XXXI. you don't get to tell me about sad

Devore had thick skin. She was tough. Not a lot of things bothered her and when they did, she either kept it to herself or acted upon it with violence. But this was deteriorating her, Fred not speaking to her. It was like someone punched a hole through her chest, or left her bleeding on the pavement. She wasn't violent in that moment, she was just hurt. But Devore also didn't give up easily. When she wanted answers, she always found a way to get them.

She searched the castle for Fred, asking all of her friends where he might be, but not even George had an answer. Then after a while of thinking, Devore knew exactly where to find him. She should've known, really, considering that cherry blossom tree is where they all went to either think, cry, or vent. What started out as a spot for her a Ron turned into a spot for family, and that's what they all were, a family.

Fred's back was facing her, his tall frame leaned over, his head straight like he was watching the water. Devore slowly walked forward, trying to make her footsteps quiet. "I can't believe I didn't look here first." She announced herself.

He turned his head slightly as if he was going to look at her, but he didn't. He only acknowledged that she was there and turned back forward.

She frowned. Devore went and sat beside him on the grass, eyeing the side of his face that was still bruised. "Normally, I can always guess what's going on with you, but, this time I'm lost. What's going on, Freddie?"

"It's nothing, Devore." Fred muttered and scratched his cheek that wasn't bruised up.

"Don't tell me that. You haven't spoken to be since the fight. What the hell did I do?" She nearly raised her voice, trying to get through to him.

Devore watched him tighten his jaw and he brushed his hand through his red hair. It hurt her to see him so distance, like speaking to her was the hardest thing to do. "Why are you with me?" Fred asked her, finally looking her in the eye.

The inside corners of her eyebrows slanted upwards, the question causing her so much pain that it hurt to breathe. Devore blinked her eyes. "W-What?" She stuttered.

"Why are you with me, Devore?"

She looked toward the water, trying to process. Her eyes began to gloss over, and she scowled. "So that's why you haven't spoken to me? Cause you've been beating yourself up over something that pompous loser said to you?" She said with hostility.

"What, you think I like having to ask it?" Fred matched her tone of voice and looked her way, eyes full of shame and his muscles tensed up. His ears went red along with whites in his eyes. "It's all I've been able to think about since that bloody fight."

"I'm with you, Fred, because I love you."

"Why?" Fred's voice went high and his eyes watered. "Why do you love me? Why did you pick me out of all the people you could be with? Because you pitied me?"

"Fred—"

"You're Devore fucking Taylor. You're practically royalty around her. You can have anybody you want. Everyone practically does want you. Why me?" It seemed that he was on the verge of crying, his face now blood red and he was wincing.

Devore stared at him, her jaw dropped and eyes glossed with tears. She forgot how to speak. For once in her life, Devore was speechless. She knew Fred wasn't angry at her, he mostly likely wasn't even angry at Draco, anymore that is; what Fred was feeling was shame. Disbelief that somebody like her could ever love somebody like him — he was embarrassed by his own thoughts and that most people, too, were possibly thinking the same thing. And Malfoy just happened to seal the deal.

Devore hesitantly raised her hand and put it on his shoulder, feeling and seeing him flinch. "Hey," she spoke softly. "Look at me. Fred, look at me, please."

Fred silently looked her way, his chin trembling.

"Do you remember my first year when you caught me crying in the hallway? I was curled up by the wall with my head on my knees and you just so happened to be running by, and you stopped when you saw me; it was the first time I had been away from my family and I missed them so much, so you sat down with me and said 'I have a big family, and I have siblings here with me, you can be apart of my family'."

The corner of Fred's lips curled at the memory.

"And even when Ron and I did become best friends, you still went out of your way to try and be my best friend. You were always by my side, always teasing me, always trying to get me to pull pranks with you and George. You've always been there for me, Fred, even through my worst times when I didn't want you to be." Devore lifted her hand from his shoulder to his cheek, and it brought him to tears more. "I know you, I know your family, and I know your heart. You have the purest of hearts, Freddie. You are not what Malfoy says you are. You are not what the blithering idiots at this school tell you what you and your family are. I've never known a greater family than yours, Fred. So wonderful and kind.

"I love you because you never gave up on me when I gave up on myself. You've loved me for so long and I will spend a lifetime begging for your forgiveness for not seeing it sooner —" Devore put her hand on the back of Fred's neck, feeling his hot skin. "— I love you for everything that you are with everything that I am."

Multiple tears fell down Fred's face and he quickly wiped them away, releasing a sigh from behind his hand. "God, now I feel like a nutter."

Devore chucked. "You are a nutter." She said, making him laugh, too. "But you've always been a nutter, and I don't want that to change about you. I don't want you to change anything about yourself, my love."

Fred smiled and he leaned forward, their foreheads pressing together. He closed his eyes and sighed again. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Devore brushed her hand against his cheek. "Next time, just talk to me, yeah? Don't leave me worried like that, ya little shit."

He chuckled. "You got it, love."

Devore trembled all the way to Umbridge's office that night. The hallway seemed to be getting darker and darker with each step she took as if it was a sign for her to turn back and run. Her heart was beating fast. It took everything in her to not show up at all, but Devore feared what the retched woman would do to her if she ditched her detention.

When she knocked on the office door, Devore heard the faintest 'come in' and she held her breath before walking into the room. Umbridge was sat her desk like always and she smiled at her. "Miss Taylor, we're becoming quite acquainted with each other."

Devore clenched her jaw.

"Sit."

She sat down at the lone desk in front of here, a piece of parchment and the quill already waiting for her, taunting her. Devore eyed the woman as she stood up and made her way over to her, never breaking eye contact. Umbridge leaned over her, her fake concern making her nauseous. "I'm not sure what else there is to do with you. . . tut tut."

"Just tell me what I'm writing." Devore muttered, gritting her teeth.

"You'll be writing my actions must have consequences."

There was another set of chills that went down her spine. Swallowing harshly, Devore tore her eyes away from the woman and picked up the quill, her hand shaking. Umbridge went and sat back down at her desk, grabbing her cut of tea and swirling the spoon around, the metal clinking against the cup.

The fact that she was alone is what scared her most of all, that this woman could do anything to her, hurt her in any possible way, and Devore couldn't do anything about it. She had never been scared of a Professor before, not even Snape, but Umbridge brought out a fear in her that she didn't know she had.

Writing the sentence over and over again was a constant reminder that everything she did indeed had consequences. The way she treated her friends, how she treated her mother, what happened between her and Draco, it all had consequences. She was once a tame and gentle girl who turned mean from the constant tragedy around her. But it wasn't her fault. Her father died. Anybody would go insane if it happened to them. So why were they so afraid of her?

Devore felt the familiar burning in her hand the longer she wrote the lines, and she thought she could handle it. She bared her teeth and winced, but she wouldn't dare let the woman see her break. But then the pain traveled to her wrist and suddenly there was a greater pain. She gasped and instantly dropped the quill. "Ow." She slipped out and held her burning wrist, and then her other one started to hurt just as bad. "What the hell?"

She eyed her wrists and her chin trembled with fear when she saw what was happening, that instead of the words etching onto her hand, they were now spreading across both of her wrists, the pain so severe that Devore physically grimaced and gasped. She felt like she was trapped in a nightmare, like she was banging on the walls of her mind begging to escape. But there was no place for her to go, no person for her to tell that didn't already know. Her breaths became raspy and quick, her heart thumping inside of her chest.

She hadn't realized Umbridge was by her side until she looked at her, eyes red and rimmed with tears. "Do you understand now, dear?" She spoke softly.

"Why are you doing this?" Devore whimpered uncontrollably.

"Because you must understand, Miss Taylor, that you are a troubled girl. Your actions must have consequences, but I feel as though those consequences haven't sunken into until now. Now you feel them, don't you?"

It was terrifying. Her harsh words against a soft, fake concerning voice. Devore was trembling terribly. She didn't know how to respond.

"You may go now, Miss Taylor."

Raising to her feet, Devore fled the office a shaking mess, her mind all over the place, and she felt like throwing up. In fact, she did. She ran to the prefect's bathroom and dropped to her knees by the toilet, emptying out everything she felt. She felt so trapped in her mind that she wanted to scream, to growl and snarl like an animal, anything to get someone's attention. She grabbed onto her hair because she couldn't get her hands on anything else.

She was going to drive herself crazy. Or maybe Umbridge was already making her crazy. Maybe she was crazy before she showed up. In her mind, she was screaming until the walls of her throat ripped and bled, screeching like a record scratch. Devore wondered how much longer she had till she finally broke.

She didn't go back to her common room just yet, despite how late it was, and she really didn't care at that point if Filtch caught her. Devore went to the owlery because she desperately wanted her mother and all she could do was write to her.

Dear mother,

      I'm sorry that I'm just now getting back to you. You're right, things have been crazy busy with all of us preparing for our O.W.L's and I've just been studying super hard. But I miss you terribly. Bennet misses you as well. He's been doing a lot better adjusting to everything with Cedric being gone. He still has Olivia and Atlas and they treat him like a brother, so, im grateful to them.

      How are things back at headquarters? I do hope you're keeping yourself occupied and not spending all your time missing us. We'll be back for holiday real soon. How are Sirius and Remus doing? Mr. And Mrs. Weasley. I can't wait to come home for Christmas and get those cauldron cakes.

      I've been okay. It's a fresh start, you know? Gryffindor won the Quidditch match which was an unbelievable achievement, and me and Olivia made matching sweaters for the twins. All four of us are still going strong, George and Olivia as sweet as ever. I do hope she gets to visit us at Christmas. I know George will have a fit if not.

      Like I said, I miss you a lot. I'm counting down the days until I get to see you again. Write to me soon, please. I love you.

      Love, Devore xoxo

Devore grabbed Minxie and brushed her head. "Send this to mum, okay?" She whispered and watched the owl brush her head against her wrist, feeling her pain. "Good girl." Devore kissed her head and placed the letter in her beak. She watched Minxie fly away into the moonlight.

When Sunday came, the snow had fallen. Devore was caught up on all her homework so she was outside with her friends enjoying the day. Her wrists were wrapped again in flesh colored bandages and she ignored any questions she recovered about her detention. She didn't focus on it, she just wanted to forget about it. She was making a snowman with Olivia while Morgan was making snow angels, her dark hair sitting beautifully against the snow.

"Devore," said Theo approaching them. All tree of the girls froze, Morgan sitting up, snowflakes coating her hair. He stood with his hands in the pockets of his thick coat. "I wanted to talk to you."

"What is it, Theo?" Devore spoke uninterested.

"I'm really sorry about what happened at the match. I wasn't apart of it, but I knew about it. And I'm sorry." Theo tried convincing her, all of them.

"And you're just waiting till now to say something?" Said Morgan, standing by Devore's side.

He looked ashamed.

"C'mon, Theodore, you've been friends with Draco and all of them since our first year. You seriously wouldn't partake in their bullshit antics if they asked you to?"

"No, I wouldn't. Cause I have morals." Theo stood up for himself. "And you guys are my friends, and I know how important your relationships are to you. Why would I try to hurt you guys?"

Devore and Morgan looked at each other while Olivia stayed out of it, continuing with their snow man. Devore knew Theo, he had always been sweet to them, even when he was a rich pureblood.

"I wouldn't want somebody doing that to the person I like." Theo added in.

"He sounds sincere, guys." Chimed Olivia and they turned around, looking at her. She raised her hands and went silent again.

Devore sighed and faced him again. "Mi displace." He said in his Italian tongue. I'm sorry

Morgan groaned. "Oh, don't speak Italian. I'm trying to be mad here."

It made them laugh. "If I ever see or hear you making fun of our friends with those imbeciles, don't think I don't hex you." Devore threatened, her eyes sharp.

"Oh, I believe you." He nodded at a rapid pace but he grew a smile. He turned around and walked off, his boots trudging through the snow.

"Wait, who's the person you like?" Morgan called out.

Theo turned around and faced them, smirking. "That's a secret!" He said and walked away completely back into the castle.

"Do you trust him?" Devore asked her.

"I do," Morgan responded while nodding. "He's never done wrong by us, Dev. Theo's harmless."

She supposed she was right. When she saw snowballs fly through the air and hit the Gryffindor tower, Devore groaned. "Fred, George, stop throwing snowballs at the windows!" She hollered at the twins.

"What are you going to do about it," yelled back Fred, smirking at her. "Give us detention?"

I wouldn't put you through that torture. "If either of you throw another snowball, I just might!" Devore yelled threateningly.

"Is that right?" Said George. The twins looked at each other and they smirked.

"Oh no," said Olivia dreadfully.

When she saw them coming towards them, Devore's face fell. "Wait, no —" suddenly, the three girls were being pelted with snowballs. " – STOP IT!"

Fred picked her up by the waist and tackled her into the snow.

"FRED WEASLEY!"

"No, no, George, stop!" Screamed Olivia and she ran, George chasing her with a large thing of snow.

Fred positions her arms and legs into an angel position. "Come on, my angel. Live a little."

"I know how to live."

"Do you?"

Devore narrowed her eyes. Fred hovered over her, smiling joyfully, loving the way the snow fell on her dark skin and coated her dark hair. Seeing the look on his face, Devore had no choice but to let loose. "Oh, come on then. Lay with me."

With another giddy smile, Fred lied next to her in the snow and used his long limbs to make snow angels with her. Devore giggled uncontrollably, the sound like bells in his ears, and soon they were both covered with fallen snow.

December had arrived which meant Christmas was approaching, and everybody was busy planning their holidays. Devore was excited to get back home to her mother and spend the brilliant holiday with her and Bennet. December also meant she'd be going nuts trying to decide what to gift everybody. She literally had to make a list.

The Room of Requirement, along with the rest of the castle, had been decorated for the holidays. There was mistletoe everywhere, a hundred golden baubles hanging from the ceiling, each with Harry's face on them, and bearing the legend HAVE A VERY HARRY CHRISTMAS!

Devore couldn't stop laughing. "Harry, that's adorable." She gushed and leaned her head on his shoulder as she examined the baubles. "Aww, Dobby really loves you."

"Yeah, too much I think." Harry said back but it was clear that he thought it was funny.

Luna entered the room, her dreamy eyes wondered around the room. "Hello Devore, Hello Harry," she greeted the pair. "These are really nice, did you put them up?"

"No," said Harry, "it was Dobby the house elf."

"Mistletoe," she said dreamily, pointing at the large clump of white berries placed over their heads.

Both Devore and Harry looked up, and her eyes went wide. She quickly stepped away from him. "No offense, Harold, but that would like missing a brother."

"No offensive taken, Dev," he said awkwardly.

More people began to arrive. Devore saw Fred enter the room with George and Atlas and she smiled. "Hi, lover." She greeted him with a happy grin.

"Hello, gorgeous." Fred smiled back and took her hand. He glanced at the ceiling. "Oh, would you look at all that mistletoe. You know what that means?"

Devore laughed and he leaned down, pressing a sweet kiss to her lips.

"I would complain, but, I'm going to find Olivia," said George and he went and seeked for his lover, having the same mindset.

Fred pulled away from her, his long arm going around her shoulder. "Are you ready for Christmas?"

"Am I? It's my favorite holiday. And I can't wait to spend it with you all." She replied and wrapped herself around his long torso. "But then again it drives me nuts, because there's so many gifts I have to buy."

"Oh, love, you don't have to—"

"Ah," she made a noise and held up her finger. "I take Christmas almost as seriously as I take birthdays. So don't try to take it away from me."

Once everyone had made it into the room, they all gathered around. "Okay," Harry said, calling them all to order. "I thought this evening we should just go over the things we've done so far, because it's the last meeting right before the holidays and there's no point starting anything new right before a three-week break—"

"We're not learning anything new?" Said Zacharias, in a disgruntled whisper loud enough to carry through the room. "If I'd known that, I wouldn't have come. . ."

"We're all really sorry Harry didn't tell you, then," said Fred loudly.

Several of them snickered. "Aww, we really do think the same," said Devore with a pout.

He smirked. "Soulmates, I'm telling ya."

"We can practice in pairs," said Harry. "We'll start with the Impediment Jinx, just for ten minutes, then we can get out the cushions and try Stunning again."

Devore took one of the hands wrapped around Fred's torso and she raised it high. "Can I be paired with Smith?" She asked aloud, smirking.

There was more laughs in the room and Zacharias's eyes went wide. Fred cackled and they low high fived each other.

Harry didn't bother to answer because half of him wanted to say yes, so he walked away to work with Neville. "Want to work with me today, gorgeous?" Fred asked Devore, smiling down at her.

She sucked in air through her teeth. "As much as I'd love to, sweetheart, I wasn't joking when I said that about Smith." She unraveled her arms from his torso and took out her wand. "Hey, Smith. Time to work!" She yelled and went to find Zacharias.

Fred laughed and watched the Hufflepuff desperately try to hide from her.