The sound of the the waters flowing adrift passed by the rocks, breaking as the liquid penetrated every inches of their solid crevices, dominated our surroundings. Cold wind then crowded the air, and as I sat beside this riverbank, I couldn't help but stare at Caelesti's figure as she sank her lower body down that icy cold waters.

She said she was cooling herself down, I don't know why she does so with her clothes on though. But as the sunset behind her started ageing, the dark-pitched skies have grown quiet with lights reflecting on her delicate body. Opening her eyes, she returned my gaze.

"Do you have a habit of swimming with your clothes on?" I asked.

"Then would you rather be watched naked?" I got flustered by her reply.

"Of course not!" She smiled and finally, walked out to the surface.

Inabot ko sa kaniya ang mahabang puting towel na pinadala niya kanina tapos ay inikot ito sa likuran niya. Bigla na lamang ako napapikit sa dumaang hangin, tumayo ang balahibo ko dahil sa lamig. Nang nagsimula na siyang maglakad pabalik sa kung saan kami nanggaling kanina, ay tumayo narin ako mula sa kinauupuan ko while dusting off the dirt from my clothes.

"Ano na ngayon ang pinaplano mo? You don't usually stay here for so long. Why do I feel like something's going to happen soon?" Matagal na kasi siyang pumupunta dito, every single morning, pero ngayon ko lang naisipang sumama sa kaniya.

"You're not wrong in that part." The ground she passes by leaves small traces of her wet feet. The trees around us were all burned to cinders, the only thing actually pleasant to watch is that river behind us. "And don't you know? Today marks the fourth year of my imprisonment in this island. Time flows differently and much slower in this place, so I don't know how long have I been here outside."

"Ilang taon ka na ngaba?"

"You're asking that huh? Well I'm not sure. I told you, time flows much slower in here. It feels like it's been only three years, but on the outside, perhaps seven or eight?" Hindi agad ako nakasalita dahil sa sinabi niya.

Seven or eight years? I can't imagine myself living a life here without anything to do. That would explain kung bakit parang iba ang buong isla na ito simula unang beses ko palang umapak sa lugar na ito. Hindi ba siya nahihirapan dito? Hindi din ba siya napapagod maging isang masamang tao? Ni minsan ba...sinubukan din ba niyang tumakas mula dito?

Mávro Isle is a private island found at the edge of the world. Hindi madaling mahanap ang lugar na ito, at kahit mahanap man nila ay wala din naman silang makukuha dito. Like from what I see, everything here looks dead. Walang mga halaman o iisang punongkahoy man lamang. Marami ang nga sira-sirang buildings sa iba't ibang parte ng isla. Wala din akong nakikitang ibang tao dito kung hindi si Caelesti lang at ang mga kasamahan niya.

In other words, this whole island is a prison. Once someone steps inside, they could never get out. Once someone is lost, they would never be found. And once someone is trapped, they could never escape. This place is like a whole dimension of darkness and gried intended for those inside.

Caelesti's subordinates can get outside dahil hindi naman sila ang kinululong dito. Blacks could breach inside and could still find their way out dahil hindi sila nararapat dito. Because Mávro Isle is a home for those who has been casted away by the whole world, a prison, an isolated place.

Sa buong mundong ito, ang lugar na ito lamang ang makakayang ikulong at itago si Caelesti. She will never be able to see the outside world. Nor will she be able to know more people, because for her, the people who hurt her in the past are enough. She doesn't need anyone else.

"You know you can always just...escape from this place."

"Why would I escape?"

"Ibig mo bang sabihin ayaw mong umalis?"

"That's not my point. I don't need to escape from my own lair, do I?" What? So tinuturing niya ngang sa kaniya ang buong islang ito? "Plus, I am not a God. Only those Divine Beings can destroy this place if I want to escape."

"So you believe in them."

"They do exist." Hindi ako naniniwala. But I do believe in that 'concept' that they exist.

Unang panahon pa lamang, sinabi na nila na ang mga Diyos ang gumawa ng buong mundo, that humans were created in accordance to their desires of making us lower mortals serve them, give them offerings as a way of bringing them pleasure, follow their every whims and orders, and as a result, humans were granted mana or what we now call spiritual energy.

Spiritual energy come in different forms kaya may mga ability users, alchemists, mages, and ninjas, or what they usually call assassins. Noong panahon pa ng walang kamalayan ng nga tao, nabulag sila sa paniniwalang lahat ng taong sumasamba sa mga Diyos na ito ay may tinatawag na mana, that they were special, at ang mga taong wala naman ay tinatawag na mga demonyo dahil hindi sila sumasamba sa mga Diyos.

Stupid, isn't it? It was only known generations afterwards na nabubuo lang ang mana sa katawan ng tao dahil sa walang tigil na mana sa paligid. That having this spiritual energy sometimes depends on the condition of a person, kung makakayanan ba ng katawan niya mag generate ng mana o hindi. Perolahat ng tao sa mundong ito ay may spiritual energy, may mga diyan lang talagang hindi makapalabas nito. Nabuksan lang ang maling paniniwala ng mga tao because of the increase of knowledge called science.

Religion and science became a hot topic before, even now at the very least, to the point na may nangyaring away sa pagitan ng dalawang ito. In the end, walang nanalo. Walamg nakasulat sa mga history books kung bakit ngaba wala, there were some theories saying that the power of both sides are equal, pero mag nagsasabi namang iba that these Gods interfered themseleves causing the war to come into an end. Kaya hindi ito binansagang First Great War dahil walang nanalo.

"Paano ka nakakasiguradong totoo sila?"

"Because I met them myself."

"Huh?"

"Unbelievable?"

"It is. But I do believe you."

"Well at that age, my way of thinking matched yours."

"That you only believe in what you see?"

"Sometimes what we see isn't always the truth for seeing is often deceiving."

"Speaking from experience?"

"I take the path of the wise now." Parang sinasabi niya sa akin na hindi na siya katulad ng dati, na para bang pinapahiwatig niyang tinalikuran niya na ang lahat at tinahak ang masakit na daan na ito na mag-isa.

She may have her spirits and subordinates with her, pero alam kong iniisip din niyang hindi din magtatagal ay iiwanan din naman nila siya. Na ayaw niyang umasa at pagkatiwalaan sila ng sobra sobra dahil pagod na siyang masaktan. In the first place, wala na siyang iba pang nararamdamang emosyon, o sinasabi niya lang ba ito para makumbinsi ang sarili niya?

Pagkadating namin sa munting bahay niya ay nakita naming naghihintay si Kion habang nakasandal sa may pader. He seemed to have waited for too long. His face brightened nang makita niya si Caelesti na lumalakad palapit. When he caught a glance of me, he frowned and looked away immediately.

What? Hindi parin ba nila ako pinagkakatiwalaan? Ah why would they even trust me? I've done nothing good nor bad to this woman in front of me kaya hindi pa nila ako gaano kakilala. Pero paano ko ngaba ipapakilala ang sarili ko dahil wala nga akong naaalala sa nangyari sa buhay ko bago ako napunta dito o kung sino ang pangalan ko.

"Keila, that took you longer than I thought."

"What is it now Kion? Your heart's jumping in excitement."

"You know you could at least pretend you didn't feel that." He sighed.

"I'm still soaking wet. If you have reports then meet me later." Aakyat na sana siya sa may maliit na hagdanan ng hawakan ni Kion ang kamay niya. Nagulat ako sa mga nakikita ko.

"Happy birthday, my Queen." Pero walang bakas na emosyon ang makikita sa mukha ni Caelesti nang sinabi niya iyon, pero ako meron. Kaarawan niya ngayon? Bakit wala siyang nabanggit—come to think of it, kahit sa sarili niyang kinikwento sa akin, hindi niya nasabi ang kaarawan niya. Why? Is it because it doesn't matter, or is it that I'm the one who doesn't matter?

"I am no Queen, Kion. Though I do not take that as a mockery." Why would she even think of it as a mockery?

"Still, I greet you happy birthday Keila."

"That name again..." she frowned. "What's so enjoyable about my birthday? I was born into a world which doesn't want me, born with people who betrayed me, and lived up until now with nothing. Now you're reminding me of my birth? Though again, I do not take that as a mockery." She can feel how sincere his emotions are after all. But why is she ignoring that sincerity?

"You have us, why won't you ever admit that?" His grip around Caelesti's arm tightened.

"Because I control you—"

"You don't! These emotions are ours alone, you didn't change anything!"

"See? I am controlling you." Tinapik niya ang kamay ni Kion at pumasok na sa bahay. She left Kion behind, his face spoke what his emotions are showing, pain.

"So she doesn't even trust herself?" Narinig kong salita niya habang ginugulo ang buhok niya.

"Hindi ko alam kung bakit mas pinapamukha mo pa sa kaniya ang mga masasakit na bagay pero," he finally looked up to meet my gaze. "If you truly care for her, naiintindihan mo siya."

"Who are you really?" Kailan siya natutong magintindi ng tagalog? "Don't tell me that I don't understand her. Because I'm trying to make her understand us—"

"She does understand you, as well as the rest. Siguro sa loob ay alam niya rin ang mga iniisip niyo at ang mga gusto niyong gawin. Na gusto niyo siyang maligtas mula sa masamang mundong ito, na ayaw niyo siyang masaktan muli, na gusto niyo siyang protektahan. But she doesn't want that at all, isn't that obvious? She can destroy something just by looking, sa tingin niyo ba talaga wala siyang gagawin kung nahihirapan na siya?"

"So what are you saying? That she chooses remain here to protect herself? That she can handle everything on her own? If that's the case, then why are we here?!"

"Because you all chose to follow her." I sighed. "Supporting her is enough. She understands all of you completely but why don't you try to understand her? Dahil ba hindi niyo kaya?"

"It's because she doesn't let us understand her." Lumakad siya palapit sa akin sa punto na sa ibabaw ko lamang ang bibig niya. "But what makes you think that you of all people, understands when we don't?"

"Hindi ko alam. But I have a great feeling that only I can understand her." I walked pass by him ang binuksan na ang pintuan. His glares continued to gaze through mine.

Nang binuksan ko ang pintuan ay agad kong napansin si Caelesti na nakabihis na sa mahabang damit niya. Nakatayo siya sa may counter sa kusina, pouring herself a tea which scent told me was jasmine. Alam kong napapansin niya ako pero hindi niya ako tinignan at sa halip ay uminom mula sa baso na hawak hawak niya.

"You didn't mention your birthday at all."

"I didn't see any reason why I have to."

"How am I suppose to know what day today is?"

"For some, birthdays may be important enough for them to celebrate it happily, but for those who have lived hell, birthdays are considered as a curse which haunts them and will continue to do so until they die."

"Hinihiling mo bang sana patay ka na?" I gulped matapos kong itanong iyon. Bakit ko ba tinanong? It's as if I'm saying na gusto ko siyang mamatay!

"What's the point of wishing something that won't ever happen?" Sinasabi niyang hindi soya mamamatay.

Dahil ba ito sa hindi niya kaya o hindi talaga siya mamamatay? Immortality. There were some rumours na nakuha daw ni Caelesti ang immortality because of her ever so powerful ability. Namamatay lamang ang isang tao kung nauubusan na ng life force ang katawan nito. Life force generates the spiritual energy, kung mauubos ang life force ay wala nang spiritual energy ang isang tao, because they can't generate any more.

Sa kaso naman ni Caelesti, dahil sa ability niyang makaramdam ng mga emosyon ng tao, at nadagdagan pa ng pagiging Cursed Blood niya, lumakas ito enough for her to feel billions of emotions all at once. Her life would have been easier kung hindi siya isang Cursed Blood, but indeed, fate is a cruel thing. Since emotions are embeded with energy, the more intense the emotion is, the more energy will she be able to absorb. And what's worse, it all happens automatically as to why she can't turn it 'off' or 'on' when she wants to.

Right now, her body is a big mass of life force generating numerous amounts of spiritual energy. I can only wonder how she can take so much energy inside that fragile-looking body of hers. Kung normal lang siyang tao, matagal na siyang nabaliw dahil dito, or worse, she would have exploded on the spot due to the unimaginable pain.

But also because of her ability, she may can't turn her ability to sense emotions automatically off, but she can control her own emotions. Kaya pinapatay niya ang bawat emosyon na nararamdaman niya. Reason why she survived up 'till now. She's strong, and I respect her more because of it.

"Have you ever tried changing your own emotions?"

"And fool myself? Emotions can change but memories never do. They will always be there, even if I choose to forget, they will still linger. So no matter how I change my emotions if these memories are still intact, those emotions will return."

"Kailan ba matatapos ang lahat ng ito?" At least for her sake...I want all of this to stop.

"Who knows?" She shrugged.

"Matatapos lang ba ito kung natapos na ang gagawin mo sa mundong ito?"

"You make it sound like I'm going to destroy it."

"Hindi ba?"

"As much as I'd love to, destroying a world is nothing but a wishful thinking. This world will never be destroyed as long as humans exist," she then slightly shook her cup. "But it doesn't mean it can't be conquered, because after all, humans have emotions."

"So you do plan to dominate."

"Do you know the reason why I got locked up here?"

"Dahil may ginawa kang hindi maganda noon, and probably will still continue to do so."

"Well you will know soon enough." Inubos niya na ang cup niyang may lamang jasmine tea at nilagay ito pabalik sa mesa.

Tapos ay lumapit siya sa may bintana tsaka tinabi ang kurtina sa tabi. I urged myself to stand beside her, hoping to see what she was staring at. But there was nothing but an emoty space with the sight of the blue ocean at a great distance.

"Sometimes, I do wonder how strong I am." Wika ko habang iniisip kung paano ko siya matutulungan.

"If you're able to get near me without fear the! you're stronger than you think."

"A compliment?" From Caelesti?

"If you think of it as one then take it." Napangiti na naman ako sa sinabi niya.

"Do you...do tou trust me?"

"Giving yourself some credit already?" Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Alam niyang hindi iyon ang ibig kong sabihin.

"I'm not. I'm just...asking."

"I don't trust you." Nasaktan din ako sa sinabi niya. Malamang hindi niya ako pinagkakatiwalaan. I mean, I've only been here for about a month, sino ba ako sa buhay niya? "But I don't dislike the thought of not trusting you."

"Why?"

"Who knows." And here I thought I'm starting to understand this woman. "But perhaps it's because you remind me of who I was once."

"Shouldn't you be erasing mg existence if that's the case?" Dahil hindi ba nagagalit siya sa nakaraan niya?

"I hate myself, and reminding me of it is indeed unpleasant, but it isn't enough for me to erase you."

"Should I be thankful?"

"You mean you aren't?" She laughed, the sound of her voice replaced the empty space. "Well I guess that's one of the reason I'm interested in you."

"Interested? Does that make us mutual?"

"You always ask questions, do you?"

"Don't you?" I smiled, provoking her.

"Do I?"

"You just did."

"I did, didn't I?" I sighed. It was wrong of me to think that I can beat her when it comes to words.

"Kakaiba ka nga talaga." Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at sumandal sa may pader, turning away from the window. "You answer my questions with questions, and oftentimes you answer so vague na hindi ko kayang maintindihan. Nakuha mo ba yun sa mentor mo na Elite?" And speaking of her, nasaan na ba siya ngayon?

Biglang napabukas ang mga mata ko nang natunton ko na ang kamay niya ay sa ibabaw ng ulo ko. Napatingin agad ako sa kaniya at nagulat sa nakikita kong reaksyon. Patuloy lang siyang nakatingin sa labas, a wave of the winds flew by setting her hair off. Pero may kakaiba sa pinapkita niyang mukha ngayon.

Sorrow.

Did she always have that emotion? A slight smile formed her lips, but her eyes spoke sadness and sincerity herself. Ah, did I say something I shouldn't have? Alam kong mali ako pero hindi ko siya naiintindihan. Akala ko magagalit siya, but why is she showing me that face?

It was sorrow with a hint of bitterness.

Somehow I feel guilty. Gusto ko siyang maintindihan, pero bakit ba parang sa tuwing akala ko kilala ko na siya ay marami pa pala ang nga bagay na hindi ko alam sa buhay niya? Mga bagay na tinatago niya at hindi pinapakita...the more I seem to know her she becomes mysterious.

"Until the end, she never answered a question of mine directly." She replied.

Dead?

Pero ayaw ko siyang tanungin. Masaya akong may mga emosyon pa siya maliban nalang sa galit, but at the same time I hate seeing her make that face.

"Seems you cared for her more than you thought."

"She was more of like a sister, really." 'Was' huh?

"Nasaan na ba siya ngayon?"

"A place I could never be." Heaven? Or is it hell?

We were interrupted by the sudden knock at the door. Ako na mismo ang lumapit sa pintuan at dahan dahan itong binuksan. Nakita ko agad ang seryosong mukha ni Ellise. Hindi ko din mapigilang isipin kung bakit ang babaeng gustong-gusto mamatay at makitang naghihirap si Caelesti noon ay ngayo'y sinusundan parin siya at sinusunod, in other words, she respects her.

"I need to talk to Caelesti." An urgent matter? I took a glance behind me and saw the woman she's looking for not turning her head to me this time, kahit naririnig niya naman ito.

"Is it important?"

"Would I even look for her kung hindi?"

"Perhaps now is not the time—"

"I know she can hear me. It's about the Final End, malapit na itong mangyari—" tumigil siya at tumingin sa likuran ko. Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Caelesti na nasa balikat ko kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya. Akala ko ba hindi siya interisado?

"It's about time, I suppose." She stepped right in front of me and gazed above. "Ellise, how's the preparation?"

"The ones you sent few weeks ago haven't returned." Tinutukoy niya siguro yung army na pinadala niya noon to send a little 'greetings' to those who caused the delayed in her plans before.

"Of course they wouldn't." Sinasabi niya bang inaasahan niya na yun? A part of her plans?

"The enemy's moving through the Cretian Plains, kung patuloy ang pagpunta nila dito ibig sabihin lang nito ay hindi nagawa—"

"No, they did it."

"I sent them to make sure that their destination will be here."

"Pero paano ang nga blacks? May mga blacks pa na nandito sa Mávro."

"My spirits know exactly what their jobs are."

"Ibig mo bang sabihin dito mangyayari ang Final End? You were all leading them here from the start...but Caelesti—"

"Ellise, I know what I'm doing."

"But you will...."

"Didn't you want that?"

"Caelesti."

"Don't think too much about it. Now leave and finish the preparations." Napilitan si Ellise na umalis kahit halata na sa mukha niya na hindi niya gusto ang mga narinig niya.

Caelesti stepped down the stairs, and when she did, the ground formed dusts around her feet. Tinaas niya ang dalawang kamay niya, her hand started glowing white hanggang sa napuno na ng puting liwanag ang buong katawan niya. Malayo siya sa akin kaya medyo hindi ko nakikita kung ano ba talaga ang ginagawa niya, pero may nabuong malaking magic circle sa lupa.

The ground started shaking so hard na pakiramdam ko ang buong isla mismo ang naapektohan nito. Natumba ako at napaluhod, may kaonting sugat na nabuo sa tuhod ko. I bit my lip in pain as I felt the blood escaped from my skin. Patuloy parin ang pagyanig na dumating sa punto na sumasakit na ang ulo ko.

It stayed like for at least a minute, pero pakiramdam ko ang haba pa dun ang mga nangyayari. When I looked up, agad akomg napaatras with my eyes growing wide.

As expected of Caelesti, to be able to create something like that out of scratch...kakaiba nga talaga siya. Hindi ko maisip kung gaano ngaba talaga siya kalakas. Bumalik sa akin ang pakiramdam noong unang beses ko palamang siya nakita, that feeling of fear and amazement at the same time.

Malaki itong golem na gawa sa bato at lupa, pero hindi ito isang normal na golem. It wore an armour to make it more sturdy at may hawak itong malaking espada na nakabaon ngayon sa lupa. And there was Caelesti beneath the earth monster.

"Go and do your purpose of existence." Nawala na ang liwanag sa buong katawan niya at ngumiti. "Go and die for me." Tumayo ang golem at lumakad paalis. Ang bawat apak nito ay nagpapayanig ng lupa.

Even if they are just monsters she created herself, I wonder how could she say 'die for me' with a smile on her face, and it was fake. Will she tell me to die for her too? Gagawin ko ba? Siguro—no, I will do it without hesitation. Pero bakt ngaba? Why do I feel a strong sense of emotion that I have to protect her? That I have to make sure she'll be free from all of her sufferings?

Tumayo ako at huli na nang mamalayan kong nasa unahan ko na pala siya. Her gaze drifted to the blood from my knees and frown.

"How can you hurt yourself so easily?"

"Perhaps because I'm only a normal human being." Dahil sa mataas siya sa akin, she lowered herself and touched my bleeding knees. Nagulat ako dito pero hindi ako gumalaw.

"Humans don't hurt theirselves this easily, it's each other they hurt with ease." I feel a warm sensation being transferred to my knees. Energy. I didn't know having her energy is this pleasant, it's kind, gentle, and soft, an opposite of who she is on the outside.

"Not all. I'm not like that." Ngumiti siya ulit sa direksyon ko at tumayo na. She started walking behind me, as if ignoring my emotions. "I'm serious, Caelesti." Hindi ako tumingin sa kaniya habang lumalakad siya sa likuran ko.

"Are you? Who knows perhaps someday you'll end up hurting me too. After all, pain exists for 'hurt' to use, and it's very demanding."

Mabilis akong tumalikod sa kaniya, pero hindi na siya lumingon sa akin. Why? Why is she so hard to reach? Why is she covering her heart so much that I couldn't even see it? That I couldn't even feel it? Ganoon ba talaga siya kasakit na nasaktan noon? Why won't she even let her guard down to me?

Maybe I'm just assuming that I am close to her, maybe I'm the only one thinking that she cared for me enough to heal me, but isn't she unfair? Just when will she stop being like this and be free once again? Kung malaya na ba siya sa lahat ng ito, ngingiti na ba siya ng totoo? Tatawa na ba siya ng walang halong pagpapanggap?

I looked downward kung saan niya hinilom ang sugat ko sa tuhod. There weren't any visible scratches as if she did some changes to my skin. Wala din akong sakit na naramdaman, hindi katulad kanina.

And here she says humans hurt each other easily.

But humans can heal each other this easily too.

I sighed.

I just can't understand her after all.