33: Jisung's past.

Every parent has a desire to bring a new addition to their family and when it happens the happiness they feel would be overwhelming. A day to remember.

However for Jisung, being born was a mistake made by his parents.

He wasn't even planned in the first place.

When he was born, his grandfather died the same week. His grandfather was already fighting for cancer and everyone knew he was going to die, but his death was blamed upon Jisung's birth. Superstitious undoubtedly.

When Jisung was three, the age where he noticed that his parents didn't provide him any attention, his grandmother was the only person who looked after him and treated him with care.

When he started attending pre-school, he always felt jealous and lonely, watching other kids' parents coming there to pick them up, but little Jisung was unaware of the feelings he was feeling at that time.

Then suddenly everything started shattering when Jisung became five years old.

His grandmother and him moved away from his parents' house. Little Jisung was confused with what was happening, but his small heart was in utter joy thinking that he would be able to spend his days alone with his favourite person, his grandmother.

However one day, he heard his grandmother talking to someone after making sure that he was asleep, but how could little Jisung sleep when there was no warmth beside him?

Jisung slowly peeked through the hole of the door and blinked his eyes, innocently watching his mother, father, grandmother and some unknown people talking to each other. He saw his mother crying, while his father was keeping quiet, glancing away from his mother.

That's when he came to hear the word divorce.

Little Jisung doesn't know what it meant, but all he knew was that he wouldn't be able to see his father and mother together. That he won't be able to see them on weekends where they used to visit him for a brief moment making sure that his grandmother was doing a good job with raising him.

That was the last time he saw his parents, after that it was only him and his grandmother in his life.

Making friends was difficult for little Jisung because everyone made fun of him, calling him an orphan when he wasn't.

He always refused to go to school on father's or mother's day as it was hard for a small heart to bear the pain of living like a kid with no parents. He always cried his heart out, clenching his fists on his grandmother's dress, telling how much it hurts him until he falls asleep, getting tired from all the crying.

Then at the age of thirteen, he lost the only person who cared about him.

He then was brutally thrown into the hands of his parents who surprisingly were living together.

Jisung had a room for himself, which he was glad as it was the only time he would be able to cry freely without fearing that anyone would see his state.

Yet what surprised him more was that his parents started sharing their daily life as well as started asking about his well being.

At first it was difficult for him to tell them or to open up to them about everything, but slowly he started warming up to them because for him at that moment they were the only one he had in his life.

During his highschool life he started having friends and they were always together. Among them, he had someone he relied on the most.

Kim Seungmin.

They always hang out with each other. A best friend until the end.

That's when he had his first love. At the tender age of sixteen, with one of Seungmin's friends. At first he thought he was confusing friendship with something else, but he later realised that he wasn't. Jisung kept thinking about him and always felt excited to see him.

And that's when he realised that he was bisexual as at the same time he was having a crush on a girl.

Jisung was always socially awkward so he felt happy whenever Seungmin's friend reached him first. However the problem was that expect Seungmin, none of them knew that he was bisexual as the others were homophobic.

For them there was nothing called bisexual, pansexual or asexual. For them it's either gay or lesbian.

His 'friends' sometimes degrade and talk bullshit about people like him which made him feel so odd and a burden.

Until he found out something which tore him into pieces.

Jisung was coming back from school, running quickly, his hands holding the progress card where he happily received good grades and the first people that came into his mind were his parents. He was excited to see their reaction.

He didn't knock the door this time as he was too excited to meet them, but all of his happiness was thrown away when he heard their conversation.

"What do you expect me to do!?" Jisung heard his mother yelling at his father, as he watched his father looking at his crying mother angrily.

"Jane, I didn't expect you to do something like this without asking me." Jisung frowned as his parents continued shouting at each other, none of them noticed Jisung.

"Then what should I do? Huh? Would you have let me abort the child if you knew that I was pregnant?" Jisung froze on his spot, mind going blank as he heard the conversation.

"We could have tried another way!"

"No we can't! We already made a mistake by giving birth to Jisung. We are financially unstable, James! We can't afford to feed another one. I don't wanna neglect- " They paused when they heard a loud thud. Both the parents looked in the direction and saw Jisung standing there, his bag on the ground, hands trembling with tears streaming down.

"Jisung..." His mother uttered, completely horrified. She tried to reach him but he pushed back all the emotions.

Sad. Anger. On top of that betrayal.

"You...," Jisung felt a lump forming in his throat as his mind started rewinding what he heard a few seconds ago.

"Jisung, hear us out-"

"No!" Jisung yelled loudly. "No, I won't." He yelled once again but this time angrily,

"All this time you guys were hurting me, breaking me into pieces, but I was a fool to believe you guys words. You... you killed someone! You killed my sibling. You killed an innocent soul!" He yelled, throwing his school bag at them.

His parents were shocked to even react to Jisung's anger. They have never seen him broken like this.

It made them realise how much they have broken him.

"Jisung there are things you don't know -"

"I don't wanna hear any of your excuses!" He shouted, "All of my childhood life was ruined. I have gone through many things that no child should have. I was living like an orphan even when my parents were alive. Why did you guys keep me with you! Huh? I would have happily lived if I was an actual orphan. Just because you guys give me life doesn't mean you have the right to take it away!" Jisung backed away, shaking his head.

"I hate you." He mumbled crying, shocking his parents even more.

"I hate you, do you hear me? I hate you! You both are monsters!" He yelled, running away from there. His parents chased after him, but he closed his room door behind, leaving no space for his parents to enter.

That day he ignored his parents' call. He shut his eyes and ears as tears streamed down uncontrollably.

He lost his unborn sibling due to his parents' desire.

He wasn't in the state to ignore such a cruel thing.

The next day,he left for school without his parents noticing him, but he had left a note therefore they wouldn't come searching for him. Well he doubts that.

When he saw Seungmin, he broke into tears and told him everything. His past and present life.

Seungmin was worried about his best friend therefore he gifted him a pup and told him,

"Take care of him. As long as you take care of it, it will stay as your companion."

Jisung named it Cyber, and at that moment he was the happiest person, because from now on he won't be alone in his house.

However he lost both of them, leaving him in darkness yet again.

The root cause for him to hate love and relationships.