Vote - Comment - Share (You don't have to but please do, I'd really appreciate it!)

- - - -

- - - -

evangeline blackwood

"How you feeling after the other day?"

My eyes drift up at the voice, meeting an ocean blue quite quickly. Adonis sits down next to me on the surprisingly dry grass, wrapping his arms around his knees.

It's been nearly a week since the incident in college and I've not seen anyone due to the half term break. I made the decision earlier today that I needed to get out of the house before I literally suffocate in my own thoughts.

Today's been a bad day.

"Did you end up speaking to Phoenix?" I ask, studying the way his nose wrinkles at my words.

"Yeah, I found a lot of food stashed in his room. He just won't eat it, even though all of us have told him that he needs to. My Pops is dead worried."

"He might have an eating disorder or something." I bite my inner cheek, his eyebrows furrow. "It's not always as simple as just eating."

"An eating disorder? Like a girl?" The confusion in his voice was obvious, it was clear that he didn't know a lot about the topic as a whole, but I can't help but feel ashamed of him for voicing that misconception.

"No, like thousands of other girls and boys in the world." I correct, "It's not just girls, you know. That mindset might just make people not want to discuss it with you."

"But it's Phoenix, he's like..."

"You just have to help him, Dee. Especially if he's feeling like shit about himself."

He pauses for a moment, until he finally whispers. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"What I'll find. What if.." He cuts himself off, inhaling deeply before starting again. "What if it's dead bad and I never knew? What if he needs desperate help and I was more busy sorting myself out than helping my little brother? Or at least noticing he's in pain. He's my responsibility and-"

"Dee." I snap, cutting him off. His gaze snaps to mine and his eyes fill with tears. "This isn't about you, it's about him. He needs help and you know that now so don't focus on the what if's and look at the what now."

"I hate the idea of him being hurt." Adonis admits brokenly, placing his head into his hands.

"I know." I send him a sad smile, "The idea of my little brother ever feeling sad and miserable kills me but, to put it bluntly, it's life. You don't choose whether you get hurt or not, it just happens and you can't always stop it. What is important, however, is how you chose to deal with it and move forward."

He studies me closely, "What was your brother like?"

"Jonah?" I continue after he nods. "One of a kind."

"Did he have a girlfriend and stuff?"

"She was called Tabitha." The smile on my face is no longer fake as I think back to those memories. Everyone always saw my brother in a different light, Tabbie and I knew him for him.

"Endgame?" He grins at my expression and I chuckle, nodding my head.

"She used to live down the street. Tabbie was always around, ever since they were like eight. Jonah always had her attention, even when they were young. But when Jonah turned sixteen, she had all his attention too. They adored each other."

"Where's she now?"

Sighing, I explain. "She moved away, about 6 months after he died. She's got a kid now with another guy, somewhere in West."

He's silent for a moment before, "Does it bother you?"

"Jonah would've wanted her to be happy and the one thing that Tabbie always wanted was a family. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that Jonah never got a chance to make one with her."

"Do you believe in stuff like that? Like when you meet or see someone, you just know that you fit with them."

"No." His eyebrows furrow, obviously not expecting my answer so I expand further. "Jonah and Tabbie didn't know instantly, they went through a lot and they were the only people who stayed side by side without hesitation. Some people can't take other people's storms; Some people fold."

"Like JP."

I hum, "Like JP."

"Let's ignore the depressing shit. Tell me something about you." His lips tug up almost involuntarily, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

"What do you want to know?" I question innocently, ginning back at him.

"Everything."

The sole word sends shivers all over my body and I pause for a moment, thinking. "My middle name's Tallulah."

The dimples appear. "Oh?"

"Yeah, but I never liked it much." I admit, "I love the sound of the rain. I was born at 12:45 am. My soft spot will always be chocolate chip cookie dough. I have a really bad phobia of spiders, they freak me out on a whole new level. I mean, who the fuck needs eight legs?"

"Do you believe in the afterlife?"

"I'd like to." I send him a small smile, averting my eyes. "I'm not sure, I just know that something must exist."

"Aliens? Ghosts?"

"Aliens, probably. Ghosts, I guess." I shrug, "What about you?"

"I believe in the afterlife and ghosts and I'm pretty certain I've seen an alien so yes."

"Oh yeah?" My eyebrows raise.

He looks around dramatically, moves slightly closer to me and whispers. "You have met Morgan, haven't you?"

"Dee!" I exclaim, smacking his ear. "I thought you were being serious!"

"I was." He defends, holding his hands up. "Favourite season?"

"What's with all the questions?" I ask back.

"Curious." He teases, leaning forward and squeezing my cheek. I slap his hand away. "Answer."

"Spring." I reply without hesitation.

"Oh?" His eyebrows furrow, clearly he didn't expect that answer. "Why?"

"Because the flowers begin to grow."

"You like flowers?"

"Fuck no." I scoff, "I just like spring."

He frowns, "That doesn't make sense."

"It does to me." I deadpan, "What's yours?"

"Autumn."

"Surprise surprise." I roll my eyes, "Why?"

"Because it represents something important." He says softly, "Everything must end at some point to begin again, stronger and even more beautiful than before."

"This went from 0 to 100 real quick."

He just grins slightly, before sobering up. "What do you think I should do about Phoenix?"

"Honestly?" I start off, signing. "Just keep an eye out, checking his food habits and speak to your Dad. Maybe he needs to realise what's going on to get himself out of it, maybe he needs professional help. Everyone's different."

"And if it doesn't work?"

"Keep trying, don't give up on him. Ain't none of this going to come easy."

He doesn't say anything else. We sit in silence as blue turns to black, both reminiscing on the times that have been and the experiences that we have yet to face.

********

"The fuck you doing?" I question instantly, seeing Ashanti lay on my bed reading a random book. "How the fuck did you get in? Mums ain't even in."

She doesn't reply. Instead, lifting her right hand to reveal a copy of my house key.

I'm not even surprised.

"You haven't spoken to me since that shit with JP. What's going on, E?" At my lack of a reply, she continues. "Is it because of what JP did to me? You don't have to involve yourself in my shit, Evan, I'd never ask you to d-"

"Fuck off." I scoff, "Are you being serious? If you're fighting, I'm fighting. That's how it works. Someone hits my best mate and I'm going to deck theirs, and then I'm going to deck them. Simple."

"Then what's the issue?"

"He put his hands on you, 'Ti! And I wasn't there to stop him." I exclaim, "No one's allowed to do that without your permission, man. There ain't no excuse."

Something indecipherable flashes through her eyes before

"Has it been getting bad again?" She changes the topic quickly. At my lack of response, Ashanti raises her eyebrow, "Look I get you're feeling shit and I'm here for you. But this pity ain't you, it's never been you. So I'll give you a few days to do what you gotta but if you need me to tell you that you're a bad bitch, I will. You're stronger than this."

"I'm fine, 'Shanti. I promise." I swallow past the lump in my throat, my stomach twisting as I sense what she's going to say next.

"You know I don't believe that. It's nearly his birthday."

She takes in my shaken expression at the reminder, despite the fact it'd been on my mind for days and continues aimlessly.

"How's Donnie?"

"Okay, I'm going to his tomorrow. His dad wants to meet me apparently."

"Yeah?" She smirks at me, biting her lip. "You into him?"

I chuckled, giving her a short nod.

"Fucks sake, E!!" Ashanti exclaims, throwing her hands in the air. "Now I owe Morgan a tenner. I proper thought you'd drag out the denial for longer."

"I'm not even going to ask." I deadpan.

She pauses for a minute, looking down at the floor and smiling slightly. But then something in her eyes flicker and our gazes meet once again. "You sure you're alright, E? Like proper? I know you might not want to talk about stuff and that's fine, but I'm here and I ain't leaving. Okay?"

"I love you so much, 'Shanti." I say softly, lips tugging up at her words. "It's up and down, innit. Just gotta get over it eventually."

"Not really something you get over, is it." She phrases it like a statement, rather than a question. "Just gotta let it hit you."

Morgan.

The way she phrases certain things remind me so much of him. It's like I'm speaking to the same person.

"Anything you want to tell me?" I rebut, raising my eyebrow in suspicion.

I see a wave of fear pass through her eyes before she completely blanks her expression. "Like what?"

"Like you and Morgan?"

Ashanti visibly relaxes, "Might have finally got with him."

"WHAT?" I screech, slapping her arm. "When? What? How? Where? Why the fuck haven't you told me?"

"Woah, calm down." She laughs, "When as when we started talking or when we made it official?"

My jaw drops, "Ashanti!!"

"Fine, fine." She rolls her eyes, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "Started speaking a few months ago, it was long overdue. We made it official on his birthday. How? Well the bitch finally told me that he liked me."

"About fucking time! The sexual tension was painful."

"Shut up." Ashanti sticks her tongue out, pouting. "I've been staying at his house pretty much 24/7. Fuck, he's amazing."

"Mhm hmh."

"Not like that." Now it's her turn to smack me. "Well, not just that. We haven't fucked yet, he's waiting for me to want to. But we've done bits. And I don't know, man. Just never met someone so pure in all my life."

"I know what you mean." He's truly one of a kind.

"And it's big as well." She wiggles her eyebrows at me.

I snort, shaking my head, "He's about 6'3. I didn't expect anything less."

Confession: Logan owes me 20 quid.