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evangeline blackwood

The moment Amelia leaves, we stand in the living room in complete silence. Apollo is taking shaky, but deep breaths and it soon becomes apparent that Phoenix isn't stood with us.

Fear flashes through Oscar Walker's eyes as he gestures for us to go upstairs, presumably after the younger sibling.

"He's going to do it again." Rory remarks, blinking away the fluid in her eyes.

We follow the twins up the stairs and watch as they both stop at the top, looking for a closed door.

The bathroom.

Adonis rushes forward first, shoulder-barging the door and sending it flying open. The bang of it hitting the wall vibrated throughout the house as we stare down as Phoenix.

He's sat with his knees to his chest and his head between them, panting heavily and not acknowledging us as the door opens.

"Did you make yourself throw up?" Apollo demanded to know, "Phoe!"

Phoenix doesn't lift his head, but he shakes his head while his entire body is wracked with sobs.

A short but sudden sense of relief consumes me, settling the worry in my stomach at the possibility of him relapsing.

He stands up and we all stand awkwardly in the bathroom. Morgan has his arm around Rory and Apollo is stood next to Phoenix, with his arm slightly extended.

Adonis' eyes are moving frantically and I can physically feel his anxiety.

I swallow the lump in my throat and take a step forward, "Dee-"

He storms off.

Apollo puts his hand out, stopping me from surging after his twin brother. "Just give him some space, alright? He doesn't like burdening you."

"Okay." I nod my head, "How are you doing?"

"Fine." Rory replies through gritted teeth, completely juxtaposing her words.

Phoenix stays silent, staring at his hands instead.

It's the first time I've seen him since the hospital and a part of me wishes to say something but the words get stuck in my throat before I even have the opportunity to get them out.

"I can't believe she came back." Rory mutters, her leg shaking. She looks furious, not staying still for even a second. "Stupid, fucking-" She cuts herself off.

"Shut up moaning. You've been speaking for less than 20 seconds and you're already doing my fucking head in." Phoenix runs his hands through his hair, his gruff voice silencing his sister.

"I'm not arsed if you're ill, say that again and I'll fucking hurt you." She threatens without hesitation.

To my, and obviously Apollo's, surprise, he stays silent for a moment before storming out of the room.

"He doesn't need this right now. FUCK." Apollo shouts, pacing back and forth.

Without warning, his fists slams into the wall closest to him. I flinch back at the loud echo yet Apollo shows no signs of pain, despite the blood weeping from his now cut knuckles.

***

Oscar Walker's face lights up with a kind smile as he notices me lingering in his living room, not quite knowing what to do or say.

"Are you okay, Evan?" His face lights up with a kind smile and I find myself questioning whether this is the same man that just an hour or so ago looked so broken.

I nodded politely, "Is it alright if I go and speak to Adonis?"

"He's in his room. I'm sure he'd appreciate some company."

"Thank you." I send him a smile one last time before taking my shoes off and trailing upstairs. I knock on Adonis' room before entering. He's lay on his bed, with one of his hands out the window with a spliff in between his fingers.

"Uh, Adonis?" I speak lowly. He doesn't turn to look at me but he knows I'm here. "Is it okay if we talk?"

He tenses visibly at the question, seeming hesitant, but it's clear to him that he has no other choice. Adonis nods slightly and I walk into his room completely, shutting the door behind me.

"Okay, let's just cut the shit. Why have you been ignoring me?"

His eyes widen at my boldness and he takes another drag of the weed.

"Adonis." I snap, making him look at me instantly. "I'm not an idiot so don't treat me as such. It's obvious you're avoiding me. You haven't answered any of my texts or my calls. If you want me to stay away, just say that. But I find it stupid that you're willing to sacrifice our friendship and my friendship with Morgan over the fact I don't want a relationship."

"It's not that." He whispers, but I caught it. I'm surrounded by the smell of weed and it's becoming too overwhelming. "Are you sure you even want to be around me?"

I pause, baffled. "What?"

He meets my eyes, and I swear I've never seen him look so unsure. Like he doesn't know what's going to happen next.

"This is all I'm good for." He holds the spliff up, "This and fucking beer. You saw it for yourself at Morgan's party, I ain't good for you and I get it. Why would you even want to be around...this?"

I reel back as though I've been hit. Is that what he truly thinks?

"Adonis." A pause. "Are you talking about like...addiction?"

He didn't say anything but his expression was obvious.

My lips open and close as I attempt desperately to find the words. "Dee, I don't care about that shit. I mean, obviously I do but it doesn't change my opinion on you whatsoever. I'm here for you to rant to and here to listen whenever you need me, okay?" I take a step forward, "If you think that I didn't want to be with you because of that, then you're wrong. I'm just not ready for a relationship. This ain't got nothing to do with you."

I sit down on his bed.

"I just want it to stop hurting." He wails, burrowing his head into my lap.

I don't know what to do or say, so I just hold him. I've never been good at comforting emotional people but with Adonis it was different.

He was like me.

Life had fucked him up too.

Just like it had done to me.

Maybe that's why we just worked together, why we fit with each other. He made me forget my broken pieces and I helped him hold the shattered pieces of his heart together.

I don't know how long we sit there, or how long he cries. But I never let go, internally promising myself that I won't let go of him again.

"You scare me so fucking much, Eva." He finally lets out, taking shaky breaths. "Never, in my whole life, have I ever met someone that I wanted to speak to and tell things too. I've never trusted anyone who wasn't family before. But you...you make that wall that I build inside of myself shatter and I don't even care anymore."

"I think we need some time, Dee." I admit, trying to blink away the tears in my eyes. "I need time to sort my head out and you do to. For today, I'm here and I won't leave you. But I think we need to take the time to heal ourselves."

"I'll wait for you." He hiccups, "Please, just sort your head out. You need to realise that this isn't solely your choice."

"I can't give you the love you deserve, Dee. I can't be that for you." I whisper, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't." He leans up on the bed. Our faces are so close together that I can feel his breath on my cheek. I can see the tiny gold stripes in his blue irises. I can see the fire igniting within them as his gaze goes to my lips.

My entire being is on fire.

Please don't kiss me. Please don't kiss me. Please don't kiss me.

I inhale.

Kiss me. Please. Kiss me.

I exhale.

"Come on." He shuffles upwards, gesturing his head towards the door and walks into Rory's room.

The other Walker siblings are already there. Rory and Apollo are perched on her bed while Phoenix is sat on her desk chair. Morgan is stood next to Phoenix, his thumb rubbing circles into his shoulder.

I sit next to Adonis on the floor. The siblings just look at each other sadly.

"I can't believe it's been 5 years." Rory says softly, her stare moving to each of her siblings.

"I bet she'd be a little shit now, you know. Phoenix was when he was 5, used to smash everything up."

We share a laugh at that picture.

"What are little kids for?" Rory grinned back innocently.

"Being annoying." Adonis grunts, shaking his head.

Phoenix leans his head on Morgan's shoulder, rubbing his eyes as if trying to prevent the tears. Adonis was pressing the base of his palms into his eyes too, pushing his tears back. Phoenix's eyes soon flutter shut and it's not hard to see that he's fallen asleep against his adopted brother's shoulder.

Apollo sends Phoenix a soft look, leaning his head on top of his. "Phoe will always be the baby, no matter how much he grows."

We all share sad smiles as we look at Phoenix's tear-stained face. He still looks exhausted, I was starting to think it was just a permanent look on him.

"He would've gotten so irritated on not being the centre of attention." Rory signs, "She would've been his little sidekick."

It didn't escape my notice how they avoided calling her by her name. And, apparently, it didn't escape Adonis' either.

"Her name was Scarlett." He muttered, his lip curling up. I look over at him as he stands up, starting to walk out of the room. I knew he was more upset than he was angry and I don't want him to segregate himself from his family in his pain.

It takes me a moment or so, butI get up and go after him.

"Adonis." I caught his hand and he stops walking, turning around. He's already got a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.

My eyebrows furrow but I can't find it in myself to ask as he faces me, shattering my heart completely as I notice the water swimming in his eyes. I ignore the bottle and wrap my arms around his, moving my head up so he could rest his head in the crook of my neck. I can feel his hot tears land against my skin, his panting breath in my ear.

"I've got you. You're okay, Dee."

He doesn't speak but, at that moment, he didn't need to.

***

By the time Adonis has fallen asleep, I'm positive all the others have resided to their own rooms. The Walker's home seems so different now in comparison to how it was when I first visited, what seemed so welcoming is now just solemn and dismal.

I leave his room silently, closing the door. Apollo leans his head out of his room at the noise and gestures for me to come in.

"You good?" I asked him softly.

Apollo just looks down, his expression hard to read but his eyes, like my own, are on his chest. A tattoo that I've seen only a handful of times is completely visible on his topless body. The only time that I've ever seen it is little peeks when he's wore low-collared tops.

"That was for Scarlett, wasn't it?"

The intricate design takes up half of his chest. The black and white cross embeds within a collision of ribbons and butterflies, with italic latin writing in the centre of each ribbon.

"Alis volat propriis." He mutters, tracing the toned skin. "She flies with her own wings. I wanted something that couldn't be removed, that couldn't be taken away from me."

"I know the feeling." I send him a smile.

Something that I said before to Apollo's Mum suddenly haunts my thoughts. I told her that I would've preferred Jonah to go surrounded by his family, like Scarlett did.

Now I think about it, I wouldn't want that to happen. As much as I wished I had an opportunity to say goodbye, I wouldn't want anybody else in my family to bear the burden of watching the light leave his eyes.

Apollo permanently marred his skin because it couldn't be ripped away from him like his sister's life had been, just like I never take my brother's chain off. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much it hurt to lose a younger sibling. Jonah was my rock but Atlas, as far as I'm concerned, is my responsibility.

If he died, I would crumble, and with that realisation, I now have a gigantic level of respect for the Walker siblings that I've never held before.

Confession: How a mother could ever abandon her kids is beyond me. I'd rather tear myself apart than ever leave my brother.