- 8 -

Seokjin laid on Namjoon's soft neatly done bed as he aimlessly stared at the white ceiling of the younger's apartment bedroom. Tears were unconsciously rolling the side of his face. His hair and clothes were still damp from the tremendous downpour. He just returned from the bridge where his lover jumped off to give up his life. That scene —

That scene was engraved in his mind and whenever he was zoning out, he would see that subtle smile from his lover before he jumped. He was frustrated already and was sick of the thought of telling his family about this but he needed to tell them. He could imagine the broken expression of Namjoon's seventeen-year-old brother. He loved his Hyung with all he had. Namjoon was his idol. He still remembers the soft moments he saw his lover sharing with his brother. He smiled as he softly wiped his tears.

Seokjin was feeling cold but he couldn't care much as he buried his face Namjoon's duvets, a strong smell of the boy was coming off from there. Seokjin squeezed the torn piece of cloth in his hand as he felt a hard pang in his chest and he felt his chest tighten as he tried to hold back his heartbreaking sobs. The memories of his and his lover were taunting him saying he couldn't take care of his lover better. He couldn't take it.

He let it out.

He let all of it out.

Screaming, sobbing, aggressively wiping his tears, punching on the wall until his knuckles bled. He was standing while staring at his vigorously bleeding knuckles before his legs felt shaking and he finally fell on the hardwood floor, not caring his knees getting hurt. He just felt like crying blood out his eyes and if he could just rewind time when he saw Namjoon giving up his life. He painfully yet quite hardly punched the floor, not giving a thing for his injured hands.

It was a dark moonless night, darker than usual and it was almost morning yet Seokjin couldn't see daylight. He peeked out the window of the said bedroom, seeing the skies rumbling now and then while the skies were in the deepest shades of grey. The specks of the clouds calmed Seokjin's, broken heart. The roads in front of the apartment were empty and wet from the sleet. He was engrossed in the scenery of skies until he noticed a paper with something written on it. Seokjin recognised the handwriting as Namjoon's. He began reading the note as he felt anxious.

"Dear Jin Hyung,

I know you're in my apartment right now after what happened. I'm sorry for what I did but I think this is for the best. You have been looking after me since we first came upon. You have always been a loving person and Hyung to me. You defended me when I was on the knees, surrendered to my circumstances. You soothed me when I was hurt. You treated me when I was self-injured. You calmed me when I felt anxious. You were my family when my own family abandoned me. You supported me for everything and I have no idea what good deed I had done in my life that you came to me. Maybe it's all fate but that's not the matter right now. I couldn't see all the efforts you put into me until now and it has made me realise how much I have troubled you. I apologise for everything I have done.

Whatever I'm doing or maybe done, it's none of your faults. I basically blame no one. You are the only one who loved me even though I have never been perfect. You loved my imperfections and praised them which I always appreciated. But my heart and mind felt empty even though I felt content with your love and care. I wanted something more. Maybe something more from my family. Maybe something like praises from my mom. Maybe a loving hug from my dad. Maybe a little more time with my little brother.

Could you please take care of him while I'm gone? Don't make him feel my absence. He likes you a lot, you know? He would always ask about you when we meet. That silly boy. He deserves everything in the world. More than me. Maybe, if I just am gone, he will get all he wishes. If I'm gone, you won't have to worry about me anymore. You won't have to worry about me doing something stupid.

I did my best not to become corrupted and not to disappear and become nothing because I want to hold even the things that cannot be seen. There's no doubt that your voice saved me that day when I was about slit my wrist before we went to Hoseok Hyung's place.

My story was a story of only losing, of shedding blood before I met you. I am tainted by the moonless night tonight, but still, you won't stop walking beside me. Because you wanted to tell me that I'm not alone anymore. But we're always tormented by the foolishness of mine. But hey, if this painful night never ends, I'm sure you, who don't doubt anything and you will be able to love this cursed world. So I took it all on my shoulders.

Now I will take it back.

Take care, Hyungie. I loved you, I still love you, I will always love you.

With love,
Your Namjoon."

Seokjin felt impassive but now he understood why Namjoon did this. He smiled softly as he ran his slender hand on the tear-stained paper with his lover's handwriting. He took out his phone from his pocket to call Namjoon's brother as he didn't have any other family members' phone numbers. He was about to dial the said boy's number but another call came in. It was unknown and he didn't want to talk to anyone now but he answered as it might be important.

"Hello? Is this Kim Namjoon's acquaintance?" The other person said in a neutral voice which sounded familiar, Seokjin's heart dropped to the ground. His heart was beating so fast.

"Yes, it is. How do you know my boyfriend?" He asked anxiously as he heard the somewhat familiar person from the other side mumble a soft an 'oh'.

"I am Park Jimin from the Seoul Police Department. We found your boyfriend unconscious by the shore of Jamsu River, under the bridge. We found his phone in his pocket, slightly damaged and you were the last person who he called, so I called you. We have taken him to the closest hospital. His condition isn't so well. Please come as fast as possible." Seokjin took some time to comprehend what just this Park Jimin man said. He was confirmed about who this man was but it was none of his concerns now.

"I'm coming right now!" Seokjin hung up immediately and took his car keys, running to his car and turning the ignition switch on making the car roar on. He didn't care about the traffic rules at this point, he just wanted to meet the love of his life as soon as possible.

He could see the police cars and ambulances by the hospital frontal. He was sure, Namjoon was here. His heart said it so. He could feel it. He left his car behind after locking it. He ran to the reception where he could see a woman sitting there.

"Excuse me, is there someone with the name of Kim Namjoon?" He asked quickly.

"Ah, yes. Go to the seventh floor and he is in room 444." He thanked the woman and rushed to the said room. Running out of the lift, Seokjin rushed to the room and when he couldn't find it, he decided to ask one of the wards boys.

"Excuse me, could you tell me where is room 444?" He asked breathlessly.

"Turn left and you'll see in your righthand side." The boy said as he walked away. Seokjin didn't wait to thank the said boy. He was worried about his lover. He could see a cop getting up from one of the seats in front of the room door as a doctor in a white wet coat came out.

"Doctor! Where is Namjoon?!" He asked hastily as he ran up to the two men.

"Are you Kim Namjoon's boyfriend?" A peach haired man asked in police attire. Seokjin said yes and the doctor removed his mask.

"How is Namjoon? Please tell me he is alive! Please please!" Seokjin's bloodshot eyes were pouring tears again. His nose and cheeks were flushed with a bright pink colour. His hair was all dishevelled and his clothes damp from last night, he didn't bother to fix it. The doctor's eyes softened while the officer held Seokjin's broad shoulders.

"Hyung, please calm down."

"How could you even expect me to calm down when my boyfriend is fucking dying inside?!" Seokjinin yelled as he yanked Jimin's hand off his shoulder.

"Hyung, this is a hospital. Please calm down." Jimin said lowly. Seokjin breathed hard as he coughed softly.

"Your clothes are all wet. You are going to catch a cold, mister." The doctor said worriedly. Seokjin couldn't care much.

"I'll change later but tell me how is Namjoon! How is my baby?!" Seokjin asked demoralized. Jimin and the doctor shared a look. Seokjin scrutinised them suspiciously. Was something wrong? Was Namjoon okay? Will, he ever be able to hug his lover? Will, he ever be able to see his lover smile again? Will, he ever be able to share new memories? His heart dropped at the thought.

"Sir, Kim Namjoon is okay now. When he was underwater, he breathed the water into the lungs. The airway or larynx was spasm and closed, which stopped oxygen from reaching his lungs and this caused a small cardiac arrest. His lungs were filled with water but nothing to worry about now, we have treated him and now he is okay but will he have to stay on bed rest for a week or so to recover completely. While for now, he is unconscious and isn't in the condition to meet anyone." The doctor said as he reached his hand to Seokjin's shoulder in an assuring manner. "He will be okay. Why don't you go home and change and then come back after three-four hours? He will probably be awake by then." Seokjin sighed and plunged on the chair behind him. Jimin and the doctor held him.

"He is alive — he is alive."

"He is, sir. Please take care of yourself." The doctor left leaving Jimin and Seokjin alone. Jimin could understand how Seokjin was feeling so held the man's hand reassuringly.

"Let's get you home. I'll accompany you and I have some questions regarding Kim Namjoon, so let's get it settled, hm?" Jimin said carefully, minding his words to not hurt the older. Seokjin nodded and got up with the help of the younger peach haired boy.

"Can I see Namjoon before I go?" Jimin nodded as he led the other to the oversight window of Namjoon's ICU room. Seokjin covered his mouth to hold back his sobs as he saw Namjoon's pale body on the white hospital bed with wires and needles attached to his delicate skin. An oxygen mask on his mouth and nose. He ran his slender finger on the glass, over Namjoon's silhouette.

"Let's go now. You're gonna catch a cold if we wait for too long." Jimin said. Seokjin peeled his eyes away from the half-dead body of his lover as he was not wanting to walk away but he had to. "Lemme drive you home." Jimin offered. Seokjin gently yet numbingly gave him his car keys. Jimin indicated his fellow cops to leave while he sat in the driver's seat of Seokjin's car. Seokjin sat on the passenger's seat.

Jimin swiftly drove to Namjoon's while Seokjin told him the directions.

Seokjin stood under the showerhead as warm water droplets hit his face and rolled down his body, removing his fatigue along. He didn't take long to finish his shower so he came out quick and wore one of the clothes he left at Namjoon's place. He wore a comfortable white t-shirt with a pair of cotton denim. He wore a Balenciaga denim shirt over to keep himself warm. He walked out of the bedroom and saw Jimin scrutinising a picture of Namjoon and him when they were at the Girls' Generation concert with all their friends which included, Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung and Jeongguk and Jimin himself.

"Namjoon was an edgy kid, quite depressed and sick of his life and very suicidal too," Seokjin said as he made his way to the kitchen to make some coffee for himself and the cop.

"So, Kim Namjoon attempted suicide?" Jimin asked as he followed the older to the kitchen.

"Yeah. He attempted suicide in front of me." Seokjin said as he took the first aid box out of the cabinet to treat his knuckles.

"Give that to me." He mumbled as he took the box from the older's grasp to help him out. Seokjin didn't want to argue with younger. "So you're a witness. Why didn't you save him then?" Jimin asked as he made Seokjin sit on one of the stools near the kitchen island.

"I tried to but while I did, I got back with a piece of cloth which came apart from Namjoon's black tee. I almost got a hold of him but in my unfortunate, I couldn't pull him back. It's my fault. I reached there late." Seokjin said impassively, he wasn't feeling pour his feelings in his words at this moment. He didn't even feel like to hiss as the burning sensation of the antiseptic liquid touching his wounds on his knuckles.

"He had called you before he... Um–... Did he tell you anything regarding what he was doing?" Jimin asked he blew on the wounds.

"It happened at two pm at midnight. I was coming back from work to spend my night with Namjoon but when I came here the house was empty. I called him and asked him where he was as I was beyond worried. Namjoon never left the house after eleven at night. When he said that I don't have to worry anymore, I understood what he was up to. I didn't waste any more time and rushed to every bridge close to me. Finally, when I reached Jamsu bridge, I saw him standing on the railing, ready to jump anytime now. I ran to him but he had jumped and couldn't get a hold of him, instead, I got the hem of his shirt back in my grasp." Jimin carefully wrapped the bandage around the older's knuckles.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jimin said saddened. He couldn't imagine witnessing this even though he saw one of the worst cases of suicides and murders. "He is going to be okay, Hyung." He reassuringly as he held the older cold hands in his warm ones.

"Hopefully. I need to tell our friends about this but I don't know how." Seokjin said as he realised what he had needed to do.

"It's going to be okay. Tell them calmly." Seokjin nodded before taking his phone from the charging point.

He dialled Namjoon's younger brother's number before anyone. He was scared of what his reaction was about to be.

"Hello? Hyung? How are you? How's Joon Hyung? When are we meeting again? I'm thinking of today at your cafe. What do you think?" The younger said overjoyed breaking Seokjin's already broken heart into millions of countless pieces.

"I'm sorry, bud, but Namjoon is in the hospital. He attempted suicide. You can come over to his apartment for now."

Silence...

Seokjin fucked up real-time or so he thought.

"I'm coming with mum." The young boy sounded dead serious. It seemed like he knew what to do now and how to react.

"Okay, I'm waiting." He hung up. "I regret this, Jimin."

"Don't regret it. Call your other friends."

"Yeah." Next Seokjin dialled Hoseok's number. He heard the phone ring three times until he could hear his friend's voice."Hoseok–"

"Hi Hyung! How are you? How's Joon? He didn't come for his session today yet. Do you know where he is?" Seokjin broke down crying. Hoseok understood what was wrong. "Hyung? Where's Namjoon? Is he okay? I'm going to the hospital right now."

"He is in the hospital near Jamsu Bridge entry. He did it, Seokie. He did it."

"Fuck– I'm – I'm coming to the hospital, hang on." Hoseok hung up after Seokjin hummed as a response.

"They are coming?" Jimin asked and Seokjin softly nodded while wiping the tears from his burning eyes. "I'll take my leave now."

"Stay until they come. I'm scared I might something stupid." Seokjin blurted out, tugging on Jimin's shirt. When he realises it, he panicked and looked up at the peach haired boy, he saw a soft expression from Jimin. "I– I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay Seokjin Hyung. I understand." Jimin reached to Seokjin, embracing him into a firm hug. "It's been long, Hyung." Seokjin hugged back.

"It has..."

Jimin and Seokjin had been in a relationship for three years until Jimin broke it off as one of his escaped criminals tried to harm Seokjin. He was scared of losing Seokjin in the wrong way and the older understood it and went over it. After a year of his breakup with Jimin, Seokjin met Namjoon while Jimin couldn't recover from his first love to love again until he met Jeongguk but remained friends with Seokjin ever since, not intending to let anyone know about their little big secret.

"You changed your number," Seokjin said breaking the hug.

"I did. Someone stole my phone a week and I couldn't find it anywhere so, I lost your number and couldn't keep in contact as I forgot to ask for your number from Ggukie too. Sorry, work has been stressful."

"It's okay, Chim. How have you been?" Seokjin asked letting Jimin sit down on the stool beside him.

"Great. Fighting criminals, solving murder mysteries and so so, like always. What about you?"

"Running my cafe and taking care of Namjoon. It's been okay."

"Ah~ You've gotten skinny. Haven't you been eating well?"

"Yeah, probably because of work stress recently, I've gotten skinny." Jimin frowned.

"Take care of yourself, Hyung." Seokjin nodded. And soon Seokjin heard the doorbell ringing. Seokjin got up and opened the door, revealing a young boy who tackled Seokjin into a hug before crying vigorously.

"Hey bud, it's okay. Joon Hyung is okay, just resting." He said reassuringly while the younger cried in his chest.

"Where is my son?!" A feminine voice called out. Seokjin felt a rush of anger In his chest as he gritted his teeth.

"Sweetie, could you go inside with the officer hyung there? I need to talk to your mom for a bit." The young boy nodded and whispered something in his ear.

"I know it's mum's fault, Hyung." The boy walked away to Jimin who led him inside.

"How is he?" Seokjin implied Jimin to talk the boy inside.

"Oh, he is your son now? I thought he didn't have a mother." Seokjin defended, sarcasm laced in his tone.

"I'm sorry for whatever I did. I didn't realise what I said or what I did all these years. I apologise!"

"First tell me how could you be so heartless towards your son who was your firstborn? How could you just disown him?! All his life he did his best to make you and your husband proud of him! He gave all of himself for you but what did you do? You prioritised your second son! Ignored Namjoon, pushed to depression and in fear of not being able to be perfect! This is your deed of being a mother?! I am disgusted! Tsk!"

"I'm sorry, please!" Namjoon's mother cried as she fell on her knees.

"You should be ashamed of yourself that your younger son is blaming you for Namjoon's condition. He says it's your fault." Seokjin said monotonously.

"I admit! Yes, I admit that whatever happened to Namjoon is my fault! His depression, his fear – everything is my fault! I wish, I just wished if I could be a better mom for him. I'm sorry I couldn't be one! All my life I blamed him for his father's death because he was in front of his father's corpse when he died. I blamed him for not trying to save my husband! I'm sorry!" Seokjin went close to the shaking figure of the lady, embracing her in a caring way.

"He is okay, ma'am. He is resting now. I'll be leaving to meet him in a bit. You can come with me." The woman nodded in Seokjin's warm embrace.

Soon the four people were on their way to the hospital to meet Namjoon. Seokjin and Jimin guided the family members to the said cabin and Seokjin recognised Hoseok who was talking with the doctor. The doctor smiled as he saw Jimin and Seokjin coming his way.

"Hello! Namjoon was asking about you, Mr Kim. Go inside, he is waiting." Hoseok said and Seokjin bowed while thanking the doctor. Seokjin softly opened the door and saw Namjoon sitting on the bed while fiddling with his fingers. Seokjin ran to the boy and hugged him tightly, catching the boy off guard.

"H-Hyung?" Namjoon called out, his voice raspy.

"I hate you, Namjoon! I hate you so much! Why- just why would do that?! Huh?! You fucking took my soul outta my body! You're so mean!" Seokjin yelled angrily while happy tears filled his eyes, threatening to fall off his eyes.

"I love you too, Hyungie. I'm sorry. I thought I had to maybe now I don't remorsefully.

"Don't ever do that! Ever! I love you." Seokjin said hugging the boy tightly.

"Joonie Hyung?" Seokjin pulled away from Namjoon to let his younger brother come forward.

"Hey... I'm sorry." The younger didn't say anything and just carefully hugged his older brother.

"I'm sorry, Hyung, I didn't know you were going through so much. I wish I knew earlier."

"It's okay Kiddo. I'm okay." The boy nodded. Namjoon's eyes widen when he saw his mother come close. Her eyes are bloodshot and teary. "Mom?"

"I'm sorry, darling! I've treated you wrong! I should have known." His mom cried hysterically as he hugged her son.

"It's okay, mum. I forgive you." He felt his mom hugging him tighter. She gently kissed the boy's forehead and cheeks while the said boy blushed but felt content. His brother, Seokjin, Jimin and Hoseok watched the scene unfold with a warm smile.

"Uh, everyone, please leave Namjoon to have rest. Only one person please stay with him. We don't want him to be bored now, can we?" Hoseok said with a soft laugh.

"Mrs Kim, you stay." Seokjin as he left the room after throwing a quick wink at Namjoon. The woman nodded and smiled.

Seokjin got out with Hoseok, Jimin and the young bro of his lover. They heard Jeongguk and Taehyung coming running to them following Yoongi. Jeongguk embraced Seokjin who returned it softly.

"Are you okay? How's Joon Hyung?" Taehyung asked as he hugged the man second. Jeongguk stood beside Jimin after they shared a hug, later with Hoseok.

"I am and he is too. He is with his mom now." The two young boys gasped as they knew how the said man was with his mom.

"Well, she realised what she did so it's all okay now."

"Thankfully," Yoongi said as he smiled following everyone else.

A week passed away quite quickly than usual. A week turned into a month and a month turned into a whole year.

So much changed within one year as Jimin and Jeongguk took in Taehyung in their relationship while Hoseok and Yoongi got married and Namjoon got engaged with Seokjin. Guess who asked out first among the NamJin couple?

Namjoon!

Seokjin was thrilled to see the sudden confidence in Namjoon after two months of the incident. Well, it was Namjoon's mom who pushed Namjoon to propose Seokjin.

"Guys! Come, join in! Imma frame this selca as a memory!" Taehyung yelled as he took up his phone for a group selca in the backyard of Namjoon's mum's place. They were having a picnic there. Namjoon's mom had some magnolia trees in her vast garden as where they all sat there.

Everyone, which included Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin and Jeongguk joined in the camera frame. All their smiling faces beaming in the soft afternoon sun rays under the Magnolia tree. Seokjin eyed Namjoon and he could see the happiness in his dragon eyes and his given magnolia pendant on his chest, shining in the sun rays. Namjoon hugged his mom as she came with his little brother and joined another selca with the group.

This is it. The life which Namjoon and Seokjin always hoped for. With their friends and family.

Magnolias live for years compared to other flowers. Because of their resistance, magnolia flowers tend to live for many years. This is why one of the symbols that Magnolias represents is endurance. Maybe that's why Seokjin chose a magnolia pendant for Namjoon, to represent that if you stay strong in your hard times, your happy times will be coming following.

Just a little courage and patience is what you need to keep up with.

– The End –

________________________________

Started:: 4th February 2022
Ended:: 26th February 2022

Thank you so much for reading Magnolia. Hopefully, you enjoyed~