lies

Art

Purple

                                                    I guess I fell asleep. I needed a moment of no reasons, no expectations, to just take my time & feel.

I saw myself being sucked into the ocean so naturally. It was as if the walking woman floating down the layers of blue was simply living her life, entering her home to live her routine. 
But it was being taken away from her. She was being violated. She was beating herself with judgments. She needed to be someone else. She needed to be up on the land, breathing the air, swimming through reefs.

And so, she began to swim, running through the water. her spirit leading her deeper into the sand, the darkness becoming darker, bluer. She was sinking deeper. It wasn't calming though because still, her judgments & control kept following her. 

what she should be doing, 

what she should be doing. What I should be doing.

She saw herself scream, stopping her movements, being caught by the monster, the creature.

This scared her. She continued to squirm through the layers of sand, the rows of dust, sparkles of blue. 

She was going deeper to avoid the resistance.

She wanted to go home.

& to live.

She began to see her kitchen.

The counter living in the sand, the sun from the outside crystallized the water. 

I felt an aching in my body.

She continued until there was no more 'What it should be'

Continued to look through rocks & reefs till it was flat & a reflection of the sun far above-created patterns in the water.

She was free.

& she no longer had to think.

She was exactly where she needed to be.

There was no way or place she had to be.

This was exactly the place.

It didn't matter what it was.

It didn't matter that now she was organizing her tea cups & mugs 

It didn't matter if she was looking out the window seeing the vast city, talking to friends, or reading a story.

This was it.

There was nothing else.

She didn't need to force or react.

She can look out the sea & smile.

I don't need to be doing something else.

This is exactly where I need to be.

And to see.

It didn't matter if I was listening to another person's journey

or laughing & talking.

That's where I needed to be.

The running was away

The aching in my stomach stopped.

The forceful tears in my eyes washed away with the water & I wasn't afraid of staying in my house with stories or in my room & relaxing.

This is where I needed to be.

The image, the figure of the running girl, calmed.

It was okay to walk out & feel the sun on my skin and to stay deep into the ocean.

It's okay.

And it didn't matter what I was doing.

I could be here.

And I felt calm once more.

The crunch of my body eased & I drank my cup of tea, calmly.