– 7 –

It was raining, in the middle of autumn's midnight. What kind of bizarre situation is this now? The weather forecast said the sky will be clear today but probably God had different plans. Different plans to match up with Namjoon.

Namjoon stood by the closed window of his bedroom as he was in his apartment all alone. Not bothering to call his boyfriend to come over and cuddle. Maybe, because it was raining or maybe he wanted to stop being a bother to the said man. How long could he trouble a person whom he loves so dearly? But he remembered what happened last night, which made him feel worse.

"Namjoon, why are you crying? Are you okay?" Seokjin asked as he saw the younger crying silently yet uncontrollably. Concern flashed in Seokjin's handsome features. "What's wrong, baby? Are you feeling down?"

"K-kind of. Sorry, Hyung." Namjoon hiccuped as he whispered to the older man.

"You can tell me what's wrong."

"Hyung, I went to meet mum." Seokjin seemingly was angry at the sound of how it might turn out as he knew Namjoon and his mum were never on good terms nor himself. He kept his cool and told his crying boyfriend to continue. "I don't think I should've gone there."

"Why? Did she say something hurtful again?" Namjoon nodded.

"She-she disowned me." Namjoon sobbed, finally breaking down. Seokjin couldn't keep his cool anymore. How dare that woman to disown her child?!

"I always told you to not keep contact with that woman! She never cared about us, especially you! All she cared for is your younger brother! I'm not surprised that she disowned because knew she would do that soon anyway." Seokjin's words seem like daggers to Namjoon's delicate heart. "I even warned you about this but you didn't listen to me! You never do!" Seokjin pulled the younger into a hug.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon whispered before hugging the man back firmly. "Don't hate me please."

"I will never." The man kissed the side of his head lovingly.

"I'm not perfect, I can never be!"  The boy mumbled as tears rolled down his cheeks and to the cold wooden floor. How he wished to just simply vanish from this world! Namjoon was done bothering people and being a burden on them. He wanted to end it all. He never dared to do so but now... He knows he can do it. For the first time in his life, he felt confident about something and he knew no one will tell him that he wasn't perfect ever again. He has to do it. It was the perfect time to do it.

The rain poured vigorously, so did Namjoon's unnoticed tears which were getting mixed with the cold water droplets as the young broken soul walked down the road to Jamsu bridge, alone. Cars were drifting down the wet roads now and then, not bothering Namjoon to even look up at them. He solely walked down the sidewalk of the road with the phone in his hand, Seokjin's call incoming. Wanting to apologise for the one last time, he answered his lover's call and held the phone to his ear, being able to hear the soothing voice of the love of his life.

"Namjoon?! Where are you?! Are you okay? Why aren't you home?! I'm dead worried here!" Seokjin yelled from the other side of the phone. Namjoon croaked, unable to say anything as words were ostensively stuck on his throat. "Kim Namjoon! Where are you?!"

"Wherever I am, or wherever I'm going... You will not have to worry about me anymore." The younger said lowly while his eyes burned because of crying endlessly.

"Namjoon, no! Don't even think about it!" Seokjin exactly knew what the younger was talking about. He always did but never showed it.

"I'm sorry Hyung. I've been a burden on you. I have troubled you more than I have troubled my mom. The reason for my final times being happy is none other than you. All those hugs, kisses, gifts you gave me for the last seven years, I have always cherished. I never wanted to leave you but maybe this is for the best."

"Namjoonie, darling... Please, let's talk this out. We can fix this. You don't have to—"

"No, Hyung. 'We' can't fix this. Only I can. Please Hyung." Namjoon as he saw the Jamsu bridge coming near as his legs slowly and steadily made their way there.

Seokjin didn't waste any time, he grabbed his car keys and ran out to his car, hitting up the ignition, making the engine roar on. He didn't know where Namjoon could exactly but he had a feeling that it might be one of the bridges in Seoul where Namjoon could be. He didn't want to be late. He didn't want to lose Namjoon so early. He still wanted to do so much with the said boy. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he heard Namjoon sob from the other side of the phone call.

"Joonie, stay where you are. Don't you dare take a step further! I'm coming to get you. Hang on." Seokjin breathed anxiously.

"I love you, Hyung. I really do but maybe this is it. I will have to end this right now." The younger man wept. A part of him was saying don't do it but a huge part of him pushed him to the edge, he can't keep the balance anymore, he might fall anytime now.

"Babyboy, for God's sakes, don't do it. Please, I love you! You don't have to do it! We can fix this!" Seokjin went by every bridge in Seoul as he kept Namjoon busy in talking but inside he was scared, he is probably running out of time.

"I'm sorry, Hyungie but it's strangling my throat to the point, I can't breathe anymore. I can't even breathe when I'm alone now. I'm done pretending like I'm perfect. This is suffocating me. I want to end this suffering, Hyung! I can't take it anymore!"

"Namjoon, please you don't have to do it. I'm telling you, we'll fix this! Together!" Seokjin yelled in frustration. "Please, Joonie. You always listen to me, right? I would never want something bad for you, will I?" Seokjin said as he came near to the Jamsu bridge. He could see a tall figure in all-black figure standing on the railing of the infrastructure from a far.

"No... But maybe I will have to disobey you. It's better for both of us! You're handsome, kind and caring. You will easily get someone better than me. You won't have to worry about their well being or even their suicidal thoughts as they won't have them unlike me. Take care, Hyungie." He hung up while Seokjin hit the gas to reach his lover as soon as possibly.

"Namjoon!" Seokjin yelled, running out of the car, not caring about the cold raindrops wetting his clothes. All he cared for now is his lover who was about to give up his life because he thought he could never be perfect for the people he loved. He saw Namjoon turn slightly and smile at him before mumbling a small and last  'I love you to his lover before letting his body fall the railing.

"NAMJOON!!" Seokjin almost got a hold of him but all he got in return was the boy's hem of his black t-shirt. He watched the silhouette of his lover vanish in the turbulent waves of the said river. His knees felt weak, he felt himself plunge on the hard concrete ground while gazing at the black piece of cloth. "AHH!!" Seokjin screamed like he was about bust his lungs, he couldn't believe the fact that he had just seen his lover jump off the rails to give up his life. He sobbed loudly in the middle of the empty road with no other soul being seen from any side. Rain poured heavily as Seokjin mourned. "I AM SORRY NAMJOON!!" He wailed. "I'm sorry, baby. I was late. It's all my fault."

Namjoon felt his chest tighten and breath shortening as he drowned down the river water. He didn't even want to struggle to swim up to the surface, he let himself drown in the deep cold water, his body getting numb and when he realised he was about to die any time now, it was too late, he felt his chest fill up with the apprehensive water and it got harder for him to keep up his breath. He felt his vision getting darker and blurry. He knew it was this time, he is about to finally be free and able to breathe again. He felt remorseful for leaving his lover behind like this but he knew, his Hyungie will be all okay and better than he was with him.

Namjoon saw the abyss of darkness and everlasting peace while telling his Hyung, he loved him like he always did while his eyes close for the last time.

Or was it?