After the elders of our families, the guests that were missing on our nikah and the youngsters climb up the stage in pairs and give us blessings in addition of the salami.

The songs keep me energetic and happy.

I keep looking at myself in the mirror and obsessing over the image.

soyi soyi palkon pe chal ke
mere sapnon ki khidki pe aa gayaa
aate jaate phir mere dil ke
inn haathon mein woh khat pakraa gayaa
pyaar ka, lafzon mein rang hai pyaar ka

bahaara bahaara
huaa dil pehli baar ve

I kiss Saliha baji right after she sits beside me.

"Safeid eyeliner suit kar rahaa hai, hai naa?" She raises a brow.

(The white eyeliner suits you, doesn't it?)

I nod, guilty. I was whining, telling her not to put the eyeliner on me.

She shakes her head clicking her tongue.

"Aap salami dein, taane kyun deti hain."
(Stop taunting and hand me the salami.)

"Yeh lo, badtameez naa ho tou."
(Take it, insolent little brat.)

I grin taking the money envelope from her.

Before bhai Usman and Saliha baji leave, someone captures everyone's attention.

One of the cameras shift to the entrance as well.

My heart falls.

An elderly man and a gorgeous young lady walk in. The lady wearing a navy blue organza sharara.

Her makeup, her dress, it's so bright and suits her so well.

She swaggers from the middle of the scattered guest tables up till the stage and I see Haider already up... now receiving kisses on the cheek from her.

My eyes zoom on his hand around her waist.

I get up and she just gives me a quick hug with a bright smile, "Miraal, a close friend of Haider's."

There's no genuineness in her smile towards me.

The man puts a hand on my head and utters blessings for us after having hugged Haider.

There's a small talk between them while my brain tries to fix itself. He tells me they're family friends and I want to hit him with a brick when I see his face.

The girl is faster than me.

Her puppy face and "aww" annoy me more than the way she wipes her lipstick off his cheeks.

I want to leave the stage now.

NOW.

Kar lo tum log.
(Do it, you guys.)

Sab kar lo, yaheen kar lo, camera ke aage kar lo. (Do everything, do it here, do it in front of the camera.)

I can't muster up a fake smile for the camera.

"Haider, I wanted to gift you something better, but keeping your hatred for gold in mind, I thought of getting you a personalized ring. I designed this." I watch the girl gifting him a silver ring.

She takes it out of the box and asks for his hand, but I show her a hand. "We'll open it later, thank you."

All of them look at me and a silence takes over. She puts the box down.

A microexpression of anger appears on her face but the smile never leaves and the confidence is unwavering, "Sure,"

"Bas kuchh minute ka waqt le ke aaye the," (we only spared a bit of time to come here,) "we have a flight to catch," uncle gets up, "we'll take your leave."

Once they leave the stage, I look at Haider.

And he smirks to himself before looking at me.

"What?" I ask, infuriated.

"What?" He asks, calm.

"Nahin yeh smirk kyaa tha, hain?" (No, what was this smirk, huh?)

He hides his smile and shakes his head defensively, "Kuchh nahin. Maine kab kiya kuchh?" (Nothing. When did I do anything?)

The lunch break is announced and I storm off the stage towards the kitchen, the only empty area in the house.

I hear his annoyed "Alaya yaar," before I'm off the stage.

I rip a tissue from the kitchen roll and dab my eyes.

I feel like punching someone. I open the enormous fridge to get some air and smack it closed out of frustration as that lady's smile comes to my head.

I think of her name.

Miraal Haider.

Alaya Haider.

I sniff into the tissue as I cry out loud, Miraal Haider sounds beautiful.

I hear footsteps behind me.

"Alaya,"

"—Haider maine tum se... Subhan?"
(—Haider didn't I... Subhan?)

Subhan narrows his eyes at my tears and the tissue paper.

"Shukar hai. Mujhe pataa tha tum bhi iss shaadi se khush nahin ho."
(Thank God. I knew you weren't happy with this marriage.)

"Nahin, yeh baat nahin hai." I attempt to clear his misunderstanding. (No, it's not that.)

"Hm. Abbh baba ne keh diya t—"
(Hm. Since baba has said i—)

"—Subhan yahaan se jaaein."
(Subhan, leave from here.)

"Kyun? Alaya tumhain mujhe taane dene aate hain, tum khud kyaa kar rahi ho? Baba ke ddarr se kuchh bhi? Kisi se bhi shaadi kar lo gi? Woh Haider jis ne humaare ghar aa ke aik dafaa mein itni dehshat phela di, woh roz tumhaare saath—"

(Why? Alaya you taunt me but what about you? You'd do anything out of baba's fear? You'll marry anyone? That Haider who spread so much terror by coming to our house once, what does he—)

"—Subhan yahaan se jaaein! Mujhe aap se koyi baat nahin karni." (—Subhan, leave from here! I don't want to talk to you at all.)

"Uss din tum ne mujh se baat kar li hoti tou aaj yeh naa hota." (If that day you had spoken to me then this would not have happened.)

"Hm. Koyi naa koyi dekh ke qatl karwaa hi deta. Abbhi bhi aap naa gaye aur Haider ne dekh liya—" (Right. Someone would have definitely seen us and have us killed. If you don't leave now and Haider sees—)

"—Dafaa karo Haider ko. Shaayad yeh baat karne ka mauqa mujhe dobaara naa mile. Mujhe... Tum, tum talaaq le lo Haider se. Mujhe tum se shaadi karni hai. Tum mere saath bohot khush raho gi."

(—Let Haider go to hell. I might not get a second chance to have a talk about this. I... you, take divorce from Haider. I want to marry you. You'll live very happily with me.)

"Yeh kyaa baqwaas hai?"
(What nonsense is this?)

"Mujhe pataa hai tum yahaan khush nahin ho, Alaya." (I know you aren't happy here, Alaya.)

"Khush main aap ke saath bhi nahin thi. Aur naa hi kabbhi ho sakti thi. Aap ki ammi... rehne dein. Mujhe abbh yeh baat bhi nahin karni." (I wasn't happy with you either. Nor could I have ever been. Your mum... let it be. I don't want to talk about this anymore.)

"Kaise? Itni jaldi kaise bhool sakti ho tum mujhe. Humaari baat pakki hote hi woh sab glances, woh kyaa tha?"

(How? How can you forget me so quick? All those glances after our relationship was finalized? What was that?)

"Kyaa matlab glances? Sunein. Joh bhi tha, uss waqt tha, mutual tha. Abbh nahin hai, mutually nahin hona chaahiye. Yeh aap soch bhi kaise sakte hain main iss waqt kisi aur ke baare mein sochun gi?"

(What do you mean by glances? Listen. Whatever it was, it was there at that time, it was mutual. It isn't there anymore, and should mutually not be. How can you even think I'd think of someone else at this moment?)

"Ttheek hai, naa socho, talaaq lo, phir soch lein ge." (Fine, don't think so, take divorce, then we'll think.)

"Yeh aap ka maamla nahin hai. Baraae-meherbaani iss mein naa bolein."
(This isn't your matter. Please don't intervene.)

"Yeh mera maamla nahin hai? Alaya, main tum se mohabbat karta hoon." (This isn't my matter? Alaya, I love you.)

"Subhan, nahin. Aap ko aik mauqa diya gayaa tha, aap ne gawaa diya. Abbh meri zindagi mein aap ka koyi kirdaar nahin hai." (No Subhan. You were given a chance and you lost it. You play no role in my life anymore.)

I look at him one last time and head out but he grabs my arm.

"BAS KAREIN." (STOP IT.) I remove his hand off my arm and leave towards the girls.

Ishrat baji kisses my forehead and every time someone touches me slightly, Saliha baji panics, makeup nahin kharaab hona chaahiye. (the make-up must remain intact.)

"Chalein, baith ke khaana khaa lein hum bhi, bhook lagi hui hai." (Let's go sit and have something to eat. I'm hungry.)

"Haan," (yea,) Tania nods, "hum jaate hain khaane, tum tou apne miyaan ke saath hi jaa ke khaao. Tum se dour tou uss se rehne nahin hota. Dekho, abbhi bhi tumhain hi ddhoondd rahaa hai." She uses her chin to point at him.

(We'll go and eat, you better go to eat with your husband since he can't live away from you. Look, he's still looking for you.)

I look behind and his wandering eyes meet mine.

"Alaya," he scratches the back of his neck, "Woh... mujhe brooch lagaa do. Kab se koshish kar rahaa hoon, lag hi nahin rahaa." (Um... pin this brooch for me. I've been trying for so long but I'm unable to attach it.)

While the gathering laughs and before any of them passes a comment, I leave them and go upstairs with him.

"Lagwaa lena tha naa uss main character se. Tum se zaroori nahin ho gi uss ki flight."

(Why don't you have that main character attach this for you? Her flight must not be more important than you.)

"Ouf, itni jealousy?"
(Ouf, such jealousy?)

I whip my head back, "Jealousy nahin hai."
(It's not jealousy.)

I grab the brooch and as I clip it on his sherwaani, the corners of my lips go down.

"Jealousy hi hai. Woh aise kaise mere Walimey pe—" (It is jealousy. It's my Walimah, how can she—)

The taste of his lips is calming.

It gives me a sense of break. No cameras, no people, no eyes. No one's watching.

I look the best in his eyes no matter what.

I place my hands on the back of his neck and head.

He takes a small pause to pin me to the wall. His hand on my neck ends it for me.

I keep my head lowered when his mouth tears from mine.

I decide to leave, slightly embarrassed for losing my conscience but he grabs my wrist.

"No, I don't—"

He kisses the end of my jaw and I hold the hand on my wrist for support.

I blabber random words to not fall weak in front of him.

"Mhm, okay." He kisses a particularly sensitive spot on my neck and I'm wishing to leave when his thumb pushes my chin up and I impulsively reciprocate his kiss.

I feel so nervous, as if in a room full of strangers, every single one of them staring at me.

And I try to take comfort in that. There's no other way out.

I break the kiss and hug him.

Alaya! Can I embarrass myself more?

"Sh, what's wrong?"

Oh God, when will I learn my whats and whens? Always the wrong things on the wrong timings.

I move back and take a tissue from the vanity table before leaving for the washroom.

"Alaya, don't worry about her. Miraal's just a family friend, nothing else."

Men and misunderstandings. As if I'd care about that lady's flirty glances towards him after having seen another lady moan his name and certain sounds that assured what came in my mind was what was happening in the room.

Miraal ruined my Walimah. She had no right to look prettier than me.

I dab my eyes and retouch my hair as I prepare myself to go downstairs.

"Listen, make it quick or we won't get time to eat," I hear him from the other side.

I take a final glance of myself and notice my lipstick a bit messy.

Huh?

Fuck it, the kiss.

All this stress is going to have me diagnosed with dementia at this age.

I search for Q-tips to fix it.

God, Haider!

I run outside, hoping he hasn't left and panic when he's not in the room.

I open the door of the room and see him far away talking on the phone.

"Haider!" I whisper-shout.

He looks behind and I go coat a cotton pad with some makeup remover.

●○•°○•●

Leaned on the window near the huge dining table, I think of everything Subhan said to me a while ago.

I should have left the instant I saw him.

Kyaa dhakyanusi khayaal hai, Alaya.
(What's this old era thought, Alaya.)

Stop acting like you need to be oh so loyal to your husband while he's cheating on you under the same roof.

subhan, nano's house, rejection, frowns, discussion, agreement, verbal announcement, sweets and celebration, momaani, evil thinking, days of happiness, sudden call, fake smiles, ring not fitting, failed engagement, auspicious, cancelation—

I see Haider a few inches apart, leaning near the other end of the window copying my crossed arm gesture.

He raises his brows questioning the tears in my eyes.

I shake my head with a small smile as I use my nails to smoothly flick them out of the window.

I lean back on the window's casing and sigh.

He gestures me to listen, and I hear the song playing in the background.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

A raise of brows, how does the plan seem?

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

His eyes move to the sky.

Yeh badal ki chaadar
Yeh taaron ke aanchal
Mein chhup jaaein hum
Pal do pal

I look at him and his eyes move between the two of us.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

He tilts his head and I roll my eyes.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

After showing me a stubborn and angered expression, he gestures one last time, comanding.

With an equally angered frown, I shake my head. I'm telling you one last time. No.

He begs with his eyes and I want to laugh but I shake my head and move my eyes towards the window.

I look at the indifference and arrogance on his face. A small smile peeks out of my lips.

"Mm," I make a sound and he refuses to look at me until I lazily hit his shoe with mine.

Dekho kahaan aa gaye hum
Sanam saath chalte

I look around the heavily occupied house.

Jahaan din ki baahon mein
raaton ke saaye hain ddhalte

I grimace, not understanding the poetry, but letting him know I'm in.

Chal woh chowbaare ddhoondein
Jin mein chaahat ki boondein

Sach kar dein sapnon ko sabhi

The glint in his eyes exhibits some very bright dreams. And whatever the future, it makes me fall in love with the present moment.

Aankhon ko meeche meeche,

I lower my eyes,

Main tere peechhe peechhe

and make a zig zag way towards him, having taken my hand out of the crossed arms.

Chal doon joh keh de tu abbhi

Bahaaron ke chhat haun,
Duaaon ke khat haun
Parhte rahein yeh ghazal

He writes a letter in the air with an imaginary pen.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

We rest back and smile. He stops me from biting and ruining my nails.

Dekha nahin maine pehle kabhi yeh nazara

I gesture towards the crowd attending our Walimah.

Badla hua sa lage mujh ko aalam yeh saara

Suraj ko huyi haraarat,
Raaton ko kare sharaarat
Baitha hai khidki pe teri

His eyes trace the outline of this window.

Iss baat pe chaand bhi bigda,

I look at the position of the non-available moon and moue.

Katra-katra woh pighla

I flick-flick my tears from both eyes.

Bhar aaya aankhon mein meri

Toh suraj bhuja doon,

He raises his eyebrows teasingly,

Tujhe main sajaa doon

and seems satisfied with the thought of it

Sawera ho tujh se hi kal

as his hand shapes the outline of my figure.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

He kneels down and asks for my hand, now genuinely proposing the idea.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

And I —crazily in love with how happy silly things make me— accept the proposal.

Yeh badal ki chaadar
Yeh taaron ke aanchal
Mein chhup jaaein hum
Pal do pal

His finger has me spin and show off my pastel blue and bright emerald lehenga to no one.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

I get tired and hold his arms to avoid dizziness while he holds me close to watch me laugh.

Falak tak chal saath mere
Falak tak chal saath chal

○•●°•○●•

After two tiring hours, the guests just keep changing and increasing. I don't know how many tables there are in the hall and the garden but I'm so sick of it now.

I whine to Haider and sneakily take his pillow as well to give some rest to my back.

One of the kids cries and I want to go tell him us moment bro, wishing I could cry loudly as well.

Haider rubs my back and my eyes widen. I stop his hand. "Kyaa kar rahe ho?" I whisper, still looking in the camera.
(What are you doing?)

Haider, on the other hand, doesn't care about the camera or the people at all, his eyes glue on me.

The event coordinator smiles and I stop Haider, embarrassed.

He gets confused by the redness on my face and as if my back wasn't already aching, my head starts aching as well.

The camera captured it, it's going to be in the wedding movie.

He laughs it off and my elbow on the arm rest twists and raises my arm up till my face where I can casually bite my nail without noticing.

He lowers my hand for the tenth time today, "Alaya. It's nothing. It's almost over now."

"It's so boring,"

I look at him after noticing his eyes on me for too long.

His attentive gaze raises from my lips to my eyes and I sigh as I lean back on my hand.

A while later I see Haider standing a few steps away with a mic in his hand as he talks to his brother and pats his back.

The microphone screeches and howls so loud, the windows almost blast. It grabs the attention of the whole room before he starts.

"—ing, test— I'm sorry." He speaks in the mic, "I wanted to start with ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please, but these deadly glares and clenched jaws communicate that I already have it."

"From me and my wife's behalf, I'd like to thank you all for taking some time out of your lives and attending our Walimah, and for all the gifts and blessings and prayers... They mean a lot to us. Thank you really very much. I hope you guys spent the day well here and didn't face any disturbance. But before we conclude this event, I'd like to improve this day for my beautiful wife, since sitting in front of the public and smiling extra bright for the pictures has been very boring and tiring for her. And that's not how I want her to remember this day. So, Alaya, this is for you."

I'm going to die. I'm going to kill him and I'm going to die.

He made me the villain in front of the public.

How fucking dare he and what the fuck was that?

His buddy, I don't know what his name is, but the same guy that hated me on our first encounter, he pulls a few strings on the guitar at Haider's one look.

The crowd applauds instead of throwing shoes at me for how ungrateful I am, and I feel a bit relieved.

"Joh teri khaatir tarrpe pehle se hi
Kyaa usse tarpaana
O zaalima o zaalima"

I...

"Joh tere ishq mein behka pehle se hi
Kyaa usse behkaana
O zaalima o zaalima"

What's baba going to think?

"Joh teri khaatir tarrpe pehle se hi
Kyaa usse tarpaana
O zaalima o zaalima"

I'm going to die. I swear I'd leave if my legs weren't wobbly. I'm going to collapse.

"Joh tere ishq mein behka pehle se hi
Kyaa usse behkaana
O zaalima o zaalima"

I've never had asthma, but now I know what an asthma attack feels like.

"Aankhein marhaba
Baatein marhaba
Main sau martaba
Deewaana hua

Mera naa raha
Jab se dil mera
Tere husn ka
Nishaana hua"

WHAT IS HE SINGING, OH MY GOD.

"Jiss ki har dharkan tu ho aise
Dil ko kyaa dharkaana
O zaalima o zaalima

Joh teri khaatir tarrpe pehle se hi
Kyaa usse tarpaana
O zaalima o zaalima"

I'm unaware of my surroundings, I think nothing is real, we are all fake, we are in a game, and it's all ending, we are all dying and then we aren't going to remember anything. I think this is just a moment, and I think sometimes that marijuana should be legal, and I agree with my friends, and I don't—

"Saanson mein
Teri nazdeekiyon ka
Itr tu ghol de... ghol de

Main hi kyun
Ishq zaahir karoon
Tu bhi kabhi bol de... bol de"

He comes to sit on my side with his legs comfortably widespread and slightly angled towards me, and extends the mic towards me. I shake my head.

"Le ke jaan hi
Jaaega meri
Qaatil har tera
Bahaana hua

Tujh se hi shuru
Tujh pe hi khatam
Mere pyaar ka
Fasaana hua"

He takes my hand in his before singing further.

"Tu shamma hai toh yaad rakhna
Main bhi hoon parwaana
O zaalima o zaalima

Joh teri khaatir tarrpe pehle se hi
Kyaa usse tarpaana
O zaalima o zaalima"

I try to applaud but I'm frozen.

"Thank you, everyone." He stands up and easily rounds it off.

I don't know how to react.

"Thiz nsi vast net—"

He cackles at my words.

"Watt uas d... Iym... Baba k-kitl-qatl..."

"Alaya,"

"This was real? This. You just. You were singing? Azaan? What— Ham... Hamza? What's your name. What was this? Haider. You can't do this to me. Oh my God, everyone— what are they going to—"

He leaves the conversation and I sit with my jaw hanging low. I wish I fainted and wouldn't have to let so many people see a face so red.

●•○°•●•○

Once in the room, much more relaxed, resting on the bed with my head on top of Haider's lower abdomen. My hands lazily spread on him and one of my legs' covering his. I think of the evening again.

He's been wanting to leave for quite a while now but it feels comfortable and this position helps me overthink better.

I keep mumbling random words, unable to accept how the function wrapped up.

"Toh phir toh your income is very much halal for me, right?" (so your income is halal for me, right?) "hm, let's go shopping tomorrow. And you buy me that new iPhone everyone's raving about. Oh my God. Yes of course. I'll have to learn how to save music in— NO you're going to pay for my Spotify. No. Spotify doesn't have all the pieces I like. I'll have to find a way to download music. Haider?"

"Hm?"

"I didn't like your lover. I don't care whoever she was. But she stole my spotlight. Why would she overdress? What's it called? Overshine me... Overshadow the bride— I don't know, she was looking prettier than me and that's not allowed. It's so mannerless. It's my day and she's there looking better than me?"

"Tsk. Alaya, it doesn't matter."

"It does."

"Sohne paavein lakh mil jarn, asan kade yaar te ni vataana, aseen gabru punjabi aan dil jide naal laaiye onnu chhadd ke nai jaande."

(No matter how many pretty faces I see, I'm never going to leave the love of my life. I'm a punjabi guy, we don't leave the one we have given our heart to.)

The fuck is he saying? And why have I heard it somewhe— "Oh."

He chuckles.

I laugh and push the whole weight of my body over him as I lie on my stomach, my chin touching his heart. "That was a good one."

Amrinder Gill's Yarrian played in the wedding playlist today and I told him it's one of my favorites.

"I mean it. There'll be thousands of better looking girls out there," he sticks a strand of my hair behind my ear, "But I've fallen for you."

I smile and rest my temple on his chest, "You have a good choice."

"You have the whole bed for yourself, Alaya."

My mind goes back to the evening. To Zaalima. It was beautiful.

"You shouldn't have. Mmm...? It was nice."

"Hm, thank you." He replies and I look up.

I shift up and kiss his jaw as his eyes slowly shut, "Maine yeh bhi socha hai aksar, tu bhi main bhi, sabhi hain sheeshe. Khud hi ko hum sabhi mein dekhe, nahin hoon main hoon main tou phir bhi."

He chuckles. A warm delightful amazed chuckle, "Stop singing me lullabies. I'll fall asleep and I have to go! Yaar, Alaya!! move. your. leg. off. me."

I kiss the end of his jaw just the way he kissed mine in the afternoon.

The look he gave me in the morning, —right before he intentionally took off his brooch just to make it seem like an oops I forgot it and we could come here for a break and some romance— that very same look comes back on his face.

This time I get it. And he looks in my eyes to take my consent.

I shift to my side of the bed and laugh in response, then look at him and smile.

He straddles me and I put a hand up on his lips, "I love that song. But I'm still upset, you shouldn't have done that. Not in public. I didn't know how to react and I'm so camera conscious, I hate bad expressions on my face, like expressions that don't suit—"

"—You looked awesome, stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, loveeeeely and I loveeee you!" he nuzzles my nose and removes my hand on his lips to kiss me.

I put my hand behind his neck to control the kiss better.

"I'm sorry jaana, I have to go finish this job." He gets up and I hold his hand.

"Haider, I don't want you to go to those random girls. Come here at night."

He's fixing his sherwaani but he slows down and looks at me, a small smile playing on his lips. "I will."

He strokes a thumb on my cheek and leaves.

He will, InShaAllah.

●•○°●○••

After 15 minutes of lying down, I search for my phone and go to the vanity table.

I, someone who would take five thousand pictures and still not be satisfied with a single. I, who would cover at least one part of my face and never post my entire face on my story. That very same I, me and myself records a one-take hands-free outfit of the day video on my Instagram and posts it without even looking once.

Though I do hide the stories from Alishba and aapi.

I play music on Spotify, set the phone by the mirror and record myself taking my makeup off.

I, who hates her voice, now screaming her favorite jams trying her best to sound like a good singer.

"O tenu suit suit karda
Suit karda..
Tenu suit suit karda"

I step back and show my outfit.

"Ni tu lagdi punjaban, lagdi patola
Lagge ni tu sareyan ton wakhri
Tenu suit suit karda"

I upload it and record again,

"Jhanjaran de shor ne tabahi jehi paayi aa
Puchde ne munde dasso kudi kithon aayi aa
Haye ni bacha bacha phire
Haye ni bacha bacha phire, phire
Bacha bacha tere utte marda
Tenu suit suit karda
Now whatever you at babe
You can make the whole room stare
But you know that my favourite
Is when you rock in that desi swag"

I, who's embarrassed of posting desi songs on my stories because my classmates view them.

"Daily de kinne marde ne
Te kinne pehla tu maare

Haaye ni haaye nakhra tera ni
High rated gabru nu maare
Haaye ni munde paagal ho gaye ne
Tere gin gin lakk de hulaare"

I, whose crush (now ex-crush, of course) still follows her. And I, who's afraid of his judgments.

I post a blank story with Alhamdulillah.

Once done with the makeup removal, I go lie down on my bed and think of the afternoon.

Toh suraj bhuja doon,

Tujhe main sajaa doon

Sawera ho tujh se hi kal

The way he knelt down and asked for my permission.

Yeh badal ki chaadar
Yeh taaron ke aanchal
Mein chhup jaaein hum
Pal do pal

The dramatic spins and landing in his arms while he watched me laugh with a handsome smile playing on his own lips.

I've lived such a filmy moment!

I'm... I'm in love with this life. As long as it lasts I want to enjoy it to the fullest.

It's perfect.

Yes, he is a test of my patience, but who said I can't enjoy this test!

A filmy love life, a good financial situation, great health, love, friends, family... I might not be praying regularly because the environment isn't homely, but even spiritually.

Level 10 of wellbeing.

Today, that whole chart can be fully colored.

Alhamdulillah.

I remember how big of a phone addict I was before coming to Pakistan. Now most of the time I don't even know where my phone is.

By the way, if Haider left all of this and came with me to start a new life, would I allow it?

I turn to the side and think of Zaalima.

He sang it so well.

And he did it for me.

But how long is that... I'm not being under confident. In fact, my biggest worry used to be the opposite. I knew everyone would love my personality because I'm very fun but no one would be there long enough to discover it.

I was insecure about my looks.

But he's fallen for them.

And I'm not demanding or short tempered or anything that normally turns off people.

But I don't feel like this is real.

The other day he said that me being a good person was just a plus point, he was already in love with me.

aseen gabru punjabi aan dil jide naal laaiye onnu chhadd ke nai jaande

Allah miyaan's being so bountiful.

Do I even deserve it?

I turn the ring on my finger and close my eyes.

Don't expect anything from the future, Alaya. Expectations always end up hurting. Let it flow.

I take my phone and write Koh-e-Noor instead of overthinking.

I publish the chapter I had written the other day, and write the next.

It calms me so much.

[sitaara maltte rang mein zyaada khubsoorat lagta hai.]