CHAPTER 18

“WHAT? I mean, how come na wala kang dine-date na girl before? Are you a fucking gay?” nakangiwi ko pang usisa. Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin at agad inilapit ang mukha sa akin.

“Gay mo mukha mo. Halikan kaya kita!”

“Ew!” pagtataboy ko sa kanya at dumistansya na.

Bumuntong-hininga lamang siya at nagpatuloy na sa pagkwento.

“I just felt like I don’t need girls in my life. They’re just a pain in the heart,” he sounded bitter as he try to compose his next sentences. Napakagat-labi ako. I never heard any point of view from a guy until I heard him.

“What’s the reason why you’re thinking like that?” I asked him.

“I don’t want to be cheated on. Less girls, less pain.” Napatango-tango siya at ngumiti.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at hinayaan kong magpatuloy siya sa pagsasalita. I’m giving him enough time for his momentum. At isa pa, wala naman akong dapat sabihin. I don’t need to depend girls. It’s just his belief.

“And there this bubbly girl I met a year ago. Bubbly, jolly, cute.” He chuckled. I can see in his eyes that he can still mesmerize those moments with the girl. “She disturb my silent life,” pagpapatuloy niya.

“We became best of friends. We got each other’s back. Late night deep talks, bonding moments, phone call conversations. She even said she’s my number zero fan of my books and writing career. She promised that she would be there even in my booksigning. But she’s nowhere to be seen now.”

“What happened? Why did she leave you?”

He smiled bitterly as he played his fingers round and rolled.

“Because I can’t return the feelings she wanted me to reciprocate.” He looked up to the ceiling trying to hold his breath. He’s messed up.

“She liked you,” I confirmed. He did not reply. “And she really did.”

“I...” He’s lost for words and I can tell that he’ can’t really move forward from the past too just like me. “I just wanted us to be happy. To remain as bestfriends. Because friendship lasts longer than couple relationship, right?”

This time, napakaseryoso na niya.

“And I am not yet ready to step it to another level. Crap, I don’t even know how to court a freaking girl.” He laughed. I just stare at him.

“And so she decided to leave you.” I sighed. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Wala lang. Malungkot lang kasi sa ganoong sitwasyon lang pala matatapos ang pagkakaibigan namin. Minsan napapaisip pa rin ako. Paano kung nag-take risk ako?”

“E ‘di masakit pa rin. May iba na siya, e.” Ngumiti siya nang mapakla.

“Nevermind. I don’t like digging my past up. Makulit ka lang talaga,” pag-iiba niya ng usapan.

“But you still like her, don’t you?” I asked sarcastically.

Hindi muli siya sumagot.

“Silence means yes.”

“Huli ko nang malaman na gusto ko rin siya. Pero masaya na naman akong masaya na rin siya kahit nasa iba na.”

Naiiling ako habang natatawa.

“Grabe. Paubaya by Moira left the group.” Kapwa kami nagtawanan.

“Ikaw, mahal mo pa rin?” ganti niya.

“The who?” taas-kilay kong sambit.

“Someone from the past.”

Ako naman itong hindi makasagot.

“Eury.”

“Oh?”

Para kaming tanga rito sa madilim na kwarto. Magkatabi, nag-uusap pero hindi makatitig sa mga mata ng isa’t isa. Tanging sa kadiliman lang nakatuon ang mga titig namin.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You’re already asking.”

“Okay. I’m going to ask you something.”

“Go on.”

“What if he comes back?”

“What do you mean?” Napakunot ang noo ko.

“If he comes back, would you accept him or not?”

Dahil sa tanong niya ay napaawang ang bibig ko. Gusto kong sumagot pero wala naman akong mahagilap na sasabihin.

“If you remain silent for one minute, I’ll take that as a yes.”

Naipikit ko ang mga mata ko.

“Ikaw, what if she comes back and says, he still likes you? What would you do?” I asked him back.

“That will never happen anymore. She already cut off our communication  a year ago. Kayo?” Ramdam kong nilingon niya ako.

“I don’t know. He might comes back, but not for me anymore.” Halos madurog ang puso ko dahil sa mga sinasagot ko. Alam kong hindi ako ‘to.

“And he’s busy trying to chase the person he wanted to become.”

“To become what?”

“An engineer.”

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko pero parang pinupunit naman iyon. Agad kong pinahid ang munting butil ng luha na kumawala na naman sa aking mga mata. Hindi ko nga alam kung ilang butil pa ba ng luha ang ibabagsak ng mga mata ko para sa taong hindi na naman babalik sa akin.

“Nice,” he complimented.

“A writer who fell in love with an engineer. That sounds good,” aniya pa kaya napaismid ako. “Or I must say, a writer who still loves an engineer.”

“Quit it.”

“I’ll ask you again, Eury. What if he comes back?”

Napatungo ako. Gabing-gabi na pero hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok.

“Why do you keep on asking me that question?”

“Kasi gusto kong manggaling mismo sa ‘yo.”

“And what would you get for asking me, huh?”

“I just want to know the strengths and weaknesses of you.” Napatingin na ako sa kanya dahil sa mga sinasagot niya sa akin.

“Jayzee?”

I saw him flash a smile.

“Because I created an image of a girl, our main character. It’s really you, Eury. Everytime I write about her, all I could picture is you.”

Feeling ko, napakalabilis ng circulation ng dugo ko at umabot na ito ngayon sa aking mukha. Kahit gabi na, sigurado akong namumula na ako.

Bumuntong-hininga siya.

“I just want to say na hindi lahat ng bumabalik ay tamang tao. At hindi lahat ng tamang tao, bumabalik.”

Kumirot ang puso ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

“Good night, Eury.”

I don’t know what’s going on inside his head. But all I really know now is he’s making me confuse. He’s now starting to disturb my silent world. And I will make sure I am not going to give up easily. I won’t give up on him. No way I could be attached on him!

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