Chapter 9
Wedding

"Are you sure, Xy?" naniniguradong tanong sa akin ni Selena. "Are you really sure?" inulit niya pa ulit.

I let out a big sigh as I faked a smile. "Sayang naman 'tong ayos ko kung hindi pa ko tutuloy doon." pabirong sabi ko nalang habang tinitignan ang sarili ko sa full-length mirror.

I'm wearing a gray dress. They have a pastel themed wedding, and it was stated on the invitation to wear pastel semi-formal attires. Apparently, it was Madeline's favorite. She likes pastel colors.

But then, I want to make myself an exception. I want them to see that I'm opposing their wedding by wearing a not so appropriate color for their wedding and not obeying what they stated. Still... they should be thankful that I didn't choose to wear a black dress.

"Basta tawagan mo lang kami ni Dei if anything goes wrong and you can't handle it by yourself, okay?" sabi ni Selena at may halo pa ring pag-aalala.

I smiled because of the concern Selena's showing me.

"Sige na. Aalis na ko." paalam ko sa kaniya.

Ilang beses pa akong pinaalalahanan ni Selena habang papalabas palang ako ng aking unit. Tumungo agad ako sa basement parking lot at huminga ng malalim nang makapasok ako sa loob ng aking sasakyan.

Am I really going to witness how my father's going to start spending his forever with another woman while my mom's laying below the ground, still loving him on her death?

The thought of Mom, aching for her lost husband and lover is making it hard for me to breathe. I'm the one who's hurting for her.

What made it hurt more is that Dad's going to marry his another woman where he also married my Mom before. It's like he didn't respect his marriage to my Mom afterall. Ang dami-daming simbahan ay doon niya pa talagang napiling pakasalan ang babae niya. I really can't believe him.

When I arrived at the solemn church, the wedding's already starting. I'm not surprised that I'm late because it's already 2PM and their wedding started 1PM. I can hear them saying their sickening vows to each other.

Tahimik akong pumanhik sa gilid at nang makita ko ang isa sa mga pinsan ko ay doon ako umupo sa tabi nila.

"I thought you won't be coming, Xy." puna ng pinsan kong si Hayley nang magulat dahil sa pagtabi ko sa kaniya.

Nagkibit-balikat nalang ako at bumuntong hininga.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Basta wag kang gagawa ng gulo ah." paalala nito sa akin. "Kilala kita, Xy. Just keep it to your self. Kasal parin 'to ng daddy mo kahit papaano. Respect it."

"Wala naman akong balak gumawa ng gulo, Hayley. Kaya nga dito ako umupo sa tabi mo eh. Kung binalak kong manggulo ay doon ako maglalakad sa gitna at tititigan ko lang silang dalawa hanggang sa itigil nila ang kasal." sabi ko naman. "And what respect are you talking about? Why will I give them that if they can't give it to me and my Mom."

"Xy, please... I know you're hurt but please." pakiusap niya sa akin na parang natatakot sa kung ano ang pwede kong gawin.

Hayley's my distant cousin. Anak siya ng pinsan ni Daddy. We were close before but ever since I distance myself away from their family, hindi na kami ulit nagkausap. Ngayon nalang ulit.

"I know what I'm doing, Hayley. You don't have to worry." sabi ko nalang sa kaniya.

Even if I don't want to pay attention to the wedding, my eyes were suddenly glued to the altar when I saw Brendt walked up with Tiffany to do their assigned duties. I can see how Tiffany steal glances at Brendt. Her smile's very evident. Kitang-kita na gusto niya ang nangyayari habang si Brent naman ay seryoso sa kaniyang ginagawa at hindi napapansin ang ginagawang pagsulyap-sulyap ni Tiffany.

"Ang gwapo talaga ng best man ni Tito." rinig kong bulong ni Hayley sa kaniyang kapatid. "Bagay sila ni Tiffany."

I rolled my eyes and silently groaned. I just turned to look away. Wala bang magandang kombinasyon sa kasal na 'to? Daddy and Madeline. Tiffany and Brendt. What a wedding.

"You may now kiss the bride." I heard the priest announced.

My head involuntarily moved to turn and looked at my Dad who's kissing another girl. Flashbacks of him and Mom came back. I always see Dad giving smack kisses to my Mom even if there's no reason to do it. The kisses he assured my Mom that were only hers are now for another woman.

I heard the faint claps of the guests while my mind's still pre-occupied with the thoughts of the past.

Hindi ko na maiwasan ang pagtulo ng aking luha. It just hurt so much seeing my Dad building his own new family.

When Mom died, he's the only family I got left. And now that he already has his own family, I'm all alone. I'm all alone...

"X-Xylia..." narinig ko ang nag-aalalang pagtawag sa akin ni Hayley.

Kinagat ko naman ang aking ibabang labi saka pinunasan ang aking luhang tumulo.

"Family picture!" sigaw ng photographer at agad nagtakbuhan ang mga pinsan ko papunta roon sa harapan.

Si Hayley ay nag-alangan pang pumunta doon nang dahil sa akin ngunit nilingon ko siya saka tinanguan.

"I'm okay, Hayley. Just go and join them." mariing sabi ko nalang.

"You should also join, Xy. You're a part of our family. You're Tito's daughter." sabi naman niya.

"I don't want to be a part of their family, Hayley." I told her. "Pumunta ka na doon dahil hinding-hindi mo ako mapapasama diyan."

Napabuntong hininga naman si Hayley. Alam niyang wala na siyang magagawa kaya patakbo na rin siyang pumunta sa harapan.

Nahagip naman ng tingin ko si Tiffany na hinablot ang braso ni Brendt para maisama sa family picture. Ngiting-ngiti siya nang nagpatianod si Brendt sa kaniyang paghila.

Kaysa ipagpatuloy ang panonood ko sa kanilang dalawa ay inilipat ko ang tingin ko kay Daddy na palinga-linga at tila parang may hinahanap.

"Okay! Ready for the picture!" sigaw ulit ng photographer at umayos naman na ang iba ngunit hindi natigil si Daddy sa paglingon-lingon.

Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi at gumawa ng dalawang hakbang kung saan makikita niya ako. Gusto kong makita niyang pumunta ako at nasaksihan ang masasakit na pangyayari ngayon.

"Groom, look at the camera!" utos ng photographer kay Daddy.

Nilingon naman siya ni Madeline at may sinabi kay Daddy ngunit alam kong hindi na napansin ni Daddy ang kung ano mang sinasabi ni Madeline dahil nahanap na ako ng kaniyang mga mata.

"Anak..." I saw him mouthed with a smile. "Come here."

He actioned his hand and told me to come, but I didn't. Instead of joining their family picture, I turned my back at them and left the church.

Hindi na ako lumingon ulit pabalik. Nauna nalang akong tumungo sa venue ng kanilang reception.

As expected, ako palang sa mga kamag-anak namin ang nandito sa venue dahil paniguradong nasa simbahan pa sila or papaalis palang sila doon. Hindi naman ganoon kalayo ang venue ng reception sa simbahan.

Binati ako ng ilang mga kaibigan ni Daddy sa business na nakakakilala sa akin nang makita ang aking pagdating.

"Xylia Saavedra." biglang may tumawag sa akin at agad naman akong napalingon. "Daughter of Mr. Greg Saavedra, right?"

I smiled and nodded at him. He's in his mid-forties I think.

"I thought that you'll be the one to inherit your father's company. But it turned out that it's going to be your sister." sabi niya naman at agad nawala ang aking ngiti.

"Stepsister." I corrected him at pinagkadiin-diinan ko pa.

"Oh..." ito nalang ang nasabi niya. Siguro naman ay nakaramdam siyang ayokong pag-usapan ang tungkol doon.

"Excuse me." I excused my self and sat on the distant table.

May mga tables for relatives at tables for other guests. Dito nalang ako sa table ng mga guests since I don't consider myself as their relative anymore.

Tahimik lamang akong naghihintay sa pagdating nila nang makarinig na ako ng ingay. I'm pretty sure that they're already here.

Nilingon ko ang mga nagsidating at agad bumungad sa aking mga mata si Tiffay na nakakapit sa braso ni Brendt. She's talking to Brendt while giggling. Si Brendt naman ay nakikinig ngunit hindi nagpapakita ng kahit anong emosyon.

Pumasok na rin sila Daddy. I thought he and Madeline will have a grand entrance but I don't think it will happen because he's already inside the venue with his new wife.

Napasadahan ako ng tingin ni Daddy at ngumiti nang makita akong nandito. Tinuro niya sa akin ang table kung saan umupo sina Tiffany at Brendt. He's asking me to sit with them but I didn't pay attention and just drank a glass of water served on the table.

The planned program for the reception started when Dad and Madeline sat at their specialized table and chairs. Ginawa nila ang karaniwang ginagawa ng mga kinakasal sa reception.

"Now, let's ask their daughters for a special congratulatory message." biglang sabi ng emcee at nagpantig ang aking tenga.

Did he just say 'daughters'?

"Ms. Tiffany Adelle Co."

Of course, Tiffany will give her dramatic speech. She will do anything just to please her Mom and my Dad with her congratulatory speech.

"To the best mommy in the world... Mom, I'm very happy that you're happy with whom you are with right now." nakangiting panimula nito. "And for Daddy. Finally! I can proudly say that you're officially my father. Even if I'm not a Saavedra, you never made me feel like I'm not. You treated me like your real daughter and gave me so much more than what I deserve to have." mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi nito. "Thank you dahil tinuring niyo po kami ni mommy as your real family. I'm happy that I can family call us a real family. I'm happy with everything that's happening right now. I wish you all the blessings in life and may our family grow more in love. Congratulations po!"

Lumapit pa si Tiffany kay Madeline at Daddy upang yakapin ang dalawa bago siya bumalik sa kaniyang upuan.

"And of course..." the emcee trailed and looked down on his cue card. "Ms. Xylia Coleen Saavedra."

Ang lahat ng mga kamag-anak ko ay napatingin sa akin. Trying to please me with their eyes na sumunod nalang ako and give a fucking congratulations to the both of them.

Tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at kita kong napalingon na rin sa akin si Brendt. He looked so shock that he saw me here. Hindi man lang ba niya naisip na parehas kami ng kasal na pupuntahan? My surname's Saavedra for Pete's sake!

Taas noo akong lumapit sa harap at kinuha ang inabot na mic sa akin ng emcee.

"Hello." I greeted everyone with a simple greeting. "To be honest, I don't know how to say, 'Congratulations! I'm so happy for the both of you.'..." I said with feelings and I started to feel my eyes got watery. "Because I'm not happy and I don't want to congratulate them."

I saw Hayley bit her lower lip. Nakasandal sa kaniyang balikat ang kaniyang nakakabatang kapatid. They're both looking at me with pity. Kahit ang ibang kamag-anak ko ay ganoon din ang klase ng tingin na ibinibigay sa akin.

"D-Dad, I just dont know what to feel right now. Even if I wanted to be happy 'cause you're happy... I just can't do it." pag-amin ko at tuluyang bumuhos ang aking luha nang tumingin ako kay Daddy. "Mahal na mahal ko kayong dalawa ni Mommy. For the first years of my life, masaya tayo. Masaya tayo na tayong tatlo lang ang magkakasama. Pero nung nawala si Mommy, instead of staying strong for me and making our bond stronger because we both only have each other, hindi ganoon ang nangyari. It was like I also lost my Dad."

Kita kong tumulo na rin ang luha ni Daddy at agad siyang dinaluhan ni Madeline.

"Alam niyo po ba ang naisip ko nung malaman kong may bago kayo at lalo na nung malaman kong she have a daughter? Sobrang takot at inggit ang naramdaman ko, 'ddy." patuloy ko sa pag-amin.

Lumapit sa akin ang pinsang kong si Dianne at niyakap ako. She's my cousin from my mother's side. She's invited to the wedding because her boyfriend's my distant cousin from my father's side.

"Shh... Tama na, Xy." she whispered and tried to console me, but I want dad to know everything.

"Mas tinuri niyo pa nga pong anak si Tiffany kaysa sa akin eh. You left your real daughter for the daughter of your new lover." nanghihinang reklamo ko at mas humigpit ang yakap ni Dianne sa akin. "Sana parehas nalang kami ni Mommy na namatay. Sana hindi nalang ako naiwan sa inyo at nasaksihan 'tong mga bagay na ayokong mangyari. Ganoon kasakit ang nararamdaman ko ngayon na gusto ko nalang mamatay kasama ni Mommy."

Napatayo naman si Daddy sa kaniyang kinauupuan dahil sa sinabi ko ngunit niyakap siya ni Madeline upang pigilan.

"No, Xy. No..." I heard him uttered.

"I'm... I'm sorry for ruining your wedding. Congrats." sabi ko nalang at kumawala sa pagkakayakap ni Dianne.

Naririnig ko ang pagtawag sa akin ng mga pinsan ko ngunit hindi ko sila pinansin. Dire-diretso ako sa paglabas sa venue.

Nakarating na ako sa parking at papasok na ako sa aking sasakyan ng biglang may humatak sa akin.

Isang mahigpit at mainit na yakap ang bumalot sa akin.

"Shhh..." rinig ko at biglang may bumalot ng isang mainit na yakap sa akin. Hindi ko na siya kailangang lingunin dahil amoy niya palang ay kilala ko na. "Don't cry..." malambing niyang pagpapatahan sa akin.

"Let go of me." mariin kong sabi habang pigil na pigil ako sa paghagulgol.

"No." he simply said and tigthened his embrace.

"Please, Brendt... I want to be alone." I almost begged him. "I really want to be alone, so please..."

Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagluwag ng kaniyang yakap sa akin hanggang sa tuluyan niya na akong pinakawalan.

Agad akong sumakay sa aking sasakyan at wala nang inaksaya pang oras. Mabilis ang pagmamaneho ko patungong Resorts World Manila. I think I need to have a few drinks.

Pagkarating ko sa Bar 180 ay agad akong pumuwesto sa bar at nagtawag ng bartender na gagawa ng gusto kong inumin.

"Give me your hardest liquor." sabi ko rito.

Noong una'y nag-aalangan pa siya sa pagbibigay ng gusto ko ngunit hindi kalaunan ay ginawa niya rin ang gusto ko.

I drowned myself with liquor. I can feel myself getting dizzy and my head throbbing but I didn't mind and just continued drinking.

Sabi nila kapag uminom ka, makakalimutan mo ang mga problema mo kahit isang gabi lang. Pero mukhang mali sila dahil ang sarili mo lang ang makakalimutan mo pero hindi ang mga problema mo.

I was on my seventh shot when someone grasped the shot glass from my hand.

Kunot-noo kong nilingon ang lalaking umagaw ng aking iniinom. Bumungad sa akin ang mapanganib na itsura ni Brendt. His eyes are very dark right now like he's going to kill. If he's going to kill me literally then it would be a pleasure. I probably would thank him.

Nginitian ko siya at saka inilahad ang aking kamay.

"Pabalik po ng inumin ko..." malambing kong pakiusap. "Akin 'yan eh!"

Kaysa pansinin ay nilingon niya ang bartender na nag-aasikaso sa mga iniinom ko. Madiin niyang inilapag ang shot glass sa lamesa na dahilan kung bakit tumapon ang ibang laman nito.

"Don't you know that she could get in trouble if she drinks a lot?" mariin niyang tanong sa bartender. "You can kiss your last pay check goodbye."

Marahas akong hinila ni Brendt papalapit sa kaniya ngunit hinila ko ang aking sarili pabalik.

Galit na galit niya akong nilingon kaya naman napanguso ako at yumuko na lamang.

Narinig ko ang kaniyang bayolenteng paghinga bago ako muling hinila. Kala-kaladkad niya ako habang patungo kami sa parking lot.

"Hindi 'yan ang sasakayan ko." I told him when he's making me go inside his car.

"You'll ride with me." his words marked with finality and let me inside his car.

Pagkapasok niya sa loob ng sasakyan ay huminga siya ng malalim. Hindi niya pinaandar ang sasakyan at tanging ang paghinga lang naming dalawa ang naririnig ko.

"I didn't know that he is your father..." panimula niya.

Napangisi naman ako at bahagyang binabaan ang aking upuan para makasandal. Ngayong tumigil ako sa pag-inom ay mas lalo kong naramdaman ang pagsakit ng aking ulo at pati na rin ang pagkahilo.

"He was." I corrected him and closed my eyes. "He was my father before... Ngayon hindi na." umiling-iling pa ako.

"He is still your father, Xylia." giit niya sa akin. "He just remarried but he is still your father. He is a good man."

Muli akong napadilat at kasabay noon ay ang pamumuo ng luha sa aking mga mata. I thought that I'm already done crying... Hindi pa pala.

"He. Is. Not." may diin kong sabi. "You don't know him that much kaya mo lang 'yan nasasabi. Ako ngang anak niya, hindi ko pa siya masiyadong kilala. Ikaw pa kaya?!"

"You're just angry, hurt and drunk, Xylia. We can talk about this some other time." sabi naman niya at hindi na pinatulan ang pag-away ko sa kaniya.

"I feel so betrayed and hurt." mahina kong sabi. "Not just for me, but also for my mom."

Hinayaan ko ang pagtulo ng aking luha at nakita kong napatigil si Brendt sa pagsususi upang mapaandar ang sasakyan.

"How did he manage to move on and forget my mom that fast when for me... I can still hear her last words, feel her last touch, see her last smile... Paano niya nagawa 'yon?" tanong ko sa kaniya kahit na alam kong wala naman siyang maisasagot sa akin.

"Maybe because your father doesn't want to agonize and grief for your mother everyday." he said. "There's nothing wrong with being happy again, Xylia. I understand where you're coming from pero naiintindihan ko ang Daddy mo. It's not easy to be left alone by the one you love, but it's even hard when you chose to stop the time there and remember every pain. We choose to move on because we want to escape the pain and be happy again."

"He can be happy with me... With his daughter." sabi ko. "But he chose to let his daughter go. Now, I'm left all alone."

Napasinghap naman ako nang bigla akong hinila ni Brendt upang yakapin. 

"B-Brendt..." I stuttered, taken aback from his sudden hug.

"You wouldn't be alone." he said, full of assurance. "I will be here for you. Don't worry. And I'm sure you have your friends too. Nandito lang kami."

Tiningala ko naman siya at bumungad sa akin ang kaniyang malulungkot na mga mata. They're grieving like mine.

Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang pisngi. I traced his cherry red lips with my thumb. I smiled.

It would be so nice to feel being loved by someone. If I kiss him... will I feel loved by him?

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at hinayaan ang aking labi na lumapat sa kaniya. His lips felt so soft. Our lips weren't moving for a few seconds until he deepened our kiss.

His hand slid up to touch my covered breast as our kisses started to heat. I moaned because of pleasure.

"Fuck." I heard him curse.

Brendt managed to move from the driver's seat to the back seat without breaking our kiss. Hinawakan niya ang aking hita upang maingat patungo sa back seat at inupo ako sa kaniyang hita.

Because of my short dress, my most private part covered only with a thin sheath felt his erection below his pants.

Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi.

I rocked my myself to his erection and heard Brendt moaned a curse that's filled with pleasure from what I'm doing to him.

I opened his shirt's button and helped me unbuttoning his shirt while continuing what I'm doing. I traced his hot packs before raising my arm, letting him remove my dress.

Kaysa lamigin dahil halos wala na akong saplot ay mas lalo lamang akong nainitan at pinagpawisan ng todo.

"You're so beautiful..." I heard him whispered before removing my brassiere.

My breast welcomed his mouth that was hungrily savouring the well built mount while his hand's playing with my other breast. He played with my breats vice versa until he was fully satisfied that led his hand touch my wonders.

"Uh, Brendt..." I moaned when I felt his hand in between my thighs.

Hinawi niya ang aking panty and I felt his fingers softly caressed my folds.

"You're so wet already... Uh..." he moaned.

Napapikit ako ng naramdaman ang kaniyang daliri na ipinasok sa aking gitna.

"Uh... Fuck, Brendt... Uh..." paulit-ulit kong sabi at mas lumala lamang ang aking pag-ungol nang sinimulan niyang ipasok-labas ang kaniyang daliri sa akin.

I didn't know that pleasure can make me forget everything for a while. Halos wala na akong maalala sa mga nangyari ngayon at ang tanging gumugulo lang sa isipan ko ay ang paglalaro ni Brendt sa aking hiyas.

"Please, Brendt... Come in... Now... In me..." paulit-ulit kong sabi sa gitna ng aking pag-ungol.

In ome swift move, he laid me down the back seat. He gave my lips a soft kiss before removing the only cloth left on my body.

He slid his finger in and out of my cave again before position this proud glory at the entrance. I felt his tip teasing me down there and I just want to push myself so that I can take all of him now ngunit parang naramdaman niya ang balak kong gawin at ipinirmi ang aking bewang.

"You will never be alone..." I heard him say. "Do you understand me, Xy?"

Tumatango-tango na lamang ako upang matapos na ang aming usapan.

"I will be here for you..." he said before entering inside me and all I heard was my moan filled with both pleasure and pain.