Chapter twenty-one.

Manøvie.

I've been drowned into complete oblivion- strange and foreign to the look and feel of the sun. My gird is shady and dark in shambles of obscurity that are plunged beyond what my heart is able sense.

My eyes are parched and laced with pricking ache stringing all within my head. I can't cry any longer because there is nothing to cry about and no sombre tears left in my eyes.

I'm just seated, staring away through time with nothing particular in my mind. All is wholly blank and empty, the void is hollow-very deep. I don't actually know how long I've been like this and I surely don't know when it will end- I don't even know when I want it to end.

A knock at my door came to my eyes, but the laziness inside wouldn't let me respond to it,let alone dismiss it so I kept sitting on my bed with the heavy covers up to my shoulders.

The noise at the door fell silent, then the knob twisted slowly and unlocked, informing me about the anonymous intrusion. Even then, my demeanor seemed not to fluctuate.

"Manøvie?" the low voice filled the stiff air as the door clicked back into position. "Oh my goodness, what are doing?"

It was a lady,of course, probably starting to touch her senile age. She was clad in sheer white linen which gave me the idea that she was a Levite. She slowly examined my dishevelled room then shuffled over to my bed and sat on the side.

"Manøvie, can you hear me?" She touched my shoulder, trying to shake me out of my abstraction. "It's me,Dihané. Please snap out of it," she said in plea, cupped my cold cheek then pulled the covers off me.

I convulsed from the touch of the small wind that stiffly blew by and caught her questioning and concerned gaze.

"What are you doing here?" My voice croaked and I coughed out of pain from the dryness.

"Oh, I came to check up on you and Sobêiski then I heard from him that you've been locked up in here for two weeks!!" She exclaimed while giving me a look.

I had been sitting here for two weeks? Goodness!!

"You have to leave this room, Manøvie. Doing this to yourself is not going to change all that has happened." Dihané spread open the curtain blinds, lines of bright light piercing into the room and my eyes.

"Argh!" I groaned and held my hands over my face as my eyes grew into the light

"Look, I know you're sad because you couldn't be with Sobêiski but..."

"What?!" I snapped my head at her as she resumed her place on my bed.

"Well, isn't that why you've been locked up in here for all that time?" She took my hands

"No! Why would you even think that?" I asked

"Because, you know. You and my son- your inlove, aren't you?"

"Yes, I may be inlove with Sobêiski but that's no reason for me to lock my self up!"

"Then, then why?" Dihané shrugged

My gaze dropped as the reminder of my fear pervaded my mind. The real reason I had done this to my self, why I had demurred to face the public again.

I had criticised their traditions and sophistication, I had deemed their goddess; their protector and provider pseudo. Who knows what the people thought of me now? They must loathe me, detest my very existence and probably wish that I wasn't spurted into their village.

I just couldn't muster the audacity to face the world again. To know what the crowds thought of me, to hear what they said about me. I was too afraid to do it and I didn't think that I'd come out of my shell on my own.

"I just- I just can't go out," tears reverberated from my chest to my eyes, seeping out freely "I know everyone hates me for what I said on the coronation...

"Technically, that wasn't a coronation anymore. It was a murder scene," Dihané corrected "But the people don't hate you..."

"You can't know for sure. After taking about their goddess like that, obviously they would all look at me as a curse- a hindrance to what they believe in," I wiped my cheek dry, fresh tears smudging them again

"Oh dear, I don't know what to say." She grimaced in poignance,worried that she may not be able to offer the comfort I needed.

"There's nothing for you to say. You're not the one who angered an entire village!" I buried my face in my palms
"I was too frustrated and scared, Dihané...but what I said was true.

There was no Härshänoäh in that volcano. I was there, and saw no one- no body. Except the miniature jewels and the big green rock," I sobbed

"The emerald stone?"

"You know about it?" I frowned at her

"Yes, it's the stone of life but we've never seen one before.The ancestoral Priests wrote about it, saying it was very powerful and combined with the other stones could be lethal." She elucidated

"Lethal?"

"Yes, the emerald stone is like a booster to the other gems. I guess that's why Lord Lucaí wanted to drain you of your powers,"

My body tensed at hearing Lord Lucaí's name...the image of the arrow head jabbing through his flesh replayed in my mind causing me to shudder.

I could still taste his blood, I could still feel the dribbles on my face, I could still see him fall to his knees with his life slowly sipping out.

"...However, I understand what you mean about Härshänoäh." Dihané snapped me out of my daze when she sat close to me and brought me to her chest

"You do, how so?" my muffled sobbing perpetuated

"Obviously you couldn't see Härshänoäh with your own two human eyes because she is a goddess. You didn't expect her to just show herself like that!" She said, her explanation seeming more sensible and calming to me, although not completely. I still had an entire village to apologize to.

"But I still don't get it," I whimpered

"You know, I think you may have seen the goddess but you just didn't take heed of it,"

What was that supposed to mean?

Without asking any questions, I sighed softly and closed my eyes. Finding solace on her chest as I tried to rid myself of my worrying congitations.

It had been hours since Dihané had left after instructing Karla to bring me something to eat. I could see the moon through the aperture of the heavy drapes from which it's rays of bright alabaster light shone, making the insides of my chambers lustre beautifully.

I crawled out of my bed and wended gingerly to the washroom where Karla had prepared a bath for me. It felt nerve relieving as I drowned my sorrows and tears into the warm water and changed into something else.

"Would you like anything else,my lady?" the young lady inquired. I shook my head and dismissed her.

I was once again alone in my room, left at the claws of my menacing thoughts. I couldn't be here- I couldn't revert to my hysterical state of self remorse. Briskly grabbing my shawl, I stepped out of my chambers and started down the corridor quietly.

I walked to the direction my legs took me,or so I thought. Climbing down the small steps, I came to the west side of the Temple towards the Synōd.

My chest palpitating madly as I approached the open door. The lights were on, symbolising the available presence in the room. I stood at the door frame, stealthy peeking into the quiet room, scrutinizing for who was there.

"Manny?"

"Huh!!" I jumped at the sudden voice that came from my rear. It was only one person I knew who called me that. My body ossified as I started to swivel around.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" Sobêiski asked, stepping closer to me and my throat suddenly parched

"I-I..." I had no excuse! What was I to say? "Just moving around," I fabricated. Although, I really was moving around, just not in the right direction.

Sobêiski said nothing, he only stood there staring back at me with his stiff jaw clenching with every passing minute.

"Why?" he abruptly spoke up, coming even closer and cupping my cheek.

Was he supposed to do that?

Nevertheless, I didn't flinch from his touch, I actually gave in to it. Closing my eyes for a moment then opening them again at his hanging question.

"Why what?" I said through a hoarse whisper

"Why d'you keep doing this to yourself? Killing yourself in sadness, riding yourself of the light and crying yourself to sleep!! It doesn't matter what the people think,"

"What the people think? Did- did your mother tell you?" I frowned and stepped away for a second

"No. I always came to your room every night and found dried tears on your face. That was enough to tell me you weren't well so I told my mother to come talk to you," he explicated, bringing me back into his arms again

"You came to my room?" I held my eyes wide at him

"Every night while you were asleep," he whispered, his lips somewhat curling into a small smile which he fought to suppress.

I coyly averted his straight gaze, hiding from his glistening blue eyes as I closed mine in thought. He had constantly watched me in my melancholic sleep and asked his mother to check on me? I had assumed that he'd perhaps hate me after all I put him through.

"You should come out more, go to the fields or something. Be in the sun and spend time with Tõrontõ,"

His quirky suggestion made me look up at him. He was seriously advising me to go out and be with Tõrontõ.

"You're letting me be with Tõrontõ?" I asked in disbelief.

The first time he heard about Tõrontõ and I from Lord Lucaí, he had been furious and now he was saying I could hang out with him?!!

"I don't want to ever see you sad,Manny and I know I can't make you happy because of my situation but I'd rather you be with Tõrontõ than any body else. He makes you happy, I know and thats what I want for you." He said, unconsciously brushing his thumb over my lower lip slowly.

Even with the clear knowledge about our forbidden intimacy, I couldn't help but feel my heart ripple with more unconditional love for Sobêiski as he said this. He had pushed him self off the edge of his comfort zone just to make convenience for my happiness.

"I-I could never be satisfied with any body else,Sobêiski," my lip quivered as my tears tried to knock their way out of my eyes

Our eyes met and held again as he started to lean in towards me. I had to turn away but I couldn't, I just would not! My lips were itchy and anxious for his touch, to feel his lips mingle with mine again for the very last time maybe.

I parted my lips as his brushed over mine slowly, the anticipation making the hovering touch almost painful as I waited. However, he didn't kiss me. I rose my eyes at him as his fore head met mine while he held the back of my head.

"I love you so much!" He told me "I can't do this to you again." he added and walked away, flouncing in the other direction of the corridor.

I was left standing here, breathless and shocked. My fingers wound tight around the piece of cloth over my shoulders as I trekked back towards my chambers- actually breaking into a run as I emerged into the east hall.

I fell against my door when I was locked away in my room, the images prior to this coming back to me as I sat on the floor, struggling to catch my breath.

"I love you too, Sobêiski." I whispered to myself,burying my face between my legs.

¢

Dedicated to clans_diva thx for being passionate when reading.