There's something different about the woman. She's...bigger...but only in the front. I try sitting on her lap and there's no room for me anymore! She sits a lot more now and the man is always rushing around to bring her things. 

"This really isn't necessary, Malcolm."

"Like hell it isn't. Ya' thirsty at all, or hungry?"

"I'm fine for now, sweetheart."

"Anythin' ya' want, jus' say the word."

**********

"How's it going, Malcolm?"

"Jus' fine, love...."

I watch my owner sigh and shake his long fur. He's surrounded by pieces of wood and little metal things that he keeps taking away from me. He's looking at a piece of paper. 

"Ya' wanna build this for me, Charlie?"

I watch him put the pieces of wood together. He's making something! Something for me? It must be for me! It's just my size! A new toy, perhaps? Or a new bed? But I like our bed. I don't want a new one! What if they're building me a new house so I can sleep outside? 

Don't make me sleep outside, please! I'll be a good dog! I whine and whine!

"Let's hope this baby comes before the tour starts...don't wanna miss it."

It's not a little house, it's a bed! But....I've never seen a bed with wooden bars on the sides...I really hope it isn't for me. Please don't trap me! Don't put me in a cage! No more cages for Charlie! 

"Your old man's not a bad shot, eh, boy?" He pets me and rubs my fur. I sniff the large bed carefully like something might spring out of it. "All finished, love! The kid can come out now!"

The woman comes out. She looks over the bed and the man smiles a lot. "Aw, Mal, you're so clever." Do they ever get tired of kissing? "But I don't think this kid is coming out anytime soon."

"I'll bring it to the bedroom. Ya' want it on your side?"

Where is he taking it? He drags it toward the room where we sleep! Oh no, it is for me! They got me a new cage to sleep in! I bet they're kicking me out of bed to make room for the woman! She's gotten so big there's hardly any room for me! This is horrible! I can't believe it! I watch him and whine. I follow him and watch him struggle to get the new bed in. It's large and takes up so much space on the floor. How could they do this to me?

**********

"Ya' comin', Charlie?"

I stand at the foot of the bed and whine. My owners are all tucked in and comfortable and they haven't put me in the cage yet. They pat the bed and I tilt my head. I know their little tricks. I'll jump on the bed and they'll toss me into the cage. I won't fall for it!

"I'll get him." The man gets out of the bed and picks me up. He's sticking me in the cage! Help me! I look to the woman for one last chance of being saved! And the man places me on the bed between them. "There ya' go. Now goodnight."

I lie there confused. Why didn't he stick me in the cage? Is this another human trick? Have I been bamboozled? I wait for someone to realize their mistake and stuff me in the bed. But nothing happens. They both roll over and go to sleep! I'm saved! I wag my tail and get comfy. Charlie's here to stay!

I look at the bed sitting by the woman. It's very large and takes up so much space. Bit of an eyesore, really. But humans are funny. Maybe they think it looks good. As long as it's not for me, I'll live with it. 

**********

"Damn fuckin' good thing we bought a new car when we did, eh, love?"

"Malcolm, the baby can probably hear you!"

"So?"

"It'll come out smoking and swearing like a pirate..."

"I did an' I turned out fine."

The humans are rushing around. Something important is going on! I better investigate! The woman is very big today and the man hasn't walked in days. They always run everywhere now. They don't play with me as much anymore either. I can chew on my toys till they explode by myself but it's still nice to have a buddy. 

"Okay, Charlie, ready to go?"

The man holds my rope. Oh, a walk! They were rushing around for me! I'd better not keep them waiting! I wag my tail and trot up to the man who hooks on my rope and we go outside. The man is holding something else too. Some kind of bag. Are we going on a trip? Yes! We must be! We walk down the mountain of stairs and it takes longer since the woman is slower than she used to be. The man helps her down every step. I can't go fast enough! Where are we going? Oh, I love family trips! This is going to be so fun! My tail propels me down these stairs! 

Finally! We make it to the car! The man stuffs the bag inside and helps the woman in. I want to jump on her lap but there's still no room! The man puts me in the back. This isn't fair! I want to sit up front! I'll have a tantrum! 

"Ready, love?"

"Ready as I'll ever be..."

"You'll do great, hon, jus' breathe nice an' easy."

The car starts moving and I look out the window. My tail starts wagging. I know exactly where we're going! We're going home!!! That's it! My owners must realize this place isn't good enough for us anymore! We're going home, back to the old house! I'm so excited! They're in such a hurry to leave that they left all our stuff behind!

But wait...

MY TOYS!!!!

I bark and bark in the backseat! They forgot all my toys! No! We have to go back! We have to turn around! I need my toys!!! I haven't torn them all up yet! No! 

"Here, Charlie, take this."

The man holds something out for me. I sniff it. It's my bone. I take it from him and curl up. I chew and I gnaw. At least I still have one toy here with me. Although it seems to be getting smaller every time I play with it. 

"I wish your mum were here to watch him."

"I do too."

**********

The car stops and the man gets out. He opens the door and hooks me to my rope. We're here! We're home! I look around. I don't recognize this place. It isn't our house. There's no grass. There's no tree. There's no flowers or bushes. 

I hear dogs. Many many barking dogs.

No...

No, please....

I stay standing and the man tugs on my rope. "Come on, boy, I hate to do this too."

He picks me up and I struggle. I tremble. I know what's in that building. Dogs in cages and crates. Humans with blue hands. Cold metal tubs and sharp needles. I can't believe it...they're giving me away...

But...what have I done? I must have done something for this to happen! This is all my fault! I'm such a bad dog! I whine and I tremble. I'm so scared! I can't go back there again! Please, don't make me go...

I thought you loved me...

I hang my head as the man pulls me inside. The dogs are louder. I can hear them.

I've got your ear!

I've got your leg! 

I got the human's leg this morning!

I smell someone! Someone new! 

A chorus of barking scares me. I want to go home! I'll live in the new house forever but please don't give me away! Please!

"You can take him back this way."

No! Let me down! Let me go! I can't go back to the cages! I can't! I must whine and struggle more!

"It's okay, buddy, it's okay."

We stop in a room with several dogs of all different sizes and smells. My owner puts me down and unhooks my rope. Some dogs come up to sniff me and I sniff them first. They smell like humans. Some smell like sticky children. I sneeze. 

"Here's his leash an' I've got some food for him here...I don't know how long we'll be gone."

"He'll be perfectly safe here, there's plenty of other dogs for him to socialize with."

Take me back! I'll do anything you want, please!!!

"I'll come back soon, buddy, okay?" The man kisses me and I lick his face. He's warm and smiling. I can't help but wag my tail. 

And then he leaves.

**********

A few big dogs won't leave me alone. They keep sniffing me and their giant snouts lift me off the ground. I limp away from them. One of the dogs keeps trying to mount me and I have to run from him too. This is horrible! 

Not all of it is bad, I suppose. We get fed a lot and there's plenty of water for everyone. There's grass behind the building and we're allowed to go outside. Once a day the dogs and I get herded into crates on the floor and we sleep or lie quietly. It's my only break from these guys. 

Some of the dogs are nice. Some only sniff the proper amount and then leave me alone. I can appreciate sophistication. Some dogs leave at the end of the day only to come back the next. Some dogs never come back. And others like me never leave. 

I want to leave. It's been days. Maybe they really have left me for good...

I lie on the floor watching two dogs fight over a toy when I hear footsteps. I smell smoke. I sit up, alert and ready. It can't be, but it must be!

"Charlie!"

He's here!!!! He's here, he's come to rescue me!!! I can't get low enough to the floor to show my happiness and gratitude!!!! He kneels on the floor and pets me! He's so happy!!! And I'm so happy!!! This is the best day ever!!

"Ready to go home?"

He has my rope! I jump and spin and bark! The other dogs get excited and join in! I'm leaving! I'm leaving and never coming back! No more sniffing for you mutts, I've got a sweet ride! He picks me up and we bust out of that joint! 

The car is waiting for us! The window is down and there's the woman! She's smiling! I'm so excited to see her! They didn't forget me! They still love me and I love them! The man opens the door and puts me in the backseat. And right away I notice something different. 

I smell the lump. It's strapped in some kind of chair and facing the wrong way. It's asleep. I carefully smell it. It's a human child. Where did they find one of these? Is that where they went to? To pick up one of these things? 

"You sure he won't bother her back there?"

"He'll be fine."

**********

The  child sure is loud. It screams and cries and I can't get any sleep around here anymore! Both my owners are so busy pumping milk into its greedy mouth that they don't even look at me anymore!

"Love? Where are Cara's nappies?"

"In the cupboard!"

Something smells. It's a fascinating smell. I sniff around and look for where it's coming from. The man is standing there with the child. The smell is very strong. It smells like milk. But nothing like Mum's milk. The child is quiet for once but the man is not.

"Oi, Cara, what's Mum feedin' ya'?"

He holds something! It smells! I want to smell it more but the man holds it away from me. I trot around him and stand on my hind legs hoping to get a better whiff. The man steps around me in a sort of dance.

"Come on, mate, can I throw this out? Ya' don't want this."

I want it! Why won't he let me smell it? He gets around me and throws it away. I sniff the bin and realize the smell came from the child. It's such a small child, I've never seen one that small before. It's only a little bigger than I am! It makes noises and cries. It's face gets red and wet and I don't like being around it. 

It also sleeps in that cage I thought was for me. During the night it wakes up crying and one of my owners gets out of bed to check on it. I smell milk a lot. Sometimes I try to play with it and I bark and it ends up crying. I get in trouble. I don't like this new child. My owners should take it back. 

It doesn't even do anything. When it's not sleeping, it's eating. When it's not eating, it's sleeping. When it's not doing either of those, it's crying or making a mess. Or it lies on the floor. It can't even walk around like other children! It's just a blob on the floor! I sniff at it and it slaps my face. It hurts and I back off. I try licking it and it only pulls my ears. I yelp and it never gets in trouble. But I'm always shooed away if I sneeze too hard. 

Things are different around here and I don't like it!