I was well aware of how death could be scary. A world of nothingness, no consciousness, no life, and most especially, one wouldn't even feel it. I fear dying the most. Who wouldn't? Yet it amazes me and at the same time, it's confusing how Caelesti finds it so intriguing. She desires it. It always, somehow, puzzles her to her utmost sense when there's a particular something that she couldn't grasp. And one of those particular things includes death.

Caelesti was an embodiment of power itself, she had escaped numerous deaths that perhaps I wouldn't be able to know most of them. Death fears her, despite that though, she'd always attract it, almost seemingly begging for it to take her along with it. And it's my job to make sure death wouldn't. That was supposed to be my job yet...

It was as though my muscles were tearing apart, my lungs were dry, my whole body shievering, and my heart was feeling numb. It felt cold—empty even. My mind was in a daze, everything around me seemed spinning that it's nauseous.

I watch as blood ran down, passing through each fingers, but it wasn't mine. My hand was gripped around tightly on the dagger, the edging blades of it glistening against the ray of moonlight. It was explicitly chilly, but my body wasn't reacting to how cold it is, it was reacting to the scene slowly being unfolded in front of me.

I couldn't scream. It was as though my mind went blank, words leaving me all behind. My eyes started to water, hindering the view of her pale blue eyes threatening to close. The next second later, my hand began to unwrap from its handle, that was until she held my hand bu her own, making sure I couldn't let it go.

She took a step forward, the blade piercing deeper to her chest, blood came rushing out from her lips that were about to lose their rich, pink colours, and so does her face. Despite that though, she was showing an expression I never really thought she would.

"I...I..." I didn't know what to say, but I knew I had to say something. That I didn't want this. That I didn't mean to. That...that—that I want her to live! To fight back! That—

"Shhh..." she whispered, barely catching my ears. She raised a hand, touching my right cheek. It was cold, almost beginning to lose...life.

"You knew this would happen!" My voice exploding in anger, all directed to myself.

But I knew it was mostly frustration, regret, and that extreme feeling of anguish. My free hand gripped my chest, begging for the pain to stop, for damn everything to just stop! I couldn't handle it. My breathing was rough and harsh, each seconds feel like the last, each moments pleading to be ended.

I didn't want this to happen, and she knew that...she knew that but knowing I was the cause of it still leaves a sensible kind of guilt. I feel like the guilt itself is slowly killing me, eating away every senses on my body.

"Erase it." I softly begged her. "Erase these emotions." But she only smiled, the genuine one I wanted her to make so badly before, but now...I didn't want her to do so. "Erase it!" I was practically yelling to her face.

She was feeling every single emotions I have, she was aware of the pain and suffering that were weighing me down and yet...! Why didn't she erase everything? For torture? Madness? Revenge? Or was it something else? Something to remember her by? She wanted me to remember the fact that I killed her!

"I hate you." My tears were never-ending, I couldn't make them stop.

Those words were true, I've always did hate her anyway, but she made me do more because of this. But most of those words were for me, I was saying those to myself, as much as it pains me to admit.

"I know."

Of course. She always does anyway. She was the type to just stay in silence and bottle everything out by herself, inside her mind that always has been a mystery for me, even now.

"I—I'll die regretting this." My voice cracked.

"I know."

"But...there has always been—a part of me that's aware of how much I n-needed to do this." Words were getting harder and harder to sort out.

"I know."

"But if I have another choice...I wouldn't ever..." I trailed off.

"I know." She caressed my face, looking at me with a gentle facade.

"I wanted you to live!"

"I kn—"

"To have a family with me...to be your daughter...to be my mother...everything I could have ever wished for a simple life. Is that...wrong?" She moved her fingers, her thumb slowly wiping away a tear.

"I know. I know everything. Your selfless thoughts, messed up emotions, bad and good memories, your pain...trust me, I know them all."

"Then why?"

"Are you alright?" The voice rang to the back of my mind. It was a familiar tone, but it was strange how I felt a hint of concern from that voice.

"Caelesti." I stated. She placed a hand atop my head, it was light and coming from it was something warm. Along with that warmth, I felt my body relaxing with the sudden wave of energy pouring into me.

I looked around me, I didn't know how, but I was already laying on the bed, outside was already a growing night, the sound of cicadas matching with the echoing breeze. I held my head as I sat up, my body imprinting imbalance all over, and it was very uncomfortable.

"What happened?" I asked, avoiding her penetrating gazes.

That vision just now...what was that? Her death? I killed her? How...how pathetic. Here I am doing what I can to stop that from happening and my stupid visions showing me that it's impossible. Because I am her death. I am the end. I exist solely for that reason, to erase even the slightest trace of her soul.

Why?

That, I don't know.

That, I don't understand

The reason will forever remain a mystery.

A mystery that even I fear to know.

I fear that once I knew the reason why the world despise her, I'd kill her no matter what. That everything I've been planning to keep her alive will vanish. That she will disappear whether I like it or not, not even the chance of reincarnation.

Was her sin that big she isn't given a second life somewhere? I don't know. I don't freaking know! So much that it's so frustrating. Why wouldn't she just tell me anyway?! Do I mean that little in front of her?!

"Seems like you need time for yourself." She grabbed my attention as she stood up from her seat and walked towards the door. That moment, I just...snapped.

"Masaya ba? Nakakatuwa ba? May nararamdaman ka bang ganoon sa ginagawa mo sa akin?" Tumigil siya sa paglalakad pero hindi tumingin sa akin. "Palagi ka nalang ganoon. Always hiding everything inside you, kahit alam mo ang mga iniisip ko, kahit alam mong nahihirapan na ako, kahit alam mo naman ang mga nararamdaman ko...palagi mo nalang akong pinapabayaan." Puno ng hinanakit kong wika sa kaniya.

"It doesn't have to be you." Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. "I figured anyone worthy could just kill me, I was getting...tired of waiting." I was about to open my mouth to retort when she looked around, eyeing me with her same pale blue eyes.

"Then why me?" I finally managed to ask.

"The first time my eyes laid on yours, it was the moment I decided it has to be you."

"Hindi ko parin maintindihan. Dahil ba kadugo mo ako?"

"Being my daughter doesn't really matter." Aaminin ko na nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. "It was because you were the only one brave enough to return my gaze filled with not only fear, but with domineering curiousity. You reminded of myself, perhaps that was partly the cause of it."

"Alam mo ba na una pa lamang ay anak mo ako?"

"A mother always, somehow, feels a connection towards their offspring. I hated that connection. It was the only emotion that I was feeling that time. I didn't want to get tied up with somebody—"

"Therefore you have to severe that connection by wanting me to kill you."

"Rest." She ordered.

She was about to open the door when I motioned my fingers to close it in front of her. Biglang lumamig ang buong kwarto sa ginawa ko, nakaramdam kaagad ako ng matindi at nakakatakot na enerhiya. Pero napapagod na ako sa kakahabol sa kaniya, napapagod na akong maghintay lang sa wala, kung gusto kong magbago ang hinaharap niya, kailangan ko munang ipamukha sa kaniya ang sakit.

"You dare..." her words trailed off, my skin timgled the moment that cold tone completely explored every crevices of the room.

"I dared." I seriously answered.

Within one blink, a hand was already gripping my neck, my back hitting the wall, and my breathing beginning to get rough. But I didn't care, I fear her, but I fear that vision I saw earlier more. I fear my blade will what end her, killing her.

She mentioned she hated the connection we have, now I can use that hatred to spark into little anger, making it enough to evolve into something more dark, making her furious. Why am I making her so angry in the first place?

I needed her to kill me.

Everything has been so simple all this time. I realized that fact long ago but I kept ignoring that possibility because I'm scared of death. Pero gagawin ko ang lahat mabuhay lang siga, haharapin ko mismo si Kamatayan kapalit ng sa kaniya.

"Know your place." Her voice sent intimidation all over, making me flinch.

"I-is...is this all you've—got?" I challenged, she bit it.

Tinapon niya ako sa malayo, sa sobrang lakas nito ay nasira mismo ang pader, hanggang sa tumama ang likod ko sa mapuputing buhangin. Ganoon ba talaga kalakas ang pagtapon niya? Pero nalaman ko ang sagot mismo sa tanong ko nang naramdaman kong parang may nabali sa mga ribs ko.

Umangat ang tingin ko sa blanko nitong mukha. Iniisip ko kung sino ba talaga ako sa buhay niya. Will I always remain entitled as her death? I have the urge to go beyond the line, to take courage and cross everything that used to scare me, and I will do that right at this moment.

"You're testing my patience."

"So you do have emotions. You just hide them very well." I said with a smirk, ignoring the pain shooting through my back up to my chest.

"Enough of this." Tumaliko na naman siya at nagsimulang maglakad. Kaya mabilis akong tumayo at hinablot ang kamay nito.

"Diyan ka lang naman magaling, ang tumakbo. Kailan mo ako haharapin, Caelesti?"

"I will face you and give you the battle you desire when time comes."

"You know that's not what I meant!" Galt kong saad.

Ang ibig kong sabihin ay kung kailan niya haharapin ang totoong nararamdaman niya. Kung kailan ngaba siya magtatapat sa akin na gusto niyang mabuhay, na ayaw niyang mamatay, na kahit isang beses lang...gusto niyang maging masaya. Sabihin niya lang ngayon mismo, dahil ako na ang gagawa nun para sa kaniya.

"Have I become too soft that you dare to have the courage to shout at me now?" Tinapik niya ang pagkahawak ko sa kaniya at isang tingin niya palang ay napaatras na ako. "Have I begun to appear too easy that you dare tell what's best for me?" Humakbang siya pauna kaya mas napaatras ako. "And have I been taken everything for granted for you to act so freely around me?"

Gusto ko mang umiwas ng tingin dahil sa takot na nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko ginawa. Subalit, tinaas ko ang isa kong kamay sa gilid at nagpalabas ng magic circle. Nagsimula itong lumiwanag sa pula, sa puti, sa asul, dilaw, hanggang sa naghalo-halo na ang bawat kulay na lumalabas sa bawat magic circle na pinapalabas ko.

"I'm scared...Caelesti." Nanghihina kong wika. Malaking enerhiya ang kinakailangan para magpalabas manlang ng ganito kataas na lebel ng mahika, at sa dami nito ay nanghihina ang buo kong sistema. "I'm scared that one day, I'll really open my eyes to see myself killing you."

"It will happen. Time could only tell when." It was as though it has already been decided when she said that.

"And I'll make sure that time of yours wouldn't be able to."

I didn't know how, but I was already aiming a kick mid-air behind her the next second I came into it. But she disappeared immediately in front of me, leaving a soft touch on my shoulder coming from behind. Somehow, the touch itself created a turmoil inside me, and I had a rough guess of what she was trying to do.

"You know you can't change my emotions." She had tried, many times, changing them...but it never work.

"I wasn't trying to." Just as she said that, my magic circles disappeared, my eyes felt heavy, a pleasant wave of energy was ravaging my body, and no matter how comfortable it felt; I just couldn't bring myself to succumb to it.

"You think too lowly of me, Caelesti." There was that ounce of disappointment in my voice that I tried to shake. "You may hate the connection we have, but I'm still your direct lineage. I am not as weak as I appear to be."

I took her hand, walking away, leaving a small gap of distance between us. I closed my eyes, feeling the magic circles reappearing, glowing brighter in different hues. My eyes returned to its pale blue, the moonlight was refracting to it making it seem to shine. That was when I decided to face her. It is indeed strange how I could see myself whenever I look at her.

"I do not hate you, just our connection." I smiled. What she said was comforting, at least. She doesn't hate me as a person, she just couldn't accept the fact that she has a daughter, and she hates it.

"You do know that doesn't really make much of a difference, right?" I didn't expect any answers, so when she kept her silence, it didn't bother me.

Sa isang iglap, lahat ng magic circles ay naging isang malaking bilog sa ilalim na inaapakan ko. Iba't ibang kulay ang nilalabas nito at sa bawta pag-uba ng kulay ay nararamdaman ko na mas lumalakas pa ang emerhiya na nasa hangin. Mahina pa ako, alam ko na hanggang dito lang muna ang magagawa ko, ang makakaya ko. Pero sapat na ito.

Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng emosyon ang nararamdaman niya sa ilalim ng blanko niyang mukha. Pero alam ko na wala talaga siyang pakealam sa akin, ayaw niya lang talagang mapahamak ako dahil maghihintay na naman siya ng matagal para sa isang taong katulad ko, na kayang-kaya siyang patayin.

Nakakalungkot isipin na sa buhay na ito, ay hindi ko magawang magkaroon ng totoong pamilya, magkaroon na simpleng buhay. Lahat naman talaga ng bagay ay hindi nagiging normal basta si Caelesti ang pinag-uusapan.

"I wonder if you'd worry about me as much as a mother would worry for her own daughter. A wishful thinking, perhaps I'm being pathetically foolish. But I can't help it." I clenched my fists, showing a bitter smile. "Do you know the first magic I was ever taught?"

My legs were shaking, my whole body felt like breaking. Just as a sudden, I heard something shattered. I winced in pain, the magic circle spinning in motion underneath me. Fragments of broken glasses explored the air, and my heart racing. Was it fear? Or entirely something else? I didn't want to know.

"At the age of six, when my body could barely even hold its own, I was taught a forbidden magic. They said it can be strong enough to completely erase a being's traces." I continued. Then there was another sound, the pain once again began to spread. "And I could tell it's true."

I chuckled, seeing my whole body slowly disappearing. No one could enter the circle, it was proven impossible to stop the magic in the process. Only the caster could, and I don't have any plans on halting it.

"Stop it." Mahina ang pagkasabi niya pero may diin.

"I want you to live."

"I don't desire life."

"Why is that?"

"Because the world doesn't want me to."

"Forget the world. I'm asking you, Ke'ala Feyree." She flinched a little hearing her real name. But she said nothing. "So be it."

Committing suicide, the idea isn't new to me. Bata pa lamang ako ay palagi na itong nasa isipan ko. Talagang natatakot lang akong gawin ito, pero sa mga oras na ito, mas nakakatakot malaman ang pwede kong gawin kung hindi ako mamamatay.

"I told you to stop." She was furious now, I could tell.

"And I won't unless you tell me the truth."

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you want to live." I know she was hesitating. But seeing my body disintegrating, panic swept across her face. I laughed mentally because of it, it made me wonder why.

"Fine!" She shouted, walking towards me. "I do want to live, who wouldn't?! I do want a normal life, anyone would! I don't want to die, I'm not that selfless." Her hand tried to penetrate inside the circle, but the energy bounced her away.

"See?" I smiled, happily this time. "You're finally honest." My knees fell unto the sands, I could no longer feel them. "And you can only achieve those without me."

Thunders roamed the skies, the moon disappeared as well the stars shining so brightly just few moments ago, they were simply replaced by the illuminating lightnings. The water a distance away formed giant waves, fire then appeared, spreading everywhere, burning anything in sight.

Gravity was pushing everything down in such a massive force, and the energy she was emittng was too intimidating that it's suffocating every forms of life in the island. I can feel it. Does she hate the idea of living that much despite not wanting it in the first place?

Something heavy then hit above the magic circle, but due to its barrier like exterior, the lightning couldn't pierce through it. She was getting annoyed now, she used her own energy to flatten out mine, but she knew how useless it was. Only the caster could stop the magic flow.

The ground shook, the air was becoming thinner, and she started releasing dark energy. I'm grateful I was inside the magic circle, otherwise the huge dark energy level would kill me in an instant.

"I'm angry." No, she's even beyond that point. "Do you know why I wanted you to kill me?" Her voice sounded different, I couldn't comprehend what exactly is it. "Because if you won't..." her whole body has this dark aura all over that when she once again pierce her hand inside the circle, she was successful, as much to my disappointment and surprise. "I'll destroy the world."

She suddenly grabbed the collar of my clothes, lifting me up, and when she did just that, the magic circle shattered; disappearing into nothing, as though it has never been created. Then everything stopped, everything went silence, and the stillness of the surroundings was intimidating.

"So don't die." It was a plead, more than anything else.

"I don't mind you destroying the world as long as you live." Something heavy and sharp was then imprinted on my left cheek.

"How can you be so selfish?"

"I hate the fact that you still care about the world despite what it did to you. If you can't be selfish about yourself, then I will." She glared at me. "You can slap me all you want, but my decision is final. I will eventually kill myself, whether you like it or not." I gave her the same intensity of glares she was directing me.

"You're giving me no choice." She whispered.

I unconsciously pushed her away, flinching at the sudden cold wrapping around my neck. It was more of a collar, filled with so much energy that when my fingers touched it, I felt electric curren which made my whole hand numb. Nagpalabas din ako ng enerhiya para matanggal ito pero hindi ko magawa, nakakasakal at minsan ay nasasaktan ako.

"Now you're treating me like an animal?!" I angrily yelled, staring at her wide-eyed.

"That collar is specifically made by my overflowing energy. You cannot release your own energy, you will lose your consciousness the moment you harm yourself."

"In short, you're locking me up." I hissed, she knew how furious I am right at this moment.

Ginagawa niya akong parang kriminal kung saan ako ay bantay sarado at higit sa lahat, ayaw na ayaw kong kinukulong. I thought I've through worse living on the outside, caging me every single day with nothing but training and training...and now...I never thought it could hurt this much knowing my own mother is doing the same thing.

Ano ba ang hindi niya gusto sa ginagawa ko para sa kaniya? Bakit ganoon na langsiya ka pursigidong mamatay sa huli? Hindi ko siya maintindihan at dahil sa ginagawa niyang ito aymas nagagalit ako sa kaniya.

She's making me hate her, so much that it's brining me so much pain. The pain was creeping through my throat, tickling, hurting, down to my chest which is pounding so hard against these clothes.

Paano niya magawa sa akin 'to? Alam niyang hindi lang naman siya ang nahihirapan, kahit ako din naman. She's been living a life surrounded by people who failed to understand her, surrounded by people who only cared about their own emotions and thoughts...and now I'm actually trying to understand her, yet she doesn't let me.

Has she gotten too used at being alone that she doesn't let people see her vulnerability? Forget being a daughter now, forget that wishful thinking of her acting like a mother, forget having a family. In the first place, it's impossible. So what am I going to do if she won't even let me die?

"Enough of this, and I mean it exactly as I said it." It was a demand that I couldn't say 'no', no matter how much I wanted to.

Sensing that she had vanished, I ran my hands from my hair down my face, frustrated. These events are stressing me out, it's like I'm being backed in the corner, the feeling is losing my mind. All of my senses are getting dull, my systems are in turmoil, I don't know what to do anymore.

Pakiramdam ko gusto ko nalang sumuko—ah, hindi nga niya pala ako hahayaang sumuko. Gagawin niya ang lahat para lang masigurado na kamatayan ang kahihinatnan niya, at gagawin niya din ang lahat para lang kamuhian ko siya.

"I know you're there." I called out, hearing his footsteps nearing. Napaupo ako sa buhangin at napapikit ng mga mata.

"I wasn't trying to hide but you're sensitive, just like your mother." He said, and I just somehow knew it was with a smile. But mother huh?

"She doesn't care about me."

"She was upset, you know." He replied abruptly and I scoffed.

"Upset? She was furious."

"Is that how you see it? Dahil para sa akin, sadyang nagtatampo lang siya." Umupo siya sa tabi ko.

"Paano mo naman nalaman 'yun?"

"A soul chooses another, and a soul just doesn't forget that." I looked up, seeing him sigh as he stared at something near yet faraway. "So when a soul has been decided, it always knows the other, without exception." His eyes then met mine, only for a few seconds before he raised it up and placed it above my head. It was comforting.

"You've been watching all this time...you could have stopped her." I said with disappointment. Did I expect too much? "Now she's locking me up like an animal." I forced a laughter then.

"Even I would probably do the same."

"What?!" I looked at him, shocked.

"What kind of parent would just watch as their kid commits suicide?" He replied almost cutting me off. "And that," he pointed at the collar wrapping around my neck. "It's for reassurance that you will do no such thing again."

"She's too obsessed with death."

"It isn't just about her."

"It's always about her."

"Hindi mo parin ba naiintindihan?"

"Wala na akong maintindi—"

"She cares about you." I stopped realizing what he just said.

"She cares about me? Nah, she's just trying to use me as a tool to deliver her death." Just like everyone else does. They all see me as a tool, and I've alwsys despised the thought of it.

"You think too highly of her." He chuckled. "She's also human, a woman just like any other."

"The problem is that she isn't."

"She is. That's why she also sees you as her daughter, someone she has to protect." I refused to reply anymore, letting him think what he wants. "Two days ago, when you drowned," so that was two days ago, I couldn't tell at all. "She literally obliterated every single enemies, it's normal around here of course, but it isn't normal for her to get that angry."

"What are you trying to imply?" Muli niyang binalik ang tingin niya sa akin at ngumiti. Kakakiba ang ngiting binibigay niya, para bang sinasabi niya mismo sa akin na magiging maayos din ang lahat.

"That you shouldn't easily give up like that." He set both of his hands on each of my cheeks which made him laugh. "It pains her knowing the girl she couldn't give up years ago is surrendering herself, worse, in front of her."

"She already long gave me up." I stated as a matter of fact. "She left me, as well as my so-called father." Nilayo ko ang kamay niya at tumingin sa tubig na humahampas sa dalampasigan.

"It's fine if that's how you see it." Tumayo siya at pinagpagan ang suot nito. "But..." I followed his gaze behind me and saw Caelesti walking nearer. I frowned. "But just don't give up on her."

I'm killing myself because I don't want to give her up! What is he even trying to tell me?

"I knew I felt a familiar presence." She stated, her looks landing on the guy beside me. I still don't know his name, which is strange. "I reckon you have cooled your head down now." Tumayo narin ako at tinignan muna siya ng sandali bago umiwas.

"I did. Somehow." I sighed. Siguro nga mas inuna ko ang nararamdaman kong emosyon kaysa isipin ng maayos ang mga bagay-bagay. That is clearly so not me, I just snappe for some reason back there. "I'm sorry."

"Forgiven."

"I still think sealing her energy up is too much though, Ke'ala." The guy beside me said, crossing his arms with a frown.

"Quit with that name." She replied, exasperated. "You're merely spoiling her with words."

"Because your daughter needed it. Gods, she's only fourteen! Of course she wouldn't understand things clearly. You have a rough way of disciplining your child."

Ngayon hindi ko na alam kung bakit sila nagkakaroon ng ganitong usapan, sa harap ko pa talaga. Hearing them speak as if I'm not here isn't all that comfortable either.

"She's also your child, no?"

I suddenly looked up in surprise.

What?

"Hey, hey, what does that mean?" I asked in a desperate manner, nudging at him.

"My, you didn't tell her?" Caelesti smirked, stepping forward, leaving a small centimeters of gap between them. "If you're going to complain about how I do things concerning our daughter, then don't act like a mere spectator."

"Feyree."

"Don't warn me, Erevera."

AN: I know some of you might already got tired of me saying this, I do mean when I say "I'm sorry for the late update" and I will say that again now, lols. I'm frustrated 😔 I couldn't keep up with my schedule really, but writing and reading comments, votes, and seeing reads really brightens up my mood. Thank you for being patient as always! I seriously don't know what I did to deserve such readers. 😊 ❤️