MADNESS
— 16. Confessions

In the chapel, Freya was sitting beside Ivar, who had an arm wrapped around her while Hvitserk sat near them, looking annoyed. One of Ivar's men walked over, looking down at him. "The Saxon army, or what remains of it, has abandoned their camp and left," He informed them, causing Freya to smile in satisfaction.

With that, he walked away and Ivar chuckled as he exchanged a look with Hvitserk and Freya. "If you want to, we can pursue them and destroy them."

"I think we have more important things to do," Hvitserk told the duo, earning a curious look from Freya.

"And what may that be?" She asked and raised a brow at Hvitserk.

"We must look to Kattegat," Hvitserk insisted as he leaned forward in his seat, "What if Ubbe kills Lagertha, or persuades her to crown him king? The loss of our home base would be a devastating blow," He explained and Freya began to smile, clearly impressed, "We need to sort things out. We must kill Ubbe and Lagertha, and you must be crowned king of Kattegat, before Bjorn and Ylva return."

Ivar smiled, staring at his brother, impressed. "You are making more and more sense, my brother. Good man," He complimented Hvitserk, looking proud, "I remember also that King Harald has an ambition of invading Kattegat. In the short term, we should make an alliance and work with him. This time, we will truly quit York, though leaving a big enough garrison to keep it safe until our return. Hmm?"

"Sounds like a wonderful idea," Freya commented and Ivar smiled at her.

"And what of our prisoner?" Hvitserk asked the duo, leaning back in his seat, "This bishop."

"Well, what do you propose?" Ivar questioned, smiling at Hvitserk mischievously.

"He seems like an important man. We could offer him back to the Saxons for a great ransom," Hvitserk suggested in a calm tone.

"Or we could crucify him," Ivar commented with a large grin on his face, "That would be fun."

Freya chuckled and shook her head while Hvitserk smiled, not responding.

___

They ended up leaving York and brought Bishop Heahmund with them, which Freya still didn't understand. They soon arrived at King Harald's kingdom with their ships.

Freya walked over to Hvitserk on the boat. She grabbed him by the arm, causing Hvitserk to turn to her in confusion. "Do you think it's a good idea..." She trailed off uneasily, "being here?"

"In all honesty, I do not know. Harald wants to Kattegat for himself. I don't think this could ever be a good idea," Hvitserk admitted, letting out a large sigh.

The duo stared at each other in silence, the two of them feeling uneasy about the whole ordeal.

____

Ivar, Hvitserk, and Freya entered the throne room to find Harald sitting on his throne with Astrid. Hvitserk and Freya took a seat together at a table together while Ivar walked toward Harald, using his crutch for support.

"Ivar and Hvitserk Lothbrok. And the infamous Freya Ylvasdottir," Harald greeted the group with a large smile on his face, "Why did you not return to Kattegat?"

"You don't need a Seer to know Ubbe and I fell out. We disagreed about many things. But in the end, Hvitserk agreed with me and Freya, and Ubbe sailed alone to Kattegat. And that is why we are here," Ivar explained to Harald in a calm tone.

"A good choice. A good choice," Harald replied, nodding his head while Ivar smiled turned to look at Astrid, "Surely, you three remember Astrid? She's my queen now."

"Huh. Is that so?" Freya asked Harald sarcastically.

"I am happy for both of you," Ivar replied, smiling widely.

"Oh, thank you, Ivar," Astrid spoke up, knowing for a fact he wasn't being genuine.

Harald glanced around before looking directly at Hvitserk and Freya. With that, he looked back at Ivar. "So, do I understand that you and your warriors will support me when I attack Kattegat?"

"Straight to it. I like it. Yes, we will," Ivar replied without hesitation.

"But only if Ivar is made king," Hvitserk added in and Freya sighed, giving Hvitserk an annoyed look.

"Too early, Hvitserk," She whispered to him and his smile faded the moment he saw Ivar glaring at him.

"You know that I have my own plans for that kingdom," Harald reminded Ivar as he gave him a knowing look.

"Of course, of course," Ivar replied, smiling as he nodded his head, "And that is why we are here. And what I think my dear brother is trying to say is that, in the long term, what is to stop you from ruling Kattegat when I am dead and gone? How long can that be? I'm not a healthy person. I'm a cripple."

"But your brother Hvitserk?" Harald questioned, raising a brow at the youngest son of Ragnar.

"All that matters to the both of us is to reclaim the kingdom that was torn from us by that murderous bitch, Lagertha. And if you help us, we'll even throw in Ashton. That is the only kingdom besides Kattegat you have no control over. You may take it for yourself. And I will help you," Ivar explained, causing Freya's eyes to widen in alarm as she turned to him in disbelief.

Ashton was her mother's kingdom. It wasn't Ivar's to give.

"We want to be in an alliance with you, to ensure that all happens. And soon," Ivar continued and Freya sighed, deciding to keep her mouth shut and not confront Ivar in front of Harald about him daring to give Harald her mother's kingdom.

____

That evening, Freya was sitting alone in a room when Ivar entered, causing her to turn to face him.

"There's going to be a war. A war that will make me the King of Kattegat. To do so, I must give Harald Ashton," He explained, clearly noticing how unhappy she looked when he had told Harald. He sat beside her, cupping her face in his hands, "But it won't matter. Because when I am King of Kattegat, I will make you my Queen."

Freya scoffed and pulled her face out of his grasp, beginning to glare at him. "You don't know what you are talking about," She argued in a cold tone.

"I don't understand," Ivar replied, frowning at Freya in concern.

"Ashton is my birthright. I can't just give it up," Freya argued in a stern tone as she began to glare at Ivar.

"You must. You know you must. It's the only way we may get what we want," Ivar insisted, causing Freya to let out a large scoff as she stood up.

"We? How do you know what you want is what I want?" She complained as she shot him a glare.

She began to walk away, only to but cut off when Ivar spoke up. "You have a choice, Freya. Join me in this war or I will kill Hvitserk," He threatened, causing Freya to frown in confusion.

Slowly, she turned to face him, forcing herself to maintain composure. "Is that supposed to mean anything to me?"

"Those lies might be believed by my brothers, especially Hvitserk, but I can see right through you, Freya. My brother..." Ivar trailed off as he used to his crutch to help him stand back up, "He is fond of you, but deep down, I know you are fond of him as well. More than you ever admit to Hvitserk and even yourself," He explained and Freya shot him an angry glare while Ivar smiled, raising his hands in mock surrender, "Really, I don't mind. I know that you are mine, but just know, if you betray me, I will kill him, and then you shall be next. Understand?"

Freya remained silent as she stared at Ivar. She nodded her head, just before leaving without another word said.

____

That evening, a feast was held and instead of sitting next to Ivar near the head of the table, she sat beside Hvitserk. Hvitserk ended up standing up, raising his cup as he spoke in a loud tone. "To the overthrow of the witch, Lagertha, and to the liberation of Kattegat!" He shouted loudly, clearly drunk.

The rest of the men and women cheered, raising their cups as well.

"So, when do we attack?" She heard Ivar ask Harald curiously.

Harald sighed, thinking for a moment before looking back at Ivar. "I will summon my jarls. And my ships still need to be prepared and made ready, as do yours," He explained and Ivar nodded in understanding, "But when all this is done, we should have a fleet of at least seventy ships."

"There's a full moon tonight," Ivar replied in a calm tone as he nodded his head slightly, "Let us say that we will attack Kattegat and Ashton in two moons' time."

"I agree," Harald replied, smiling as he and Ivar clinked their cups together.

"And here's to our sacred agreement!" Harald shouted to the rest of the dining hall as he raised his cup, "Which if any man breaks, he will deserve to die. Skol!"

The men began to sing and Freya began to smile mischievously as she looked downwards. "Good thing I'm not a man," She admitted to herself in a whisper.

There was no way she was going to let them take Ashton. Not when her family had ruled those lands for nearly three centuries without ever being overthrown. Not when it risked the life of her mother.

_____

That night, Hvitserk had gotten so drunk that he could barely stand. Not wanting to leave him to find his own way back to his room, Freya decided to help him. She led him to his room before placing him down on the bed. She helped him remove his shirt and his shoes before walking toward the door to leave.

"Why do you stay here? Why not leave?" Hvitserk suddenly asked, causing Freya to stop walking and turn to face him.

"Why not stay?" She retorted as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Ivar wants to make you his queen when he takes Kattegat," Hvitserk answered as if it were obvious, "He wants to take Ashton and give it to Harald."

"And?" She questioned, raising a brow as she tried to act as though she didn't care when, in fact, she did. More than anything.

"You and I both know you don't want that," Hvitserk replied, shaking his head at her.

"I can't leave, Hvitserk. A part of me wants to leave, but I can't. It is my fate to stay here. It is what the gods want. I might not know it yet, but there is a reason I must stay," She explained, sighing as she stared down at the ground, "I love my mother, I do, but there's nothing I can do about it now. We're on opposing sides and there's nothing I can do to change that."

"I don't understand you, Freya," Hvitserk suddenly commented, earning a concerned look from Freya.

"What?" She asked him, beginning to frown.

"You have the chance to go back, to a mother that loves you and would always forgive you for anything you do, yet still, you choose not to. You know, not everyone still has a family to go back to. I know I don't," He began to snap at her, causing Freya to frown since he was never rude to her.

"You're making assumptions," Freya argued, shaking her head in disapproval.

"What? Am I lying? You have no reason to stay here, yet you do," Hvitserk complained as he leaned closer to her, "You are ruining your life and you have the chance to change that, yet you choose not to."

"I could say the same to you, you know. You did, after all, abandon Ubbe to join Ivar, someone who would kill you if you defied him," She snapped at him angrily as she let out a large scoff, "You know, I don't even know why I even tried to be nice and bring you to your room. I'm sorry that I cared. From now on, I won't."

"Don't flatter yourself. You care for no one," Hvitserk suddenly commented and Freya froze.

  Clearly, his drunkenness was causing his anger and rudeness, but that didn't mean what he was saying didn't affect her.

"I care about a lot of things," She argued coldly, beginning to glare at him.

"I doubt it. Your real mother and your father didn't care about you so you assume no one but Ylva will either. And that's why you push everyone away, playing this hateful and evil woman when in truth, you're actually the opposite," Hvitserk stood up and moved closer to her, her face becoming just inches from hers, "Well, allow me to let you in on a little secret, Freya. You claim that no one loves you and you love one but that's only because you don't even try to take the time to understand people, to bond with them. You'd rather push everyone away and act like some heartless woman. You keep doing shit like that and you'll end up dying alone and no one wants that for themselves. Not even you."

By the time Hvitserk was done with his rant, his face fell when he looked at Freya as she stood in front of him. She looked almost unrecognizable. She no longer had a cold expression as she usually did. She looked fragile. She was crying, too, and not the way he saw her cry last time. She looked heartbroken and hurt. He had never seen such emotions on her and in truth, he felt guilty.

"Freya—" He began to say, only to have Freya cut him off.

"You want to know why I act the way I do? Because of moments like this!" She snapped at him as she roughly pushed him back, "I allow myself to care about people, and what do they do? They end up hurting me in the end. People like you. You say I don't care, but if I didn't care about you, why do you think I'm still here? You don't think I know that I could easily return to Ylva? I'm not a fool. Of course, I do. If it weren't for you being here, I would have run all the way back to Kattegat the moment I heard how Ivar and Harald planned to take my homeland. But I didn't. Because I know if I run, Ivar will kill you just to break my heart in the only way he knows will work."

"I don't..." Hvitserk trailed off, frowning in confusion, "I don't understand."

"Good," Freya admitted in a whisper as she nodded her head, "Let's keep it that way. It would never work anyway. I am his and he'd kill anyone who'd take me away from him."
Hvitserk continued to frown, watching as Freya left the room. What was she talking about?