M A D E L I N E

WARNING: Mature scenes ahead. Reader discretion is advised. This chapter contains strong language, violence, abuse, self-harm, or highly explicit and excessive sexual activity that may be potentially offensive or disturbing to some readers. You have been warned!

Hanggang sa makabalik kami sa rest house ay hindi ko na muling kinibo si Darwin at kinausap. Nagtungo ang lahat sa dining area para kumain ng tanghalian, pero pinili kong mapag-isa kaya't dumiretso ako sa kwarto nang hindi nagpapaalam kahit kanino. Babalik pa raw kami sa mga isla pagkatapos kumain, ngunit masyado na akong wala sa mood para sumama pa.

Pagkapasok sa kwarto ay kinandado ko ang pinto para masigurong walang ibang makakapasok liban na lang kanila Nami at Myst na kapwa may mga susi.

"A volunteer in the Foundation."

Ang sakit naman no'n.

Matapos niya sabihing mahal niya ako ay gano'n niya ako ihaharap sa tatay niya?

I didn't expect that from Darwin.

Matatanggap ko pa kung ibang tao ang gumawa no'n sa akin. Pero... siya?

He said he wanted to show me off.

He said he was proud of me.

He brought me here to introduce me to his family — especially his dad.

Why did he have to deny me?

I heard someone knock on the door, and even when he didn't call for me, I already knew it was him.

I pretended to sleep and just ignored him, but a minute passed and I heard Myst's voice from the doorway. "Pasok ka, Kuya?" she asked. "Tara!"

I heard the door open, followed by the sound of their footsteps walking in, so I immediately hid myself under my blanket.

Myst jumped on her bed which is right next to mine, while Darwin's footsteps continued on echoing until I heard him stop just beside my bed.

He knelt on the floor and lifted my blanket up — just a bit — to peek at me from underneath the sheets. "Hey," he whispered, smiling sadly and meeting my tear-filled eyes.

I turned my back on him and kept my entire body under the blanket.

"Do you want me to bring you food?" he asked softly. "There's lobster."

Lunch kahapon nang mag-serve rin sila ng lobster, at alam niya kung gaano ko 'yon nagustuhan. Kumukulo na ang sikmura ko pero masyado akong ma-pride para bumigay na lang.

"Mads—"

"Please get out," I whispered.

Nang marinig ang isinagot ko ay narinig ko ang madaling paglabas ni Myst sa kwarto para iwan kami ni Darwin. Narinig ko rin ang mahinang pag-click ng door knob, senyales na ikinandado niya 'yon upang walang ibang makapasok.

Tumayo si Darwin at saka umupo sa kama ko, bago ipinatong ang isang kamay sa braso ko. "Mads, talk to me..." bulong niya, pero pinandigan ko lang ang hindi pagpansin sa kaniya, at hindi na nagsalita.

Ilang minuto rin siyang nanahimik gaya ko; siguro ay nag-iisip ng kasinungalingan para ipaliwanag ang ginawa niya sa akin.

"I lost one of our biggest clients," he whispered.

Oh, my gosh.

Is he blaming me?

Pinilit ko ba siyang ligawan ako?

Inutusan ko ba siyang ihatid at sunduin ako araw-araw?

Nag-demand ba ako na ubusin niya ang lahat ng oras niya sa akin?

Hindi.

So, bakit parang pinagbibintangan niya ako kung bakit hindi niya nagawa nang maayos 'yong trabaho niya?

"I missed a lot of meetings and I'm rarely in the office this past month. I spend all of my time with you, and—"

"Get out, Darwin."

"Mads—"

"I said get out!"

"Just let me explain, Madeline."

"Darwin!" I yelled.

"I can't just let you cry because of me and not explain myself."

"I said no!" I screamed even louder.

I grabbed a remote control from the bedside table and forcefully threw it in his direction. I was only planning to throw it across the room, but I heard him curse softly as it hit him.

He stood up and pulled my blanket with one swift move of his hand, leaving me looking like a trapped cockroach with nowhere to go.

I opened my eyes and saw him massaging his forehead with one hand.

Is he thinking?

Or is that where the remote hit him?

"P-Please get out," I whispered one more time, immediately regretting what I did.

I didn't mean to hurt him.

"Why the fuck can't you just give me half a minute to explain?" he asked, fixing his eyes on me. I can't remember the last time he talked to me this way, but I do remember that he used to.

"Because you don't deserve it."

He looked at me in disbelief. "So, you're just gonna believe what you want to make yourself believe — without hearing my side — and then hate me for it?"

"Yes."

Our eyes met, and I instantly saw the disappointment in his.

"You're driving me crazy, Mads," he whispered.

He looks so done. Like he doesn't know how to deal with me anymore.

For a few minutes, we both just remained quiet and unmoving even as my mind was a clusterfuck of thoughts.

I can hear his every breath, which helped calm my otherwise furious heart.

"We'll talk when you're ready," he whispered, turning his back on me. "I'll just be in our room. I have a pile of work to do."

And with that, he headed straight out of the door and left me on my own.

It took me a full minute before I sat up and saw the remnants of the remote control I threw at him.

I found it on the floor, split into two.

I couldn't have thrown it that hard, could I?

Ugh!

I shouldn't have thrown it at him!

No matter how mad I am, I still shouldn't have done that.

I know that it is necessary for us to talk. So I went to the shower and took a long, hot bath before I dressed myself up and walked all the way to their room.

I knocked three times but no one answered, so I peeked inside the window and saw Darwin sitting on the floor, his laptop propped open in front of him.

I drew in a lot of breath and casually entered the room, closing the door behind me.

He saw me in an instant but his eyes showed no expression.

He watched me as I walked slowly in his direction, and I don't know why but I just feel vulnerable.

Exposed.

As if I was naked and he was seeing me without my clothes on.

I stopped in front of him and sat down on the floor, too. Immediately, I saw the long gash on the side of his right eye, which wasn't there earlier this morning.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, embarrassed for what I have done.

"Don't worry about it." I heard him say.

I know what he's been through. His father used to hurt him when he was a child. And now, what?

I do the same thing just because I'm mad.

He is right. I shouldn't have just believed what I wanted to believe.

I should have listened to him first.

He never did anything to hurt me.

He took care of me and loved me.

Maybe he has a reason why he did what he did, and I should have just given him a chance to explain.

I reached out for his face and gently glided a finger right where his wound is. He flinched at first, but he didn't push me away and just let me do what I wanted with his face.

Right that moment, I realized that I needed no explanation.

I didn't want to hear his reasons and I no longer feel the need to ask him to prove himself to me.

He already did. A lot of times.

And if there's one person who would never purposely hurt me... it's him. And I should have known that already.

I leaned closer and let our lips touch.

Just a smack.

I quickly pulled away and saw him smile, then.

"Bawat sugat ba, may kiss?" mahinang tanong niya. "May isa pa 'ko rito sa braso."

Inangat niya ang braso niya para ipakita sa akin ang isa pang gasgas doon. Gaya ng sugat niya sa mukha ay bago lang din 'yon at hindi pa tuyo. Siguro ay nakuha niya 'yon kanina habang nag-i-island hopping kami.

Ngumiti ako bago muling yumuko upang halikan siya.

And this time, I made sure that it was no longer just a smack.

Ten seconds in, and already, every inch of my body is craving to be close to him. I climbed on his lap, and I even heard his laptop fall on the floor but we bore it no mind.

He held my waist and let his tongue out to meet mine.

It felt so good, I couldn't resist the moan that escaped my lips.

Fuck.

If Charles Darwin is the Father of Evolution, Darwin Romero should be declared the Father of French Kissing.

He sucked on my lower lip and even bit it softly to tease me.

If this is how we make up after every fight, I just might pick a fight with him every goddamned day.

Suddenly, the door opened and Denver walked in with a blazing look on his face. He spotted us right away and cursed loudly before turning back around and leaving.

Only then did I notice that my hand was already pressed on Darwin's crotch, where his massive maleness is standing warmly.

"Uhm, s-sorry," I whispered, getting out of his lap.

My knees were so weak, I couldn't even stand up on my own.

My entire body was on fire, and we were only kissing! I wonder how good of a lover he is.

Is he as well-endowed as D?

My right hand seems to think so.

Oh, my gosh.

Madeline, you are such a slut!

"Uhm, k-kakain lang ako!" nangangatal na paalam ko. "Gusto kong kumain."

Madali akong tumakbo palabas ng kwarto habang inaayos ang sarili ko.

Hindi ko pa sinasagot si Darwin.

Ano na lang ang iisipin niya sa akin?

Panigurado, hindi ganito kabilis bumigay sa kaniya si Belle noon. Dapat ay kontrolin ko ang sarili ko at pigilan ang pagiging masyadong mapusok.

Ayaw kong isipin niya na madali akong makuha.

Pero tangina naman kasi. Bakit ang sarap sarap niyang humalik?

Nagulat na lang ako nang maramdamang nakatayo na siya sa likod ko at nakasunod sa akin.

"Gusto ko ring kumain," bulong niya.

Magkasabay kaming naglakad papunta sa dining hall. Wala na gaanong tao, maliban sa ilang mga matatanda na hindi naman kasama sa island hopping.

Sa dulong mesa kami umupo at tahimik lang na kumain habang nakatingin sa napakagandang view.

Who would have thought that I was literally screaming at him and throwing a fit an hour ago?

"Nagi-guilty talaga ako sa sugat mo," naiiyak na bulong ko habang nakamasid sa mukha niya.

Ngumiti lang siya at pinaghimay ako ng alimango. "You apologized already," aniya. "And your kiss more than makes up for it."

"So... okay na ulit tayo?" nangangamba kong tanong. "Nililigawan mo pa rin ako? Mahal mo pa rin ako?"

"Yes. Yes. And most definitely, yes," sagot niya. "Just don't do that again."

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

Sobrang bigat sa puso kapag may hindi kami pagkakaunawaan. Siguro ay aral na rin ito sa akin na huwag hayaan ang emosyon ko na mangibabaw. Kailangan ay matuto rin akong kumalma at makinig.

Buong araw ay tumambay lang kaming dalawa sa beach habang karamihan sa mga bisita ay nag-scuba diving. Ilang oras kaming kuntento na magkatabing nakaupo lang habang nagtatrabaho siya at ako naman ay nakatanaw lang sa dagat.

Sobrang dami niyang ginagawa at kita ko sa mga mata niya ang labis na pagka-stress. Bigla ko tuloy naalala 'yong sinabi niya kanina na naitalo niya raw ang isa sa mga pinakamalaki nilang kliyente.

Hinawakan ko ang kaliwa niyang kamay at pinagbuklod ang mga daliri namin. "Pahinga ka na muna," bulong ko.

"Nagpapahinga na ako," tugon niya.

"Nagtatrabaho ka," kontra ko.

Mahina siyang tumawa bago inangat ang kamay ko at hinalikan 'yon. "I am used to working in an office, surrounded by files and deadlines, and corporate people. Now, I am working in the beach, smelling your hair, and holding your hand." Humarap ako sa kaniya habang unti-unting nag-iinit ang tiyan. "Maniwala ka, nagpapahinga ako."

Hapon na nang makabalik ang lahat mula sa pagsu-scuba diving. Sobrang ingay at saya nila, samantalang kami ni Darwin ay tahimik lang na nakikinig sa bawat kuwento nila.

"Do you want to go swimming later?" mahina niyang bulong.

"Ha? H-Hindi ba delikado 'yon, gabi na?"

Umiling siya. "Sa pool lang."

Oo nga pala at may infinity pool sila. Hindi ko na kasi napuntahan 'yon mula kahapon at nawala na sa isip ko.

"Okay, sige."

"I'll just finish all my work load tapos dadaaanan kita."

"Okay, okay."

Pagkatapos kumain ay dumiretso na rin ang lahat sa kani-kanilang mga kwarto, gano'n na rin kami nina Myst at Nami.

Kapansin-pansin ang pagiging masigla ni Nami, kabaliktaran sa estado niya kagabi.

Pinauna ko na silang maligo at magbihis para makapagpahinga, pero ang totoo ay nagpahuli ako sa banyo para tulog na sila paglabas ko.

Marami akong binaon na swimsuit, pero mayro'ng isa na itinabi ko talaga for special occasion. Itim 'yon na one-piece at sa lahat ng swimsuit na sinukat ko ay 'yon ang pinakahumulma sa katawan ko. Iyon din ang pinakamadaling hubarin.

Nagsapaw lang ako ng bathrobe at hinintay ang text ni Darwin na nasa labas na siya ng kwarto namin.

Tahimik akong lumabas ng CR at nakita ang natutulog na na sina Myst at Nami. Buti na lang at napagod sila sa pagsu-scuba diving.

Sinalubong ako ni Darwin na may dalang berde na cocktail. "My favorite thing about this place? The bar never closes." Tawa niya.

Kinuha ko 'yong inumin at nagpasalamat, pero sa totoo lang ay dismayado ako dahil naka-t-shirt na naman siya.

Ano ba, Darwin.

Show some skin!

Nasa beach na't lahat, eh. Ugh!

Mahina lang kaming nagkuwentuhan habang naglalakad papunta sa pool. Patay na halos ang lahat ng mga ilaw sa mga kwarto, at marahil ay kami na lang dalawa, pati na rin ang barista at mga staff ang gising sa buong isla.

"Gaano mo pala katagal niligawan noon si Belle?" curious na tanong ko.

"Hmm. Two weeks," sagot niya.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Two weeks?"

"Yes," kumpirma niya. "But we have known each other forever. Sabi niya nga, parang formality na lang daw kasi alam naman namin pareho na magiging kami."

"Hindi ko in-expect," pag-amin ko.

"I could have courted her longer, but it was a mutual decision, Mads," ani Darwin. "We both felt that we were ready so we went for it."

"Pero ngayon, hiwalay na kayo."

"But still very good friends."

"How do you feel now that she's getting married to your cousin?" I asked. "Isn't it awkward?"

"Felix is a good man, which is rare in our bloodline. I would only have a problem with them getting married, if I know that Felix isn't."

Nakarating na kami sa pool at napangiti na lang ako sa ganda nito. May mga asul na ilaw na nanggagaling sa ilalim ng pool kaya't hindi masyadong kadilim. Secluded din 'yong area dahil may kalayuan ito sa kabuuan ng resthouse, at nahaharangan ng mga puno sa paligid.

Agad kong hinubad 'yong bathrobe ko at ipinatong 'yon sa isa sa mga lounge chair.

Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang pag-iwas ng tingin ni Darwin, kaya medyo nainis ako.

"Tumingin ka," utos ko.

"What?"

"Look at me," ulit ko.

Hindi ko sinuot 'yong favorite swimsuit ko para lang iwasan niya ako ng tingin.

Humarap siya sa akin at tumitig sa mga mata ko. "I'm looking."

"Look at my body," I whispered, shivering slightly from the cold night air.

"Mads—"

"Oh, come on! Para namang hindi ka pa nakakita ng katawan ng babae noon. Naka-swimsuit din naman ako kaninang umaga, bakit ayaw mong tumingin ngayon?"

Kakabati lang namin pero heto na naman ako at uma-attitude. Hindi ko na yata talaga mababago 'to.

Wala nang nagawa si Darwin kung hindi pasadahan ng tingin ang katawan ko bago muling umangat ang tingin sa akin.

"So?" tanong ko.

"So?" tanong niya rin.

"Hindi ka ba naseseksihan sa akin?" I asked indignantly.

"Sexiness is a state of mind."

Napairap na lang ako. "So, hindi ka nga naseseksihan sa akin?"

"Everything about you is sexy, Mads." Ngiti niya. "You don't need me to tell you that."

Hinubad niya 'yong t-shirt niya at no'ng mga sandaling 'yon ay ako naman ang napanganga.

Parang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko.

I don't know what I expected, but he surely exceeded it.

I have been with plenty of other guys before. But looking at him now, I came to the conclusion that Darwin really is different.

He is a man.

"Fuck, it's freezing." Tawa niya. Hinawakan niya ang baywang ko at saka kami magkasabay na nagpakahulog sa pool.

Sandaling nanigas ang katawan ko dahil inasahan kong malamig ang tubig na babalot sa akin, pero buti na lang at heated pala 'yong pool.

Agad kaming umahon at naghabol ng hininga. Hindi ko inasahan na may pagkamalalim pala 'yong pool. Mabuti na lang at marunong akong lumangoy.

"I wish there was a diving board," ani Darwin, pero hindi ko na binigyang-pansin 'yong pahayag niya at kumapit na lang sa batok niya upang paglapitin ang mga katawan namin.

"Darwin," bulong ko.

"Hmm?"

"May sugat ka pa ba?" tanong ko.

Sandaling kumunot ang noo niya bago napagtanto ang nais kong ipahiwatig.

"Mads..." mahinang tawag niya sa pangalan ko.

Binalot ko ang hita ko sa baywang niya at saka hinila ang mukha niya palapit sa akin.

Hindi ko na siya kailangang pilitin pa.

Agad na bumalot ang mga braso niya sa akin kasabay ng pagtugon niya sa halik ko.

Panglima na 'to. Bakit pakiramdam ko ay parang una pa rin? My favorite part was when he pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, searching — asking — if we are doing the right thing. I didnt mutter a word but he seemed to figure out the answer himself because his lips were back on mine just seconds later.

"Can I say yes now?" I asked in between kisses.

He froze, pulling away from me and looking at me with a hopeful expression. "Depends if you're drunk."

"I am sober, Darwin," I said, clinging on to him and looking at him straight in the eyes. "I want us to be official. I want to be your girlfriend."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "More than anything."

I swear I could almost hear him smile. "I'll take that, then."

Without another word, we pressed our lips back together and went back to kissing.

As heated as our kiss was before, this time, I could tell that Darwin was a lot more into it
— probably as much as I am.

He put one hand on my nape and sucked the life out of my lower lip, while I ran my hand on his chest.

I could feel the rain starting to pour, but we didn't let it stop us.

It has been a while since I have last had sex, and I couldn't help but feel horny especially when I felt him brush against me.

He stopped kissing me as soon as I touched him. "We really shouldn't be doing this here," he whispered, even when the utter pleasure in his voice was contradicting his statement.

I ran my hand on his length and I heard his sharp intake of breath.

"Not here, Mads," he groaned.

"Stop being a gentleman," I whispered, gripping him even tighter over his shorts.

"Not here," he repeated. And this time, he really did pull away from me even when his eyes reflect just how much he wants it, too.

"Wala namang makakakita," bulong ko bago kinuha ang isa niyang kamay at ipinatong 'yon sa dibdib ko. "Wala namang camera."

"Mads—"

"Kami nga ni Denver dati, sa dagat pa. And mind you, we weren't just kissing. We had sex. And that was in broad daylight," I said. "Gabi naman ngayon. Wala namang tao. Hindi ko alam kung bakit takot na takot ka. Kung si Denver kasama ko, kanina pa—"

"Then why don't you call him?" Darwin asked sternly.

There was something in his eyes that I have never seen before, but it was enough to send goosebumps running down my arms.

I realized I said too much.

"Darwin—"

"Pilit kong inintindi na napapanaginipan mo pa rin 'yong kapatid ko," bulong niya. "Pero tangina lang, Madeline. Gising ka na."

Kumuyom ang panga niya, kasabay ng walang tigil na pag-iling niya.

Umahon siya sa pool at madaling sinuot ang t-shirt niya.

"Get her in her room safely," malakas na pahayag niya. "You saw nothing."

H-Ha?

Ano iyon?

"Copy, Sir. Good night po."

Nagulat na lang ako nang makitang mayroon palang lifeguard na naka-stasyon sa kabilang dulo ng pool.

Hindi ko siya napansin dahil walang ilaw kung saan siya nakaupo.

Iyon ba ang dahilan kaya't umayaw si Darwin?

Hindi ko alam dahil bago pa ako makaahon sa pool ay nakaalis na siya at hindi ko na nakausap pa.

Gaya ng inutos sa kaniya ay agad akong inalalayan ng lifeguard at hinatid papunta sa kwarto ko. Nakakahiya lang dahil naulanan pa siya.

Nakaalis na 'yong lifeguard at papasok na sana ako sa kwarto nang biglang sumulpot si Darwin na namumula ang mukha at basa ng ulan.

"I just want to make sure you get back safely," bulong niya.

"Eh 'di, ikaw sana ang naghatid sa akin."

Hindi siya sumagot.

Hinawakan ko na ang door knob at akmang bubuksan na ito nang muli siyang nagsalita, "Mads, I want to love you so bad. But I am not numb not to feel that you are far from loving me," he whispered.

I don't know what to say.

I know I love him. I can feel it deep within me.

"I want you to take your time and rethink everything. If you are not ready for me... then I will wait until you are. But if you realize it's still Patrick... then I'd accept that and get out of your way. The last thing I want is for you to start pretending around me."

I licked my lips and nodded.

"We'll talk tomorrow morning. Okay?"

"Okay," I answered; lost.

"Alright," he whispered. "Good night."

"Good night," I whispered back.

"I love you," he hushed, opening the door for me.

"I-I love you, too," I mumbled.

He stood in front of me for ten seconds before putting on another one of his fake smiles. "I thought I already told you, Mads..." He kissed the top of my head as the rain poured loudly around us. "You don't have to pretend around me."