Fried Noodles
(A quick meal that still takes love)

Ingredients:

Vegetables you can add broccoli, bean sprouts, peppers, or baby corn
Protein you fancy add tofu, chicken, beef, or pork
(Adjust ingredients based on what you have in your fridge.)
1-3 chopped red chilli (spice to how you like it)
450 g of cooked noodles (Shanghai, udon or chow mein)
3 tbsp Soy Sauce
2.5 tbsp Dark Soy Sauce
2.5 tbsp Sugar
2 tbsp of Sesame Oil
4 tbsp of Water or Vegetable stock
6 cloves of Garlic (sliced)
3 stalks of Green Onion (cut into 2-inch pieces)
1.5 cups of Bean Sprouts

Instructions:

Noodles:
Depending on the noodles, there are different instructions to prepare.

Chow Mein: blanch noodles in hot water 2-3 minutes, rinse with cold water and drain
Frozen Udon: pour hot water over udon to separate, drain, and set aside
Precooked Shanghai noodles: You don't need to do anything. If that is untrue for whatever reason, do the same as chow mein.

1. In a bowl, mix soy sauce, dark soy sauce, sesame oil, water, and sugar till combined
2. Cook noodles, drain and set aside
3. In a pan, drizzle in oil and turn the heat up to medium-high
Once the pan is hot, add garlic, the white part of green onion, and chopped red chilli. Sauté together for 2-3 minutes
4. Add noodles and pour in the sauce; mix so all noodles are coated
5. Turn the heat to high, add in the bean sprouts, sauté on high heat for 2-3 minutes
6. Add in the rest of green onion, sauté on high heat for 1-2 minutes

• 🍜 •

Sometimes, when Jay sits at his parent's dinner table he wonders about his birth parents.

He wonders if instead of doing prayer before a meal they say what they're thankful for.
He wonders if instead of serving cold milk in tall glasses they might serve tea in short cups.
He wonders if instead is serving chicken and potatoes seasoned lightly they might serve fish and noodles with a spicy kick.

It's not that he wants to replace his adoptive parents with his biological ones, nor does he want his adoptive parents to be any different than they are. It is simply that when Jay looks at his very white family, he sees differences. Different eyes, different hair, different features. And while usually he doesn't mind sometimes he can't help but wonder. He wonders about what culture he's not a part of. He wonders about what traditions he'd never known. He wonders about what food he never tried. All because he was pulled onto a new path.

Ed and Edna tried to understand. Jay thinks it's partly because of the guilt of keeping it from him that they make such an effort to connect with the lost parts of his history. It helps that they live in Ninjago City, full of diverse cultures and people. They take him to meet different people and introduce him to various strangers. They have him do classes to use traditional skills. Unfortunately, all it does is remind Jay just how bad he is at calligraphy.

And yes, Ninjago has always been a more ethnic place and yes, Jay had been having noodles and sushi in his school lunches ever since he'd gotten his hands on lunch money! But there was something so special about cooking alongside your family. There was something so prideful in being taught meals passed down for generations with a cultural history behind them. Ed and Edna tried to introduce him to some of their recipes but unfortunately, neither of them had ever been amazing cooks. They mostly stuck to boxed mashed potatoes, anything canned, and lots and lots of boiled vegetables.

Jay expressed his problem with the ninja and Wu, hoping that the old man might have some ancient recipe to pass down, but the man simply slid some instant noodles toward him and walked away like he'd just solved all of Jay's identity issues with one plastic packet.

"I can teach you to cook!" Cole offered cheerily as Jay stared despondently at the cheaply packaged food.

"Cole," Kai said very gently, smiling at his friend. Cole smiled back. "No one wants that." The smile instantly fell.

Jay looked helplessly at Nya. "My parents abandoned me." She said with a shrug.

His eyes slid to the green ninja. "Same," Lloyd smirked, bumping fists with Kai.

Jay groaned and slammed his head on the table. "Why are your lives all so sad."

"Oh, do you think I asked to be left at a boarding school?"

"I could teach you a few things." Jay's head whipped around to look at his nindroid friend. The other boy blinked back.

"Really?" Jay asked incredulously. "I mean, you're an amazing cook but I thought that was natural skill."

Zane laughed. "Some of it is my... uh... unique abilities but my father was the one that taught me originally. I simply took off from there."

"Wow!" Jay grinned, a little bud of hope blooming inside him. "Yeah, uh- let's do it!"

"After the mission," Nya reminded him.

"Yes, yes, I know," Jay dismissed her. The mission hardly mattered to him anymore. This was it! He was finally going to cook and find a true connection to who he is!

• 🍜 •

Jay had no idea what he was doing much less who he was.

While Jay had always been well aware of Zane's technical talent, he hadn't known just how skilled he was. The nindroid was a powerhouse in the kitchen, chopping so fast Jay could barely see the knife and measuring to a single grain, never a toe out of line. It was intimidating and impressive all at once and it didn't take long for the boy to be thoroughly overwhelmed.

It also didn't help that Zane was clearly trying. He told Jay exactly what he was doing as he did it and attempted to give him tasks. Unfortunately, that made Jay feel even more alienated as he struggled to chop up one carrot while Zane was a whirlwind around him.

"Maybe this isn't working," Jay said quietly after he failed to form a dumpling for the fifteenth time.

Zane looked at him, not even pausing as he finished up his thirtieth dumpling. "Oh, but you're doing very well!" The ice ninja rushed to assure him.

Jay shrugged. "I don't know... I-" he broke off for a moment as he tried to come up with the words. "It feels like I'm faking, you know? I feel like I'm just like any other foreigner trying to be 'cultured' or whatever."

Zane frowned. "I'm so sorry. What can I do to improve?"

"No- Zane-" Jay face-palmed. Great, now he made Zane feel bad. "It's not you. It's nothing you did."

Zane was quiet for a moment. He put his dumplings aside and faced his friend with a contemplative look on his face. "I'm unsure how to help you." He seemed so saddened by the admission that Jay couldn't help but feel guilty.

Jay tried to smile. "I don't know if there's any way to help me with this, Zane. I think... I think I'm just stuck with this feeling."

"What is that feeling?" Zane pressed, taking the food from Jay so that he'd focus on the conversation.

The other boy pressed his lips together. He opened his mouth to say something, struggling to voice what the strange tangle of emotion was. He'd never really taken the time to think about the ache. He just knew it was there. "It feels... empty," Jay said at last. "If that makes sense?"

Zane nodded. "I felt that way about my own history- back when I had no memories. It was always like there was something missing."

Jay snapped his fingers. "Yes! Just like that. It's this weird pain I can't get rid of. This hole inside of me." He pressed his hand to his heart and closed his eyes. "Sometimes it's small. Jealousy or sadness I guess. But other days it's a dark maw inside of me. Greedy and hungry but never satisfied. It... hurts."

Jay opened his eyes but he kept his gaze down. He didn't want to look at Zane. "It's a grief I can never get rid of. Like I'm mourning for something I never knew. And I can't fix it. No matter what I do. It's something I feel like I can never get back. Something I missed out on. I see other people who know exactly where they came from and exactly what culture, and group they are a part of and I can't help but feel jealous. And I hate myself for being so envious. For struggling to even get involved some days. But it just sucks to be stuck on the outside. Stuck without any real clarity." He broke off, emotion choking him and making its way up his throat. There was a stinging in his eyes but Jay refused to let the tears fall. No. He didn't want to cry about it anymore.

Zane very slowly moves closer, giving Jay the time to protest or back away, before wrapping his arms around him. "I'm sorry it hurts. I'm sorry I can't fix it." He says kindly and sincerely. "I hope you know that you don't need your mother's culture to be complete. You don't need to fit whatever definitions of 'ethnic' or 'cultural' you have in your head. But I understand that it's hard and it's not easy. Sometimes we don't fit into a definition and we don't fit in with a group and it can be very hurtful."

Jay pulls away, looking at his friend curiously. Zane looked back sadly. "In some ways, I fall short of being an android. But I'm also not a human. There are days where I struggle to fit in with both."

"It's sucks," Jay says, stepping away to lean against the counter. "There's no winning. These boxes the world puts us in are confusing and vague. I want to say that I don't need a box to go into but I'd be lying. I want a box. I want a category to fit into. I... it's so lonely sometimes. Not having one."

Zane nodded. "Of course it is. You want a community so you can have a sense of belonging but also have people to relate to, get advice from, and form your identity around. People to tell you it's okay to be one thing or the other."

Jay stared at his friend in surprise. Sometimes Zane was so insightful it was creepy. "Yeah..." Jay heaved out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "That's... exactly it." And for a moment he thought he was fine. He thought the burst of clarity blooming in his chest like a cold frosty feeling would make him all right. But before he knew it one salty tear slid down his cheek. And then another. And then he was dissolving into tears.

It was embarrassing, honestly. Even though Zane was a very non-judgemental friend it still felt stupid to burst into a blubbering mess in front of him, especially while they were trying to make dinner. But if Zane was bothered, he never acted like it. He just held onto Jay tight. The pressure was helpful and it helped ground him, making the ache inside hurt just a little bit less. There's relief in hearing someone say what you've been feeling, especially when you've been trying to grasp what it was yourself. It felt like cold water being washed over him, both pain and relief alike fighting for power over him. By the time Jay was done crying he felt exhausted. His eyes were red and sore and Zane had been able to clean up the kitchen in between crying. Jay finally calmed down after around twenty minutes, his face red and splotchy and his nose clogged. Zane kindly helped him down from the counter without a word before positioning him in front of a bowl and some ingredients.

Jay made a questioning noise, unsure what to say but Zane was ready. He pressed a bottle of soy sauce into his fingers and directed him to start pouring.

"It doesn't have to be about culture or tradition," Zane said kindly. "Maybe... we can just cook together? We both don't fit in sometimes. Perhaps we can be misfits together." His suggestion was tentative, like he was worried that Jay wouldn't like the idea. The sweet tone and careful words were so genuine and caring that Jay couldn't help but smile.

"I like that," Jay said, taking the sauce and pouring in a generous amount. He grinned at his friend, laughing at how relieved Zane looked. "Weirdos together, right?"

Zane laughed as well. "Weirdos together."

The two finally finished dinner and the ninja were happy to help eat it. There was only a little bit of complaining about how long it took from Kai but he was quickly shut up by his sister. Cole dove in first of course, raising his bowl to his chin and shovelling the noodles in before anyone could even get a helping. The boy chewed a bit, swallowing at an impressive speed, before giving the two cooks a thumbs up.

"This is delicious! Thanks, guys!" Cole cheered, dipping in his chopsticks for more.

"Leave some for us, would ya?" Kai grumbled while Nya slapped the earth ninja on the knuckles with her chopsticks.

Jay shook his head in exasperation at their antics, sitting back as his family began to eat, each singing their praises, the conversation dying down as they ate away. Jay got his own serving and tasted it, smiling as the sweet and savoury flavours spread across his tongue. It was hot and flavourful and delicious in every perfect way. Just as most of Zane's cooking was. But there was something so special about knowing that they had cooked it together. It almost made it even more delicious. The Lightning ninja looked over to his friend, blinking when he saw that his friend was already watching him. The nindroid smiled and nodded at him, pointing at their food with a satisfied smile.

Jay took another bite and relished in the joy that spread to his cheeks all the way to his toes. Maybe it wasn't the cultural key he was looking for but he had still made something great. As he sat there with his friends, laughing and breaking bread together, he couldn't help but notice that the hole inside his heart, though still aching, was a little less painful with his weirdo, misfit family by his side.

NOTE*****

Could you tell I was projecting? 😅

Growing up in a transracial family as an adoptee has been... hard to say the least. That's not to say that I am not extremely lucky and extremely grateful! Because trust me- I am! I'm very happy and very blessed to have the amazing adopted family that I do. But growing up as an Asian girl in a white family, in a white-as-white-bread catholic school made it hard to figure out my identity. Especially my racial and cultural identity. I often saw myself as more white than Asian and later in life I struggled to fit in with both groups. I felt too white to fit in with the Asians and at times too Asian to fit in with the whites. And it was especially hard during cultural events like culture fairs and talent shows when I would see amazing people showing off their culture with pride and I... couldn't participate in that.

It's been hard to try to reclaim some of the culture that I lost and I've often felt that I've been "faking" whenever I do. I can't say that I've necessarily found a solution to this issue and I'm kind of tired of trying to find one. It's simply something I have to live with. I'm glad that through this reflection though I've been able to write through my feelings and give Jay something for me (and hopefully others) something to relate to.

I know that many say "race doesn't matter" and many have said or implied to me that I shouldn't care this much about not having a culture and being Canadian is enough. I appreciate the sentiment but it is not easy for me to simply say that race and culture don't matter. It's hard for me to explain but I hope people respect and know that this is just me exploring MY personal experience. Please do not assume every adoptee feels this way. These are simply feelings I have and I am using writing as therapy to help deal with my trauma, as well as allowing me to finally post something after flaking on updates for so long 😂.

Thank you for reading this SUPER long note. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Nya is up next and I'm super excited because I'll be using one of my own recipes!

Have a nice day or night!

LuckyBugBooks 🐞

COVER CREDIT****

Thank you Ravens_Graphics for the amazing cover and banners!