The week passes by without very much going on. The pictures that were posted on Thanksgiving didn't make much of a stir online, but I also had Lily playing gatekeeper on my social media to block or delete any rude comments or messages. Not having to worry about the creeps made it a lot easier to pretend like it never even happened.

Sev, although our conversations are short and platonic over text, had also done a fair bit of reassuring me that leaked nudes really weren't such a big deal. He reminded me that having leaked nudes meant that I was in the company of celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Rihanna, which didn't really help but it did make me laugh.

After hanging out with him on Thanksgiving, there were many times that I wanted to text him something that I knew would get us in trouble. Even just a winky face, or a compliment. Something that could hint at him how I'd been thinking about him this past week. But, if it was a hint that he could pick up on, then it was a hint that Mrs. Lamb could pick up on too.

At that point, I didn't really care all that much about my own safety. If it was just me on the line, I'd say fuck it and I'd go for it. I'd write a long paragraph of text explaining to him how much I enjoyed spending time with him and how much I thought about what it would be like to kiss him. He asked me out before, so I knew he thought about me like that too, at least a little bit. But Mrs. Lamb had a habit of hurting those around me rather than actually going after me, so I knew that I had to keep my mouth shut in order to protect Sev.

However, I couldn't stop myself from greeting him at the bar like a lovesick puppy on Thursday night before my performance at the Jackroller. We hadn't seen each other in a week, and we'd barely spoken since I didn't want Mrs. Lamb to get alarmed by the amount of texts we shared.

"Hey," I greeted him with a red lipped smile.

He returned my smile, sliding a bottle of beer to one of the customers before he grabbed one of the tall glasses to presumably start making my mojito. "Hey, how are you doing?" he asked me.

I shrugged, "I don't know. Trying to stay positive, I guess."

"That's good," he said. "What's on the set list for tonight?"

"The usual, mostly," I answered him slowly, watching his eyes when I added, "But there's a couple new things I'm playing around with."

"Good," Sev said again, squeezing lime into the mixed drink. "That you're still able to write, with everything going on."

I looked down an attempt to hide the obvious smile that was forcing its way onto my face. "Well, I've had a lot of inspiration."

Sev glanced up at me as he shook the silver mixer back and forth toward his chest, his forearms flexing with each jerking movement until it had been mixed enough and he poured the drink back into the waiting glass. "I can't wait to hear it."

"I think you'll like it," I said in a quiet voice, taking a sip of the perfectly made drink. It was almost indistinguishable from Henri's mojito by that point. He was really starting to get the hang of how I liked my drink.

"You know, Susanna has been talking about you a lot," Sev informed me, leaning his elbows onto the bar in front of me. I could smell his mahogany deodorant. "She's becoming a big fan of your music. She's only seventeen though, so I can't bring her here to watch you live."

"Well, I could get her some tickets to a more age appropriate venue," I suggested.

"She'd really appreciate it."

The silence that fell between us held so much sexual tension that it was suffocating me. Could the customers around us feel it? I quickly stepped away from the bar in fear of making it too obvious to the people around us. I wanted him so badly, and I felt like he wanted me too. But the more I wanted him, the harder it got to hide it and the more dangerous it became.

"I should go set up," I said.

Sev stood up straight and started walking toward another waiting customer. "Break a leg."

I was nervous to sing the song I'd written about Sev. It was the first draft of a song and after telling him that I was inspired and that he'd like the new music, he'd know exactly which song I wrote about him. It was going to be everything I couldn't say to his face, and I was nervous.

Most of my set was old, rehearsed and replayed songs, and the crowd seemed pleased by them. The entire time I was singing, though, I was thinking about that last song. What if he thought it was too much? Or the sexual tension we felt earlier was just one sided? Or, what if I wasn't as smart as I thought I was and Mrs. Lamb saw right through my veiled attempt at communicating my feelings to Sev.

I'd performed many love songs since Mrs. Lamb started writing to me and they never seemed to upset him before, so I was hopeful that would be the case that night as well. Because I was going to sing it, I couldn't help myself. I couldn't tell Sev how I felt to is face, I couldn't text it to him or anything. This was the only way, and I felt like I would burst at my seams if I had to keep it to myself for another second.

"Okay, this is the last one of the night," I announced into the microphone one it came time. "Thank you all for coming out tonight, I really appreciate all of the love and support. This last one is new, so bear with me while I figure things out. This one is called Heaven is Real."

There are a few supportive cheers from the dark crowd and I forced myself to look at the guitar in my hands or the crowd that I couldn't see passed the lights. Whatever I did, I could not look at Sev.

If heaven is real
I think that's where I go
when you look at me
you're all that I see.

I've found my paradise,
right in your eyes.
My sweet savior
Devine lover

Forgive me father,
I've sinned all seven ways.
I'll get on my knees,
beg for forgiveness.

But it's a habit I can't break.

I get jealous when they talk to him,
Greedy, I want all of him,
Glutton, need a taste of him,
Sloth, love to dream of him.

Angry that I can't have him,
But proud that he wants me.
And I lust, I lust, I lust.

If heaven is real
I think that's where I go
when you say my name,
it changes the game.

This is my oasis,
out of all the other places.
I'm standing at the pearly gates,
Please let me in, let me in.

Please let me in tonight.

My heart was beating out of my chest, so rapidly that I wondered if I triggered a heart attack. My face was red, my fingers were numb. I couldn't move for a moment after the song ended, but finally recovered when everybody started clapping and cheering for me. Still, I refused to look toward the bar.

Slowly, I put my guitar back in its case to give my heart rate to regulate and my cheeks to return to their normal pale color. Eventually, when I returned to the bar with my now-empty mojito glass, Henri was at the bar by herself.

"Where's Sev?" I asked her in a quiet voice once she was finished serving other customers.

"Just missed him, he went into the back to get some more Titos once your set ended," she answered me. "That was a great show, by the way."

"Thanks," I smiled at her. I usually wasn't too affected by just one mojito, but I still blamed the rum in my system for the impulsive, stupid decision that I made in that moment. "Do you mind if I run back and get some of that trail mix? I'm kind of hungry."

"Go for it. That closet is kind of a mess, but Sev should know where it is," she told me, quickly moving to cater to other customers in need of a drink. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I hurried toward the storage closet door. It was a bad, bad idea. But I really couldn't help myself.

I moved quickly into the storage closet where Sev was on the other end digging for a new case of napkins. As I shut the door behind me, I held one finger up to signal to him that he shouldn't talk. I was acting recklessly, but I still had enough brain power to do it as safely as possible.

Sev stared at me, curious and silent, as I pulled my bug detector out of my purse. Meticulously, I started moving it around the room, over the shelves, my own purse, and then Sev and his pockets and watch. I scoured that room to ensure that there were no listening devices transmitting a signal, anywhere in that room. As far as I could possibly tell, nobody could hear what was happening in that small storage closet and in that small room, it was just me and him.

I opened my mouth to say something, maybe ask him if he liked the show? But my throat went dry and the silence in the room deafened me. Sev didn't say anything either and we just stood there. Silent. Staring at each other, waiting for something to be said without being the one to say it. My heeled boots gave me enough height so that I was just barely shorter than him, our eyes lined up almost perfectly.

We had to move quickly though, because things would start to look suspicious if we stayed in there for too long together. And what was the one thing I wanted to do more than anything, that I couldn't do outside of this closet?

Slowly, I raised a shaking hand to the back of is sweaty neck, as if asking for permission, and he slowly leaned into the touch. With that as my green light, I boldly leaned forward and planted my lips on his.

Everything after that moved in a blur. His hands were on my waist, pulling my body into his as his mouth invaded mine. We became wrapped in each other within the blink of an eye, as if we'd done this a million times before. It was like finally satisfying a craving I'd had for a long time, finally getting to taste something that I thought I'd never get.

I wanted it to last forever. I wanted to tear his clothes off right there in that closet and show him how badly I wanted him. All of him. But almost as quickly as it began, it was over.

I pulled away, catching my breath and staring at him with dazed eyes and whispered, "This never happened."

"I know," he responded, just as breathless as I was. I used the black sleeve of my shirt to clean his face from my lipstick and then did the same to my own face to avoid any smudges showing up. "I liked the song," he said as I was running my fingers through my curly hair.

"Good," I said with a short smile before grabbing a small bag of the trail mix they stored in the closet for the people too drunk to function that needed something in their stomach. It was the only excuse I could think of to get into the closet, but my stomach was in knots at that moment and I knew I wouldn't actually be able to eat it.

Without allowing any more time for lingering, I picked up the black bug detector from the shelf I'd placed it on, stuffed it back in my bag, and left the storage room as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.

It was nearly impossible to act normal, but I tried my best to hold a conversation with Henri for a while as Sev moved around the bar to service the lingering customers. Henri didn't seem to detect anything off with me, and I knew she'd say something if she did, so I was relieved and hopeful that I pulled it off.

As soon as I felt like it wouldn't be suspicious, I said goodnight to Henri and left the bar wondering what the fuck I was thinking. But also feeling like it was absolutely worth it.