XXXIV.   when we were young

Devore was sat below the tree organizing the presents so that they all fit. She sat there twiddling with the green bow on one of them addressed to Ron from his mother, and she sighed. Her shoulders were hunched over and she was despondent. Fred came into the room and saw her on the floor. "I must be in Heaven cause I see an angel upon me," he voiced poetically.

The corner of her lips turned up but not enough for him to see. Devore looked up at him. "Hi, sweetheart," she responded with a lack of enthusiasm.

He plopped down next to her, bringing his legs up. "What's wrong, love? You're not smiley anymore."

"I don't feel smiley."

"Aww, why's that?"

Devore bit the inside of her cheek, paused, and stopped playing with the bow. "Fred, do you think I'm selfish?" She suddenly asked.

Fred blinked his eyes. "What? No. Why would you ask that?"

"Because that's how I'm feeling, along with a bunch of other things," she explained and tucked her legs under her.

"Devore, what happened?"

She was still dwelling on her mother and Sirius, and was desperate to talk to someone about how she was feeling, but with somebody who could understand. "My father was everything to me. But now it's been almost three years since he's been gone, and I really, really don't want my mother to move on." Devore's expressed her thoughts and immediately felt guilty for voicing them.

Fred listened and slowly nodded. "Sirius?"

She quickly looked his way. "You know, too?" She asked disbelievingly.

He slightly grinned. "Yeah, it's not hard to tell that he's got a thing for your mum, darling." When he saw her frown again, Fred scooted closer to her. "And you're feeling guilty because you know they have feelings for each other and you don't want to see your mom with someone else?"

"What kind of daughter am I to not want my mother to be happy?" She spoke with a small scoff. "But I do want her to be happy. That's the selfish part."

"Devore, you're not selfish. You lost your bad. You have every right to feel this way," he assured her. Maybe Fred couldn't understand completely. His parents were happily in love in their marriage and had been for years. But he did know one thing. "I've never really sat and thought about what I would want for my mum and dad if one of them were to pass, mostly cause I don't ever want to. But I know that if I ever die, I want you to eventually move on and find someone else."

Devore immediately shook her head. "I would never do that. My heart belongs with you." She said deeply.

Fred smiled again. "I know that darling, but you deserve to live your life with somebody, even if it's not with me someday. But do you get what I'm trying to say? Everybody deserves to have somebody, no matter the situation. Have you talked to your mum about that?"

"I have. . .kinda." Said Devore shamefully.

"And what did she say?"

"She's said she'd never want to hurt me or Bennet."

Fred didn't say anything that time. He only brushed his finger against her cheek and Devore closed her eyes, sucking in a breath. She understood but that didn't stop the feelings of guilt she was having.

When Hermione showed up at Grimmauld Place, her skin red and her hair full of ice and snow, Devore screamed. "What are you doing here?" She pulled her into a bone crushing hug. "I thought you were skiing with your parents."

"I won't lie to you, I'm not the best skier. I only told Ron that so he'd lay off me." Hermione told her. "But I I wanted to spend the holiday with all of you so I told my parents I was staying at Hogwarts to study. Where's Harry?"

Devore pulled away from her and frowned. "Still locked away in his own misery. We've all tried to talk to him but he won't have it with any of us. It's very much ruining my Christmas mood."

"Is he in his room?"

She nodded. "Last time I heard from him, yeah, but I'm not sure. Any ideas in that beautiful head of yours?"

Hermione nodded as well. "I might. Go get Ron and Ginny. If he's not in the boy's room then meet us there." She instructed and walked around her to go up the stairs.

"I swear things run so smoothly when she's here," Devore whispered to herself.

She found Ron first in the kitchens. "Hey, Ronnie," she sang his name and leaned against the counter, watching him pour a cup of tea. "Hermione's here."

He almost dropped the kettle. "She is?" Ron asked and his eyes grew wide. "Wha – I thought she was with her parents on a trip?"

Devore smirked and leaned up, placing her hands on the counter. "No, she came back. She told me how much she missed you and just couldn't spend Christmas without you."

Just as he opened his mouth, Ron saw her smirk and he narrowed his eyes. "You're lying." He pointed out.

"Was it that obvious?" When he scoffed, Devore chuckled. "She actually is here though. She told her parents that she was going back to Hogwarts to study, but she wanted to be with all of us." She explained to him. "She's upstairs trying to talk to Harry."

"Yeah, we'll see how that goes," muttered Ron, his feelings obviously still hurt.

"Well, she wants you and Ginny to meet her in your room for an intervention."

"Alright," he responded and drank his cup of tea. "What about you?"

She frowned slightly and watched him walk around the counter. "No, just you three. I've still got some decorating to do." She lied.

Ron furrowed his brows. "But you should talk to him with us." He stated.

"It's fine, Ron. Seriously."

He caught on when he noticed her fidgeting hands. "What happened? Did he say something to you?"

Devore's eyes went wide. "What? No. Of course not."

"You're lying. I always know when you're lying."

"Ron—"

"What did he say, Devore?" Asked Ron, his voice raising slightly.

Knowing she wasn't going to win, Devore sighed with defeat. "He told me that I have no right to be mad at him when I stopped speaking to you guys all together," she half recited the argument.

Ron visibly grew angry. "How dare he." His voice raised.

"Ron, it's okay—"

"It's not okay, Dev. We forgave you for what happened. He doesn't have the right to keep bringing it up." He said sharply.

His brotherly love and protectiveness made her smile. "Just go easy on him okay? It's Harry, nothing's ever really in his control." Devore reminded him and patted him on the arm, giving it a small squeeze.

Devore had received a letter from Minxie and she smiled brightly when she saw that it was from Olivia.

Dear Dev,

You little rat, you scared me! I thought maybe somebody had kidnapped you before Professor McGonagall explained me Atlas and I what was happening. George wrote to me about Mr. Weasley and what happened, and I feel so horrible. I can imagine what the family's going through.

My parents say I can come visit on Christmas and I've been eager to leave ever since. I can't wait to see all of you. Atlas wishes he could come but he can't, so he told me to tell you all Happy Christmas and to not drink too much eggnog like he plans.

I'll see you soon Devy <3

Love, Livy xoxo

Devore giggled while reading the letter over and over. Now that she knew Olivia was coming for a visit, she wanted to make sure every decoration was perfect because Christmas was a holiday that the two of them shared a love for. Devore exited her room and rushed down the hallway to the twin's room, seeing that the door was open. Fred and George were sat on the floor between their beds, going over a list of products for their joke shop. "Georgieeee, I have something for you." Devore sang with a smile.

"I don't like the way you said that," said Fred looking appalled.

"Why? You afraid she's got the hots for me now?" Said George and nudged his food, obviously joking.

"Course not." His twin scoffed.

"Don't worry, Freddie. You're still my guy," Devore said with a laugh and she walked into the room. She sat beside him on the floor and held out the letter to George. "This is for you."

"Me?" Said George and he took it from her. Seeing Olivia's name signed at the bottom, he smiled. As he read it, Devore and Fred saw his smile increase. "She's coming for Christmas?"

"Who is?" Asked his twin.

"Olivia!"

"She's a Christmas lover, that one," said Devore smiling and she looked at Fred. "We need to finish hanging those lights," she reminded him while George was off in his own little world, thinking of his lover.

"Love, the whole house is wrapped with lights already!" Said Fred in a light voice.

"Not around the doors!"

There was a light knock on the door frame and all three heads turned in the same direction, Harry standing there in an awkwardly slouched position. Devore blinked her eyes, not believing he was there. "Harry."

"Well there he is!" Said George.

"Alive and breathing. We thought we lost ya there, mate," Fred said after him, their smiles matching.

"Here I am." Muttered Harry, his eyes flickering to the floor for half a second. They lifted and sat on Devore. "Uh, Dev, c-can I talk to you. . .please?" He stuttered.

The twins looked at her and Devore blinked multiple times. "Sure, yeah. Course." She responded awkwardly and got up from the floor. She followed Harry out of the room and closed the door behind her. "What's up—" she made an oof noise when he suddenly hugged her. "Whoa there."

"I'm sorry. Like, really, really sorry," Harry expressed at a fast pace.

"Harry—"

"You're one of the greatest friends I've ever had in my life, and I should be happy that you're here. I am happy that you're here." He kept on all while staying in the hug. Devore felt him relax. "I was just angry and punishing myself for what happened to Mr. Weasley, and I took it out on you when you were just trying to help. I'm really sorry, Dev."

Slowly, Devore ran her hands up and down his clothed back. "You know I can't make your pain go away but the least I can do is try to make it more bearable for you," she told him, her eyes focused on one of the red bows tied to the stair wreath. When they broke out of the hug, she slapped him on the side of the head. "Don't ever yell at me like that again, Potter." Her voice went dark.

"Right, yeah. Yeah." Harry quickly said and rubbed where she hit. "So you forgive me?"

"As long as you forgive me," she emphasized and put her hands on her hips. Devore grew serious. "You really hurt my feelings, Harry. I thought we were past everything that happened."

"We are—"

"So stop throwing it back in my face whenever you're mad at me." She interrupted him, not yelling but not quiet either. "We're best friends. We've been through too much shit not to be. What you feel, believe me, I feel the exact same way. You don't always have to tell me what's going on with you if you don't want to, but know that I'm here for you, Harry, because I love you."

"I love you too, Devore." He said sincerely.

She nodded firmly. "Okay, good. Forgiven?"

"Forgiven," said Harry with a quick nod. "What about me?"

Devore sighed dramatically. "Yes, I suppose," she replied, making him chuckle. This time, she pulled him into a hug. "Now, no tears or anymore sulking. It's Christmas time. There's no tears on Christmas."

The Christmas joy had returned to everyone in Grimmauld Place and Sirius's delight had increased now that Harry was joining them. Chanel voiced that she had never seen him look so happy as he did with his godson and Devore had told her that she never saw Harry look so happy. It was like they needed each other, like Harry filled a void in Sirius's life, which he did. It was a beautiful thing to see.

On Christmas Eve, Devore had spent nearly the full day excessively cleaning so that the last of the decorations could go up, and everybody was impressed. "Dev, it looks absolutely stunning in here," Molly had told her while gasping at the decorated living area.

The tree was sparkling and picture perfect in his mind, having given credit to Fred for his help and to Bennet for putting the beautiful angel topper on the tree. The fireplace was lined with different size and shaped snow globes and fake snow. The chandelier, along with all of the others in the house, was no longer covered in dust and filth and were now hung with garlands of holly and gold and silver streamers. "Thank you!" Devore had said with a large pretty smile.

Nobody had ever seen her so happy, glowing and rosy. Fred spent the majority of the day complimenting her on different things, her smile, how her hair looked, her laugh, what she was wearing — it nearly drove them all crazy, but of course, nobody dared to say anything.

On Christmas Day, everybody in the house was woken up by a joyous Bennet Taylor. "Wake up! Wake up! Everybody wake up, it's Christmas!" He ran through the house, shouting, and banging on the doors.

Devore awoke with the largest of smiles on her face,
dragging Ginny and Hermione out of bed. It was a chaotic morning but it was the best morning. Devore ran downstairs and found her mother and Bennet in the living room sorting through the gifts. "Happy Christmas!" She said joyfully.

Chanel looked up and gasped. "Happy Christmas, my love." She opened her arms.

The Taylor family embraced. "I hope father's having a wonderful day," said Bennet, his head rested on his mother's belly.

Devore looked down at her brother with the softest of smiles even though she felt her heart twist painfully. "I'm sure he is, Ben." She said and brushed his hair.

She got ready with the girls in their room while the boys got ready in theirs. Devore tied her hair into a half up-half down thing and placed a large white bow in the back. "You look beautiful, Devore," Hermione had said once she swiped a tube of black mascara on her eyelashes.

With glossy lips, Devore had smiled at her. They would open their presents later at lunch when Mr. Weasley would be coming home from St. Mungo's, which was also when Olivia would be coming for a visit. She left her room and walked down the hallway to the twin's room, first knocking on the door before she entered. "Happy Christmas!" She announced joyfully.

"There you are," said Fred while smiling. She quickly went and flopped down on his bed and they shared a kiss. "Thank god you're here. Georgie's about to have a heart attack."

George, who was fixing his hair in the mirror hanging on the wall, looking at him and scoffed. "Not true!"

"Why? Because Liv's coming today?" Said Devore with a teasing smirk, already knowing the answer.

Fred laughed and George glared at her. "No. . . okay, yes." He retracted and quickly went and sat on his own bed across from them. "It's our first Christmas together."

"It's ours too!" She brought up, still smiling, and she looked at Fred. "As a couple of course."

"The first of many more," he declared and grabbed ahold of her hand.

Devore went red.

"I just hope she likes what I got her," said George, nerves weaving through his words.

"What did you get her?"

He grew a smile. "Well, she loves flowers and she's always talking to me about how she hates having to get rid of them once they've died, so, I made her a flower press." He explained and his cheeks started to turn red.

Devore gasped and Fred's eyes went wide, looking impressed. "Look at you, brother. All romantic."

"That's beautiful, Georgie. I can't wait to see her reaction!" She gushed.

"Well, what about you two? What'd you get each other?"

The couple looked at each other. "My gift will be revealed later at dinner," said Devore mysteriously.

"As will mine." Said Fred grinning. He suddenly remembered something. "Oh, before I forget, don't go downstairs for a little while." He told her.

She furrowed her brows. "What? Why?"

"Mum sent Percy a sweater for Christmas and he sent it back. With no note. She's been crying."

"Hasn't asked how dad is or visited him or anything. . ." Added George, unconsciously glaring at the floor.

Devore's jaw dropped. "That piece of shit!" She blurted out. "No offense."

"None taken." The twins said at once.

"Your poor mum, she doesn't deserve that. Makes me want to punch all of his teeth out, the ugly bloke." She seethed. Devore closed her eyes and sucked in a breath. "No insults today, Devore Lynn. It's Christmas. It's your happy day."

Slowly, Fred and George looked at each other.

Chanel was in the kitchen preparing for Christmas lunch, her dark hair tied up and her lips colored red. She was seasoning a batch of carrots, potatoes, and onions for the roast. She wore a purple apron to not get her white blouse dirty. Molly was still crying over Percy, so she told her to take some time for herself, and that she'd continue getting lunch ready.

Sirius walked into the kitchen and he paused upon seeing her. Her head was down, pieces of her brown hair falling in her face, and he felt an unfamiliar feeling inside of him that he only got with her. "Hello, Nelly," Sirius spoke and he smiled.

Chanel lifted her head and quickly moved the hair out of her face. "Sirius," she said back while smiling.

In his hangs was a wrapped box and they began to shake, Sirius afraid that he would drop it. "Have you seen outside yet? It's stunning." He made an observation.

"Yes, I have. Bennet dragged me out there so he could make a snow man. It's right by the door." Chanel explained with a light chuckle. "Has a little hat and everything."

Sirius chuckled as well. "I'll just have to go out there and see it, then." He approached her and looked down at the box. "I, uh, know the plan is to not give out guts until later, but, I just couldn't wait."

She lowered the knife in her hand to the counter and Chanel looked at the box he was holding. "Oh, Sirius, you didn't have to—"

"Don't even finish that sentence," he stopped her and came around the counter while she grabbed a towel and wiped her hands. Standing in front of her, Sirius grinned lightly. "Happy Christmas, Nel."

Chanel's dark eyes lightened with a glimmer. "But I didn't get you anything—"

Raising his hand, Sirius shook his head. "I didn't expect anything, Chanel. I just thought of you." He told her.

There was a small pause, Chanel smiling at him, the gesture warming her insides. She took the box from his hands. "Thank you, Siri." She said quietly and placed it on the counter. Chanel took the lid of the box when she looked inside, her jaw slacked.

In the box was multiple photos, all of which were of her and her friends when they were teenagers. Chanel gasped and put her hand over her heart, shakily picking one up. It was of her and Sirius at the age of sixteen, and they were at the Potter's house for Christmas, James having invited them all.

There was another one of them that same year just before Sirius had fled his home to live with James and his family. His hair was a lot longer which made Chanel chuckle. There was so many of her and Lily and then there was an individual one of her, her smile big and her red hair curly and messy. It brought tears to Chanel's eyes. She brushed her fingers against them all, smiling at the photo of her and Molly when they were sixteen, their nicknames Nelly and Molly Bee written in black ink. And then she saw one of her and Isaac in the year 1975 when they were fifteen years old, at the Yule Ball, and then more tears fell.

So many memories were wrapped up in the box and Chanel could practically hear the laughter from James, hear Remus's young voice when they were sixteen and patrolling the halls together during their prefect year, and she felt as if Lily was there with her, as if Isaac was still there, and Chanel sniffled. "Oh, Sirius," her voice trembled.

"I've had those photos for so many years, just locked away for only I to know where they are. Now they're yours," Sirius told her lightly. "I apologize, I didn't mean to make you cry,"

"No, no, no, don't apologize," Chanel quickly said and wiped her face, sniffling. "I love them." She turned to him and walked closer into his space, wrapped her arms around his neck and placing her head on his shoulder. "Thank you."

Sirius closed his eyes and he felt warm, more warm and at home than he had in so many years. Her lightness and golden heart had consumed him until he was almost nothing but a man bowing down at her feet.

When Chanel leaned up, she saw his shining eyes and soft expression and they circled all around her red, tear stained face. Sirius brushed his hand against her cheek, wiping them away, and his fingers lingered on her skin. Chanel shivered, a breath passing her red lips, and her body locked up. She was being pulled in two different directions — one side was trying to figure out what she felt for Sirius, while the other side was trying not to feel anything at all for the sake of her children.

But they were so close, years and years of memories between them, clustered together in the little box next to her. It made her feel so sick because she missed her husband terribly, his spirit always with her through their beautiful children. How could she ever think to love somebody else when they were so devoted to each other?

"Sirius," Chanel whispered so close to him, and it seemed like they were getting closer. "I can't."

Sirius paused, his hand not leaving her cheek. He visibly swallowed. "I know," he whispered back, seeing her tilt her head. "But it doesn't change how I feel. I just want you happy, Nel."

He backed away from her and Chanel released a shaky breath, putting her hand over her past beating heart. She covered her face, shaking her head, and Chanel wanted to cry but she couldn't. She refused to. Not today.