The man is gone a lot. The woman sits on the couch and writes a lot. She also talks on the telephone. The place is filled with boxes just like home. One of them has my toys! The woman dumps them out for me and I can't pick just one! I must have them all! They squeak and honk and I bark! 

"Shh, Charlie, I'm on the phone!"

I will tear each and every one of them apart! They will feel my teeth! I growl!

"I'm sorry, that's our dog you hear. Now what were you saying?"

The door opens. It's my owner! I race to see him and stand on my hind legs. 

"How's my best boy doin', eh? Makin' any big stinks?"

I'm so happy to see him! He has his guitar! The thing that plays music! I love his guitar! I love hearing him play! He's always so happy when he plays! I'm happy when he's happy! 

"Ang's been missin' ya'. Maybe when he gets a dog you'll have someone to play with."

He's my best friend! I love him! I love them both! They take such good care of me! They deserve ten hundred licks each! The woman puts the telephone away and stands up from the couch. 

"How was work?"

"Long. Real fuckin' long an' you're really a sight for these sore eyes."

"Oh, hush, and help me with dinner."

My owners still kiss a lot. I follow them around and my tail won't stop wagging. This is my favorite time of day! When we're all home and happy! I can't imagine life getting any better than this!

**********

The door opens and I lift my head. My owners are home! Thank goodness, they've been away so long! I've missed them! The man is carrying the woman. He kicks the door closed and brings her to the couch. I tilt my head. Is she hurt? Is the woman hurt? I must help! I jump on the couch and lick her face! 

"Hey, leave some of that for the groom, mate!"

"You missed out, Charlie!"

She's smiling and petting me but maybe she's trying to hide the pain! Dogs are notoriously good at that! I know your tricks! You can't fool me! 

"Has Bon ever been that drunk before?"

"Ah, it's a special occasion. An' we've seen worse, believe me. At least he kept his clothes on, right?"

"I love you, Malcolm."

"Love you right back, Linda Young."

I'm trying to help her! I can't lick her with all their kissing! Make room! Make room for Charlie! 

"Ah, Charlie, you sneezed in my mouth!"

"He loves you, Mal!"

Finally I can give a proper lick! Now who hurt you? Tell me all about it. Never fear, Charlie's here. 

"I'll get the champagne, I guess...can't even kiss my own wife around here..."