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evangeline blackwood

It's been weeks since I had such a bad episode where I could barely move. I hate how this makes me feel so isolated and restricted. I can't even go to college.

Tonight was no different, I was sat on my bed, with my legs pulled up to my chest, staring out the window. My phone flashes and I quickly check my messages.

Adonis <3

Open your window.

With furrowed eyebrows, I stand up despite my stomach's resistance and undo the window clasp. By the time I'm back on my bed, Adonis is already perched on my window ledge.

"How the fuck did you get up there?" I asked.

"Parkour." He smirks, handing me a bottle of Jack. "You want some? Ashanti said you're sick."

"It's bad luck to drink alone," I shrug, taking the bottle and having a swig, despite my lip curling up at the smell. "It's not been a good day." Silence fell over us as we passed the bottle back and forth.

"So," He finally said after a while, "What was up with you?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"That seems like an oversimplification," He points out, but his voice stays without judgement. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

I take a deep breath and a long gulp, not flinching as the straight whiskey hits the back of my throat. "I've got a condition called endometriosis. It fucks my shit up."

"Sounds shit." He says bluntly, coming into my room completely and shutting the window.

"Yeah it is. That's what was up with me that time with Phoenix in the toilets. I had one of my 'episodes'." I explain, finally gaining the courage to discuss it with someone other than family or Morgs.

It's not that I'm embarrassed of sorts...I just don't like thinking about the fact that I'll be living with this pain for my entire life unless I have surgery.

Adonis hesitates for a moment before coming closer to me, moving his hand to cup my face. His thumb is rubbing soothing circles onto my cheek, "You look dead tired. When did you last sleep properly?"

"I don't know... a few days? I've had a few naps but not long ones."

The nightmares don't help.

"You need to sleep."

I shrug, "I'm alright."

"You went out with Morgan, didn't you? The other day." Without even waiting for my answer, he continues. "Can I ask you a question?"

I nod.

"Do you like him?" He asks hesitantly, "Like, more than a mate."

Laughing loudly, I clutch my stomach and wince at the sharp pain. I curl in on myself but the ache does nothing to stop my amusement. "He's like my brother."

"Who are you attracted to then?" There it is. Exactly what I was looking for.

A hint of jealousy lingers in his eyes and it shines through in his tone.

I don't sugarcoat my answer. "You."

"I'm being serious."

"I'm being serious." I mimic, but reply genuinely.

Adonis is staring at me, without blinking.

I fight off a smirk, "Don't you believe me?"

He blushes.

He fucking blushes.

And then he smiles, with the dimples. His eyes squint and his nose scrunches up, making my stomach tighten up once again but without pain.

"Morgan told me about his dad." I try to bring up the subject lightly, to avoid Adonis switching up on me, but to my ultimate surprise, he nods his head.

"I knew he'd tell you eventually."

"I couldn't believe it. I've never noticed anything with him before, you know? And I feel bad because I've known him for a while and I just never realised that he was hurting." I avoid eye contact completely as I speak.

Stuff like that really scares me, how we truly don't have any idea about what the people around us think or feel, what they've experienced and survived. How many people in the world are suffering because no one knows their pain?

"I get what you mean, I guess. But Morgan's not really the type to show his trauma but it is there, you just need to be paying attention." He explains it so calmly that I know he's used to the discussion. But, at the same time, the way he emphasised the word trauma just makes it prominent that this was their lives. The Walkers lived this agony with him. "If you knew him before it got bad, you'd see the difference."

"He said it's different now, since he moved back in with him. Better, even."

Adonis frowns, "He lived with us for most of Year 5 and 6. I didn't want him to move but the Social said his dad would be better and it would be best to move to a place away from Manchester and the bad memories. His dad sorted himself out though and Morgan's been better."

"Is there anything I can do? To like, help him?"

He smiles, "Just be normal."

"I can't believe I never noticed anything." I remark, feeling ashamed of myself.

Adonis just eyes me carefully before sighing. "You know how he eats bare?" I nod. "That one of the main things that happened. I used to give him my lunch and split it in two so he could have some breakfast. But that was all he got for years unless he stayed at mine or we went on a residential trip. That's how I know it's better now...because he doesn't go without."

"So that's why he's like always eating? Because he never could?"

"I think so, at least. I've never asked him but it was hard not to notice." He shrugs, "I'm glad things are different now and none of that trouble made him cruel."

"He's an incredible person." I state wholeheartedly, never not being taken aback by the pure kindness that he's capable of.

"I've never met anyone as loyal as him. Morgan's always had my back. I trust him more than anyone. Without him, I-" Adonis trails off, looking pained at the idea.

"We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided." I quote effortlessly.

He grins, "Which classic is that from? Austen?"

I chuckle, "Harry Potter."

"Fair e-fucking-nough." Adonis snorts, raising his eyebrows in amusement. "It's right though, I'm stronger when I'm beside him."

"Does he box too?"

"He was always more of a streetfighter than a boxer, he taught me a lot." Adonis eyes me with this kind glimmer in his eyes, a gentle smile embracing his face. "I'm glad he moved here."

My eyebrows furrow, the intensity of his stare almost leaving me breathless. "Why?"

"Because, if he didn't, I never would've met you."

"Dee-" I trail off, taking a deep breath.

"Nah, I mean it. Back in Manny, I never really fit in with anyone but Morgan. After he left, I was on my own a lot if Apollo was busy and it always made me feel proper shitty, like I was a burden or something. But now I don't feel like that and Apollo can focus on Logan."

"I'm glad I met you too." I replied softly, humbled by the fact he felt like he could be himself with me. "Do you want to watch a film?"

And not even 5 minutes later, we're both lay in bed and the opening credits to All The Boys I've Loved Before are playing.

"What's this one about?" He asks with a sign, probably expecting some soppy High School romance story.

And he would be 100% correct.

"So, not gonna lie, this is my favourite Netflix movie, hands down. I know every line, start to finish, so if I get annoying, just smack me with a pillow." I warn him with a teasing smile, "Don't get me wrong, I'm loving Euphoria at the moment but this is just my go-to happy film."

Around halfway through the film, I notice his lips curling up at the screen. "What?"

"Don't understand why some girls are so bitchy with each other. LJ's just trying to do right by everyone and make herself happy."

"Dunno, some people are just like that." I shrug, "Peter's good though."

"I bet you're just saying that because you think he's fit."

"Well." I laugh, "I mean, he definitely is but I've read the books so I know he ain't perfect."

"Eva." Adonis starts off, his voice a lot lower and gentler than before. His arm is stretched across my shoulders and he's rubbing circles into the top of my arm. "Do you remember when you got told I got arrested?"

I nod.

"Do you trust me?" Before I have the chance to reply, he responds with another question. "Can I tell you something?"

Tensing up, I nod my head slowly as I know this is a sensitive topic for him. We've not discussed that area of his life since he admitted it to me in the locker room all those weeks ago.

"Has Rory or Apollo told you why?" I can hear the lump in his throat, the hesitance in his tone is almost heartbreaking.

I shake my head. "You don't have to tell me, Dee. I trust you."

"Yeah, I do. You need to know who I am." He exhales deeply, "I used to drink quite a lot when I was younger, there wasn't a lot of sober nights. I know that sounds really stupid but, where I lived, it wasn't uncommon for young teenagers to go out drinking. So one night, I went out with some boys who were known for being loud and...aggressive. I don't remember much but I was shown CCTV of them boys attacking a mother and her kid. Pushed her over, beat her a bit. Makes me feel sick now just thinking about it, they all got sent down for a few months and I was the only one who didn't. All because I didn't touch either of them. But I was there, I didn't stop them."

"Did you try to?"

"The video shown me trying to drag some of the lads away but I couldn't, I just...I should've tried harder, I should've stopped them."

"But you tried. I ain't justifying your actions but at least you tried." I run my fingers through his hair, pushing back the fallen strands. "Either way, that ain't you no more."

"You don't know that though, E. That kid must've been terrified. I-" He cuts himself off, tears brimming his eyes.

"I know that no one means more to you than your family. I know you defended me at the cafe without even knowing me. You've thrown hits for me, took some. I know you'd do the same for Ashanti and Logan. You defended Phoenix when JP jumped him. You backed Apollo immediately when JP started calling him all sorts." I sign, "You fucked up, I ain't going to sugarcoat it. But at least you've learnt from it. You might think you're a bad person for that but bad people don't give a fuck whether they're bad or not, but you do."

He just stares at me, a myriad of emotions surpassing his eyes. Until finally, "How the fuck are you so kind?"

My eyebrows furrow, "I ain't."

"I just told you that I did something fucking horrible and you're still letting me stay here, you're still trying to find the good in me. I don't get that, E, I don't deserve it."

"It takes a lot for me to hold a grudge against someone, or judge them for their actions. I have a line, if it's crossed then all the love and respect I ever had for that person is gone. It's hard to overcome and I've only ever had one person cross it from doing a single thing."

"Thank you, Eva."

Confession: I think everyone in the world deserves a second chance, even the people who killed Jonah. It's fucked up, I know. But you never know what someone else is going through or feeling. I just hope one day they each have the strength to stand up and apologise for doing that to Jonah and ruining my and my families lives.