Madison Potter: After the War

Chapter 8: The Blame Game

My routine was disrupted. It went from going to work, going home, eating with George, the occasional sexual experience and then going to bed to going to work, going to The Burrow, not eating with George, no sex, and sleeping in Ginny's room.

I hadn't seen George in three weeks, and I missed him. I've been meaning to go over to the apartment above the shop, but I've just been busy and I've been petty. I don't think it's my place to apologize.

Work has been fun— it's gotten my mind off of things. We got to do some rounds today and I got to see Teddy, because Andromeda brought him in. Teddy had an ear infection, but that wasn't too hard to cure.

"I'm done crying," I said one night at dinner. "I'm thinking about going over to the apartment tomorrow morning. Maybe grab some things."

"Has George talked to you at all?" Mrs. Weasley asked me.

I shook my head. "I sent an owl five times already, telling him I want to talk and that I love him. I want to let him know that I forgive him for being a prat, but he hasn't responded to any of them."

It was silent.

"You know what? Fuck it. I'm going over there now," I said as I got up. I turned on the spot and found myself in the kitchen at the apartment.

I surveyed the room. The window was open, and there were copies of the Daily Prophet that were weeks old, and my five letters were mixed in there.

The sink was empty, so that meant that George wasn't eating, and if he was, it wasn't healthy.

The door to the bedroom that George and I shared creaked open, and a figure dame out.

"Madison? Madison! Oh my God, Maddy, I thought you had left me and..."

George looked like a mess. His eyes were red, his hair was askew, his clothes were rumpled, and he smelled like the Gryffindor Quidditch locker room, but ten times worse. His voice was hoarse, and he looked like he hadn't slept since the last time he saw me.

"George... I would never leave you," I said.

"I want you to know that these three weeks without you have been the worst three weeks of my life. Knowing that I... god, Madison, I can't believe I did that. I'm so sorry. None of that was your fault. It would and if will never be your fault. I just... I love you so much, and I... I can't believe that I put you through that. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, and at the end of the day, my love for you will always outshine everything."

I felt tears prickle my eyes. "It's okay. I'm sorry too, for being so closed off about everything. It wasn't just my baby, it was yours too, and I think I was so wrapped up in my own grief about everything that I failed to talk to you about it."

"Merlin, Madison, I want you to know that I don't care if the chance of you having kids is at 90%. I don't care if we don't get to have kids, because all I want to do is be with you."

"I missed you," I said as I gathered him in a hug. George put his head on my head and wrapped his arms around me.

"I missed you more."

"Not possible."

George and I stood there for a few moments, just basking in the feeling of our arms around one another.

"George... I know it's at 90%, but... maybe we will be able to have kids one day. Maybe things will change. Maybe it's... I think we're going to be alright George."

"I love you. I was scared to close my eyes while you were gone because I didn't want to wake up with you not next to me. I didn't want to fall asleep."

I grinned and took him by his shirt and pulled him down and slammed my lips onto his.

The kiss was long and tender, but it wasn't heated and rushed. It felt like home. It felt like the world was on fire.

I pulled away and crinkled my nose. "You need to shower and brush your teeth, mister."

"Really? I thought I smelled quite lovely!" George exclaimed, giving me a cheeky grin.

"George, you smell like you just played in a sewer for a billion hours straight."

George pouted and made his way to the bathroom.

I took a look in the cabinets. The only thing in there was a box of cereal. The fridge only had one carton of milk, and it was expired.

I took the milk carton and dumped it down the sink. It smelt disgusting, and I felt the need to spray some Febreze everywhere. I sighed. I would have to go shopping tomorrow.

"What are you sighing about now George?" Fred's voice echoed through the room.

"It's not George."

"Madison? I'm taking it that you and Georgie-poo made up then?"

I nodded. "Did you guys even eat while I was gone?"

Fred looked at me guiltily. "Well, I did. At Percy's."

"So George didn't eat, and you ate at Percy's?" I asked.

"That's what I said, yes," Fred rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" George said as he came out of the bathroom, his hair dripping wet.

"I, brother dearest, just came from closing the shop."

"Boys, no fighting," I said with an eye roll.

"Sorry," they said at the same time.

I cheekily grinned. Things were going to go back to normal.

I was writing out a shopping list for tomorrow when I got the Patronus.

A little, silvery and graceful cat made its way in front of me as I sat on the couch, with George besides me. It opened up its mouth and the voice of the Healer that was in charge of us trainees came out.

"There's been a dragon attack— we've got 45 patients and we need all wands on deck."

I stood up as fast as I possibly could, grabbed my green healers robe, which had a wand and a bone making an x-shape, put on my shoes and pulled my hair back in a ponytail. I grabbed my wand.

"I don't know when I'll be back! I love you George!" I told him and gave him a hasty peck on the lips.

"Love you too," I heard him say back.

I smiled at him and turned on my foot and found myself in St. Mungo's. I made my way to the first floor. I found Seamus and Pavarti in the sea of green robes and made my way to stand next to them.

"What do you think happened?" Pavarti asked Seamus and I.

I shrugged. "All I know is that the patronus said that there was a dragon attack."

Seamus was about to say something when Healer Abernathy, the head of the first floor, began to explain the situation.

"Alright, everybody. Thank you for showing up. I just want to say that I'm glad you all made it, and that there was no dragon attack, but instead this was a test to see if you were able to get here. Situations do arise where even if you aren't scheduled to work you might need to be called in. Thank you for coming. You are free to leave."

Everybody glared at him. Pavarti, Seamus and I looked at each other and told each other goodbye. I turned on the spot and found myself back at the apartment.

"It was a bloody test to see if we could get there on time," I said as George began to question why I was back so early.

"Ah."

"I'm making a cup of tea," I said.

I made my way to the kitchen and managed to find the necessities I needed to make some tea. I was distracted, and when it was time for me to pour the boiling water into a teacup, I accidentally poured it all on my arm.

"Shit!" I called out clutching my arm, which was beginning to turn red rather quickly.

"What happened?" George said as he slid into the room on his socks.

"Accidentally burnt myself," I sheepishly said.

I was expecting George to make a joke, or laugh. I didn't expect him to do what he did.

"Merlin, Madison, you've got to be more careful. Imagine if we do end up having kids! You're being careless!"

"It was just an accident, George. It's happened before, and it's not going to be the last time I burn myself most likely," I said, giving him an odd look.

"Yes, but your carelessness is what caused you to—"

I felt fury rise within my veins.

"Lose the baby in the first place? My carelessness?" I asked, coldly. The burning sensation on my arm was long forgotten.

"Madison—"

"It takes two to tango, you know. And if I'm careless, so are you. Do you know how careless it was of you to drop out of school? What if the joke shop didn't work out?"

"We finished our N.E.W.T.s! I can't say the same for you," he retorted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, George," I said sarcastically, "I'm so sorry that I'm not going to go and re-do my seventh year at a school where I was tortured. I'm so sorry that I didn't get to complete my seventh year, I'm so sorry that I didn't get to do my N.E.W.T.s."

"While we're talking about me dropping out, why don't we talk about all the shit that happened in your fifth year?"

I gave a cold laugh. "Like what? I don't really seem to remember you being at the Department of Mysteries, because, you know, it was after you dropped out."

"I don't seem to remember you apologizing for basically poisoning my father."

I stopped dead in my tracks and the teacup I was holding fell out of my hands and onto the ground and shattered into pieces.

"You know that Harry and I didn't mean for that to happen! We were basically being possessed, George!"

"Yeah, and you were also basically possessed when you went to the Department of Mysteries! You're a smart woman, Madison, how you couldn't figure out that you and Harry were being possessed is beyond me! You're smart enough— you could have figured out that Sirius wasn't there!"

I felt my heart drop and break all at the same time. I could feel a drop in my stomach.

"So, I'm smart enough to realize that Voldemort was controlling my mind? I'm smart enough to know that Sirius wasn't there, and Voldemort was putting images in my head? Well, if I'm smart enough to figure that out, everything would've been easier, right? Tell me, George, so you think I knew that I was a Horcrux? Do you think I wanted to go into that forest and die, and never see you again?"

"If you didn't want to, then why did you? Do you know the pain I felt when I saw Hagrid bringing you up to the castle? I thought you were dead, and my whole world was shattered."

"Yeah, well, if I hadn't gone into that forest, more people would have died because of Harry and I. You could have died. Voldemort could have stayed in power and he could have won!"

"I never understood why you blame yourself for all those deaths, they were never your fault," George said, running a hand through his hair. He was nervous, and rightfully so. If I had been in a different state of mind I would have brought my wand out and performed the bat boogey hex.

"Well, didn't you basically just blame me for Sirius' death a minute ago?" I hotly said. "Are you going to blame me for Remus? Tonks? Mad-Eye? You've already blamed me for the death of a fetus, so what's one or five or one hundred more?"

"Madison, you know I never blamed you for Sirius' death—"

"But you blamed me for the death of our child, and that's more than enough. It wasn't my fault, you have to understand that."

"But you could have done more to protect—"

"George," I laughed hollowly, "I didn't even know I was pregnant, we've gone over that. How could I have been more careful if I didn't know? And remember, I wouldn't have kept it either way."

"Madison, I don't blame you for the baby," George said, exasperated. "I just want you to be more careful."

"Well it sure seems like you blame me, George, and I don't think I can handle that," I told him, my voice wavering. I was about to cry.

I made my way to our room before he could respond. I grabbed a bag and stuffed some clothes and some toiletries and all the necessities that I needed for work. I also stuffed a few books in there and the picture of my parents that I had on my nightstand. I swung my bag over my shoulder and made my way back to the kitchen, where George stood, a blank expression on his face.

"I think we need a break," I told him.

George turned around and looked me dead in the eye. His face was pale and crest fallen.

"What?"

"I think we need a break," I repeated. "You need to get your shit together George. I can't live with somebody, nor can I be with somebody, who is blaming me for things out of my control."

"Madison—"

"You blamed me for Sirius' death, George. And you can't tell me that you didn't," I said, my eyes welling up with tears. His mouth opened up to interrupt me but I cut him off. "I know who was at fault for the baby, I know it was Greyback. And you know it too, and you're just angry. I've accepted that it wasn't my fault, and I think that maybe you are on your way to. I hope, at least."

"I'm working on—"

"I know you are," I said softly. "But you blame me for Sirius dying. I know how much you looked up to him, him being a Marauder and all... and... Sirius was important to me too. I know that Harry and I were stupid to believe that he would actually be out at the Ministry, and I know that nobody expected the outcome that we had that night, but you weren't there. You weren't there when I needed you, because you left school. And you aren't here for me now, either, because you can't see past your anger. And... until you do, I think that we need a break."

I undid the necklace that I was wearing, and put it on the kitchen counter.

"I love you George, I really do, but I don't love this George."

I gave him a sad look, and turned on the spot, the only thing left of me being the necklace with the gold wedding band on the counter.