I WAS LOSING MY MIND. The raging storms inside of me wouldn't rest, and I knew it was only a matter of time before they exploded. The hardest part of battling with my sanity was my mind. It was easy to paralyze my soul, but the mind was a distinctive kind of work. I'd been fighting it since I was ten, and I always succumbed with blood on my hands.

          It was a Friday night, and I attempted to avoid any place of discomfort, mainly at home. I had to wait until Mom fell asleep because she would find something, anything, to piss me off.

          I found myself at an airport and had been sitting here for the past few hours. I anticipated the worst—a hectic mess. But sitting here, it was beautiful. I witnessed people being rejoined with their loved ones. I observed the running into people's arms, the tears, the hugging, and the kissing—everything that made life seem worthwhile. I watched the way people could barely recognize each other when they noticed how much they've evolved. Everyone was either being ripped apart or finally reuniting again, which led to the upshot of craving someone so profoundly. Something incredibly misinterpreted was the representation of a challenged beauty.

          As soon as the second hand hit twelve, I finally dared to go home. Getting mixed up with late-night party animals was a no-go for me. I was still a girl.

          I opened the door, confident that Mom went to sleep, but to my surprise, I was met with her brown eyes.

          "Where were you, Val? You had me scared to death," she said, pointing a finger at me.

          "Well, you're still alive, so I don't think you were that scared," I responded.

          "I'd been calling you all day."

          "Oh," I said, proceeding towards my room. She needed to get out of my sight before I did something terrible.

          "Oh?" she repeated. "Do you think you can just disappear and come back saying 'oh?' Look at me when I'm talking to you, and give me an answer." Her foot tapping against the floor fell in line with my heart hammering in my chest.

          I sighed, spinning on my heel. "Listen, Mom, I think it's a little unfair for you to yell at me right now when you come home drunk into oblivion every night. I do this when you're actually sober, and now you want to be the 'parent?'"

          "That's because I am the parent. What I do is none of your business. You live under my roof, so you still follow my rules," she said, her arms crossed and her foot still tapping. Did it increase, or did the pounding in my chest reach my ears?

          "Listen, I don't really care what you have to say about coming back this late," I told her. "I'm going to be in my room now."

          "I did not raise you to be disrespectful, Valentine."

          That was a head-turner. I just gazed at her and laughed. "Oh my gosh, did you just say you raised me? That was a joke, right?" The look on her face never shifted from the blank expression she put on. "Oh, you were serious? Well, since we're being serious right now, let me tell you how it is and how it has been."

          She opened her mouth to speak, but I beat her to it.

          "You have never once cared about me enough to actually raise me," I said. "I don't remember a caring mother who saw past the fact that I was insane. I do remember that you shoved pills down my throat day and night, so I wouldn't cause you any trouble because that's what I am. What I do remember was you screaming at me, terrifying me, because I couldn't keep myself from exploding in class.

          "You never raised me. I was the one who had to deal with my own problems because my father, the parent who actually gave a shit, was locked away in a mental institution that you put him in. I was the one who had to tell myself that it was going to be okay, or that I would get through this. Don't take credit for anything when you know you get completely wasted just so you don't have to deal with your mentally ill daughter, who can't keep her anger at bay. You don't deserve to call yourself a mother until you can find out how to stop being so worthless."

          "How dare you bring up your father, whose soul has gone to rest," she retaliated, smoke blowing out her ears. "You know he belonged in that place because he was crazy. And it seems that he passed that awful trait to you. You see where it got him. Do you want to end up dead?"

          There it was: my breaking point.

          I simply stepped up to her, staring dead into her eyes. "You want crazy? I'll show you crazy."

          "If you lay a finger on me, I will call the police," she threatened as I made my way to the kitchen.

          I glanced over at her with a smirk. "Call them." Then I picked up a plate and threw it at her, shrugging when it hit her ankle. She plummeted to the ground in pain and moved behind the couch. I launched another dish on the wall, and it broke. "Hide, then, I'll just hurt myself, but you don't care about that."

          After breaking glass, I vigorously made slashes in my arm, exposing the ones that weren't healed yet in the process. Deep within my skin was madness, and I had to let it free. Harming other people would be of no use. This was my dilemma.

          "This is what you wanted, right!" I yelled at her. "For me to prove to you that I'm crazy!" Blood trickled down my arm like a river and dripped to the ground.

          When the front door opened and Calum came through it, I laughed. "Perfect timing, Calum. Welcome to the circus."

          Seeing me, his eyes went wide. "No, Val, stop." He then peered at the floor, probably where Mom was hiding out. "Don't you care that your daughter is bleeding out onto the floor?" He hurried towards me, but then I stuck a knife out in front of me.

          "Val put the knife down. You know this is all talk," Calum said, coming closer. "You're not going to hurt me."

          "My, look at you being bold," I said, chuckling. Then, I placed the knife to my throat. "I won't hurt you, but that doesn't mean I won't hurt myself."

          "Val, you're acting crazy."

          "Am I, Calum!" I shouted. "I thought I was sane. You're the one—"

          Before I could process it, he seized both of my hands and twisted the knife out of one and kicked it back. "Val, stop and calm down. You're not going anywhere until you calm down."

          "Get off me, Calum. You're ruining everything," I said, attempting to pry his hands away. He held on tighter to where I could barely move. "Calum, stop!"

          "Just breathe, Val. I got you. Please."

          I started to hit him, but he wasn't budging. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I pounded my fist against his chest, weakly. More tears fell as I began to breathe.

          "My mom hates me. Everyone hates me," I cried as I sank to the floor, my blood soaking through my pants and his shirt. "I hate me."

          Calum kept me close as I sobbed into his chest. "No one hates you, Val," he spoke softly.

          "I can't take it anymore. Calum, I want to die," I wept. "I want to die so bad."

          He didn't say anything else; he only kept my head rested against him. Fatigue soon hit me, and I gave in to it, hoping it was eternal.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

          A sharp pain was the first thing I felt as soon as I regained consciousness. A throbbing sensation remained all over my head, and my skin seemed like it was being torn to shreds. A whimper escaped from my mouth as a result.

          "You're awake?" someone said, and then I realized two things. One, I was in the hospital, and two, I was laying on someone.

          "Ow," I groaned as I attempted to sit up. My arms were on fire.

          "Hey, you should take it easy," they said, and my brain finally recognized it was Calum. I tumbled off the bed when I noticed gigantic red spots on his white t-shirt, alarmed. Calum rushed over, picking me up and setting me back on the bed. "I said you should take it easy."

          "Your shirt," I said, my throat in need of water. Realizing this, Calum handed me some water, and I chugged it like I woke up at three a.m. Once my throat was alive again, I pointed to his shirt. "Is that...mine?"

          He motioned at my arms. "You did quite some damage this time."

          I thought back to yesterday's events and gazed down at my arms, which were protected by white bandages. The red patches were still visible through them. Then, I remembered Mom. "Is my mom okay?"

          Calum eyed me with concern. "I don't get you, Val. Your mom barely gives you a glance, and you know this, but you still care about her so deeply. Why?"

          "Calum, please? I need to know." I dodged the question because it caught me off guard, mostly because I didn't have a response.

          He sighed. "It's just a sprained ankle."

          I breathed out, relieved. "Did she stop by when I was sleeping?" Calum avoided my gaze, which provided me the answer to the question. My shoulders slumped a little, and tears began to swell in my eyes, but I forced them back. "She probably did stop by when you weren't here or something."

          "Val, I was here with you all night," he said softly. I shut my eyes and nodded, attempting to keep my tears at bay. "Val—"

          "Damn, maybe I should just die, huh?"

          "Stop saying that," Calum said, his voice cracking. "Val, you're one of my best friends. For you to say that hurts me in more ways than you could imagine. Don't you see how much people care about you?"

          "No one else cares, Calum."

          "I do, Val," he said. "I've always cared since the beginning, and I've always been there for you when no one else was. You've been slowly deteriorating in front of my eyes."

         "No, please don't cry," I begged as I noticed them welling up in his eyes. "I hate seeing you cry. You should be happy like you always are."

         "You should be happy too," he sniffed, wiping his eyes. "You deserve to be happy, Val. I'm trying to help you get there, but it's not working, and I feel like I'm failing you. I don't know what to do anymore."

        "Calum, I am happy."

        "No, you're not," he shot back and gestured to my arms. "People who are happy don't do this to themselves."

        "Hey, I will get through this one day, okay? I promise I will." I drew him in for a hug, even though my arms were screaming at me. I hugged him for the both of us and sighed. As much as I loved Calum and Mom, I didn't see a purpose for me to go on. I needed to get this hell from beneath my skin.

          I was supposed to be safe in the safe house that I'd built years ago, but someone kept taking pieces of me. For years, I thought it was going to take a wrecking ball to smash through what I'd established, but a parasite seeped in through the cracks, slowly peeling away what I had created. I just wished I received an eviction notice beforehand.

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Heeeeyyy guys! How ya beeeen?

Antiwayss, this chapter...ah, takes me back when I...yeah, I got nothing. Val has way more problems than me lol. I got nothing on her. I'm a happy child :)

Yee yee.

I hoped you liked this chapter!

See yaaaa!