[saturday ho gayaa ghalti se, sorry :p]

The wedding event continues very normally.

I think of it to be a nightmare and everyone around me acts like it is one too. I even try to mention it but no one responds to any of my questions.

Which is so weird.

How could a dream be so vivid? I woke up with water being sprinkled on me, why'd I faint if not because of that?

But then my eyes go to the cameraman and he's someone different, and so is the color of the neck strap attached with the camera.

Why is everyone... silent about it?

I go to a side all mentally exhausted and baffled up and nano approaches me.

Her look says it all.

They all know baba. They don't want to ruin things. But even the extended relatives and the rest of the village? How are they all silent? All of them? Not even one person behaved different.

Both aani and nano ask me how I am in a low voice and insist on taking me home.

I mean, to their house.

You know, this is the messed up part with brown girls. Once they get engaged they imagine their whole life with that man and ouf does it not hurt when the engagement gets called off.

I nod to the advice and mamu and nano take me to their home.

My head is still a bit injured and my vision blurs out a lot. I've waited for such functions my whole life and now there's this shaadi marathon but I can't enjoy it.

Why does Allah miyaan do this to me?

Is there anything I've waited for more desperately?

Maybe my own marriage.

I'm not even fond of having my own wedding, I just need someone around whom I can comfortably be ugly.

I hate how imaginary scenarios of Subhan and me are flashing in front of my eyes.

I hate Subhan so much.

Life could be so pretty.

I wear my earphones and lose consciousness in the Koh-e-Noor paracosm.

○•°•°•○

"Nahin nano please, baba ko nahin bataaein. Woh fazool mein pareshaan ho jaaein ge. Kuchh huaa toh nahin naa. Ishrat baji bhi nahin bataa rahi, woh bhi toh thi wahaan."

(No nano, please don't tell baba. He'll unnecessarily get worried. Nothing happened. Ishrat baji is not telling anyone either, though she was there too.)

I look at mamu Muneeb,

"Mamu aap toh jaante hain naa baba ko? Woh waise hi itne masroof hain innh functions mein."

(Mamu, you know baba, right? He's so busy in these functions anyway.)

How do I convince them?

"Itne itne arse baad mushqil se Pakistan aate hain, abbh yeh bataa diya toh toh woh humain kabbhi nahin laaein ge."

(He comes to Pakistan after such long periods of time, if you tell him this he'll never bring us.)

"Lekin Alaya, beta tumhaare baba ko baad mein kisi aur se pataa chal gayaa toh-"

(But Alaya, dear if your baba gets to know it through someone else-)

"-Koyi nahin bataae ga, Muneeb. Sahi keh rahi hai Alaya. Aswad pareshaan ho jaae ga." Nano intervenes and I finally take a breath of relief.

(No one will tell him, Muneeb. Alaya's right. Aswad will get worried.)

Shukar. (Thank God.)

Waise hi zindagi mein kam azaab hain, joh yeh bhi hona tha?

(Aren't there enough problems in life, what was the need of this?)

Frankly speaking, on a personal level, it did raise my confidence a bit, but what was this!

Three consecutive weddings and all of them brought something bad.

I injured my head in the first one, the second one came with the end of Subhan and my engagement, and now this on the third.

These marriage marathons have never turned out good and I believe it must be Allah punishing us for this huge waste of money instead of helping the poor.

I excuse myself out of my room once relieved from their side.

The last car arrives as well, mama baba ask me what happened and I freeze. Aani covers it up before I can.

We go back home after dinner and I fall down on my bed.

"baji, baji meri madad kar dein, mere peechhe goondde pare hain meri ammi bhai sab mujhe ddhoondd rahe haun ge, bas aik phone call karna hai, baji please aap aurat hain meri izzat ka sawaal hai, waqt nahin hai mere paas woh log mujhe bech dein ge, mere abbu-"

(Ma'am, ma'am please help me, some goons are following me, my mum, brother, they're all looking for me, I just need to make one phone call, you are a woman, it's about my honor, I don't have time, they'll sell me, my dad-)

"Lo, yeh lo." I hand her my phone and she instantly calls her landline, showering me with prayers of good health as the bell rings to the other side. (Here, take this.)

I look around for goons and pray for my own self. Baba yaa taaya abbu ko pataa chalaa gundon ke maamle mein main parr rahi hoon toh main toh gayi.

(If baba or uncle get to know that I'm involved in a matter of goons, then I'm doomed.)

Lekin abbh kisi ki madad karne ka mauqa Allah saamne se de rahaa hai toh main kyun peechhe hattoon?

(But if Allah's giving me a chance to help someone then why should I step back?)

She hands me my phone and bids byes but I hold her and give her the money baba stuffed in our purses for emergencies.

"Rakho. Kaam aaye ga."
(Keep it. You might need it.)

She looks at me with wet eyes and I, so in need of a hug due to my own personal sorrows, take her in an embrace.

Ajeeb kamine log hain dunya mein. 16-17 saal ki lag rahi hai. Kyaa zulm hai yeh?

(What type of bastards are they? She looks 16-17 years old. What's this cruelty?)

She runs away and I clear my mind.

"Alaya!" I jump up on the bed.

Ishrat baji walks to me all angered and cusses me out in Punjabi before smacking me on the head for the heroic act.

She warns me not to ever indulge in such conversations with goons and wonders to herself how they let me go.

And when she goes, I wonder the same.

○•°•°•○

I get ready to go to aapi's place for the breakfast ritual, but those images never leave my head.

Gunshots, screaming, yelling, more screaming, confession, silence, stares, stubbornness, eye contact, taking a stand, gun on the forehead, last breaths, last thoughts, The Shahadah, black clothing, dark eyes, breath hitching, veil fixing, stealing a look, faking confidence, comments, commands, jeeps, goons and rifles, stillness attack, heavy breath, smirk, bundle of rupees, cameraman, departure, fainting-

"Alaya!"

I quickly grab the vanity table to take a hold of my falling self and look behind me at Sundas, "Huh?"

She comes running, "Kyaa ho gayaa hai? Ttheek ho? Iss ko kal se kyaa huaa hua hai?" She asks Sakeena taayi, "Alaya tum rehne do. Garmi bhi bohot hai, baaqi sab ho aayein-"

(What has happened to you? Are you well? What's up with her since yesterday? Alaya, let it be. The weather's too warm, let everyone else go-)

"-Nahin nahin, chakar aa gaye aik dum bas, ttheek hoon main."

(No, I just suddenly felt dizzy, I'm fine.)

She's so right. I don't want to go anywhere. But then Mahnoor aapi will wonder where I went and most probably accuse me of being jealous because I couldn't get Subhan and she's getting Nabil bhai all for herself and then the next fight she has with Nabil bhai will be my mistake because I will have apparently given them evil eye.

It's better to just drag myself for a few hours.

But then the plans change again.

Subhah se dil bhaari ho rahaa hai.
(My heart's been feeling heavy since morning.)

I run to the window when I hear the jeep.

And bhai Usman talking to a man.

Ya khudaaya why does this man always ruin my plans?

I hide myself behind the wall after trying to look for Haider through the window.

I try to seem calm in front of the two ladies in the room but my heart beats for the last few times as I see my nightmares coming true.

God knows what baba will think.

God knows what's going to happen now.

All I know is that I'm going to die.

Either at the hands of baba or Haider.

I start pondering over my last wish while reminiscing the beautiful life I've lived.

I watch the confused expression on Sakeena taayi's face as she leaves the room. Sundas looks at me and wonders out loud whose voice that is while I prepare myself for death.

I just... I wish I could see Hamza and Zaira.

Not, not see them.

I'd want a movie, or something, just something three dimensional out of them.

That's too much to ask for.

Allah miyaan, just forgive my sins.

Even though last night's Isha was the first time I prayed after very long.

I don't know what to ask for.

Help me out, maybe?

I don't want to die.

"Alaya!" I hear bhai Kamaal loudly knocking on the door and both Sundas and I look at each other.

My heart shakes to the core and stings when his voice whips out like a lash.

"J-jee? Ji? Aa r-" I gulp, "rahi hoon."
(Y-yes? Yes? I'm com- coming.)

"Jaldi karo yaar, kab se intezaar kar rahe hain sab." (Make it quick, everyone's been waiting for so long.)

Intezaar? Sirf?

(Wait? Only?)

I take a small breath of relief, still unsure.

Iss se achha toh kal goli galti se chal hi jaati.
(It would have been better if I accidentally got killed yesterday.)

Yeh kyaa pal pal ka marna oopar se baal jharrna?
(What's this of dying every minute and losing so much hair?)

I've lost so much hair out of stress.

No Subhan, no baba's fear is worth stressing this much, Alaya.

Allah has written someone else for me.

A few years later I won't even remember how stressful this was. I'll only curse myself for not enjoying this wedding marathon full of lovely dresses.

•●○°●•●•°

We stop off at nano's for lunch. The plan was only of lunch but the fourth and last wedding of the family is taking place at the end of this week and they asked me and Alishba to stay because we were sick and we must be tired after so many continuous events.

Which is so weird? I agree I have an injury on my head and Alishba and I are not used to such hectic environments, but we could have rested at home equally as well, since it also has Alhamdulillah many more facilities? And now with my engagement having called off they should have thought even more thoroughly.

Sh! No more Subhan-Shubhan. That ammi abbu ka chamcha. (That mum-dad's puppet.) If he can break my heart just because his nano's ring didn't fit me, then I can forget every atom of feelings for him too.

I go to the garden for a walk once my parents leave.

Is this...?

The jeep I saw yesterday makes its way inside the house and...?

Ya Allah what did I do wrong to deserve such adversity?

I genuinely don't mind death right now. I might be afraid as heck of it but right now, in this impulsive moment, everything is alright.

Maut sab ko aani hi hai, jitna asaan utna behtar. (Everyone has to die. The easier the better.)

I'd rather die now than have to see baba's disappointed face after this.

Why would I confront Haider?

Is this why baba spent his whole life working his ass off, trying to make our life easier? Only for me to make a mess out of it all?

"Haider!" I yell as he gets out of the jeep.

His eyes run to me and my breathing gets harder. I pray no one comes out.

"Gun kahaan hai?" I look at his hands, he needs to make this quick. (Where's the gun?)

"Alaya,"

I look up at him all confused but then I realize he heard Ishrat baji yesterday.

The smirk on his lips informs me of different plans.

"Nahin, qatl karna hai toh sahi hai, aur koyi mansooba naa banaana. Main bohot izzatdaar khaandaan se hoon. Tum ne naa kiya tou mere baba qatl kar dein ge."

(No, if you are here to kill then alright, otherwise don't make any other plans. I'm from a very dignified family. If you don't, my father will do the murder.)

He keeps watching me.

Alaya, what are you doing? Letting him know that I can't trust baba with all of this is literally the worst idea.

"Mera nahin, tumhaara qatl."
(Not mine, your murder.)

He chuckles.

I have no time to get confused,

"Suno, mauqa hai, kar do. Nahin toh abbhi ke abbhi rawaana ho. Nana abbu ne dekh liya toh... toh achha nahin ho ga tumhaare liye."

(Listen, you have a chance, do it. Or get lost right now. If nana abbu sees you then... then it won't be good for you.)

He smiles with a sparkle of emotion in his eyes and I don't know what to do at this point. I leave him on Allah and walk inside the house. No one better see me with him.

"Alaya," he calls my name again and I look at him.

Ya khudaaaya why does he know my name?

I hurry inside the house chanting prayers.

"Alaya,"

Allah miyaan.

"Alaya," he holds my hand in the middle of the empty living room and I turn to get rid of it.

"Yeh kyaa kar rahe ho?"
(What are you doing?)

"Suno, Alaya,"
(Listen, Alaya,)

I get rid of his hold, "Mera naam lena band karo. Aage bolo."

(Stop taking my name. Speak further.)

Momaani walks into the living room and that's it. I shouldn't even be that close to a non-mehram.

"Alaya! Yahaan kyaa ho rahaa hai?"
(Alaya! What's happening here?)

Yaa khudaaya, momaani is going to get another reason to blame me more for Subhan.

I'm definitely not going to get any good match with the amount of stories she has spread of me.

"Alaya,-" I literally hate Haider so much, he steps ahead.

"-Momaani, mujhe nahin pataa yeh kaun hai." I quickly step back and look at Haider in the eyes. "Mamu ko pataa ho ga,-"

(-Aunt, I don't know who he is. Mamu might know it-.)

Everyone gets out of their rooms after having prayed Dhuhr.

"Alaya kal joh bhi-"
(Alaya whatever happened yesterday-)

"-Alaya? Yeh kyaa ho rahaa hai?-"
(-Alaya? What's happening?-)

"-TSHT!" Haider silences nana abbu, "Bas, bohot ho gayaa." He moves his attention back to me, "Alaya, mujhse shaadi karo gi?"

(Enough is enough! Alaya, will you marry me?)

[neeche pare sitaare ko malte rang se rang dijiye, shukriya.]