Word Count: 2044

Info:
Y/n is struggling with mental health problems and feels overwhelmed. Madison begins to notice and comforts her

Triggers- panic attacks and self-harm.

Request by @Kates-Wife hope you enjoy :)

Y/n's POV:

Night falls and yet again I'm sat on the bathroom floor, the door locked and my head in my hands. Salty tears streaming down my cheeks, this is what's normal for me now. Madison lay soundly asleep in our bedroom and here I am struggling in silence, of course none of it is her fault. She is perfect in every way which is why I don't deserve someone like her, she tries her hardest to make me feel special and I pretend like I believe the things she says to me, I really do try but the voices in my head won't let me believe her. They say it in the most convincing way possible that it's hard not to listen, I am pathetic and why would I ever be worthy of her love or anyone's?

I stand up and drag my feet on the floor to the basket under the sink with our toiletries, the broken razor who's blade I have been using for weeks sits there under my face cloth. I take a deep breath and pick it up as if it were my toothbrush, I am meant to use every day. I look up at myself in the mirror, my tear stained cheeks and messy hair. Then I look down at my arms with the many scars from previous nights, I know I shouldn't hide this from Madison, but I can't tell her, I just can't put this on her. The blade glides over the skin of my forearm and I take a sharp breath in, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but I still have the feeling of needing to do it. As I finish the first line, I heard the floorboards creak "shit" I whisper.

Madison's POV:

I woke up in the middle of the night to the extractor fan in the bathroom and Y/n not in our bed beside me. Oh well she must have gone to the toilet, I wait a while and she's still not back, I can hear her moving around. That's strange, I get up and make my way to the bathroom, I hear her shuffling about more and then I knock on the door "Y/n? are you okay?" she clears her throat "yeah I'm fine baby go back to bed I won't be long" I raise a questionable eyebrow "are you sure? You've been in there a while darling" I hear her flush the toilet and then open the door "sorry I didn't mean to wake you" I shake my head "it's okay, not gonna wash your hands?" I ask with a giggle "oh yeah, silly me" I lean against the door frame, and she turns to wash her hands in the sink but doesn't roll up her sleeves "baby aren't your sleeves going to get wet?" I say with a laugh, she shakes her head "its fine" I tilt my head in confusion but shrug "okay, you coming back to bed?" she nods "I'll come in a few minutes let me just get a drink from downstairs" I nod with a smile and gently take her waist from behind, she tenses at my touch "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you" she shakes her head relaxing a little and I kiss her cheek before heading back to bed "don't be too long gorgeous, its late."

Y/n's POV:

My heart was racing, what if she knows. No she can't know, you made it so fucking obvious. No I hid it, my mind fought against itself, and I realised I was still stood over the sink, I shook my head and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. As I got a bottle of water from the fridge, I saw my sleeve was becoming red from my open cut "fuck" I run to the sink pulling my sleeve up and putting my arm under the water. The sting caught me by surprise, and I whimper loudly before clasping my hand over my mouth, the water starts to wash some of my blood away, but it just keeps bleeding "fuck, fuck, fuck" I look around for something to wrap my arm and I head to the first aid box finding a bandage, I start to wrap it messily around my arm. I hear Madison walking down the stairs as I grab the tape "no, no, no!" I whisper yell "baby what's wrong?" I throw the tape back in the box and pull my sleeve back down "nothing, I'm fine" I say not turning to face her at the door.

"Y/n don't lie to me, what's wrong?" my breathing speeds up, come on think! Think of a lie! "I just tripped, I'm okay honestly. Anyway its late we should go to bed" I cross my arms to hide my bloody sleeve and then turn to face her. She doesn't look convinced "okay we can go to bed" she says softly. Oh thank god "come on then" I nod walking to the door "I thought you wanted a drink?" I shake my head "not thirsty anymore" she looks at me confused but nods anyway, following me upstairs.

Madison's POV:

Y/n is acting strange, she's hiding something I'm sure of it. Every time I'm around her she goes tense, and she hardly ever lets me touch her, when I do, she whines in pain and won't tell me what I did wrong. Its worrying me and I just want her to come to me. I followed her upstairs and she was still hugging herself "baby why are you doing that?" she looks back at me when we reach our room "doing what?" I look at her arms "crossing your arms like that" I see her bite her lip nervously and I tilt my head "darling what is it? Did you hurt your arm when you tripped?" I know she didn't trip; she wouldn't hesitate to tell me that if she did. She looks down at her arm and nods "yeah it just hurts is all" I step closer gently stroking the top of her arm "let me see, maybe I can-" she cuts me off pulling away "no! I mean no, I'm fine can we just go to sleep please?" she says walking into the bedroom.

I shake my head and turn on the light "no, not until you tell me what's actually wrong with you" she sits down "nothing, I said I'm fine Madison" I take a deep breath in "Y/n I know you are lying to me; I don't know if you think it's to protect me or what, but I need you to talk to me. I want to help you, you are the love of my life and I'm worried about you" she stands up and throws her arms in the arm "I said I'm fine!!" she yells and my eyes land on her sleeve, its completely red "y- y/n" "what!" she says harshly "is that blood on your sleeve?" her eyes go wide and crosses her arms again "n- no its nothing, its uhh ketchup from dinner" I shake my head "no, don't lie to me. Is that blood on your shirt?" her eyes flicker up to my face as I walk closer, and she doesn't answer. I gently take her arm and she lets me this time, I roll up her sleeve and see a bloody bandage messily wrapped around her arm. I look up to her and she has tears in her eyes, I gently unravel the bandage and see lines upon lines of scars covering her arms.

I gasped at the sight and my heart broke, my eyes filled with tears and Y/n broke down "Madison I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do it I swear I just- I couldn't fight it. Please I'm so sorry don't leave me" I look up at her confused, still a little shocked by what I saw "what?" she breathes shallowly and quickly "I'm sorry, please don't leave me" I shake my head "why on earth would I leave you?" she gulps "because I'm messed up-" I cut her off and gently cup her cheeks looking between both her eyes "you are not messed up, you are perfect" she begins to shake her head and I hold it still "don't shake your head, I know you don't believe me because I know your brain won't let you but listen to me okay? I love you; I love you more than anything that exists in this world. You mean everything to me, and I will never leave you." Tears fall down her cheeks and I run my thumb under her eyes to wipe them away "I'm not going anywhere, you are stuck with me now okay?" she nods taking shaky breaths "but I did something bad" she says breathlessly and I shake my head "yeah it was bad but people make mistakes all the time, I just need you to promise me that if you ever feel like you need to do this again you will try and talk to me okay?"

I will not let her go through this alone "I've got you; I'm going to take care of you and eventually this will get easier, okay? But hurting yourself isn't the answer and I know you know that" she nods "I'm so sorry" she puts her head in my chest and continues to cry "don't apologise, just promise me you are going to try and talk to me when you feel like this or when you feel overwhelmed in any way okay?" she nods "I promise" I smile and tilt her head up kissing her softly "I'm proud of you for letting me see baby, I know it wasn't easy" she sniffs and nods "okay do me a favour and wipe them tears from that pretty face of yours" she goes to take her sleeve of her shirt and I shake my head "no, no use this darling" I hand her a cloth and she thanks me before wiping her face "okay I'm gonna go and get stuff to clean and bandage your arm okay?" she nods.

Y/n's POV:

A little while after Madison walks downstairs, I glance down at my arm, and I smile a little "I'm going to be okay" I whisper with a small giggle and then I hear a familiar voice say "yeah you are baby girl" I smile looking at the doorway to see my girlfriend holding a few things. She walks towards me and kneels down in front of me, gently taking my arm in her hand "okay this is going to sting but I need to do it to clean it okay?" I nod "I brought you this to bite on to relieve some of the pain" she hands me a small rolled up bandage and I put it in my mouth "okay on 3, 1, 2-" she pours the antiseptic on my wound, and I whimper into the bandage loudly "sorry darling, I had to do it by surprise, or it would hurt more" I nod as a tear forms in my eye from the pain. She smiles a little as the bleeding slows "there we go" she takes some Vaseline and puts it on her finger gently sliding her finger on and around the cut, it hurts but its bearable. I take the bandage out "what's that for?" she looks up at me and smiles "It heals the cut quicker" I nod and smile back at her "thankyou" she shakes her head "don't thank me baby" I look down at my arm and she grabs a bandage "okay I'm going to wrap it tonight so you don't hurt yourself while you move in your sleep, in the morning I'll take it off so we can let it breathe" I nod and she begins wrapping it tightly "annnnd done" she says taping it up and then closing the first aid box "all better" she says kissing my head softly as I smile "okay bed time now my perfect girl." I smile wider and lay in bed as she does the same cuddling into me "I love you princess" she says kissing my cheek "I love you to baby."