I wish I could record
Every moment I spent with you,
So later when you leave,
I can play them one by one and breathe.

Wish I could play the first time we met
When my eyes held yours and
Then we smiled just because.
Wish I could play the memory of
Every time my heart skipped a beat
When I heard your steps or
Your voice across the void space.

Wish I could play the one with
Your laughter as real as the sun.
And even when it wasn't because of me,
I loved to stare at your smile more than
Any other piece of art.

Wish I could play the memory of our first lunch
When you laughed at my jokes,
Asked me about my family and
Told me about your old jobs.

Wish I could play the memory of us
Walking in silence side by side,
Choosing vinyls together and shirts, later caps.
Wish I could replay the memory of
Sitting comfortably next to you,
And taking that mirror selfie
With red roses and your cigarette burning blue.

Wish I could play the memory of us
Drinking beer that first time,
When you told me I was cute
And showed me your tiny tattoos.

Wish I could play the memory of us
Entering that old amusement park.
I can still hear your laughter and screams,
I remember I thought "Wow, I wish
He can always be happy like this".

Wish I could play the memory of us
Wonderdering the streets,
When we were eating ice cream,
Playing with a dog and laughing.

I really wish I could play the memory of
The first time you hugged me.
I know it was nothing for you but
For me, it was deadly.

Wish I could play the memory of us
Talking at ease for hours
About your niece and the future,
Our favorite songs and dreams.
Wish every moment we spent
In that tiny dark space
Could last a lifetime because
For me, 7 hours of you wasn't enough.

Wish I could play the memory of
Your hand brushing mine.
I know for you it was nothing
But for me, it was a future heartbreak.

Wish I could play the memory of
You continuing my thoughts,
Or when you got my sarcasm
When everyone was just confused.

Wish I could play the memory of
All the times we talked and laughed,
And found a common ground,
When we shared our thoughts
About mental health and ghosts.

Wish I could play the memory of
You smiling down at me
When we went to the movies,
Played table hockey and you held my jacket.
When we got scared together,
Found some monsters and
Shared some secrets over beer.

Wish I could stop time and
Replay that day in late June
When we spent hours talking,
Drinking and singing.
I still remember how my heart stopped
When I leaned over the table
And asked you if you had someone.

I know I was drunk
But I remember how you laughed
When I answered "good" instead of
Telling you you've been on my mind.
I wish I could replay the way
We leaned into each other that day
To secretly discuss a date
That could never be ours,
I know it too well.

I wish I could record and replay
The gaze you gave me
When I told you about
Some of my stress.
The way you kept nodding
Because you knew how it felt
And I loved it.

Wish you could look at me
The way you did that day,
When you whispered in my ear
Over the loud music next.
For you it was nothing
But I felt like I could die right there.

Wish I could replay your voice
Over and over in my head
Because the way you talk
Is so beautiful just like your gaze.

Wish I could replay the memory of you
Holding me with a soft touch
That felt a lot like a lifeboat,
Or maybe it was an iceberg
Ready to see my downfall.
And when I cried my eyes out
In the city center that night,
You told me it was okay,
Because you were still there.

Wish I could record and
Replay the goodbye that day, 
When we walked close to the edge of the road
And when at the end of the night
You wrapped me in your warm embrace.
I know it was nothing for you
But it made me cry more on my way home:
I knew you were going to leave soon
So what was the point of imagining us
When you didn't even like me like that.

Wish I could replay our last day before you left
When we stayed up all night
Watched scary movies and laughed.
If I'm being honest, sometimes
I skipped some parts,
Because while you were watching the movie
My eyes were secretly glued to your smile.

Wish I could have been braver and bolder
And maybe then I'd tell you how I felt
Without needing to have alcohol in my veins.
But I'm not brave and
You're going to leave anyway,
And all these memories we shared,
For you will just be a fleeting moment.

But I wish, I really wish
I could record
Every moment I spent with you
So later when you leave
I can play them one by one and breathe.