When Those Eyes Speak More Than Words Do

The world outside was silent as the night went deeper, the cold breeze would always pass so slowly, as though afraid it'd be noticed. The chandelier hung unto the ceiling was swaying, from this distance, it would seem like it would fall in just a few seconds. The room was surrounded by candlelights, lined up sophisticatedly on each wall, and on the small, round, transparent table placed in the middle of this large-spaced room, our reflections were seen, almost glowing on top of it.

Jasmine tea. The warm smoke it exudes spreading all over my palm, sending pleasant sensations through my system. Too bad they aren't a fan of vanillas here, but jasmine would do. We have been here for a good thirty minutes now, yet no one had really bothered to walk through that door.

"I'm not a very patient person." Andrea muttered, looking around the antique weapons inside the glass-covered cabinets. "And oh, is that a trench knife?" She was about to open the case up when Iyana three a sugar cube over her head.

"Don't touch them." Iyana reprimanded, letting out another yawn.

And of course, knowing Andrea, she wouldn't let that one pass. Thus, she took another sugar cube and threw it towards Iyana. As a result, both started arguing again. I sighed, shaking my head in dismay. I wasn't even surprise anymore, they were always like this. Instead of focusing my attention to them, I poured another jasmine tea into my empty cup.

"There goes your eight cup." Andrea reminded, finally settling down beside me as Iyana sat in front of us.

"She only started that addiction the first time she visited our house. Remember?" Iyana said, crossing her arms.

"I thought that was vanilla?"

"No, it was certainly jasmine."

"Vanilla."

"Jasmine."

"Vanilla."

"Jasmine."

"Vanilla/Jasmine—"

"Both, okay? So stop." I ended, letting out another deep breath. After that, there was that silence once again. "I've never really asked," I paused before looking at them. "How were you in these past years?"

"I've been in Siegber Nations before we all met again." Iyana admitted as Andrea looked at her in amazement. Iyana just shrugged, deciding to summon a gun and play with it due to boredom.

"How did you even enter? Hindi nga nakapasok ang Exodus 'dun nung huli naming misyon."

"I told you this before, I've been going around, rounding an army. Sa mga oras na 'yun, marami ang nangyari. Marami akong nakilala at dahil din sa iba't ibang karanasan ko ay mas lumakas ako. Hindi pa ako nakabalik sa Magnus, kaya wala akong balita sa bansa." She said yawning.

"Exodus has been pretty much strengthening our forces. Mas lumaganap pa ang grupo sa buong kontinente at binabalak naming ipasok ang kalahating bilang namin dito sa Alberich. Hindi lang ikaw ang lumakas sa mga panahong iyon." Paliwanag ni Andrea habang nakikipaglaro ng isang dagger niya.

"In other words, you two have been traveling the whole world." They nodded. Tsaka ko ininom ang jasmine tea mula sa cup at napapikit pa habang ginagawa ito.

"What about you?" Sabay nilang tanong. Nang buksan ko ang mga mata ko ay nakita ko ang mga naghihintay nilang tingin.

"While you two were out traveling the world, I've been, well..." I trailed off, unsure of how to describe those experiences.

"What?"

"I've been in a different world." I simply said.

Dahil siguro sa gulat ay natapon ni Andrea ang dagger niya sa may transparent na cabinet kaya ito nabasag, si Iyana naman ay aksidente niyang nabaril ang handle ng chandelier sa ceiling kaya ito nahulog derecho sa lamesa na nakapagitna sa amin. Mabuti nalang at mabilis kong naialis ang cup kong may laman pang jasmine tea.

"What are you both doing?!" I exclaimed, staring at the two of them, my eyes widening in surprise.

"What do you even mean in a different world?!" Gulat na tanong ni Andrea at sabay pa talaga silang dalawa tumayo ay lumapit sa unahan ko.

"I mean exactly as it is!"

"How? What did you do? I know other worlds, dimensions, realms, exist, but there's absolutely no way you could travel between them! Or is there?" Nagtatakang tanong naman ni Iyana, she seems...excited.

"If even Iyana think of it as impossible..." napaisip ako. "That means...the process is entirely either coincidental or just simply confidential."

I tried to dismiss them but in return, Andrea only held both of my shoulder, her strength was keeping me exactly from moving'm! Havang si Iyana naman ay mas mabilis pa yata sa hangin na hinablot ang cup kong may kalahating laman pa ng jasmine at tinaas ito sa gilid niya. It was as though they both planned it all from the way they did it in unison!

"Why is this such a big deal—"

"Dahil big deal ito!" Halos nakasigaw na sagot ni Andrea that made me frown more.

"If you were another person, we'd dismissed you off as someone only telling a joke or a lie." Mabilis na sabi ni Iyana.

"But you're Keila Willar—or whatever your name is—and you don't ever make a joke nor make a lie all the sudden. You're not the type of person. You're just not."

"Paano mo niyo masasabing hindi ako nagsisinungaling? Matagal na nung huli tayong nagkita-kita at nasama-sama—"

"It's your eyes."

"Huh?" I asked, confused at what Iyana just answered.

"You bluff, sure. And you can lie all you want towards other people out there but we read you loud and clear." Andrea explained solemnly, and I guess it somehow warmed my heart. What does that even mean anyway?

"So just what happened?" I opened my eyes but then closed ir again seeing Iyana's gaze which is filled with so much anticipation. "If you won't tell then I'm going to drop this off—" before she could even continue her threat, I was already a few meters behind them, my hands grip around the cup which Iyana has just tried to drop earlier.

I sighed in relief as I met its edge against my lips, tasting the jasmine's refreshing aroma under my nostrils, the warm liquid filling deep into me. I would have gone crazy if she did just drop it off, how dare she.

"I'll forget you just tried doing that." I said, looking at Iyana who just shrugged, as Andrea rolled her eyes.

"So are you going to tell us or not?"

"How persistent." I whispered.

I finally gulped down all of the tea and placed it atop the short stone pillar beside where I stood. Looking at the whole room, everything was a total mess. The chandlier's glass shards falling to pieces, scattered on the floor, the transparent table...I couldn't even tell its former image.

The shattered glass cabinet at the corner...the antique weapons were all down on the floor like toys forgotten to be returned to its proper place. I leaned back on the wall, looking back at the two who have not minded the mess they created. It made me remember the first time we all met, back at that dorm room.

Without even knowing it, I cracked a small chuckle, then turning into a fresh laughter that I seemed have been holding back since earlier. Tiny tears were even spilling at corner of my eye, and seeing their surprised expressions only made me laugh more.

Well, I missed this.

"Are you done now?" Naiinip na tanong ni Andrea matapos kong tumawa na umanot ng halos tatlong minuto.

I breathed before saying, "I think."

"So where were we? Ah, I think I did ask you a question."

"Fine. It was a mere coincidence really," or perhaps fate's just playing a game on me again. It really loves playing with me, I notice. "Alam niyo naman siguro ang lumalaganap na masamang enerhiya, hindi ba? Unfortunately, it reached up to the point where it even began showing randomly in random places, creating a disturbance, an anomaly in space and time." Nagulat si Iyana sa sinabi ko.

"Damn it. I knew it. So that's what happened to you. Mas nawawalan na ako ng oras. That damn dark energy..."

"Hey, I'm a user of dark energy myself—even Keila! Wait, hindi ko maintindihan. Ano ba talaga ang nangyari kay Keila?"

"I forgot, you're slow at stuffs like these." Napa-facepalm na wika ni Iyana, kahit ako ay napailing narin. I seriously thought I already explained everything with those sentences."

"I'm saying that due to the accumulation of too much dark energy, may nangyaring disturbance. And what I mean by that is a random space opened up and I was accidentally sucked into it, taking me on a different world." When she frowned, I just knew I had to explain more. "Worlds always have their limits on how much energy is needed to continue the cycle of life and death, Andrea."

"So...?" I frustratedly held the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes, trying to tell myself that Andrea has always been slow so I should be considerate.

"Dahil sa napupuno na enerhiya sa mundong ito, spaces are randomly showing up, sucking the energy from here towards another world at nagkataon lang na pati ako ay nadala."

"Hindi ba at ibig sabihin nito ay hindi lang ang masamang enerhiya ang may kasalanan kung bakit nagkakaganito na ang mundo?" Napatingin kaagad sa kaniya si Iyana. "Because if you think about it, why do people blame it on dark energy users?"

"Your point is?"

"The world has a limiter, as Keila says, and it just so happened that dark energies are considered as superior than normal energies because it well, carries negativity that said to have made other users lose their controls, destroying everything in sight." We nodded, letting her continue. "But these dark energies are born from the purest ones, so in general, aren't both energies destroying this world?"

"I never really thought of that." Wika ni Iyana at napaupo pabalik sa couch. "Titania...never really thought of that."

"Titania?"

"The Fairy Queen, Titania. She's been aiding me with my version of the New World Order. Back in the Great War, Titania has always been one of the leading figures in erasing the traces of irregulars." She tried to hide another yawn, but she failed, so she did as she tried to explain. "You know Denaricus, apparently he was a Klein and the exact man who led the Great War against Leos and finally, the Cursed Bloods, forcing all of the rest of irregulars into hiding. As one of his descendant, I was tasked to continue what he hadn't finished."

"That Denaricus?! The merciless man who murdered every living Leos and Cursed Bloods in his time, forcing irregulars to stay low. But those times have ended, Iyana. Exodus shall rise, and so do all irregulars. We aim freedom, and this time...we will win." The two intensely glared at each other, those gazes were almost burning their souls.

"I think in this generation, your race will be wiped out, Feyree."

A memory of Denaricus as words suddenly popped out inside of my mind. He could see the future, then he must have seen this too. He knew this would happen once I return, he was even trying to stop me from returning before, but now...perhaps I shouldn't have returned.

"Someone will rise to finish what I haven't ended," he's telling me someone is going to finish wiping off every living Cursed Bloods in that world. "That will trigger the destruction caused by another person. That person will rise to seek what is a must." He sighed trying to catch me with his gaze. "Two will battle until death, ending everything." Then he smiled, a sad one, I could almost see a certain image from just his eyes looking at mine.

I see. I understand it now. It took me this long to do so. Iyana...his descendant who will finish what he hadn't ended. Upon Iyana's version of the New World Order, Andrea appeared and so does Exodus, she will destroy everything in order to stop the regulars from wiping off irregulars in the face of this world. They will battle to death, ending evrything, he said.

And that end...what is it? Whose version won? Who succeeded? Who failed? Who died? Who survived? But I do realize everything now. This war...the war base on both versions of New World Order, it would create another Great War...what's the point of even stopping it now?

This said war is very necessary, marami ang mamamatay, regular man o irregular, at dahil sa marami ang mamatay, mababawasan ang enerhiyang napupuno sa buong mundo, it doesn't matter who won in the end because everyone will finally realize that...that sacrifices are must in order for this world to live.

So does that mean...walang mananalo? But Denaricus said the battle will end everything. No, he said "the two will battle until death, ending everything" pero hindi niya sinabi na isa sa dalawa ang mamamatay. They will battle, but it isn't their deaths that will end everything...then whose it is?!

"And someone will claim your death."

My eyes opened up suddenly in shock.

I see.

I breathed.

I see.

I clenched my fists.

I see it now.

It's my death that will end everything. My very unfortunate death. Who will claim it? I unknowingly gazed at the two...I have this bad premonition that it would be somebody I know. Is it one of them? Or the two of them? I don't know. And I can't wait to know.

But what's this? My heart is racing, pouding so violently under my chest.

It's fear.

Since when did I...come to fear death itself? I used to look forward to it...I used to be somebody who's always seeking for it...what's this? Is my fate still active from playing such a long game with me? Hindi ba ito napapagod sa kakahabol sa akin? Alam kong hindi ko naman tinataguan kung ano klaseng tadhana man ang naghihintay sa akin pero...bakit ako?

Bakit ako lang? Kailan ba 'to nagsimula? Since when did my role start to become this big and important? Since when have I become so valuable? The world indeed hates me, I even think it despises me now. Ano ba ang ginawa ko? Dahil ba 'to sa mga inosenteng napatay ko noon palang? Bakit? Ako lang ba ang nagkakasala ng ganoon sa buong mundong ito na puno ng ilang bilyong tao?

Or is it because I defied nature's law by changing my emotions around me? So what am I supposed to do then? Just...just let myself suffer without using this ability? I've always thought of this ability as a curse, and I know it is, but am I just supposed to succumb to my fate and let it eat me up inside? Did I...did I defy the world that much for it to punish me? Have I escaped to many deaths that now it was finally fated as my end?

I refuse to accept this.

Etherion.

That's right. The Spirit Keepers did say the only way to stop both versions, the upcoming Great War, from happening is by activating Etherion, letting that giant tower open up a space then absorbing all the extra energies from this world; letting the energy be resetted and regenerated in Spirit Land.

But haven't I already thought of the possible outcome? Na kung gagawin ko 'yun, sure it would solve the problem...but that's only temporarily. Who knows after another hundred of years the same thing will happen again and worse...there'd be nothing to stop it now. And who knows when the time would come where next generations of Spirit Keeper will abuse Etherion and suck up all our world's energy instead.

The third upcoming Great War, seems like it's the only possible solution. It's like the world is making that war on purpose, it's nature's way of eliminating the abnormalities, returning everything to what it properly should be. Irregulars and regulars are meant to exist in this world, it's to balance the cycle of this world's life and death.

And that will only be possible after my own death. So ano ang ibig sabihin nito? Magiging isang bayani ako? Ilalagay ang pangalan ko sa mga makasaysayang libro? O mamamatay ako bilang...bilang isang masamang tao? Parang nakikita ko nga na ganoon ang magiging kahantungan ng lahat.

Isa akong masamang tao, sabi nila. A country, Magnus, knows me by the name of Keila Willar, an infamous criminal who have killed innocents. May it be the Academy, the Clan, the people...I won't belong in any of those.

Then a Kingdom, Zyrendel, knows me by the name of Keila Willar as well, their successor. The successor who will lead the war against Leos, the successor who will more or less destroy the Kingdom by letting the enemies get inside the Kingdom, killing their King, letting the child of the prophecy, Zen Arkion, who is hates by its people, take the thrown as I, the so-called successor, run away.

I'm making them hate me, despise me...it won't be long now that a country and a Kingdom will know my name, soon reaching continents and continents, and then there it is...the whole people, the world...they would all despise me; wishing for my death. Kaya kung sa akin man nakasalalay ang kakahantungan ng mundo, isasakripisyo ko man ang buhay ko, kikilalanin parin ako ng mundo bilang masamang tao.

I actually commend myself for being such a twisted person now that it's making me feel ridiculous and at the same time...isn't that kind of fate just...just sad? Seriously, I want to scream. What did I do to deserve all of that? Alam kong hindi pa ito nangyayari pero ayon naman sa mga nagaganap, kahit sino naman ay magsasabi na magiging ganoon din katapusan ko.

I shouldn't have left the island in the first place. Whoever or whatever's the reason why I left...it's their fault. I wanted to put all the blame towards that person, who's still hazy in mg memory, who's still unknown to me yet so familiar, that person I seemed to have forgotten...I blame you for making me face this kind of reality.

But isn't it kind of unfair to blame that person na kahit desisyon ko naman ang lahat ng ito No. For once, please...just let me be selfish. Just let me stop thinking about others for a moment. Just—just let me breathe for a moment for myself! Kahit ngayon lang...tumigil ka muna sa kakaisip ng iba Ke'ala. Maawa ka naman sa sarili mo. Magtira ka naman—kahit ngayon lang.

"....hey, Keila?"

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na akong nakapikit at nag-iisip, pero nag-aalalang mukha nila kaagad ang bumungad sa akin nang binuksan ko ang mga mata ko. Tsaka ko nakita ang gulat nilang mga ekspresyon, dumadaloy sa akin ang bawat emosyon nila.

"What happened to you?" Tanong ni Andrea. Pari si Iyana ay nakatayo na mula sa kinauupuan niyang couch kanina.

"What should happen to me?" I asked back.

"I told you earlier, it's your eyes."

"What's in my eyes, Iyana?"

"You...you were always so dense when it comes to yourself." Andrea mentioned, showing a slight smile.

"You should think about yourself more, Keila. You can't even figure out something so simple." I suddenly got irritated at what Iyana had just said.

"To worry about someone you'd soon kill, are you that confident, Iyana?" I provoked, but I guess they were aware I was just trying to heat them up.

"Sumusobra ka naman. Hindi mo ba nakikita—"

"What's there for me to see, Andrea? Enough with your words. We all know we aren't here to play the friendship game like we once had. You both even disclosed information about what you did these pasts years. You should think about how you'd stop each other first before worrying about me." Probably sensing my annoyance, they said nothing as I found myself walking out of the room.

I didn't know where my feet was dragging me but I don't plan on stopping. I just need to let out these building emotions, they were making me unstable. Why was I irritated? Why was I annoyed? Ah...it's scary how fear makes one feel, shutting everybody out...I'm being unfair, I realize that already.

But what can I do?

It's scary.

I'm scared.

Who isn't?!

It's not because of the fact that I'll be living this world completely looking like a villain. I don't care about that. They could think bad about me all they want, they can even make up stories regarding my name for all I care. It's just that...I realize I don't really want to die. I thought I'd be okay with it. I thought I had already accepted everything that were to happen from now on but now that I exactly know what will happen...it's suddenly becoming so scary.

I just want to run away from all of this. Be selfish. Let the world come crumbling down without me caring. It's just that I couldn't. I was born into a world that forces me to understand everything around me, I was even probably given this damn ability for that sole reason, to freaking die for everyone else's damn sake!

Ngayon ko lang napansin na nandito na pala ako sa may isang balcony. Mula dito ay makikita ko ang malawak na garden maze sa ibaba, nasa ikaapat akong palapag. May nakikita din akong gwardiya sa ilalim, mga kaonting punong nakikipagsayawan sa malamig na simoy ng hangin, at ang mabangong amoy ng kalikasan.

Sa isang mataas na tower ilang metro ang layo mula dito sa mansyon, makikita ko ang malaking bilog na nakakabit dito, parang isang clock tower. Ilang minuto nalang pala at magiging tatlo na sa umaga. Ang bilis nga naman ng oras, ni hindi mo nga mamamalayan na mamamatay ka na pala.

Beneath these dim skies, I can't help but feel so lonely as I placed my elbows atop the stone railings, placing my chin above my palms; finally letting out a breath of calmness, mixing through the passing winds.

"Finally caught up to you."

That familiar voice brought a soothing effect down my system, even more than the feeling teas bring me. It's strange, yet I just know exactly why I found his voice pleasant. It's because I've been missing it.

"Brother." I greeted, I wanted to show him a smile, but I couldn't at the moment. Thus, we both stared at each other, as though scrutinizing every details.

"I'm sorry I've been busy talking to those men on top." I nodded, understanding what he meant. "I have a lot of questions for you, and I know you do too." I nodded again, letting him continue. "I've been watching you all these times. Hinanap kita, Ke'ala. God knows how much I worried about your well-being. Ginawa ko ang lahat mahanap lang kita, pumunta ako kung saan saan para lang mahanap ka." He leaned over the railing, crossing his arms.

"Nahanap nga kita, isang araw. Ilang buwan din ang tinagal nun. Galit na galit ako, alam mo ba? Sa sobrang galit ko nung nawala ka, hindi ko magawang mapatawad ang sarili ko. Araw araw iniisip ko na kung hindi ako nagsinungaling na ampon ka noon, hindi ka sana umalis, na hindi ka sana tinakbo sa amin palayo ng kung sinong hindi namin kilala."

"At nung nakita kita, gusto kitang puntahan kaagad, pagalitan, yakapin, at ibalik sa isla kung saan ka nararapat."

"Why didn't you then?" I asked, seriously. Kung noon pa manlang ay binalik niya na ako...

"Because I saw a different side I never thought existed in you. Honestly, I've always seen you as a little sister I had to protect with my own life, somebody so valuable to me that I wouldn't mind thinking and offering you everything I have all the time. But when I started observing you from afar...I started thinking...you weren't weak at all.

He only thought of that because I altered his emotions to think like that long time ago. Seeing him feel such fake emotions over me...it's making me sick that it's unbearable. But I don't have the courage to quench this guilt.

"I...I've seen you in trouble a lot of times, but I forced myself to watch and let you handle it. And you did. You made me so proud na gusto kong ipagsigawan sa lahat na kapatid kita. Thag Main Festival, watching you get hurt and win in the end, it made me thought it was worth letting you get exposed here, in the outside world."

"It would have been fine if you showed yourseld even once."

"I tried...pero alam kong kapag ginawa ko iyon ay mapipilitan lang akong protektahan ka ulit, na isipin na bata ka pa lamang at kailangan mo pa ng proteksiyon ko. So I forced myself to leave. I left Magnus, went around the world myself, and I came across this country. Hindi ito ang unahan beses na lumabas ako ng isla, Ke'ala."

"I didn't know that."

"Kahit noon pa man, palagi akong sumasama kay Papa noong bata pa ako para lumibot dito sa outside world. He taught me how to survive, he told a lot of things, he made tough and stronger. I experienced firsthand how different the outside world was from Arizole so I was worried to death with you living here. But those worries soon ended seeing your growth."

"I see."

"But then I heard the news when I visited Magnus again. A criminal? I was surprised. I didn't know you were capable of ending a life, I thought you were that innocent. But I don't blame you, Ke'ala. Nalaman ko na naputol na ang buhok mo nang nakita kita sa Zyrendel. Gusto ko namg kunin ka nung mga oras na iyon pero nung nakita ko ang putol mong buhol...naduwag ako. Natakot ako na baka magalit ka dahil hindi namin sinabi sayo ang totoo ukol sa buhok mo."

"I never did blame you for hiding that fact, Brother. I understood the moment I figured the secret out."

"I know. But I still kept my distance. I felt you disappear from this world a lot of time, Ke'ala. I thought you were dead. I stopped the time tracing your energy, but I couldn't. Nalaman ko nalang na pumunta ka pala sa Spirit Land. At nung oras na naramdaman kong nawala ka ulit ng halos dalawang taon..."

"I'm sorry for worrying you."

"You should be sorry. I apologize for eavesdropping but I heard everything inside that room." I immediately lookes at him.

"You should have entered."

"I'd feel like I'll be disturbing you so...but another world, huh? You really did grow a lot, Ke'ala. You grew into somebody I almost failed to recognize when I saw you earlier." Lumapit siya sa akin at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya. Wala na akong nagaw apa kundi ibalik ang yakap na binibigay niya.

God knows how much I missed this hug. But as always, along with that is a pang of guilt flooding my body.

"You're too perfect for a brother, Alvar'ius." I whispered, hoping it'd reach his ears but when he said nothing, I just knew that he didn't hear them.

He should be angry. There should be that big fight the first moment we met. There should be that long arguement when he appeared behind me just now. He should be furious at me. He should be reprimanding me, hurting me with words, telling me lies on how he gor here in the outside world but...what's this? He's a human but at the same time, I feel like I'm hugging a machine. Someone I have long programmed with to live with that kind of emotions.

"What about Ka'ela?" I asked, referring to my older sister.

"I haven't got back to the island ever since I left, four years now, I think. She's in Arizole, she's probably doing fine, worrying about us in usual. You'll see her waiting there and giving you a hug when you return."

He's telling me my sister would act the same as him, another person who has been programmed to live simply by the emotions I set her. I bit my lower lip, swallowing up another wave of guilt. It'll be fine, Ke'ala. There's nothing you could do about it. They're all I need. They're the family I have left. I don't know what I'll do without them.

"Thank you, Alvar." I let go of the hug, smiling at him.

"Your friends were right, your eyes reflect it all. You're sad. I wonder why." He smiled, cupping my face with both of his hands, the warmth gradually enveloping me.

So that's what they both meant when they referred my eyes. I smiled. Really, perhaps I'm indeed to dense to realize about my own sadness showing. Hindi lang din pala ako ang nagi-intindi sa aming tatlo, pati din pala sila ay sinusubukang intindihin ako pero hindi ko sila hinahayaan.

Who am I to complain that
they don't try to understand me when I just don't let them to? Seems I'll have to trouble myself to apologize to them again—

"Ke'ala, there's something that makes you sad. You look like you were just about to cry earlier, you're free to do so." He whispered so sincerly with a gentle smile plastered upon his face.

And that sincere expression triggered a tear from my eye, then another, then another...until they kept coming that I lost count. His eyes were staring deep into mine, I could feel his sincerity. His concern. His affection. His desire to protect me. His love. Everything about the way he feels are always directed into mine as though I was a fragile glass.

I must say, I'm proud of this creation. Emotions are what always drive people, humans wouldn't live without them. And I made one live solely for my sake by setting his emotions to always feel concern, affection, the desire to protect me even at the cost of his life, and to always love me until death.

I touched his hand thay was wrapped around my face, my eyes already red from crying that until now, tears never really stopped coming.

"You must have been feeling so sad for you to cry like this. Come here." He pulled me in for another hug, for another lie.

"I'm sorry."

"Shhh, it's okay."

"I'm sorry, Brother."

"It's fine. Whatever it is. Everything's alright now."

"I really am...sorrry, Alvar'ius." He held me in his arms tighter, more securely.

"I know you are." It was merely a whisper, but I heard it clearly. He wouldn't say this if he weren't so perfect, that...I know for sure. "Cry it all out, Ke'ala. I'll be here."

I wasn't crying because of everything that I had in my mind earlier, the fear of death I had even suddenly disappeared, all were replaced by this huge sense of guilt. It was different from all other emotions for guilt always stays, it never truly disappears.

Sometimes is it forgotten, ignored...but when it is triggered, the feeling is as though something was pinching your heart, there were times that for me, it even felt like somebody is pulling my heart out of my chest, ripping it open. Sometimes it aches just from the way it throbs. But most of the time, it's similiar to the feeling like the heart is being punctured by needles to the point that it's often unbearable.

But as my swollen eyes gaze above the dim clouds, the skies beginning to brighten up, the huge clock at a certain meters ticking in every second, the tears below finally drying up as some were carried through the air, I was remembering a distant memory.

The calming sound of the waves hitting down the shore; scattering the forming white sands, breaking down small rocks, accompanied by the pleasant cool breeze; sliding along the trees, rustling their leaves, then passing by the blooming spring flowers; kissing their petals as their scents were spread, and the small chattering noises of the early-morning birds knocking down nature's hearing...

"Brother?"

"Hmm?"

I smiled, exploring the deepness of his cool, blue, ocean eyes.

"I want to go home."

AN: Made it. Happy reading!