– 4 –
[Trigger Warning]

A soft and cool breeze flew through Namjoon's bedroom where he laid on the bed with wide-awake eyes which were in a pinkish tint from not getting much sleep and the boy could feel his head getting torn apart— I mean he felt a severe headache. He sat up and yawned, stretching his still-tired limbs and rubbing his eyes with his fist furiously, wanting to remove his sleep from his eyes because he has an outdoor session with Dr Hoseok and Seokjin. He can not possibly let fatigue take over him. He will have to leave in a bit too.

It was late, he fell asleep at eleven am and now it's twelve forty-seven. He sets his warm feet on the cold hardwood floor, curling his toes at the sudden cool touch. He hissed as he walked on the cold floor in his bare feet. Entering his small bathroom, he took a look at his mirror and saw his reflection.

Tsk— You look pathetic, Joon. Look at your hair and specifically your face. You look like a spoiled dumpling!

Namjoon sighed as he heard in 'inner voice slash demon' say that. He was used to that. He basically taunts himself but he has this imaginary being made up in his mind which he named 'Inner Demon.' Well, according to him, this so-called inner demon of his soothes him when he is feeling down but also discourages him when he is happy because of some purpose. Perhaps, that's what you term depression.

Ignoring his inner demon, he freshens up quickly and wears his usual clothes which wear just a dull coloured loose top and a pair of jeans. He noticed his hair has grown longer. He combed his hair neatly trying to make it look decent and proper. He took a glance at his full-body mirror and felt satisfied. He smiled and ran a hand in his hair.

You don't look so good but okay.

"Oh, shut up!" He cussed.

It was Sunday and also quite a sunny day. Birds were chirping, clouds were flying by the sky, a soft breeze was rolling in the beautiful brown shaded trees, kids were cheering as they played. What a beautiful day to spend with Jin Hyung! But suddenly he recalled about his 'exams'.

Who the hell has exams on a Sunday?! Namjoon surely has to pay for his crystal clear lie. He facepalmed himself recalling the words he said that day in the phone call with Hoseok and his stomach was calling for some food suddenly. He sighed. Damn, boy sighs a lot. He seems so done with life- Anyways—

He went to his kitchen, where he is banned. No trespassing for Kim Namjoon. But the boy desperately needed some caffeine, which was also banned for him. Having insomnia and adding caffeine is relatively unhealthy for a person who is supposedly a student. But, Namjoon needed it. Coffee is the only thing that has been keeping him alive.

Shrugging off his guilty feeling of trespassing the banned area also known as the kitchen, he took out a mug and the necessary ingredients for his coffee. He wanted to keep it simple. He sets a saucepan filled with water on his stove before turning it on and letting the water boil up. He waited till the water was boiled up so that he can pour it into his mug and prepare his black coffee.

Stirring in the coffee to dissolve the sugar, he sat down on the armchair present by his living room window to enjoy the view of busy Seoul. His apartment was small but decent for a person to stay in. It had one small bedroom and living space with the kitchen right beside it and an attached bathroom. Seokjin didn't really like that apartment as it was too small for his liking and even offered his boyfriend to move at his place and stay but Namjoon was reluctant.

Namjoon sipped his coffee's last bit while taking his phone and texting Seokjin informing him he was ready to leave. Seokjin also replied that he was ready to leave and is on his way to pick him up. He smiled.

You don't deserve him and he doesn't deserve a trashbag like you.

It didn't take a split second for his smile to vanish. He zoned out, in his own trance, not caring about his surrounding. So silent. So silent that he didn't notice his feet automatically moving to somewhere he wasn't allowed to go. It was so silent that he didn't even notice his hand shuffling in the drawer that Seokjin had locked and put the keys away. It was so silent that he didn't notice that the cursed yet so shiny blade was about to glide down his lightly scarred wrist until someone pulled the blade out of his grasp. His hand felt empty, a visible distortion was flushed on his face.

"—ook at me, please? Joonie—" He heard someone familiar call him by his favourite nickname from a distance. It was so faded and so muffled. "Joon look at me." Someone held his face.

"Hyung?" Namjoon mumbled unknowingly, he was still in the process of comprehending what was happening to him.

"Thank God! You're back. Are you okay?" The familiar voice became clearer. He felt a soft kiss on his cheek and forehead. "Namjoonie, respond to me."

"Jin Hyung..."

"Yes, it's Jin Hyung. Are you okay? Can you hear me?" Namjoon nodded as he felt his conscience coming back. Seokjin's anxiety levelled down as he heard Namjoon respond to him. Leaving Namjoon alone in a house is a very bad idea.