*continuing from the chap23's Clarissa POV cliffhanger*

My tiny frame quivered before pushing the door to open, with an unheard squeak of the door, I found myself inside the room. I spun around and cautiously, I pushed the door to close with as faint of a noise as possible.

On the bed, I saw him sprawled. I strode towards him. His upper body bare, the bandage covered the right arm. Who the hell shoots himself! I wondered. His dark curly hair fiddled on his forehead with the shrill air that surrounded him, passing through the curtains. Blazing sky outside the window was pouring down the torrents of light, with which his face glistened and his brown tone looked more intense under the sunlight. Wind was striking his face and discomfort made him slightly shift in his place, a grunt escaped his mouth as he shifted and put a pressure on his arm. His face looked angelic while he was asleep, his cheekbones prominent, showing how angular his face actually was, his lips pursed into thin line.

He slept as if he was not my beast and I stared at him as if I was not his slave. The worst part, it did not unsettle me.

Heedlessly my hand reached out to push those waves of his hair off his eyes, a wash of comfort and ease sprawled across his face. I leaned over him and grabbed the sheets which were carelessly crumbled and thrown to his side, then covered him with it. If only he was not keeping me caged; then it would have been easier to believe that angelic face.

Everything about him; his hair, eyes, cheekbones, lips, chiseled and well-built lean frame, the crushingly powerful arms...attracted me. And I hated it. It attracted me in a way that Luciano never did. With Luciano, it was intense, exciting and needy. The surge of emotion that I realized for the beast; it was forbidden, dangerous, unpredictable and most of all, impossible. Another worst part was that, it was not just about the body. Even his silence was beautiful to me. I hated him but I found him beautiful inside out, and I hated that I felt that. I stood frozen, my eyes glued to him, my mind registering all those thoughts and my heart pushing those emotions even deeper. And that was the right thing; keeping that rush of hot waves inside me as much as hidden from me as possible, because the luxury of being controlled or being smitten by emotions like that was something that I never could afford.

Also a flash of yesterday events came in front of my eyes; how Luciano found me, his presence ignited hopes in me. Also how I confessed my love for Luciano to Romeo, the way I gave up trying to run away for Luciano's well-being. Everything. It felt like the universe was trying to discredit whatever these new emotions suddenly rooted inside me and reminding me that I loved someone else; a man who actually risked his life for me and who I believed would help me again. No matter how much the beast looked attractive to me. There are some emotions that are just bound to be forbidden and cursed; they must not be explored, no matter how enticing they could feel.

I turned on my heel and intended to lurch towards the cupboard to get some trousers; definitely I did not desire to have him see me in my underwear. Though the oversized buttoned down shirt covered up to mid-thigh, I still required covering my bare legs because the wind around me fiddled with my skin, making it chilled and all bumpy.

Fishing for bottoms in my cupboard, I picked up navy blue straight jeans, I closed both the panes. And as soon as I turned around, I was met with that brown astute gaze, which held me captive in a heartbeat. When and how did he wake up and sneaked behind me so quietly, I wondered.

His jaw clenched, his posture not as straight and firm as it always used to me, due to the weight of the injury he caused himself on his giant bicep. His eyes continued to pierce me; he lifted up his unwounded hand and placed it on the door of cupboard behind me, sort of taking some support. He stepped in closer to me, enough to make me listen to his halted and limping breathing. His eyes were narrowed and squinted, but I could feel the hardness in them and how he stared at me fixedly. His gaze travelled from my eyes to my lips and then to my utterly mortifying half naked condition. He licked his lips, and then his lips were parted, a minuscule frown appeared on his forehead for a second, for a fleeting moment he kept quiet, finding the right words maybe!

With a light shook of his head, his eyes widened at me and he leveled me with a growling look, his face hardened and the softness that I detected as he looked up and down at me, it was vanished. He was back to being the beast, "Next time, I will shoot you not myself to stop you and your petty lover," he spat.

The way he referred Luciano made his face crunch up in disgust.

"You and I both know...you won't, you can't." I put my hand on his bare and hard chest and exerted a light force to push him away but instead he took a step closer to me, the heated proximity we had made our bodies glued to each other, he lifted up his another hand and put it on the cupboard behind. He grimaced in pain as it was his wounded hand, pain surged through his limbs as I saw him squeeze his eyes shut for a moment and then he let out a groan. His shoulders slumped eventually and he put his forehead on mine, an unknown feeling slithered up my spine as the feel and the heat of his body resonated in mine. "I really hate you!" he muttered under his breath.

"No," I replied, my voice broke and my tone almost faint, our faltering and hissing breathing collided.

"I do!" he tried to assure me, he lifted up his forehead from mine and I immediately looked up with my beady big green eyes and found him already looking quizzically. "Why don't you believe it?"

"Why do you want to believe it?" I threw a question in return.

"I asked first," he retorted. Petty and childish.

I smiled and he frowned at my smile, "I always ask and you never answer!"

He huffed in annoyance and his frown deepened, "You drive me crazy!" he almost yelled, his booming raspy voice broke and it echoed helplessness.

"I know... why would anyone shoot himself for me if he is not crazy?" I expressed.

"Don't play with me," he whispered. Oh, Why not! As that was something I unintentionally did to him and absolutely loved every bit of it.

My mind had many thoughts and many ideas, but all forbidden. Having him that close to me brought something unexpected inside me that I could not completely decipher. My stomach dropped as I realized how wrong and dangerous my one mistake in a fleeting moment could be. I could not let go of myself just because I could see beauty in the beast. I could not. I, who was intently staring up at him, shook my head and glanced down immediately. I did not want to respond to him. More like, I could not. I should not have.

As I was caged by his both arms at my sides, I decided push away the unwounded one and was about to distance away from him; because our proximity was unpredictable and I loathed uncertainty. Before I could pass by him, without a response, he pulled me closer by snaking his arm around my waist and it made me tip toe at his embrace. "Do not leave before I am finished talking!" he said, gritting his teeth.

An inch distance between our faces and I could see his eyes juggling between my eyes and my lips, he pulled me closer and his hold around my waist tightened. The jeans I was holding fell off my grasp and I found myself hanging in his arms, with both of my hands on his shoulders. "You try to enforce authority on me these days a lot, Romeo."

"Well, I am the one who is in charge here!" he arched his eyebrow.

I leaned forward and tip toed to meet his level, my cheek touched his chiseled bones of the face, and he did not turn away as well. I whispered in his ear, "If you were, then you would not have to enforce it on me every damn time." I had a fair point.

"Your minions might find you their ultimate boss with that one hard look that you throw at everyone and at everything-" I ran my fingers near his eyes, "But I just see a man who does not have any authority over me and will never have!" I said, curtly.

"The hopes that your boyfriend gave you yesterday by coming here are messing up with your brain," he snickered. "Just because he found you yesterday, you convinced yourself that you love him. How stupid," he continued. With his ugly words coming back, I squirmed under his hold to get out of it, he held me tighter, with a smirk on his face. "You do not love him, he might though! But You...you just love the idea of a love...unfortunately, with him...maybe because he showed you kindness at harsh times? Right? Naïve, Clarissa! So fucking naïve! And that is not love."

"What do you know about love?" I held his neck tighter and demanded an answer.

He leaned down, his bearded skin ran along my face, he whispered in my ear, "Love and hate is similar; I know about hate, thus, I know love." He then started again.

"For instance, I know even when you hate someone, you do not hate on the basis of lies...similarly, when you love someone, it can't be based on lies and manipulations; if it is, it is not love. And that is what you and that bastard have; manipulative, delusional and pitiful love. Deep down...you also know that you do not love him, it is just...you want to love him because you crave stability in life and you think it is easier with a companion," he stopped whispering, he lifted his head up. He loosened his grasp on my waist, I stood planted on the floor; tip toeing made my feet numb in pain. I removed my hand from his shoulder and let them hang on my sides, with my fists curled; with deep desires to punch his smug face.

My love for Luciano was the one thing that could keep me away from having those foreign and unexpected sensations that I felt just almost few minutes ago and I intend to hold and consider my feelings for Luciano as the ultimate truth. No other distraction, especially when it was wrong and dangerous.

I assured myself.

But why did I need to assure myself of anything; if there was any love then repeated enforcement was definitely unnecessary. I wondered in conflict.

"You are awfully quiet," he put his finger under my chin and made me raise my bowed head and face him.

"You are awfully talkative!" I jerked away my face.

"You know I spoke the truth," he arched his eyebrow at me.

I shook my head, "No, you did not. Yes, he came yesterday and it gave me hopes of finally getting out of this hell hole...but love was always there, it didn't just appear when I saw him, I care for him...a lot!"

He turned around as he noticed a blood stain branching out visibly on the bandage, he sat on the bed and open the bedside's drawer and fished for first aid. He spoke up in between his dressing, gritting his teeth "It is sad how much trust you have on the life beyond this mansion...if this comfort that I give you is your hell hole then I wonder how you would describe the world outside." He winced as he cleaned his wound, he continued, "And I never said you do not care about him, you do, I know. You just do not love him, you want to think that and I am so furious because why the hell." He glanced at me, I was rooted frozen on my spot, "I can protect you, because the devils out there are scared of your beast, Clarissa."

"He and I can deal with it; I do not need my kidnapper's protection!" I spat.

He yelled, not harshly, just a loud voice, "He?" he laughed, a noisy throaty laugh, "He is one of the devils, darling. I am just preparing you for the disappointment. But as I said, you are too deluded with the idea of this non-existent love you have for him...that you can't talk or see sense anymore," his loud voice gradually died down. He sighed finishing bandaging himself.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I sucked in a deep breath and blinked my eyes to not let him see that his harsh words had any impact on me, "I can't believe I thought you had a tiny bit of beauty inside your stone heart! I felt somethi...never mind, I take that all back and I am never going to think about those... whatever again." I picked up the jeans and it almost crumbled in my grasp, my stern voice got his attention.

He again threw a glance at me, his smirk dissolved, "Do not feel anything for me, Clarissa."

"I do not!" I strode towards him, towering over him, his eyes followed me and he looked up towards me.

"Mary or Luciano?" he caught me off guard, with a slight frown, he investigated my face.

"What?" I blurted out.

He asked again, "Who do you trust more? Quick answer!"

I stammered and looked around, gulping, "um- Mary," I replied.

"She is against Luciano, I am against him...doesn't that ring any bell for you? Or are you that much of a lost case of delusion and self-pity that you would stoop so low to find love and a normal life even at a cost of having a man like him. A manipulative evil man."

"You are better?" I did understand his point about Mary. Yes, the last conversation with Mary was about that and I was convinced that there was something wrong with Luciano; but I just felt that I did love him. I wanted to love. Because I deserved some normalcy in life, and I thought Luciano could be the one for it.

"You will answer that yourself when you know the truth." He stood up, his eyes glued on me for a few seconds and he turned around, walking towards the door to leave the room. Grunting in pain due to his arm, which needed professional care by the looks of a loose and disheveled bandaging, a sudden urge brewed inside me to tend to the wound, because that wound reminded me of his mercy on me, he could shoot me for real to scare Luciano but he did not hurt me and that gave him control on me. The more he favored me, the more control he got. I wanted to be out of his control, all those ridiculous feelings or whatever I had, it was because of the fucking control he possessed over me.

I stopped him on the tracks, "You tell me the truth then! For once!"

He swiveled around, a smirk crept up his lips and he said, "What would be the fun in that?" he completely spun around and faced me, with the unwounded hand he held the bandaged area, applying pressure to it, but he managed to look menacing, his eyes had that glint of mischief and victory, "I want him to tell you or him to be there when you know. That is the torture I want for him...to see the woman he fell in love with, hate him! And then you will willingly live with me, as I told you before and then you will know the answer of if I am better or not."

"You-" I started off but I stopped, I cut myself off. Because my mind froze, the possibility of me hating Luciano brought a heart thumping, soul crashing and mind numbing scenarios in my head. I looked down, hiding the moist in my eyes.

"You always wanted answers, right?" I heard his voice, surprisingly soft and low.

I nodded, still my eyes stayed on the floor.

"You are here because of what he did to me, he is the man who is my sinner but I did not want to kill him, I always wanted to torture him...then I found out that selfish man actually fell in love. What better way to hurt someone than love, huh," I looked up at him, tears flowing down my cheeks; seeing their banter yesterday and the animosity, I almost figured out anyway but the fact that he for the first time answered me straightly puzzled me.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked, my voice almost quelled amidst the sobs.

The smug expression vanished from his face, he scanned my face for a moment, his hard chest rose up and down for a moment as he huffed and sighed. Without any word, he turned around and exited the room.

He stripped me off my hopes that I had yesterday when I saw Luciano, he made me doubt my love for Luciano, he made me realize that he was punishing me for someone else' sin all along. He wasted my life, because he wanted revenge. I was innocent, yet he was treating me as I was his sinner. I was the fucking saint.

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Just to clear things up; this is after Romeo had already met Mary and got to know about Walter being the other name of Elijah. Previous chapter (24) was supposed to be a part of this chapter's 3rd person view but because of length and how the timeline is (Mary meeting wounded Romeo before Clarissa), I decided to post them separately. Hope you enjoyed! Any confusion about characters or timeline, do comment about it. I reply ;) 

So no third person POV here, it is already a lengthy chapter. 

What did you think of this new and slowly changing dynamic of Clarissa and Romeo? I wanted to show how Romeo views Clarissa and her notion of love, specially after his encounter with Mary, Also I wanted to show the impact of the whole captivity on Clarissa's emotions, not just her deteriorating mental health but also the conflicted emotional struggles.