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evangeline blackwood

"It's been three weeks since I've eaten a vegetable."

"What an entrance." I clap sarcastically, "Are you being serious?"

"Deadly." Adonis replies without blinking.

"You're actually so annoying."

"Come on, Eva, you know you love me." He teases, reaching over the table and squeezing my cheeks before I have the chance to stop him.

I blink, "It's cute of you to assume I have feelings."

He finishes his cookie dough, sending me a cheeky smile.

"I'm so. so sorry but can you please mind him for a minute?" The woman hands her toddler to Adonis while she rushes to get her other child. I almost chuckle but then I notice his expression.

He looks terrified, his eyes widened as he stares down at the little boy in his hands. My stomach flutters, there's something about the bruised-knuckle boy with dark brown, messy hair holding a person completely at his mercy that hits me.

It's not good, it's making him a hundred times hotter and I feel like I can't breathe.

There's a sweet machine next to our table, the kid holds his arms out towards it and Adonis hands him a few coins. The boy grins at him and, upon getting his candy, reaches out to hug Adonis properly.

"Thank you." He snuggles against him this time and Adonis seems more confident in looking after him. "I'm Liam."

"I'm Donnie."

The child taps Adonis' nose and Adonis chuckles as his nose crunches up.

"Who is that?" The boy's pointing at me now.

"That's my friend, Eva. She's cute, isn't she?" Adonis tickles Liam's stomach playfully.

"Yeah." Liam's cheeks redden slightly and I laugh with Adonis.

"Thank you so much." The nameless woman comes back up to us, "I'm so sorry, my daughter spilled her ice cream everywhere an-"

"It's okay, love. Don't worry about it." Dee gives her his shit-eating smile and she walks off after returning it.

"I'm not cute." I huff and Adonis breaks out into a laugh and I swear I could feel the air being knocked entirely out of me. The sound of his laughter lingers in my ears and suddenly I'm experiencing one of them moments that I never want to end. Despite his seemingly never-ending confidence, I can see the slight blush staining his cheeks.

"You are."

"No. If I'm cute then I don't know what the fuck you are." I cross my arms, pursuing my lips in an attempt to hide my teasing grin.

"Insanely hot? Handsome? Breathtakingly gorgeous?" He suggests, wiggling his eyebrows.

I deadpan, my smile dropping. "Don't flatter yourself. That was a cute kid."

The shift in mood is suddenly apparent as Adonis' smile drops and sadness begins to linger in his eyes.

Hesitating, I speak up. "Do you want to come mine for a bit? I have a free."

He just nods.

Once we reach my house, after walking back in silence, I take him to my room and we just lie there for a bit.

"One person in the entire world that you'd have by yourself forever, who would it be?" I question randomly, attempting to take his mind off whatever was bothering him.

"Morgan, no question."

"Why Morgan? If you want to share?" I asked.

"That boys had my back more than my own spine has. He's helped me countless times without so much as thinking about it. When I was at a really low point, Morgan stuck with me and helped me through it. Whenever I had trouble when I was in Manchester, the people would have to go through Morgs before even coming near me. And that's not because I couldn't handle it, he just did it without even asking me, making them regret ever touching me." He explains, tearing his eyes away from mine as he begins to go into more detail. "I remember my Dad being out of town once, and Mum was supposed to be looking after us but she was out. I was 11, Rory was 9. I was out with Morgan when I found her on the floor, covered in blood. A group of Year 7s had attacked her because she had an argument with one of their girlfriends. I was fuming, to put it simply. But Morgan was worse than me. He dragged us back to his house, got Apollo and Phoe, cleaned Rory up and then we went out to punch the fuck out of the people who hurt her. Morgan ruined him, honestly. My Mum didn't come home that day. Or the next. We stayed at Morgan's, even though things with his dad wasn't good." The gratitude in his words is undeniable. "I don't know how I would've coped without him. You know, being related to someone isn't what makes them family. I learnt that from a young age. It's who's there for you when it really matters."

I nodded, taking his words in. I have always known he was a good kid, him being one of the only people that I've ever truly confided in. But this just makes me trust and appreciate him even more.

"How are you feeling?" I ask gently, hoping the talk about Morgan cheered him up a bit.

But he just goes silent.

Until.

"I have a little sister." It's nothing more than a whisper. A small, broken sentence.

I don't speak.

"She has black hair and the biggest blue eyes that I've ever seen." He awes, eyes glistening. "She's so beautiful, Eva, so beautiful."

"I bet she is." I smile at him but I can tell it doesn't reach my eyes. What sister?

"When she was born, I was so happy. Like my throat closed up and I started crying, that sort of happy. But then she got ill and Mum couldn't cope with it and when she-" His voice breaks, his eyes gluing shut. "When it happened, Mum just broke apart. Dad just worked all the time and we were left alone to deal with it."

I run my fingers through his hair, tangling his loose curls. "She was so lucky to have you, Dee. She was so lucky to have all of you."

He pulls his phone out and messes about on it for a second before handing me it.

"This is my little sister."

Is. Not was.

Even after however much time, she's still his baby sister.

Present tense. Like she's still alive.

Staring at the baby in the photograph, I saw that she has Adonis' eyes. Oceans of blue hues swirl within her irises, the flash of the camera highlighting the gold flecks that swirled and adorned her eyes like stars, stunning constellations that glowed with raw happiness. A small knitted hat lay on the top of her head, crammed onto a pillow of small, cascading black curls.

She was so beautiful, even at that tender age.

"She's definitely your sister."

A broken smile embraces his face, "Scarlett. Mum named her that because she was born in July and the colour symbol thing is red. But I found out after that it's red because the gemstone is Ruby, so I always called her that."

"She was sick, I only ever held her once. Always hooked up to loads of machines. Mum and Dad didn't even come to see her until she died, said it was too painful. I was there everyday, with Apollo. We weren't going to leave her."

A tear falls onto the phone and I realise that he's crying. "She was lucky to have you; she was lucky to have someone who loved her that much."

"I always hear all them proper sentimental quotes like 'if my love could have saved you, you would've lived forever' and all that shit. But, as cringy as it sounds, it's true. It didn't matter that Mum and Dad weren't really there because I had enough love in me for her that she didn't need no one else."

"That was the best thing she ever could've had." I say, putting my hand on the side of his head and running my fingers through his hair. "Unconditional love. Siblings who adored her."

"I always ask myself what she'd be like now if she was still here. Probably giving us all constant headaches." He chuckles lowly, "I can't cope when my head turns onto that, it hurts too much."

"Don't block it out, don't drink yourself numb. Just sit and let it rip you apart. And then get up and always keep fighting. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute, one second at a time. You're not okay, but you're alive. That's got to be enough."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Nah, it's the hardest shit you ever do. But you don't have any other option." I sign, "It's that or let yourself fall apart."

"This sounds so awful, but a part of me wishes she was never born. Because then we wouldn't have this irreparable whole in our family and my Mum wouldn't have left."

Your Mum left? I want to say, but I don't.

I might not be able to contain my curiosity but I wasn't about to pry into something that wasn't my business.

He continues, "It wasn't even long after she died. We came downstairs to get ready for school and my Dad was just at the kitchen table with red eyes and my Mum was nowhere to be seen. I kept thinking she would come back, I kept waiting and begging for him to let her back. 5 years later and I'm still waiting."

"Her loss. She didn't get to see what a beautiful and kind man you've become."

"Eva," He whispers my name so quietly but it still sends shivers down my spine. Them sharp, blue eyes drop down to look at my lips before moving back up instantly, I pretend I didn't notice.

"I mean it, Dee. It's her loss. She's still got 4 amazing and beautiful kids, the fact that she fucked off shows more about her than it ever will about you."

"5." He corrects softly, I go to say that I mean she's got 4 kids left waiting but he carries on. "Morgan."

I smile softly, nodding my head. "Morgan."

"I don't give a fuck about blood. He's just as much my brother as Phoenix and Apollo."

"I love that." I admit, "I love how your bond is so raw and so real, nothing truly compares."

"With all the shit with Morgan's family, we were always closer than close. It never mattered what happened with his Dad because he had ours, you know?" He mumbled, "When Scarlett died, Morgan came back to Manchester instantly and stayed with me for weeks. Missed a shitload of High School but he didn't care, as long as me and the others were alright."

"Sounds like Morgan."

He looks up then, our eyes meeting. "Do you think it'll ever get easier?"

"I think it'll get to a stage where it won't be there constantly." I hum, "But no, it never leaves or heals. I heard an analogy once that was the perfect way to describe it. Losing a sibling is like losing a limb, there's days when you forget it's gone or when you can live without it. But there's always that missing piece, always that part of you just gone. But eventually you get used to it, eventually it becomes a part of who you are."

Confession: Jonah was my sunlight, and this storm won't even fade without him here. I know that, there's no point in pretending.