+ 　　 . *  +   ˚ 　　　　　 　　    +    ·  ·   · 　 ✺ ·   ✵   ˚. 　　   .  　 *  ✵ 　 　　 ✦ 　 　　　　　 ·  ✦  　 　　.  *  　　　　　✺ 　 　 ✵ 　　 　 　  　.  𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊
𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝟐 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝟏𝟑·  ✫ 　·   . .* 　 　　　　　 ˚  　　   　　　　. * 　✵  　 　　　　 . . . 　  ✦　    　.  ·  ·  . ·   *  * ·  .   ·　　 ·  ✧     　　 ·. 　　   .  　 *  ✵ 　 　　 ✦ 　 　　　　　 ·  ✦

　　 + 　　 . *  +   ˚ 　　　　　 　　    +    ·  ·   · 　 ✺ ·   ✵   ˚. 　　   .  　 *  ✵ 　 　　 ✦ 　 　　　　　 ·  ✦  　 　　.  *  　　　　　✺ 　 　 ✵ 　　 　 　  　.  ·  ✫ 　·   . .* 　 　　　　　 ˚  　　   　　　　. * 　✵  　 　　　　 . . . 　  ✦　    　.  ·  ·  . ·   *  * ·  .   ·　　 ·  ✧     　　 ·. 　　   .  　 *  ✵ 　 　　 ✦ 　 　　　　　 ·  ✦

TW / MENTIONS OF DEATH AND SEVERE PANIC ATTACK DISORDER

　　 + 　　 . *  +   ˚ 　　　　　 　　    +    ·  ·   · 　 ✺ ·   ✵   ˚. 　　   .  　 *  ✵ 　 　　 ✦ 　 　　　　　 ·  ✦  　 　　.  *  　　　　　✺ 　 　 ✵ 　　 　 　  　.  ·  ✫ 　·   . .* 　 　　　　　 ˚  　　   　　　　. * 　✵  　 　　　　 . . . 　  ✦　    　.  ·  ·  . ·   *  * ·  .   ·　　 ·  ✧     　　 ·. 　　   .  　 *  ✵ 　 　　 ✦ 　 　　　　　 ·  ✦

𝐀𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐁𝐎𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐀𝐒 𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐑𝐀𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐒. Her eyes jumped from her watch and then back to the hallway in a repeated motion, why hadn't she appeared yet. Coach Bieste promised to put up the final sheet for who made the team and who got cut. Aerin had hardly slept a wink all night, the excitement (and her subtle anxiety) had caused her to frantically pace all around her bedroom until it reached the morning, the only thing that was basically keeping her alive at this point was the large cup of coffee from the Lima Bean that Santana had given her during the first period.

As she leaned up against the cold, wall Aerin caught sight of Finn and Rachel walking in her direction. Finn held onto Rachel's binders in one hand and his other hand rested gently on the brunette's side, whilst she nuzzled the rest of her body into the boy's underarm.

" Hey, Aerin," Finn greeted with a warm smile on his face, "Is it up yet ?"

Aerin shook her head at the Hudson in response to his question, "No, I've been waiting for 15 minutes now," she paused in between her sentence to take a sip of her now heavily bitter mochaccino, her top lip curled inwards at the more than unappealing aftertaste, "And this coffee has officially lost its zest, I'm getting super impatient now-"

" Maybe you shouldn't drink too much caffeine in the morning, especially on an empty stomach," Rachel interrupted without warning, she sticks her hand out and motions Aerin to give her the coffee. once the blonde obliged, Rachel unlatched herself from Finn's grasp and moved towards the trash, as she poured the rest of Aerin's mocha in the bin, she explained to her, " My dads told me that drinking coffee without eating can cause your stomach lining to become severely damaged, amongst other horrible things, if you're going to become a football player then you'll at least have to keep up a healthy diet."

Aerin sent a befuddled glance towards Finn's direction, this was more than unusual. Rachel Berry caring about her well-being? ------- had the diva been hit in the head by a large rock over the weekend. Maybe she wanted something, though Aerin hadn't known Rachel for long she knew the Berry was a cunning individual. When her heart was set on something or someone she would go to any extreme to reach her ultimate goal, her prize, even if it meant hurting the ones she loved along the way. Santana had told her all about the times Rachel stormed out of their glee club rehearsals because she never got her way. But deep down, in a very weird and meta way, Aerin felt like she could relate to how Rachel felt. She too also had the same desires as the girl, of course, her's laid more with football. Her number one goal was to be the brightest star too, to make it big, possibly in the NFL, and have her name shine in lights. And if anything, she admired the constant determination Rachel had for her craft.

However, sometimes her redeemable qualities were canceled out once she opened her large yap to complain about issues that had nothing to do with her in the first place.

"Thanks for the advice, Rach," Aerin replied, her rustic semi-vacant smile flickered across her face like a disoriented hologram. Ignoring her completely, the Berry soon began to rifle through her pocket for another item, this time she pulled out a small baggie of different colour tablets that had a weird shape to them. Two were a murky brown and the other four had a light aqua pigment to them. First the health advice, and now the organic supplements --- what was her game?

"Are those Flintstones Vitamins ?" Finn asked as he looked closer to examine the bag.

" No, don't be silly, these are Raw Iron Tablets," she replied to Finn sternly, "I've heard they help with fatigue and metabolism they also improve with performance, trust me Aerin these are your go-to supplements for super efficiency"

"What's your game Berry ?" Aerin asked, her suspicions began to grow immensely towards the girl. A furrow formed in between Rachel's brow, she had no clue what the Cline was talking about.

" Game, what game-"

" All of this must be for a reason, the weird vegan iron pills, the tips on how to protect my internal organs ?" Aerin began, " What do you want Berry because I'll gladly give it to you. I just don't see the need to fake concern for my health when you've barely said two words to me this whole semester"

At that moment a shrewd awkward silence fell amongst all three teens, a furrow formed in between Rachel's brow again, this time it was out of annoyance,  as the bell began to chime out in the hallway she quickly snatched the bag from the Cline's hand.

"I'm truly sorry if I annoyed with my friendship," Rachel sighed remorsefully as she stuffed her pills back in her back pocket, she turned to walk away and tugged on Finn right hand so he could follow her, "Come on Finn, we'll be late for Glee Club"

Aerin felt a sense of guilt slowly creep up in her, maybe Rachel was actually being sincere towards her after all. She awkwardly waved at Finn as the pair disappeared into the choir room, he returned her wave with his signature dopey smirk.

It made Aerin smile a bit, at least he wasn't mad at her. Finally giving up on Coach Beiste making an appearance with the results sheet, she sighed inwardly as she began to walk to class with her empty cup still firmly in her grasp. Droplets of leftover coffee spilled out of the cup, it made a trail behind Aerin but she was too wary to even notice the mess that was ensuing under her feet.

𝐀𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐅𝐔𝐍𝐊, and not one of those 5-minute mood swings that meant nothing, but a deep never-ending funk that made her see everything as grey. She sat at her desk, biting on the distal edge of her nail as she tapped her pen continuously. Her mind began to wander as she started to imagine an alternate universe in which she didn't make the team. The treacherous laughing, the constant feeling of defeat. Stupid anxiety - it always had a way of getting the best of her emotions.

" Can anybody tell me what X is ?" Mrs. Randall asked, her hands placed firmly on her waist. The class soon fell silent, nobody was listening except for Brittany who raised her hand ever so patiently. Mrs. Randall was reluctant to let the blonde respond to the question, knowing Brittany her answer would've probably been something way off.

" Anybody, Anybody at all ?" she repeated, with a serious tone in her breath. Getting bored of Mrs. Randall's attempts to dodge Britt's answer, Aerin raised her own hand, she had no intention of actually answering what the variable of X was, she just wanted this class to end already.

" Aerin, thank you for volunteering !" Mrs. Randall exclaimed.

Aerin looked back at Britt, the pearl blonde lowered her hand in disappointment, her once boisterous expression had now turned into a sad pout. Aerin then turned to face Mrs. Randall again, "I'd like to give my turn to Brittany"

Mrs. Randall raised an eyebrow, "I asked you, Miss Cline," she asked with a rather condescending tone. Teachers were usually supposed to encourage ALL their students to participate and answer, even if some of them weren't as bright as the rest.

"No, you actually asked the whole class, not me," Aerin explained with a slight smirk on her face, "And Britt was the one who had her hand up for 10 minutes, so why do you let HER answer  the question and I'll go back to ignoring you again."

At that moment, the whole classroom erupted with snickers and soft oohs from the other kids. Aerin didn't mean for her response to seem so rude, but she was sick and tired of Mrs. Randall's gritting husky voice whine on about the same problem for almost half an hour.

" Fine, Brittany can you tell me what X is ?" Mrs. Randall sighed, Brittany perked up from her chair in excitement, a jocular smile was plastered widely on the Pierce's face. she tapped her finger on her chin as she mentally scanned her brain for a response. Everyone braced themselves for one of Britt's signature answers. Tina who had been sat next to Aerin, leaned in closer towards the girl, "My bets are on her saying that X  is the name of one of her cat's mortal enemies"

" You guys really underestimate her,"  Aerin voiced as she began to tap her pen again, "Britt's a pure genius.  she can be a bit much sometimes and she's a horrible speller  but who doesn't have that one flaw that makes them different from the rest, it's not her fault she doesn't act like every other kid at this hell hole of a school,  isn't that what you glee clubbers stand for, being different !"

Tina stared at the Cline with confusion, she didn't mean to her offend her in any way. Her eyes stayed fixated on Aerin's constant clicking, and it eventually got to her.  She placed her hand over Aerin's shaky hand,  the raven-haired girl watched as Aerin's chest went up and down rapidly.

She could instantly feel it start at her fingertips, a numbing sensation that would soon spread to her skin as well, goosebumps rising along with her now very pale skin. With every breath she took, a sharp and shallow sensation filled her lungs. Aerin was filled with grave trepidation, her heart was thumping so loud that she was sure everyone around her could hear it. She could see Brittany's mouth moving, but the words flew right past her head. There was only one question that popped up into the Cline's mind. What had she done to deserve? In her logical mind, she knew the 'water' was calm, but her imagination was truly running wild, with rough waves tumbling angrily, pounding the shores. Also, with the abundant mountains all around her, the honey blonde felt as though she was being cornered and trapped, with nowhere to go, nobody to help her.

Aerin buried her head into her coat as she tried to calm herself down, no way was she about to have a panic attack in the middle of class ---- in public. Why now? Why did her emotions always wait to deteriorate at the wrong times?  Aerin was happy,  her day had been going perfectly well. She hadn't gotten into a fight with her brother, or Santana either, maybe this was about her football performance.

Her hearing was next to fall victim to her treacherous panic attack, she used the classic '1-2-3'  method to try and bring herself back to reality, but to no avail, it failed miserably.  Aerin could hear faint voices in the background, mainly from Tina and Brittany, but mostly everything around the girl was pitch white noise.  Aerin needed to figure out why this was happening to her, she reached for clues, dates, anything.

"Aerin, are you okay...do you need water? air? Santana, " Tina whispered in concern, she let go of Aerin's arm and turned to grab her bag.  Aerin lifted her head slightly, "I need...I need your phone, now"

This slightly stunned Tina, she wasn't expecting Aerin to ask for that, but she also didn't feel the need to question her either. Reaching into the crook of her bag, Tina quickly grabbed her cellphone and placed it on it table. She then slid it across to Aerin's side,  "Here you go"

With quick persistence, Aerin swiped Tina's phone and began to hunt for a resolution as to why she was currently freaking out on the inside.  She was desperate at this point, completely and utterly desperate.  Suddenly, all her prayers had been answered in one split second,  her eyes had caught sight of the biggest clue, the reason as to why she was having a panic attack.

Today was October 12th

October the fucking  12th

𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟐𝐓𝐇 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑, and not in a good way. She was back there, standing at his hospital bed,  all those cables and wires attached to his body.  His last words still played on repeat in her mind, like a broken record, " be great, do good, your star will last a lifetime." He reached out for her, but like a coward, Aerin didn't take his hand. She could still see the exact moment the life disappeared from his eyes, the blaring beeping of the life support machine, his gasps for breath as he continued to call out to her.  She watched like a feeble-minded idiot as her father passed away right in front of her eyes, reaching out for her comfort one last time. 

Aerin never said goodbye to her dad, never told him how much she loved him and meant to her.  It was her fault her dad ended up there in the first place, she was the one who had forced the poor man back out on that field, continuously berating him for not loving her,  making him feel like shit when he was the one who was dying from cancer.

" I-I think I need the bathroom," Aerin stuttered shakily, the blonde rose to her feet, clenching her stomach she began to exit the classroom quickly. Tina stood as well, her concern for Aerin had grown much more as she watched tears stream from the Cline's pale face.

"Let me go with you," Tina replied, she reached for her jacket and began to put it on.

"No !" Aerin spat as she turned to face Tina's direction. The boom of her shriek echoed within the classroom, now all eyes were on her. Once again, Aerin's heartbeat began to beat at rates she couldn't simply handle.

Aerin bowed her head down, all the Cline could do was run. Everything became one big blur, splurges of light flickered in her peripheral vision like big bangs of smoke. The moment Aerin found the nearest girl's bathroom, she kicked the door open and sprinted to the closest stall. She fell to her knees and locked the stall door, her heavy breathing had now turned into silent sobs for help. She moved towards a corner of the stall where she could not be found, which unfortunately for Aerin, was right next to the toilet.

" I swear I saw her run in here...."

Aerin perched up from where she sat, more fear and panic ensued inside of her as she repeatedly shook her head. Holding onto Tina's cellphone, she began to wish for whoever was looking for her to just disappear into oblivion. Every nightmare had its end, so why was Aerin's still going on in a never-ending spiral.

" Aerin, I know you're in there, I can see your ugly Chuck Taylor's through
the crack of the bathroom stall "

Now that was no stranger, she could recognize her girlfriend's snarky remarks from a mile off. A small smile formed on the girl's lips, she shifted herself towards the lock on the bathroom stall to unlock it, there was no point in hiding anymore, reaching up with her shaky hand she managed to unlock it. Tina reached for Aerin's hand and with a little force, the girl managed to pull her back on her feet. Aerin was still in aftershock, she couldn't move but the pain had completely left her body.

" Who did this to you," Santana confided as she began to stroke Aerin's shoulder.

That was the problem, nobody had done anything to her. And up until 11 AM this morning she had been more than okay, she tried her best to respond to Santana's question but all that came out was jumbled, misconstrued sentences.

" Was it that mean old math lady, the one with the mismatched boobs," Brittany asked as she reached for a side hug, Aerin let out a minuscule chuckle and shook her head.

"Was it..me ?" Tina asked in a low tone, "I'm sorry about making that Britt joke, I didn't mean it, Brittany totally forgives me don't you ?"

Brittany raised an eyebrow at Tina, with a more than confused tone, she replied, " I think so, I wasn't really paying attention-"

" You didn't cause this Tina, and neither did Mrs. Randall, " Aerin sighed as she moved towards the bathroom sink. She had to tell them sooner or later, it was the only way they could be able to understand why exactly she was so sad. Her eyes met the bathroom mirror, looking at herself after a breakdown always made her feel so --- horrible. The lower half of her eyelid had puffed to a significant amount, the corners of her eyes had gained a fusha-red colour to it, and the small, singular ringlets from all the tears that she had once shed left patchy marks on her cheeks.

" Then who was it? Because I'll gladly go all Lima Heights on their sorry asses," Santana remarked, she balled her hand into a fist and she began to head towards the door. Aerin spun around to quickly grab Santana's other hand, taking in a sharp intake of breath, she finally confessed, " My dad passed away 10 years ago today, I-I can never cope around this time, I don't think I ever will"

A stay tear fell from the corner of Aerin's eye, memories old and new began to flood her mind like a rough tidal wave. Santana reached for the Cline's face with her thumb, she wiped away the tear just before it reached Aerin's chin, she wrapped her arms around her soon after in a loving embrace, the pair were then joined by Brittany and Tina for one big group hug.

" What is something you remember your dad singing to you, " Tina began as the four girls disbanded from their hug. Aerin scratched her head, her dad had never really been a singer. He was more into sports, his all-time favorite was Football, of course. He was the one who got both her and Atticus into the game, who coached them from the sidelines, who raised them high even at their lowest.

Whenever they would lose a game, or win on a special occasion, her beloved father would take both twins out for frozen yogurt at the local convenience store on 5th Avenue Street. They would proceed to drive for hours, and sometimes he would even travel so far that they would almost reach the outskirts of Ohio. After the sun had set, her dad would park in a secluded area of the woods, their secret chill-out spot, appropriately named Boogie Lane. He would always kick his feet up on the dashboard, the car radio would constantly play the same tune at exactly 6 PM --- Chasing Rainbows. His face would light up with pure joy, he would mimic every guitar and drum solo that played out. For some reason, Derek had a big love for all things Britpop.

Aerin nodded her head, "Yeah, he loved this one song by Shed Seven, It was called Chasing Rainbows."

All three of the girls looked at one another with the same confused expression, they had definitely never heard of this 'Shed Seven' guy. But, if it would make the smile on Aerin's face reappear then they were willing to do their research.

𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐊, 𝐀𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐒𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐘'𝐒 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐎 '𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊 𝐈𝐓 𝐎𝐔𝐓' . She had never seen a guidance counselor before in her whole life, which was shocking, considering all the daily chaos that ensued in her life for the past 14 years. Santana decided to accompany the blonde for this, she wanted to be with her every step of the way. Seeing Aerin so upset made her heartbreak into a million pieces.

" I'm so glad you could join me here," Miss Pillsbury sighed with comfort in her tone, she reached for a pencil that was out of line with the rest of her stationery set. Aerin let out a small smile to show a sign of her appreciation towards the guidance counselor.

"How are you? I mean obviously, you're not fine but-" Miss Pillsbury stopped herself in the middle of her sentence, she knew whatever was about to come out of her mouth would be something that wouldn't help the girl in the slightest. An awkward silence fell amongst the group before Ms. Pillsbury started talking again, " I'm glad you have friends by your side to help you through this Aerin, most people aren't as lucky"

Aerin looked over at her friend with gratitude, she placed her hand gently on the latina's thigh, love sparked between the pair. Looking back at Ms. Pillsbury, she replied, " I'll always be grateful for that"

"Here" The ginger guidance counselor slid a pamphlet towards Aerin direction, on the front cover it read in bold, SO YOU'RE AFRAID TO REACH OUT. The picture a sad kitty with tears streaming down its face, it grasped a ball of loose yarn in its paws. Aerin never knew she could relate to a photoshop picture of a feline on the front of a school help pamphlet, but life had its ways of surprising her.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm always here," Emma offered with a soft smile. Santana turned to Aerin, with a soothing tone, she added, "So am I"

The two then rose to their feet, walking out of the office they both linked arms. A wide grin formed on Santana's face as they began to approach the choir room. She was definitely hiding something from the blonde, but what? well, that was for her to find out. As they got even closer, Aerin immediately stopped in her tracks.

" What's going on? Why are we going into your choir room?" Aerin questioned, a furrow began to form in between her brow.

" You'll see," Santana replied slyly. Aerin wondered what the surprise might've been, she began to list the possibilities in her mind. It could be one of three things, the first possibility could be a private romantic picnic for two, candlelit in the dark. But then again, this was Santana, she was the last person to surprise her girl with some cringy trope out of a dated 90's romcom. The second possibility could be her singing a song, possibly one of Aerin's favorites. Or the third possibility might've been something drastic, like a possible marriage proposal? - no, what was she thinking, they were literally still juniors in high school.

However, what she saw in that choir room was beyond anything she was thinking. All those possibilities flew out the window once she saw what Santana had done for her, it was beautiful. Each Glee Club member stood with a cup of Frozen Yogurt in their hand, somehow they had even managed to find t-shirts that had a big picture of Shed Seven on them.

" I can't believe you did this, this is so beautiful-" Aerin was lost for words, nobody had ever done something so sweet before for her. They had gone all out, just for her, in a way she felt like she didn't deserve all the love she was getting.

" Santana told us about what happened, about your dad," Finn consoled as he stood near his drum kit, " I lost my father too, I know how much it hurts, waking up every day knowing they'll never come back-"

Rachel then stepped forward with a bowl of frozen yogurt, walking towards the Cline she placed it in the blonde's hand, " We decided it was best to give your father a proper send-off"

CHASING RAINBOWS

( BY SHED SEVEN
PERFORMED BY NEW DIRECTIONS )

As the New Directions performed the song Aerin felt all the memories of her father flood back through her mind. It was beautiful, It was magical and she never wanted this feeling to end. He could still see his foot tapping to the tune as it laid on the dashboard, the windows rolled, the glimmering sun fading away as nighttime fell. He was looking down on her from on high, she could feel it, he was with her

◜ -ˋˏ 𝙍𝙊𝙉𝙉𝙄𝙀'𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏𝙀𝙎 ! ˎˊ- ◝

this was the longest chapter I've ever written oml I feel proud asf

how did you enjoy this chapter? I like it a lot

Aerin's anxiety was based on my experience with panic attacks/anxiety disorder ( and PTSD) but if you had a different experience, or you feel her portrayal could've been done differently please don't be afraid to tell me!

sorry for the bad grammar in advance lmao I had no time to proofread this
focusing on generation glee for the next 2 weeks so updates may vary

hope y'all have a good Friday night ! ronnie fucking adores you <3