilog ang mata niya nang makita ang dalawang messages.

Miko
Good morning.
I'm sorry for last night.

Nika
Oks lang

She bit her lip. A small sense of relief rushes through her veins after reading his message.

Noella Clark
Good morning nak
Kumain ka na breakfast mo?

Nika
Di pa po
Nag quiz kasi kami kanina
Katatapos lang

Noella Clark
Done ka na sa klase?

Nika
Opo

Noella Clark
Labas tayo?
Kasama si chrisha
Nag aaya ng girls' day

Nika
Ahhh

Saglit siyang napaisip. She wants to go to him, but if he doesn't want to see her today, then maybe she'd have to respect that.

Noella Clark
Okay lng kung ayaw mo nak
Di ko ipipilit kung d ka p ready

Nika
Ayos lang po
Sama ako

Noella Clark
Talaga?

It's impossible. But somehow, she could hear the tone of excitement in her mother's reply.

A smile creeps in her lips again.

Nika
Opo

Noella Clark
Cge
Sunduin ka namin

She spent her time dolling up. Saktong nagpa-laundry siya no'ng isang araw kaya nalabhan na rin 'yong bagong dress na binili ng mama niya.

It's a dark green skin-tight dress that she paired with white sneakers. Her hips were fully accentuated and she has never felt taller than ever.

Matangkad naman siya. But the length of her dress might have made that more obvious. She smiled, looking at her reflection.

She let her hair down, parted in the middle. Nag-spray din siya ng pabango saka naglagay ng mascara at lipgloss.

Nika was about to go in the backseat when her mom texted that they're already waiting for her in front of the building when Chrisha pointed to the passenger seat.

Her mom rolled down the window.

"Dito ka sa harap, 'nak. Tabi tayo."

It got her a little confused. Pinalipat niya ba si Chrisha sa likod para lang magkatabi kami?

"Okay lang po ako sa likod. Baka gusto ni Chrisha dito."

"No!" Her sister butted in. "I prefer it here, Ate. You may sit there."

Her mother smiled. "Dito ka na."

Okay? She didn't argue anymore. Nakaharang din sila sa tabi ng daan kaya sumakay na siya para makaalis na sila.

"How's your quiz, anak?" tanong ng mama niya. Nahagip naman ng mata niya si Chrisha sa may backseat.

And if her eyes weren't deceiving her, was that a faint smile on her sister's lips?

"Oks naman po. Easy lang."

"Talaga? 'Di ba mahirap ang programming?" her mom asked further.

Nika shrugged. "Sanay na po ako."

"Ito si Chrisha may programming ata sila dati sa school—"

"I don't like it at all!" her sister intervened. "It's so difficult and I don't understand it. The semicolons doesn't make any sense."

A low chuckle escaped Nika's lips. "Gano'n talaga sa una. Nakakahilo."

"I know. But I'm glad that's done and out of my way."

She was about to ask Chrisha when her phone pinged.

Miko
Are we okay?

Nika unknowingly held her breath at the question.

Nika
Oo?

Miko
Promise?

Nika
Ewan ko
Di ka ba galit sakin?

Miko
I 'm not.

Nika
Edi okay

Miko
I'm sorry.
I'll make it up to you next time.

She pressed her lips together. The message he sent last night before she dozed off suddenly strung at the back of her mind.

I barely have time for myself, she recalled.

Nika sighed. Maybe it's useless to drag it out. For one more reason, it's her turn to extend him the same understanding he had given her.

He's exhausted. Nika doesn't want to add up to that.

Nika
Okay ser

"Mom, I want some frozen yogurt. Can we buy some later?" Chrisha asked, snapping Nika's attention off her phone.

"Sige, if there's one." Her mom turned to her. "Gusto mo rin ba ng yogurt, nak?"

Nika nodded. "Opo. Sige."

Her eyes gazes back on the screen of her phone. He has read her message, but there was no reply.

She locked her phone. Baka busy.

They ate at a Japanese restaurant her sister has been wanting to try out. Mahilig pala si Chrisha sa sushi at katsudon.

Nika enjoyed the salmon sashimi and the mini bowl of shoyu ramen she ordered. Mukha ring natuwa ang nanay niya dahil ang dami pang kinuha sa menu.

There was a platter of karaage, three onigiris, and twelve pieces of gyoza.

It was suddenly overwhelming, but it's a good thing she has her appetite now.

"Try this one, Ate. It's good." Chrisha placed a piece of spicy tuna maki on her saucer.

She smiled and nodded. Alam niyang may atraso pa siya kay Chrisha no'ng huling beses silang nag-usap.

Nika hasn't extended an apology to her yet. Guilt slowly streamed down her system. Her sister clearly didn't deserve any of it. For sure Chrisha knows that, too.

And it makes her feel uneasy that her sister's being nice to her right now.

"Chrisha," she called when her phone pinged.

Miko
I love you.